How To Wreck a Mary Sue
by Cassandrala
Summary: Kili and Danika have had it with fan fiction writers pushing them around and make a pact to ruin the mary-sue they've been forced into.
1. The Waiting Room

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**I**

**HOW TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 1– The Waiting Room**_

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"_**No Hay Problema" Pink Martini**_

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Danika blinked. She was sitting in a wide waiting room—taupe walls, plush red chairs, and a water cooler with paper cups in the corner of the room, but for the life of her, she couldn't remember how she got there. Furthermore, she couldn't remember what she'd just been doing…

"Where am I?" She asked aloud. It was only after she spoke that she realized the chairs were being occupied with characters she recognized from the movie, The Hobbit.

"This is the waiting room, lass," said Balin from his chair.

"The waiting room? For what?" She said with a quizzical brow.

"The fan fictions." He shrugged. "Each of us are called upon to go through the door when it's our turn to occupy a fiction. Each fills whatever role he's been given."

Danika stifled a laugh and sat beside the older dwarf. "I'm assuming yours is just like in the movie; the one who gives explanatory dialogue and backstory."

Balin shrugged again. "In one fiction, I had an alleged affair with Thorin's sister, Dis, but for the most part, you're right. Still," he glanced around at the other waiting dwarves, "being an older dwarf means I'm safe from the fan-girls."

Danika peered around Balin, nodding at Thorin. "What's he so upset about?"

"Probably another smut story with Bilbo Baggins." Balin said, reaching for a magazine.

"They do that?" Danika asked incredulously, her disgust showing plainly.

"It's called slash, I think." He said numbly, licking his finger and pulling at the corner of the magazine page. "They bear the brunt of it, but there's still poor Dwalin and Ori."

Now Danika's eyes scanned the room for Dwalin. The bulky warrior was sipping from a paper cup beside the water cooler while Bombur laughed at the bubbling noises that came from it. Meanwhile, Ori was as far away from Dwalin as he could manage, weeping in the arms of Dori.

Before she could ask another question, though, Danika was startled by the abrupt opening of the waiting room door when Kili appeared through it and plopped tiredly into a chair. This was when Danika realized Fili was sitting nowhere near him, though the blonde dwarf peered at his brother from across the room.

"How was it?" Fili teased.

Without looking up from the magazine he was holding, Kili extended his middle finger at his brother and blurted out a profanity.

"Another Mary-Sue." The blonde guffawed.

"I didn't realize those two hated each other so much." Danika whispered out of the corner of her lips at Balin.

"You can't expect them to be brotherly and loving ALL the time," Balin snickered. "That's pretty much all those two ever do: slash, family comfort—and they're always making Fili out to be this whiny and protective figure—Mary Sue's, and whump."

"Wait, what's whump again?" Danika asked through squinting eyes, trying not to stare at the axe in Bifur's head.

"That's the, uh," Balin scratched his chin just beneath his beard, "the hurt one. The one where they beat you senseless to evoke sympathy."

"I can't believe how many people like that," Danika sneered. Turning her head to face Kili, she called out, "There's one fan who thinks you're adorable WITHOUT bruises—I like you just the way you are."

Just as before, without looking up from the magazine, Kili held up his middle finger toward her. She stuck her tongue out in reply, crossing her arms and sinking back into the chair.

"Don't be too hard on him, he gets the most slash."

In red letters above the door, Kili's name appeared. "Again?" The archer grumbled, slapping down the magazine on the table. Heaving an exasperated sigh, he stood and looked around the room with his hands on his hips. "Alright, which loser is coming with me this time?"

Thranduil's name suddenly appeared just above Kili's.

"Oh, Mahal, no…" Kili's hands dropped to his sides. "No, no, no, no…"

"Wait, Kili!" Fili suddenly shouted, rising to his feet and putting his hands on Kili's shoulders. "I can't let you do this! Let me protect you and go in your place!"

Kili stared into his brother's face. "Wait, really? You'd do that for me?"

Fili broke into laughter, slapping his knees. "No! I wouldn't." Holding his sides in laughter, he dropped to Kili's previous seat. "It doesn't work like that anyway, so you're just gonna have to suck it up."

Kili took a few tentative steps toward the door before Fili added, "Literally."

"You'll get yours soon enough," Kili snarled before disappearing through the door.

"I can't believe what goes on here." Danika murmured. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

Balin leaned over to hand her a trash can, but she waved it off, feeling the sensation pass.

"At least they get some action with the lasses," Bofur grumbled from his seat. "I only ever get Bilbo pairings."

"Aw," Danika scooted closer to him. "There's gotta be a nice Original Character out there waiting for you."

"Not likely," he said, putting on a pretend goofy smile while he mimicked himself. "Hi, I'm the funny miner with the hat, I only ever have stupid things to say while I encourage other characters in their adventures."

"That's not very fair." Danika said, putting an arm around his shoulders. "I'll write one for you, how about that? A nice brunette lass who laughs at everything you say and understands that you have a deeper side?"

Bofur nodded. "That'd be nice. Could she look like Beyonce?"

"Why doesn't anyone ever write anything for me?" Dori complained as Ori slunk off to the water cooler, splashing water all over himself like he was trying to take a bath.

Danika peered at the disgruntled Dori. "What's your name again?"

"At least you don't have to say things Out Of Character," Gandalf muttered. "And at least you don't have to resist the urge to correct grammatical errors!"

"Grammatical errors!" They all grumbled together.

Danika shook her head. "Some of them are just starting out, give them a break!"

"Oh, I'll give 'em a break." Dwalin growled, smacking his fist into his hand.

Danika paused for a moment. "Wait, so why am I here, again?"

Balin shook his head. "Not sure, lass. Maybe you're an OC."

"Better not be mine," Bilbo whined, rubbing his hands against his face. Realizing that he'd said it out loud, he apologized. "I'm just so tired from all this Bagginshield…"

"Maybe you're mine," Tauriel smiled from her seat.

"Er," Danika bit back the urge to gag, "I'm flattered, but I'm not really into that…"

The door swung open and out came an injured Kili, cuts and bruises marring his face, and a very haughty-looking Thranduil. "Until next time, slave…" The elf-king simpered.

Fili's eyebrows rose. "Bondage, eh?"

Kili crossed the room to sit beside Danika, raising his middle finger at Fili again.

"Poor thing," Danika said, reaching for a tissue and dabbing it at Kili's bleeding cheek.

"Thanks," Kili murmured, clenching his hands to keep them from trembling.

Everyone's head turned as Kili's name appeared above it.

"I JUST got back!" Kili shouted, spit flying from his lips. "I can't be expected to walk through the door like this!"

But his name flashed brighter, as though insisting that this is EXACTLY what he was expected to do. And just above Kili's name appeared Danika's.

"Are you kidding me?" Danika shrieked, dropping the tissue. She spared Kili a disgusted glance. "I don't even like you all that much."

"Gee, thanks." Kili said as he stood, touching his still-bleeding lip.

"That's not what I meant." She said with a roll of her eyes. "I'm a Thorin girl."

Thorin snickered from his seat, reclining against his chair with his hands clasped behind his head. "Sure. Whatever you want, sweetheart." But the way he said it was more twisted and devious than affectionate.

Danika sighed, clenching her eyes shut. "Fine. So, how do we do this?"

Kili looked at her like she'd grown a second head. "Um, you WALK through the DOOR."

"Well, yeah, I get that." She said, following after Kili as he came closer to the door. "But are we supposed to hold hands as we go through, or what?"

"We don't know if you're a love interest, yet." Kili growled. "So let's not rush to any conclusions. Just walk through the door." He groaned.

"Okay," she said with a preparatory sigh. "Here goes nothing!"


	2. The Assessment

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**I**

**HOW TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 2 - Assessment**_

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_"What I Like About You" The Romantics_

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Danika blinked while her eyes adjusted to the room behind the waiting room door, arm still in Kili's arm and wondering where they were.

"Bilbo's house," she whispered, taking in the wood furniture and fireplaces. "Really? This isn't going to be a _long_ story, is it?" She groaned.

"I hope not," Kili said as he peered around a corner. "That generally means it's a romantic adventure, or—" He wagged his eyes seductively at her, "—_slow burn_."

"Ew," she stuck her tongue out. "I told you—Thorin girl, here."

Their surroundings changed, though, and both of them huddled together while the dim light of Bilbo's study fluctuated into daylight and green forest.

"That was a little indecisive." Kili muttered. "I have no idea where we are now."

But Danika had a pretty good idea: A bowl of warm water and a rag had appeared in her hands despite one of her arms being linked through Kili's and the rag bore signs of blood. "I think this is one of those _in between_ moments where we're supposed to bond while I clean you up from a scuffle."

"Well, I think you should refuse." Kili growled, pulling his arm away from her.

The action caught Danika off-guard and she stomped her foot. "Gladly," she huffed before she tossed the contents of the bowl into Kili's face. Clenching his eyes shut at the sudden drenching and spitting out the water that made it into his mouth, he crossed his arms.

"I deserved that, didn't I?"

"Hm." Danika smiled, nodding her head. But her nodding stopped when she looked behind Kili. "Uh oh, here comes trouble."

"Orcs?" Kili turned his head, reaching for his sword.

"Worse. Fili."

Heading toward them through the trees was a worried blonde dwarf with outstretched arms toward his brother. "Kili! We sent you for firewood hours ago, what happened?" And seeing the cuts and bruises on Kili's face, Fili's eyes rounded with shock and he pulled the archer into a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I wasn't there," Fili practically sobbed into Kili's neck. Danika had to bite back a laugh as Kili glared through the hug and the whimpering from his older brother. "I'll never leave your side again."

"Um, Fili," Danika tapped at the dwarf's shoulder. "I think it might be best for Kili and I to return to camp. Why don't you gather the firewood?"

She watched as Kili mouthed the words "thank you" and his brother released him, agreeing with Danika's suggestion and heading off into the trees to gather the wood.

"That was a lot easier than I thought it would be," Danika said with a raised brow. "I'm guessing the writer is very vague."

"And definitely follows a pattern," Kili said, glancing at the diminishing form of his brother. "Overly-concerned older brother, chapter skipping, bonding moments, and a half-breed. This is definitely Mary Sue, but I can't put my finger on the rating just yet."

"What was that about half-breed?"

Kili leaned forward to remove the hood Danika wasn't aware she had been wearing and touch her ears.

"Definitely half-breed." Kili nodded his head at her.

Danika reached up to touch the top of her ears and realized they were pointed. She also looked down at her body and realized she was bulkier than she had been in the waiting room, though she was still Kili's height. Half-breed. Elf and Dwarf. She let out an exasperated sigh.

"And a dress," she moaned. "A yellow dress? Okay, I know how to fix this. Can I have a knife, please?" She held her hand out.

"Please tell me you aren't going to cut off the points of your ears." Kili grimaced, offering her a dagger.

"I'm willing to go to extremes to defy this story, but I'm not going _that_ far." Danika said with a roll of her eyes. Grabbing her knee-length tresses, she sawed the dagger through her hair in jagged motions until it was shoulder length. "You wouldn't happen to have a chord or some leather, would you?"

Danika watched Kili sort through his pockets as he handed her a thin piece of rope, which she looped around a high ponytail.

"What a waste," Kili said as he looked painfully at the long strands of cut hair on the ground. "I know we're refusing to play along, but part of my inner dwarf is hurt that you did that."

Danika snorted. "And I'm not even done yet. Help me find some blueberries and we're golden."

They walked through the trees looking for berries and spoke as they searched.

"Why do you think Fili was playing along with the scenario?" Danika wondered aloud.

"He's _part_ of the story, but he's not the _focal point_ so he probably isn't even aware of the other stories." Kili shrugged. Danika sent him a questioning look, but then realized he probably knew more of what he was talking about than she did.

"So as long as you're going to be my accomplice in this—"

"I'm _your_ accomplice?" Kili smirked, kneeling down in front of a bush and gathering a handful of berries. "Listen, sweetheart," He said in a derogatory tone, "I think I'm more of an expert on these stories; that'd make you _my_ accomplice." He held out a hand with the berries and Danika stuck her tongue out at him while she accepted them.

"You've got a point." She said with a roll of her eyes as she mashed the berries in her hand and patted the juice on her head and ponytail.

"What are you doing?" Kili said with a raised brow.

"I came into this plot-line with a yellow dress, knee-length hair, and most likely a sad backstory about how I was orphaned." Running the blue juice through the ends of her ponytail, she winked at Kili. "I'm assuming I'm meant to be sweet, someone dainty and friendly, and someone you're supposed to protect." Danika wiped her hands on the yellow dress, staining the fabric. "I admit I can't escape the need for you to protect me because I don't have a clue how to use a sword, but the rest is a stereotype I can fight."

After getting almost hopelessly lost in trying to find the camp, Kili and Danika emerged from the trees as darkness began to set in. The company was arranged around a fire, sharing bowls of stew and making conversation.

Danika nudged a sitting Fili with her boot. "I, uh, don't know where my pack is..." She said, but mostly because she honestly didn't know _which one_ of the packs was hers. He pointed to a leather satchel and Danika almost squealed with delight.

"I've got a freaking cross-bow." She whispered excitedly to Kili as he sat beside the fire. "Oh! I almost forgot…" Danika reached toward the fire and pulled a burning stick from the edge of it, mashing it into the dirt to stifle the fire at the tip.

"I'm scared to ask what that's for." Kili murmured to her as they sat together.

"Patience," she said as she wagged a finger at him. "And I have a question for you—am I supposed to have powers?"

"Powers?"

"Yeah," She grinned. "I'm a half-breed OC and Fili called me 'the wizard's friend', so I'm guessing that meant Gandalf. Does that mean I've got magic?"

"Oh, spare me." Kili groaned as he rested his head against his bent knees. "I'm sure it does, but you might have a choice."

Danika's eyes brightened and her knee bounced. She closed her eyes as though concentrating and then opened them again. "Done."

"Done what?" Kili asked in an irked tone.

"I just picked my magic. You said I had a choice, so I picked one."

"Listen, I'm glad you're having fun with this," Kili scowled. "But I'm exhausted. I've been showing up in fan fiction after fan fiction and I'd like to catch some sleep while I can." Laying back with his arms behind his head, he sighed. "I'm sorry I'm being so rude. Tell me what 'magic you picked'."

"It's fine, you're tired. Go to sleep." Danika said dejectedly, resting her chin on her arms as they wound around her knees.

"No, really. Please, tell me." He insisted.

She couldn't fight her giddiness and her knee started bouncing again as she turned her head to Kili. "I can summon any song of my choosing at any time and place, and everyone surrounding us will hear it."

Kili sneered at first, but then burst into laughter. "Of all the things to choose—"

"I know, it's completely useless," Danika beamed. "Which is exactly why I love it. That and I don't have an ipod here."

"Sure, sure," Kili grinned, laying his head down again. "But it might have helped things if you chose something like the ability to heal others. What if we run into more whump?"

Danika's smile died and her mouth rounded in an "o". "I hadn't really thought about that. Do you think I can have a do-over?"

"We're not even sure if the first choice works, yet." Kili snickered.

"Oh, you," Danika stuck her tongue out. She cocked her head to the side. "You're really tired, aren't you?" After she saw his short nod, she had an idea. "I'll tell you what. You sleep and I'll engage in one of those really long conversations with one of the side characters to give you as much time as I can. Sound good?"

"Sounds heavenly," Kili yawned.

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**I admit it: I'm having way too much fun with this. And I want you to have fun with it, too, so send me your suggestions in the reviews!**


	3. Cannons, Corrections, and Grammar OH MY!

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**I**

**HOW TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 3 - Cannons, Corrections, and Grammer, oh my!**_

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_Another day is put to the test  
Lord knows I'm doin' my best  
Never a brother, always a guest_

_It's a cryin' shame_  
_It's a royal pain in the neck_  
_I'm just tryin' to get by_  
_With my pride a little bit intact_

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_"Royal Pain" Eels_

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When Kili woke, the light of early morning illuminated their setting. Danika must have had a long conversation with someone and bought him hours of undisturbed sleep because for the first time in a long time, Kili felt well-rested. He glanced to his left and realized Danika was huddled under a blanket, fast asleep. A look to his right told Kili that his older brother was adhering to his role of "hovering protector"-according to the proximity of Fili's bedroll to Kili's.

After a long and delicious stretch, Kili nudged Danika's ribs. "Wake up."

The half-breed OC startled awake and immediately stood, as if confused. This was the first moment Kili was able to see the full effect of Danika's modifications to herself—an effort to resist the stereotype of "damsel in distress".

Gone was the yellow dress, replaced with a pair of rough trousers and thick boots. A slightly low-cut linen tunic and leather strappings as a bodice adorned her upper body, while her shoulder-length hair was pulled back into a tight pony-tail at the high point of her crown. Her hair, after the application of the berries, was dark blue, a color Kili had never seen on an OC before. But what really enchanted the dwarf was the cat-eye black lining around her eyes—ah, so that's what the coal-tipped stick had been for!

All in all, she looked like a person who shouldn't be provoked to anger, a perfect contrast to the writer's purpose.

"Hello, lovely," Kili waggled his eyebrows at her. It had been a standing joke from the beginning that they flirt with each other—mocking the "love interest" roles they'd been set in—but secretly Kili felt the comment to be genuine. It was a relief to see a physical embodiment of how hardcore he felt after being tossed around in everyone's fantasies.

"Good morning," Danika yawned, seemingly realizing where she was.

"Who did you end up talking to last night?" Kili asked as he rose with a grunt.

"Fili," Danika answered with a roll of her eyes. "I didn't even have to approach him, he just sat down right next to me and gave me _the talk_," she emphasized the last two words with finger quotation marks.

"Which one?" Kili laughed as he worked the buckles to his jacket. "There's the one where I'm obligated to carry on the line of Durin because he isn't interested in marriage—or the one where he wants to make sure that you're really interested in me emotionally—ooh! Or the one where he finally approves of you because he's learned about your sad past."

"Those would have been better," She said with a disgusted look. "No, he gave me the 'Kili needs to stay a virgin until marriage' talk."

"Wait, really?" His head shot up. "Well, that's certainly different from the other things I've done." He tilted his head back to look at the blue sky, brightening at the rising of the sun. "It's kind of nice."

"Kili, he offered to marry us here." She said with her arms crossed.

The peaceful expression on Kili's face melted into a frown. "That's fast."

"A little too fast, if you ask me." Danika said as she rolled up her blanket. "Assuming this is a long story, it means I might be killed off pretty soon and a rebound OC will pop up."

"That's not going to happen," Kili said, bending to pick up his own things. "I won't let it."

"Aw, Kili, that's sweet." Danika blushed.

Kili fixed her with a blank stare. "No, no. If the writer wants you to die, there's nothing I can do about it. But if they try to set me up with another OC, I'll just keep doing what we're doing here."

Danika shook her head, as though frustrated with his reply. "And how are you supposed to do that if she has no idea what's going on?"

"Well, if she's as clueless as this lot," Kili waved a hand at the still-sleeping company, "there's only one thing to be done. I'll just kill her."

As terrible as he knew it sounded, he was surprised when Danika didn't stifle her laugh. "That's _one_ solution. You're pretty dark and devious, you know that?"

"Do you think they're ever going to wake up?" He groaned as he tapped his boot against Fili's leg. The blonde dwarf made no movement.

"Probably not, this is another one of those moments when you and I are supposed to bond." Danika said with a roll of her eyes. He sent her a look that said "do something" and so she squeezed her eyes shut and concentrated.

Kili almost jumped when the music started. It was "Good Golly Miss Molly" by Little Richard—and he only remembered that because he'd been in a Modern Alternate Universe where the song had played. He sent her an impressed expression when he realized she'd gotten her wish to choose a magical ability.

Several of the company jerked awake and clamored to their feet, looking around as though they anticipated an attack. The music ended as abruptly as it began and Danika looked incredibly pleased with herself.

Taking in the faces of their startled company, Kili joined Danika in her uproarious laughter, clapping her on the back while she held her sides and doubled over.

The scene faded into a different type of forest, surrounded by the dark of night.

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_"Electric Bird" Sia_

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"This writer certainly likes to move fast." Danika sighed with her hands on her hips, but she realized she was talking to no one. Kili had disappeared. "Ugh, really, now?" she moaned as she stepped forward, tripping on an outstretched tree root. "Great, and I'm clumsy, too?"

"Are you alright there, lass?" She heard and looked up to see the smiling face of Bofur.

"I'm fine," She answered automatically, but then grumbled when she realized she had just followed a typical writer's prompt. "Help me up?"

She accepted his reaching arm and jumped to her feet, sliding her arm through Bofur's while she spoke. "If I told you I had a friend who'd be interested in a date with you, what would you say?"

Bofur's eyebrows scrunched together. "What's a date?"

Danika grimaced when she realized she'd just followed another prompt and used modern jargon in a period setting. "Sorry, what I meant was that I might have a friend who's romantically interested in you."

"Then I'd say that's a bunch of nonsense," Bofur laughed, "because you already belong to Kili."

"Hold on there!" Danika shouted with her hands up. With one fist on her hip and her other hand pointing in a sassy manner at Bofur, she shook her head. "Just because I said 'a friend', it doesn't mean I was referring to myself. Secondly, I do not BELONG to anyone."

"That's not what your courting braid says," Bofur teased as he reached out to pull the braid into full view.

This was when Danika realized that the long hair had returned, and with it—a new braid just behind her ear. "Well, that's enough of that!" She said with determination as she began to unbraid it. "Where's Kili?"

"He's watching the ponies with his brother." Bofur said, walking away. "Are you coming back to camp?"

"No, I need a word with my 'betrothed'." Danika sneered at the last word and contorted it into a whine. She nodded when Bofur pointed in the direction she should go, winking at her before he disappeared.

Finding the brothers easily, Danika felt a pang of sympathy for Kili. Fili looked as though he'd been talking for a while and she could hear some of what he said as she approached, but realized it was nothing but sentimental reassurance of his love for his brother.

"I'm just glad your okay." Fili ended as Danika came to stand beside Kili.

Kili and Danika's eyes widened in unison, waiting for Fili to understand what he'd done wrong.

"Did you mean 'you're'?" Danika leered.

"That's what I said." Fili said in confusion.

"No, you said 'your'." Kili smirked as he crossed his arms. "As in possessive, instead of 'you are'."

"I don't know what your talking about." Fili said with a shake of his head. He turned his attention to Danika. "What are you doing away from camp? Their going to wonder where you are."

"They're." Danika supplied, correcting him again.

"Excuse me?"

"Their is possessive, you meant 'they are'." Kili grinned, smacking Danika's hand as she raised it for a high-five.

"How can you know I'm using the wrong word if I'm TALKING to you?" Fili demanded.

Kili looked over at Danika, who shrugged. "We just do."

Fili shook his head and sat down on a boulder, fingering his pipe and looking out at the ponies. Kili leaned against a broken fence-post with his hands behind his head, wearing a happy expression and sighing pleasantly.

"What's with you?" Danika grinned, nudging him in the ribs with her elbow.

"This is where most writers put their smutty moments." He said as he close his eyes and smiled. "And I get to watch it pass by without a hitch."

Danika couldn't help but squeeze her eyes shut and cause a song to play overhead, an easy-going Kenny-G: "Every Time I Close My Eyes". Kili smiled and gave a short laugh of appreciation.

Watching Bilbo approach with their stew, Danika patted Kili's ribs to let him know he needed to be alert. She knew both of them were familiar with the adventure that was going to happen next with the trolls, but they couldn't be sure of what changes the writer had made.

"I'm sorry I didn't bring enough bowls, but I've only got two hands." Bilbo apologized, nodding his head at Danika.

"That's okay," Danika said, reaching for one of the bowls. "Kili can go without." She joked as she slurped a huge mouthful.

"Like hell I will." He growled, snatching the bowl from her and taking a bite. The bowl didn't stay in his hands for long though, because Danika grabbed it back, though Kili still held the spoon captive. While she drank from the tip of the bowl, he reached around her and scooped another bite of meat.

"You two are so adorable together," Bilbo sighed dreamily.

That stopped the both of them in their tracks, sending each other questioning looks.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Danika said, wiping stew from her chin with her hand and rubbing the stew-covered digits on Kili's tunic. "Apparently, we're courting."

"Is that what this is?" Kili groaned, feeling for the braid behind his ear and nodding when his fingers found it. "I thought so."

"Where are the other two ponies?" Fili said with a gasp, standing suddenly.

Danika sighed, looking around and said in a mocking-voice, "I guess we were too distracted to notice the trolls scooping up animals the size of small elephants."

"Which doesn't make much sense, if you think about it." Kili said as he stole another bite of the stew.

"Exactly!" Danika said, waving a hand in the air. "I mean, how could you miss two trolls? They're huge! Which begs the question…" She sidled up to Kili and lowered her tone. "What WERE you doing when the ponies were stolen?"

"If you're asking what the canon says we did, I really don't have a clue." Kili shook his head, dropping the spoon into the bowl of stew and rubbing his hands together. "And I've been in too many slash stories concerning that question to really care anymore."

Danika felt another pang of sympathy for her friend. "I'm sorry about that."

"At least I'm having some fun right now." He smiled at her.

* * *

**Yay for best friends of the opposite gender! I take a lot of my prompts from my relationship with mine - I only wish I could insert a Modern AU moment where the two of them are sitting up against a log and sharing headphones while listening to an ipod together and munching slices of pizza. *sigh* If you've got an idea, leave it for me in the reviews or a PM- let's write this together!**

**By the way, to all the writers out there- I AM NOT MAKING FUN OF YOUR FICS. I love you all to death and I enjoy the fictions you write- angst, whump, and all! Please, don't stop writing them just because of this story- I am guilty of all the same things! I mean, I purposefully wrote a love-interest OC for Thorin just so I could have her raped and killed to give him motivation to hate the elves and go crazy. Please, please, please, let's just all laugh at the things we all know we're thinking while we read these fics :)**


	4. This Is Not What I Had Planned

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**I**

**HOW TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 4 – This Is Not What I Had Planned**_

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_I know what it takes to move on_

_I know how it feels to lie_

_All I wanna do is trade this life for something new_

_Holding on to what I haven't got_

_-"Waiting for the End" Linkin Park_

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_"Friends, Lovers, or Nothing" John Mayer_

* * *

Kili and Danika were sitting atop one of the stone trolls laughing at each other when the company began to move again. Grumbling against Gandalf—and pretty much everything else—Thorin was in heated discussions with Dwalin at the front of the traveling line while Danika and Kili took up the rear.

"Why does everyone write Thorin as this angry guy all the time?" Danika chirped from her saddle. "It doesn't make any sense. I mean, if he was that much of a jerk, you and Fili wouldn't respect him—let alone follow him to Erebor on a suicide mission."

"People like to make their opinions based on what they see on the surface, they don't realize that people's actions are motivated by something deeper." Kili answered, tossing her a water skin when he saw her lips smack together. Nodding her thanks to him, she caught it without any trouble. "A girl that can catch, that's a relief."

Nearly choking on her gulp of water, Danika sputtered, "Was that a compliment?"

"Yes." Kili answered warily.

"Don't flirt with me." She grumbled, tossing the water-skin back to him. "That defeats what we're trying to do here."

"I wasn't flirting with you, I was being friendly." Kili objected, smiling wryly at her. "We _can_ still be friends." He frowned a little and ducked his head. "I consider you a friend. You're the only one yet that hasn't pressured me into doing something I didn't want." Cocking his head and daring to smile, he added, "That doesn't bother you, does it?"

"It's fine, Kili—I definitely consider you a friend." Danika said. "I mean, my life is pretty much in your hands no matter how much I try to act like it isn't. I can't really defend myself and OC deaths are pretty common, so I have to trust you—but that's not so hard to do."

"That's so romantic." They heard Bilbo say from the pony ahead of them.

"Bilbo," Danika sneered. "Did you understand any of what we just said?"

"I think it's perfectly normal for best friends to marry—and there's nothing wrong with telling him you trust him with your life."

Kili grimaced and shared an embarrassed look with Danika. "Bilbo, what do you think 'OC' means?"

"I'm assuming it's a pet name you've come up with." Bilbo smiled dreamily.

With a heavy frown, Kili watched Danika scowl at the hobbit. "I think you were right, Kili, they have no idea what's going on—we could probably say something completely unrealistic, but they'd have to reply according to the writer's head-cannon."

* * *

_"Intro" The XX_

* * *

The scene shifted again and they were no longer riding ponies—they were walking along the narrow ledge of a mountain at night, rain pelting their faces and causing the rocky ground to become slick.

"Oh, no," Danika moaned as she walked tentatively behind Kili. "No, no, no, no, no…"

"It's fine, we'll be fine," Kili encouraged her, taking a glance back at Danika and realizing she was terrified. "Stay close to me, it'll be over soon."

"I don't know if I can do this," Danika whimpered, freezing in place and stopping the line of dwarves behind her. "Kili…"

"Danika, you can't stop, you have to keep moving." Kili said, pulling at her arm.

"I'm afraid of heights!" She shouted, peeking over the edge and squealing. "I'm sorry, I know it's a writer's prompt, but it's freaking believable right now!"

Kili frowned. He understood that they could only fight against the fiction to a point, but there were certain points they couldn't resist—including a genuine fear of heights. He knew Danika was going to have trouble with their new scenario, but there was only one thing to be done. Grabbing her arm and heaving with dwarven strength, he swung her around him, causing her to scream in panic as her body was flung over the edge. Her boots found footing again as Kili brought her to stand in front of him and he kept an arm around her shoulder, steadying her and pushing her forward with his chest while his other hand gripped the rock wall beside them.

"Keep walking," He said loudly, not meaning to shout, but the rock giants had begun their battle and were tossing boulders overhead. A torrent of rock chunks came down with the rain and pelted several of the dwarves, causing some to slip, but none to fall over the ledge.

"Kili!" He heard Fili shout his name, reaching out as the blonde dwarf was being separated from him. It wasn't until the rocks beneath his feet began to part that Kili started to lose his calm. According to the story, Kili's toes were supposed to be touching the moving ledge, but he'd previously moved Danika to stand in front of him and he realized her body had slipped with the parting of the rocks.

Dropping to his stomach, Kili reached out both hands to the dangling OC. "Take my hand!"

Danika managed to grab one of his hands, but the other was having trouble finding purchase. Finally she was able to grip his forearm and he began to haul her up, watching the other set of dwarves pass by on the knee of a rock giant.

The rocks with the other set of dwarves collided with a part of the mountain just as Danika's feet reached solid ground again and Thorin ushered them forward, obviously anxious to see if the dwarves had survived. Danika and Kili rushed into the alcove of rocks to find their companions groaning in a pile on top of each other.

"You're alive." Thorin sighed, brushing past Danika and Kili.

"Are you all right?" Kili asked Danika, looking her up and down and scanning for injuries.

"I'm a little shaken up, but I'm glad that's over." She replied, rolling her head around and rubbing her neck. "How do you go through that over and over again? It's absolutely terrifying even if you know you're going to make it through."

Kili shrugged. "I keep telling you, it's not like I have a choice." He reached down to help up Bofur. "You just have to keep moving forward and not let the fear cripple you."

"That's easy enough to say," Danika murmured, biting her lip and helping another dwarf up.

Both Kili and Danika knew what to anticipate from the caves they found, so when the other dwarves laid out blankets for sleep, they sat up against a wall and waited, speaking in hushed tones. They weren't surprised when they saw Bilbo trying to sneak off and Bofur intercepted the hobbit quickly.

"I thought you were asleep," Bilbo whispered after the dwarf had startled him.

"Nope, me and the lovebirds over there are keeping watch."

"Lovebirds?" Kili sneered.

"You two are chattering away like the teenage crushes you are." Bofur winked.

Turning his head to Danika, Kili paused and whispered, "Something's wrong—was Bofur just being OOC?"

"OOC, what do you—oh! Out Of Character," Danika rolled her eyes. "Why do you say that?"

"Dwarves don't use terminology like 'teenage' or 'crush'… so unless this writer is mixing in modern speech—"

"Which is entirely possible," Danika cut him off. "If you're implying that Bofur is in-the-know with us, I highly doubt it. Look at the way Fili hovers over you, the way Thorin grumbles, and the way Bilbo fawns all over us? Naw, you're just—"

But Danika never finished because the floor beneath them opened up and the bodies of dwarves, hobbit, and half-breed bounced against each other as they fell down the tunnel and into the trap below.

Skittering, crawling, and yelping, the goblins surrounded the heap of dwarves and shoved them to their feet, walking them in a line across bridges and platforms until they reached the throne of the Goblin King.

Kili didn't need to look back to see that Bilbo was not among their number anymore—he'd been through these stories enough times to understand where the hobbit was. The Goblin King's weight made the wooden planks creak and his chin wobbled forward a little too close for Kili's comfort. As the goblin made his speech and demanded to know where the dwarves had come from and where they were going, Kili resisted the urge to reach out toward Danika with a comforting hand. Despite their preference to stay on friendly terms instead of romantic, he knew she was afraid and he couldn't blame her. While _his_ survival was pretty much a given—with only the Battle of Five Armies as a fork in the road—_hers_ was always in question…

Finally, the Goblin King came to the point of things and threatened to torture the information out of them, but instead of offering to take the youngest one first, he pointed decidedly at Danika.

"We have methods of persuading females to speak," The goblin said with a lick of his lips.

"In your dreams, scrotum beard." She spat back at him, but Kili sent her a scolding look and she shut her mouth.

Thankfully, the tense moment did not last long and the bright light from Gandalf's staff swept back all who were standing on the platform—even throwing aside a few of the goblins standing at the edges.

"Fight!" The wizard called out and the company was a blur of movement.

Kili was not much worried about Danika at this point because he knew that the chances of an accidental blow in her direction were slim—the head canon of the writer would never allow for a true mishap, and the blades would go where they were intended to go.

* * *

_"Waiting for the End" Linkin Park_

* * *

Thorin led the dwarves on a chase over boards and through tunnels until the Goblin King sprang seemingly from nowhere and stood in front of them, but a witty exchange and a sword lunge later, the goblin was finished.

Danika was glued to a post as their platform fell into the deep of the giant cavern and eventually came to a stop. She was winded from the sudden halt of the wood and chanced a peek upward, regretting the look because it only served to scare her more.

"Thorin!" She cried out, pointing to the skittering goblins as they climbed down the cavern wall like spiders.

The company made their way through another tunnel, breaching the dark and breaking into open air and dimming sunlight—air! Danika felt as though she may never have felt the wind on her face again.

"Those goblins reeked," She complained, bending over and catching her breath as the other dwarves surrounded her and looked about them.

"Where's Kili?" Danika heard Fili say. Looking around, she realized Kili hadn't been running behind her like she'd originally thought. She was incredibly irked when Thorin began to bemoan the absence of the hobbit as well, cursing inwardly when she realized that according to most fan fictions, this was the part where Thorin would find some way to leave Kili behind and inadvertently force her to go after Kili herself. When Bilbo made his appearance and Thorin led the company forward, Danika knew her suspicions were correct and heaved a sigh of reluctance.

She jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder, turning around to face Kili's brother.

"I'll go with you," The blonde dwarf said with a wink.

"How did you know what I was going to do?"

"You're not that hard to read, lass." Bofur said, stepping up behind him.

"Probably not." Danika said with a grimace. "Shall we go save Kili?"


	5. Dwarf in Distress

.

**I**

**HOW TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 5 – Dwarf In Distress**_

* * *

_A sinister kid is a kid who__  
__Runs to meet his Maker__  
__A drop dead sprint from the day he's born__  
__Straight into his Maker's arms__  
__And that's me, that's me__  
__The boy with the broken halo__  
__That's me, that's me__  
__The devil won't let me be_

* * *

_"Sound of Silence" Jenny &amp; Taylor_

* * *

Kili wasn't surprised when he'd been overwhelmed by the numbers of goblins. He wasn't even surprised when they'd captured him and thrown him into a cage. And it didn't faze him when he realized the company had gone on without him. The only thing he was concerned with was the obvious whump he was going to have to endure until someone came to rescue him. Someone always came to his rescue, he didn't doubt this would be any different, but what would he have to endure until then?

The smell of rotting flesh reached Kili's nose and he knew the goblins were coming back. "Keep it together," he whispered aloud, trying to steady the trembling limbs that anticipated harm…

He was hauled to his feet and shoved out of the too-small cage, brought out to the open platform where the Goblin King's throne had collapsed. Pulling at his arms until they were outstretched, he flinched as the goblins bound his wrists to the wreckage of the throne. He managed a good kick or two at his assailants, but more goblins took their place and struck at him.

Kili could see that the goblins held no weapons and realized that they intended to beat him to death, already bludgeoning him with their fists. But the strangest of sensations washed over him and the pain subsided as quickly as it began…

The goblins backed away from their captive, holding their ears as a blast of music began to play.

"Danika," He breathed with a smile, still panting from the blows of his attackers.

* * *

_"Sinister Kid" Black Keys_

* * *

Danika was angry. She'd heard what Kili had been forced to endure in previous stories—she had even seen him cut and bruised before they'd walked through the waiting room door together—but she had taken in upon herself to make sure nothing like that happened to him in this story. And these filthy goblins were trying to make her break that silent promise. If Danika felt any fear on re-entering the caves, it was gone when she saw them tie Kili to a pile of wood and beat him.

"Not on my watch," She said with a furious glint in her eye, stomping with loud steps toward the platform where Kili took hit after hit.

"We need a distraction!" Fili called after her, holding her back with a hand on her shoulder. "We have a better chance if they don't see us coming right at them."

"I've got one," Danika growled, pulling her shoulder away from Fili's grasp. She blasted the first Black Keys song she could think of—"Sinister Kid".

"You're dangerous, lass," Bofur said under his breath, but Danika could still hear it. She only just remembered that her hair was blue from the berries and that she was wearing heavy eyeliner. If she'd had wings, she might have resembled a gothic vampire, but she knew the music and her sudden appearance would be enough to get the job done.

"Let's hope they think the same thing," She whispered with an evil grin.

Stomping toward the platform, she gave a shrill, startling cry and the goblins surrounding Kili immediately shrunk back and ran away. Springing forward, Danika and Fili worked to loose Kili from his bonds while Bofur stood to the side and watched for any returning foes.

"You look like death," Kili murmured to her.

"That was the point," Danika answered with a grin. "Are you hurt badly? Can you walk?"

"Not as hurt as you would think." Kili said with confusion. "But I don't understand why."

While Fili fussed over his brother, Danika held her hand out in curiosity; touching a cut on Kili's cheekbone and watching it close up. "No freaking way!"

"Looks like you got your second wish," Kili smirked. "But you can clean me up when we're outside again; I want to get out of here."

The four of them ran down the unsteady planks of the platform, rushing through the tunnel they'd entered through and breathing a sigh of relief when they met fresh air.

"Okay," Kili heaved as he came to a stop and bent over with his hands on his knees. "You can do it now."

"Do what?" Fili raised a brow at him, but Danika was already passing her hands over Kili's various injuries, closing the cuts and washing the bruises away. "How in Mahal's name are you doing this?"

Danika shrugged. "I'm a special kind of half-breed; I don't know where it comes from."

"Well, whatever it is, do it fast—we've got to catch up with the company quickly!" Bofur said, already beginning to walk forward.

When Danika was satisfied with her work, the four of them began to run down the incline in the direction the company had travelled.

"I'm sorry, by the way," Danika said as she turned her head to Kili. "I wanted you to have a fun fan-fiction for once, but I didn't consider—"

"It's not your fault," He said, pausing when he had to jump over a rock. "And it's not your responsibility to look out for me."

"We're supposed to be looking out for each other," Danika objected, almost tripping over a tree limb.

"If Kili's capture is anyone's fault, it's mine," Fili started to say.

"Shutup, Fili!" Danika and Kili shouted at the same time, but before anyone could say anything else they realized they had almost run into a pack of wargs.

The four of them ducked behind a boulder, glancing over the top of it at the showdown between Thorin and Azog.

"Almost missed it," Danika whispered. "That was a little too close."

"Missed what?" Fili murmured, swatting at something next to his head.

"Dude, what is your problem?" Danika smirked at him.

"A moth is trying to fly into my hair," Fili grumbled, waving at it again.

Danika gasped. "Stop! Don't hurt it!" She lunged toward Fili, hands outstretched toward the moth and cupping it in her hands. "The eagles. Go get the eagles." She whispered loudly to it.

"Which ones?" The moth whispered back in irritation, as though mocking her for whispering.

"All of them!" Danika said, holding her hands up in the air as if to launch the insect.

"Hold up, there, lady," The moth objected, clinging to her fingers. "I'm not a supersonic jet, I can't just whoosh off and grab them all at the same time—"

"What the what?" She sneered at it. "Don't get sassy with me, just go get them!" And this time she threw the moth toward the sky. Danika couldn't be certain, but she thought she heard the moth fly away with some choice curse words.

"What did he say? I don't speak moth like some magical beings here," Kili said with a jeer.

Danika gave a mocking smile and held both of her thumbs up at him, but secretly hoped she hadn't completely messed the story up.

They watched as the trees surrounding Azog caught on fire from the pine-cones Gandalf had set aflame. Both Kili and Danika knew what to expect from the scenario and Danika mused that the only thing they were missing, as they watched from behind the rock, was popcorn. Once things began to get especially heated and a few of the wargs ran past them, they ducked and were thankful that they had gone unnoticed.

It wasn't until Thorin rushed at Azog that the four of them had trouble staying where they were. Fili was chomping at the bit to come to his uncle's aid, but Danika knew Kili was aware of how right the timing had to be—Bilbo had to have his opportunity to be a hero and come to Thorin's aid, and if his nephews rushed to him immediately, Bilbo wouldn't get that chance.

Danika began to grow nervous, though, as the hobbit stayed where he was, making Danika wonder if the writer hadn't decided to write the scene differently.

"Kili," She whispered at her friend. "Dumb question: am _I_ supposed to be the one saving Thorin?"

"Ummm…" The dwarf shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "Bilbo hasn't moved from his spot on the tree… he actually looks like he's slipping from his branch."

"Wait, why does _she_ get to come to our uncle's aid and I can't?" Fili groused.

Danika's eyebrows rose. "You know, you're right, Fili." Catching Kili's surprised expression, she shook her head at him. "Remember? We're not following writer's prompts, we can screw with this story as much as we want."

Kili snorted. "I can't believe I forgot. Old habit." He patted his brother's arm. "Have at it."

They watched with interest as Fili stopped the downward strike of a blade from hitting an unconscious Thorin, pressing back against the orc and swiping its head from its shoulders. Just as soon as the orc's head rolled to the floor, the eagles appeared overhead and were beginning to catch the dwarves that fell from the dangling tree.

Danika was getting ready to leap from their hiding place and make herself visible, but Kili's hand was on her arm, holding her back and obviously judging the timing of everything. Danika knew she could trust Kili's ability to know exactly when things needed to happen, having frequented so many stories, and just for a moment she allowed herself to admire the dwarf who seemed to have a spark of life returning to him. This was not the same Kili she had met in the waiting room.

"Now!" He shouted, and the three of them charged from behind the rock, coming into view of the descending birds as their talons scooped up various dwarves.

"Wait," Danika breathed as it dawned on her that she was about to take flight. "I'm about to ride on the back of a plane without a seatbelt! Kili, where did—AGGGHHH!"


	6. Flying is Not My Forte

.

**I**

**HOW TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 6 – Flying is Not My Forte**_

* * *

_Somewhere along the way our paths had gone astray_

_And nothing else remained, everything has changed_

_Nothing is the same_

_Just be easy_

_We don't have to speak, we don't have to try, _

_We don't have to show, we don't have to hide_

_Just be easy_

_-"Be Easy" Ghost Loft_

* * *

_"Be Easy" Ghost Loft_

* * *

At first, Kili thought he was falling, but then he realized he was travelling the wrong direction—he was moving up toward the peach-colored sky with great speed, arms reaching out to grasp the bird talons that held his waist in their massive clutch. They released him and he moved through the air, landing on the back of another eagle—right behind Danika, who was clawing at Fili's shoulders just in front of her.

"Lass, let go of me!" Fili hissed, pushing her hands away.

"There's nothing to hold onto," She moaned, taking in breaths as though she might hyperventilate.

Kili scooted himself closer to them, pausing when Danika flinched at his touch. "Kili! You scared me!"

"Calm down," Kili commanded, reaching around her shoulders and locking his hands together at her waist. "Just breathe—you're going to knock us _all_ off if you keep panicking."

"I don't like flying," Danika whimpered pathetically. He saw her cram her eyes shut as she leaned back into him. It was almost laughable to him that the same woman who had fought angrily through goblins to rescue him could be so petrified with fear when it came to something like heights.

"Don't worry," Kili said as he felt her relax. "All we have to do after this is climb down a short mountain—then we're off for adventures that don't include anything tall."

"Promise?" She asked through gritted teeth, eyes still closed.

"I promise." He said with a short laugh and then tapped her shoulder. "It looks like we're landing soon."

"Landing!" Danika hissed, nodding and almost hitting Kili's chin. "Okay, I can do that..." Suddenly her eyes opened wide and she turned to face Kili. "How do they expect us to get down?"

"It's easy," Kili waved a hand in the air. "You just slide down. I'll even stand at the bottom and catch you, if you want."

"Would you, please?" Danika whispered and he almost didn't hear it. The three of them bobbed as the bird hovered over a mountainous surface and gripped the rocks a short distance from where the injured Thorin lay, already dropped by the eagle that had been carrying him.

"Thorin!" Fili called, sliding off of the bird's feathers and landing loudly on his feet before running to his uncle's side.

Kili allowed himself to slip down and grunted when his boots struck rock. He turned with outstretched arms, holding up encouraging hands to the trembling half-breed who looked down at him from her perch.

"I won't drop you, I promise." He said, twitching his fingers insistently. Kili could see the conflict in Danika's face, but he grounded his feet firmly as she began to slide, letting out a huff of air as he reached for her ribs and squeezed her to him. "See? Not that hard." He smiled.

"It's so sweet," they heard to the side, and both of them turned their heads to see Bilbo gazing at them with his hands held together against his cheek.

Kili realized how close their faces were and promptly dropped Danika to step back, making sure to give her shoulder a shove to put some distance between them as he sneered at the hobbit. "Mind your own effing business."

"Kili!" Danika scolded, smacking his shoulder.

"What?" Kili shrugged. "It's not like the fiction will let me use a proper curse word."

Danika's hands were on her hips. "That's no way to talk to Bilbo, though."

Kili snorted and shook his head, brushing past the both of them and looking down at Thorin, who lay still lay on the ground despite Gandalf's whisperings. The wizard waved his hand numerous times over Thorin's face, but the dwarf did not wake.

"Danika," Kili muttered under his breath. "A little help?"

"Not until you apologize to Bilbo," She muttered back, crossing her arms and tapping her toe while she stood with the other dwarves around their fallen leader.

With a roll of his eyes, Kili nudged Bilbo with his elbow. "I'm sorry, Bilbo."

"Quite alright, quite alright," The hobbit chirped with a smile, eyeing the two of them again.

Danika coughed into her hand and immediately Thorin was awake, looking up into the eyes of the wizard and demanding to know where Bilbo was. The hobbit's face fell, but the dwarf king stood and had little bad to say about him, throwing his arms around Bilbo's smaller frame.

"Awww!" Kili and Danika crooned at them, giving Bilbo a taste of his own medicine.


	7. Limbo

.

**I**

**HOW TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 7 – Limbo**_

* * *

_Days come and go and months pass me by, _  
_And seasons they leave me behind. _  
_Don't have a thought about where I'll be, _  
_I'll be here till the end of all time_

_-"Waiting For You" Isobel Anderson_

* * *

_"Waiting For You" Isobel Anderson_

* * *

Kili and Danika noted that the majority of their companions were in a mood, and Kili could understand why. Thorin and Gandalf had already spoken to Beorn extensively about their stay in his house, but the days were wearing on. At least… it seemed like it.

"Just be patient with me," Danika took in a steady breath as she sat on the grass beside Kili. With their backs against a log, the two had been listening to music from Danika's magic while slowly snacking on Beorn's honey-bread. But the bread had long run out and Danika's confusion pressed her questions into their conversation. "I'm sorry, I just don't understand…"

Kili sighed and put his hands behind his head, leaning into the log and scooting his legs out more. "It's just the prompts." He said tiredly. "You've heard them in your head before—the writer plants the idea and you follow it; or resist it, like we're doing."

"No, I understand that, but what I meant was: why is time dragging on? It feels like we've been here for weeks, even though every indication says it's been a few days."

"Because it's probably been weeks," Kili murmured, "since the writer uploaded. They might have forgotten or are having trouble with the next chapter."

"How long do you think it will be?" Danika moaned.

"There's no way to tell," He snorted. "You know that."

"I just thought that maybe there was an average… you'd know it better than I would. Besides," Danika bit her lip, "what do we do while we wait?"

"Until Thorin gets a prompt to leave, we just stay where we are. Normally, we'd be running through a loop, but you and I are _aware_ of the story—"

"—which is why _everyone else_ seems to be doing the same things over and over again." Danika finished for him, nodding her head in comprehension. "Like re-reading an old chapter…"

"Just be glad it didn't happen while we were in the goblin caves." Kili said with a shudder.

"That's for sure," she said, patting his shoulder. "So… what happens if the story becomes unfinished? Like, what happens if the writer stops it right here and never picks it up again?"

"That wouldn't be so bad," Kili said with a smile. "There's really only three things that could happen. Either the readers nag the writer enough for another chapter and they give in, or someone else takes over the writing, or… well, we just continue through the loop like this."

Danika nodded grimly. "If the readers nag enough, do you think the writer would get frustrated and mash everything together in a sudden and uneven final chapter?"

"Eh, sometimes they do," Kili nodded.

"Then I hope someone else takes it up."

"There's a risk in that, too, though. The new writer might have a different writing style and we could be speaking Shakespearean to each other—or they could have a completely different direction for the story…"

"But staying in this loop, indefinitely…?" Danika eyed him nervously.

Kili turned his head to look at her. "Would that really be so bad, though? The safety of Beorn's green, protected lands with no pressing objectives? Honey-bread and milk in great supply? Thorin and the others as company?" He lowered his eyes. "…and me?"

Turning her head away, Danika looked pensive, but then she met Kili's eyes. "No, none of that would be terrible. It would be nice if we could depend on that happening, but we don't know for certain… I had hoped we could reach the end of the story so I could…"

"What?" Kili's eyes twinkled. "So you could what?"

She shook her head, trying to fight a smile and failing. "Things. There were things I wanted to do."

"Like…?" Kili pressed, scooting closer to her and smiling mischievously. "I want to hear about these things. Things you can't do now?"

Danika's face fell. "Yes. As much as I wish it weren't so."

Kili's smile died down and he scanned her face, realizing just how close he was to her. "Why not?"

"Ugh," She moaned, looking away from him. "Because I can't—leave it alone."

Kili was leaning close enough that when she turned her head to look at him again, their noses brushed together. There was a heat in Kili's face that was drawn to the warmth emanating from hers, and he was about to drink from that pool of warmth when Bifur suddenly appeared in front of them, speaking to Kili in Khuzdul.

Pulling quickly away from him, Danika whispered, "What's he saying?"

Kili frowned and wore a disgusted look. "I'm not sure, he's not speaking proper Khuzdul—the writer must have found a mistaken source for dwarf language."

"That's the internet for you," Danika sighed, seemingly in relief, as she rose and brushed dirt from her knees. "Lots of rabbit holes." She looked to be turning her attention to Bifur. "Is Thorin calling for us?"

Bifur nodded in reply and Kili shuffled his boots against the grass to stand, following the two of them back to Beorn's house and finding the rest of their companions preparing ponies. It was time to leave.

"I guess we're off, then," Kili muttered in disappointment.


	8. Psychedelic, Man!

.

**I**

**HOW TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 8 – Psychedelic, Man!**_

* * *

_"Some Fisherman" Peter Broderick_

* * *

Danika walked behind Bofur and in front of Fili as the dwarves made a line along the path inside the enchanted forest. She could remember that the elves had once called it the Greenwood, but there was no way of telling how long it had been since the place earned the new name of Mirkwood.

The trees were twisted messes and dust seemed to hover in the air as though it never had any intention of landing. Danika had trouble imagining that this forest had once been beautiful.

"Someone needs to drench this place with anti-grease dish soap," She murmured awkwardly, somewhat aware of the loopy sensation in her brain, causing her mutterings to pass her lips without consent.

"Just keep quiet and follow Bofur." Fili grumbled from behind her.

"No need to be rude," she snapped back, beginning to regret the space she'd put between her and Kili. The dwarf was only a few bodies behind her, but it was enough distance that the two of them couldn't fall into conversation easily.

"Watch your step!" Bofur called to her, reaching a hand out to her shoulder.

She'd been distracted enough that she overshot Bofur and almost walked into the river just before them. After a long debate on how to cross—and a few unsuccessful attempts—Bombur inevitably fell in, pulling Danika in after him.

Her ears were numb to any sound but her heartbeat while her head became submerged and she could feel the brush of multiple hands against her arms. It never fazed her that she couldn't breathe, what was more terrifying was the absolute black of the water and her inability to see. Thankfully, that fear didn't have long to take root before she was hoisted out of the water and laid on her back against a dirt surface.

Danika was grateful to be surrounded by concerned faces and not the thick darkness of the water, but her ears were somehow still numb and she couldn't hear the sounds coming from their frantically moving lips.

Kili in particular looked frazzled, as though he expected her to shout blame toward him at any moment.

"Not your fault," Danika whispered, despite not being able to hear her own voice—at least, she thought she'd whispered, but now she questioned the volume of her voice as several of them took a step back. They seemed to be making way for a hesitant Kili as he knelt tentatively beside her. Sitting up and looking into his face, she realized he'd said something and was waiting for her to reply.

He tapped her shoulder, getting her full attention and pointed to his own ears—and she caught the way he mouthed, "Can you hear me?"

Shaking her head in a 'no', Danika also caught sight of Fili's lips as they formed the words, "Oh, great."

Testing herself, Danika summoned a loud song, listening for any sound at all, and could make out the foggy background of the rumbling bass while everyone around her clapped their hands over their ears. Kili reached out and smacked her shoulder, grimacing until she shut the sound off with her magic.

She was incredibly startled when the older dwarf, Oin, was suddenly turning her head to the side and patting her ear—a motion she mistook, at first, as an effort to strangle her for the sudden music, but then he turned her around and repeated the action and she realized he was trying to dislodge the trapped water in her ears.

Shaking off his hands, Danika took over the remedy herself, feeling the disgusting sludge of the enchanted river leaking out of her eardrums and giving her a blessed sensation of clarity when her hearing began to return.

"Got some…bag." Her ears picked up, but nothing in between. Oin tilted her head again and released a drop of medicine from his gloved hand, further clearing the pathways in her head and allowing her to at least feel as though _one_ ear recovered fully.

"Gave us a scare," Kili smiled, still kneeling beside her. And then she was struck by a terrible realization.

Kili was incredibly handsome. Not like she didn't know it before, but she hadn't really cared for it before, and she hadn't been allowed to act on it for fear of giving the writer what they wanted. But her dunk in the river had left her feeling… woozy.

"You're pretty," Her words were slurred.

Kili's face dropped and his eyes narrowed on her. "What?"

"I lllllllllike you," Danika smiled widely with a pat on his arm, her mouth lingering on the "L" sound. "You're funny."

"Effing river," He muttered, rising to his feet and nudging her with his toe. "Get up."

"Shhh!" She held a finger up to her mouth. "I can't hear you through one ear. You'll have to whisper."

"Don't you mean speak louder? Nevermind." He nudged her with his toe again. "Come on, we need to keep moving."

"Anything you want, sweet cakes." She winked at him, rising on shaking legs. The dip her body made from having difficulty holding herself up was genuine, but she was lucid enough to plan falling into Kili's outstretched arms as he caught her before she fell too far. "Whoopsies!" she smirked at him. "You're really strong."

"And you're really drunk on Mirkwood water." Kili growled, pulling his arms back and letting her fall.

"Oof!" She fell to the forest floor, looking up at him with what she hoped was a seductive look. "I like you."

"You said that before." He said as he stepped over her form, ignoring her and putting distance between them.

"Fili," Danika whined, sitting up but making no motion to stand.

"What do you want?" Fili looked down at her warily, stepping to the spot where his brother had just been.

"Why doesn't your brother like me?" She whimpered, looking dejectedly at her hands in her lap with slouching shoulders. "I like him and he should like me and then we should like each other, because I like him. I was supposed to and I like him. He should like me. Do you see what I'm—what I'm sayin'?"

"Not really." Fili shook his head, sliding a hand under her arm and around her waist, pulling her up alongside him. "Come on."

And this is when Danika felt it was perfectly appropriate to call on her magic and play a song fitting for the situation: "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen. It might have been passable if just the song had been playing, but Danika felt the need to embellish the mood with her own hopeless feeling and started to sing along with it.

"All byyyyyyyy myseeeeeeeelf!" She wailed. "Don't wanna beeeeee all byyyyy myseeeeeelf!"

"Shutup!" She heard Kili shout at her from a few dwarves down the line.

"Hard to be sure—sometimes I feel so insecure!" Danika continued with the song. "And love so distant and obscuuuuuuuuure… remains the cuuuuuuure!"

"You're going to call down all sorts of death on us if you don't stop it." Fili muttered into her ear.

"I can't hear you over my broken heart," Danika wept into his shoulder, ending the song when she didn't feel as though anyone else was appreciative of her abilities. Fili tripped over a tree root, sending them both to the dirty ground beneath them, and Danika felt her head smack against something hard.

The collision of her head against hard dirt cleared her mind a little, allowing some of her common sense to return, but what really sobered her was the view she had now that she was staring up at the canopy of trees above them.

"SPIDERS!" She shouted.


	9. Missing Persons

.

**I**

**HOW TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 9—Missing Persons**_

* * *

_And here tonight while the stars are blacking out  
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt  
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away  
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes_

_-"The Cure for Pain" Jon Foreman_

* * *

_"The Cure for Pain" John Foreman_

* * *

Thankfully, the spider attack ended quickly and the elves came to the rescue of the dwarves immediately, proving to Kili that the writer wasn't too keen on getting the details right and more interested in moving things along. What should have transpired was the dwarves being attacked, covered in webbing, left hanging for Bilbo to rescue, and then a fight against the arachnids before their capture by the elves. Either way, Kili mused, the essentials of the story would take them along a charted course.

The only detail that left Kili scratching his head was Tauriel. As the elves bound the hands of Thorin and the others, Kili scanned the area and noted that she wasn't there. Perhaps the writer was moving along with the book instead of the movie… but, no—the chapters included references to the film! So where was the red-haired elf-maid?

As confused as he might have been, he moved along with the line of prisoner dwarves and listened to the struggling sounds ahead of him. Dwalin was not pleased with being tied and even less enthused about being dragged to King Thranduil's dungeon. More sounds of resistance came from the companions surrounding him, but what worried him was the sound he didn't hear. The voice of a female, half-bred dwarf.

"Get in," The elf above him commanded, ushering him into a cell and banging the door shut behind him. Again, he noted the absence of Tauriel.

"There's not enough unoccupied cells." Someone called out to the elf that stood in front of the bars of Kili's door. "We'll have to double-up a few."

The cell-door opened again and Danika was admitted in.

Though Kili knew it was the writer's intention to force them into "alone-time" and they had resolved not to take advantage of those moments, he was relieved that the elves had chosen _his_ cell for the OC. Kili became more and more glad for it as the seconds ticked by; he could see that she was in an awful state.

The effects of the enchanted river had finally passed, leaving Danika in a sulking mood as she stood at the door of the cell, unmoving. She glared at the floor, her drenched cloak clinging to her shoulders and her messy tunic almost hanging off of one shoulder. From the spiders or from the multiple falls she'd taken while tripping through the forest, she was covered in scratches from head to toe and from the expression Danika wore, she was beginning to remember her drunken outcries with shame.

It was so obviously a setup to elicit some sort of sympathy from Kili—locked in a small space with the injured female who was suffering from embarrassment and needed a kind word… and perhaps a comforting touch. Part of him wondered why they were fighting the prompts at all now, wondered why it was necessary and why it was an evil to worry over the unique person he'd become friends with so quickly. But until she recovered herself and proved she was rational enough to talk about it, Kili determined that the best course of action was to go along with the plan they'd already formulated.

"Feeling sorry for yourself over there?" He snorted, taking out his pipe and letting the tip rest between his lips.

Danika didn't look up, but lifted her hand, raising her middle finger at him.

Kili's laugh was gravelly. "Oh, how the tables have turned." He tapped the bench he sat upon. "You can sit. I promise not to make out with you."

"Shutup," She sneered at him with an upraised lip, taking a few steps toward the bench and wringing out her wet cloak.

"Why aren't you dry?" Kili's eyebrow rose. "You fell in an hour ago, but you're dripping wet." He pointed his pipe at the puddle that followed her movement.

Danika didn't answer but sent him an angry look as she unclasped the cloak and let fall with a wet smack onto the floor. She pinched at the sleeve falling off of her shoulder with a roll of her eyes.

"Oh," Kili nodded. Now he understood—locked in a small space with the injured female who was suffering from embarrassment and needed a kind word, a comforting touch… and the suggested removal of sopping-wet clothes. "Nevermind."

Danika dropped herself to the bench with a sigh, leaning up against the wall with her legs flung out in front of her. "Maybe I should have added fire to the list of magical abilities I could've had."

"What for?"

"Because I could really use a smoke right about now." She grumbled, looking away from him and crossing her arms.

Kili resisted the urge to make conversation with her over the next few hours, but something tugged at the back of his mind and he knew he would have to speak to her eventually. Danika was always so chipper, even if she _was_ sarcastic most of the time, but this cloud that loomed over her head… it looked like she'd given up.

"Talk to me." He finally said, leaning over and pulling her wet boots from her feet. She looked like she wanted to object to the action, but then nodded in thanks and rubbed her tired-looking face. "Tell me what you're thinking." He said, nudging her with his elbow.

"Why? So we can _bond_ some more?" She grimaced.

"Mostly because you're in a funk and you can't go through the rest of the story like this."

"Why does it even matter?" Danika whispered.

"Don't talk like that." Kili said firmly, leaning in front of her face so that she could see his stern expression. "Don't even think like that. You had so much hope when this all started, where did it go?"

"That was before…" Danika seemed to let the sentence die.

"Tell me what you're thinking," Kili insisted.

With a heavy sigh, Danika's fidgeting hands fell to her lap. "I just feel so violated."

"Because you got a little tipsy from a cursed stream?" Kili joked, but his smile died when her face continued to show defeat. "You can't let that stop you from what we're doing here."

"How do you do it?" She shook her head at him. "How do you keep going on like this? I was an absolute idiot back there, laid bare for all to see in my sing-song glory!"

The muscles in Kili's jaw clenched. "Because for every horrible story I have to endure, there's always a good one, too. I've been so many places, married the love of my life over and over again, even enjoyed getting to know my father when he's supposed to have died… yeah, sometimes it's rough, but there's always something good to look forward to."

A bit of light returned to Danika's eyes and she scrutinized Kili as he smiled at her and spoke on. "These stories are like a wheel that's spinning around—there's highs and lows, but eventually they'll turn away from one and move to the other." And then with a smirk, he added, "How many times to people get to fall passionately in love with someone? Once? Twice? Babe, I've done it a lot more than that and it was real every single time."

"You're such a player." A tiny smile cracked on Danika's lips.

"You bet," He winked at her. Kili didn't consider himself to be a "player", especially when a majority of the time the woman he was paired with was his "true love", erased and replaced as the stories went on, but whatever made Danika smile and stop sulking was gold. A small part of his brain lingered on the question of whether or not they wanted to resist the story anymore, but he shoved it away, satisfied that Danika was smiling again and not wanting to burden her with something that would certainly set the drama spinning again.

They both jumped, startled, as a bundle was tossed into their cell. Kili hadn't seen who had thrown it, but there on the floor was a rolled up cloth, tied with string. He approached it cautiously, nudging it with his toe and then leaned down to assess what it was.

"What is it?" Danika asked warily.

"It looks like a tunic and some pants," He cocked his head at it curiously as his fingers worked to untie the string. "Yep, these are for you." Kili tossed the clothes at her, palming the small fire-starter stone that had fallen out of the folds.

"What's that?" She nodded her head at the rock in his hands.

"For making a fire." He smiled, wrapping up the string and reading the small note at the end of it. "Still want that smoke?"

"Yes, please," Danika grinned widely. "I'm gonna need to dress first, though… think you could—"

"Looking away," Kili said as he turned away from her and stood at the bars of the door. He flipped the note over in his fingers and looked out once more at the guards on duty. Still no Tauriel. Did the she-elf even exist? She was essential to a certain bit of the story if the writer was still following the movies: he'd be getting shot in the thigh pretty soon and if she didn't show up to heal him in Laketown... but, no- Danika could heal him.

"There was a note," He murmured to Danika, listening to the sound of her dripping apparel hitting the floor.

"What's it say?" Kili heard her ask.

"It says: give my love to Bofur."

"To Bofur?" Danika mused, finally clothed in the dry shirt and pants and coming alongside Kili. "Who's it from?"

"I dunno." Kili shook his head, eyes searching once more.

"What are you looking for?" She asked, setting herself once more on the bench.

"Nothing," He answered quickly, not wanting to worry Danika over something he wasn't even sure would happen. Maybe no Tauriel meant no arrow. That would be blessedly welcome, he inwardly laughed. Turning and walking to the bench, he produced his pipe and a small tobacco pouch, packing the cup with a few leaves and scratching the fire stone against the wall. Sparks flew in all directions, but he caught one in the pipe and blew on it, sending it smoking in seconds.

One satisfying and wispy puff later, he offered the pipe to Danika, but drew it back suddenly as she reached for it.

"I'm only sharing on one condition." He said with a grin. Danika looked up at him expectantly with her arms crossed. "There's probably no way for me to say this smoothly," Kili's brow crinkled, "but I never want to hear you sing again."

Danika's eyes widened and then she burst into a guffaw, holding her sides and not caring about how boisterous her laughter was. Kili enjoyed her reaction; a part of him was sure she would have been offended at the joke, but he realized he should know her better than that. She wasn't exactly conventional…

"I am so sorry you had to endure it in the forest," She said as she snorted in laugher. "I promise that I will NEVER sing for you again."


	10. Splash Mountain

.

**I**

**HOW TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 10 – Splash Mountain**_

* * *

_Fearless was my middle name, but somewhere there I lost my way_

_Everyone walks the same,_

_expecting me to step the narrow path they've laid_

_They claim to walk unafraid_

_-"Walk Unafraid" First Aid Kit_

* * *

_"How Come You Never Go There" Feist_

* * *

Kili was starting to doze off when Danika tried to start another conversation.

"Kili?"

"Mm?"

"Do you think it was Bilbo who gave us the bundle with the note?"

Kili shrugged. "Probably was. I heard the footsteps, but I didn't see anyone."

"Then why do you think he wrote, 'Give Bofur my love'?"

He shrugged again. "Honestly, I'd rather not think about it…" he trailed off, hoping for a quiet moment.

"Kili?"

Inwardly moaning, the dwarf rose from where he had been lying on his back against the stone bench. Danika stood beside his shoulder wearing a panicked expression.

"What is it?"

"We have a really big problem," She said, biting her lip. "There's something important missing…"

Eyes widening, Kili wondered if Danika had realized the absence of Tauriel from the story as well, but as he was about to open his mouth, Danika cut him off.

"There's no bathroom in here." She said with a little whine.

Oh. Yeah, it'd be about time for something like that to show up.

He couldn't help but let out a little laugh, but immediately regretted it when he saw the lass's desperate expression. "Well, you can call the guards and beg them to let you out or I can turn my back and you can rough it in here."

Danika looked at him with wide eyes and quickly flung herself to the barred door, calling out to the guards and begging them to let her out to relieve herself. Her hollering was answered by the grumpy sounds of dwarves interrupted from sleep, but the elves that were standing guard refused to speak. None of them even looked as though they took pity on her, standing at their posts with blank stares.

Smirking widely, Kili found he was unable to hold it back any longer and let out a loud burst of laughter.

"It's not funny!" Danika squealed.

"Do you want me to stand at the door and turn my back?"

"I am _not_ going to pop a squat in the corner of this cell. Everyone else will be able to look in and see!"

"No, they won't," Kili said, standing and walking to the door. "I'll be standing in front of it—walk as far back as you can and _no one_ can see you."

Danika bit her lip. "But you'll _hear_ me."

"Then I guess I can't help you," He snorted with a smile. "…and you'll have to mess yourself."

She only had long enough to let out an "eep" noise before their cell-door opened and the elusive Bilbo made his appearance.

"Oh, thank God," Danika said, sighing in relief with her hand on her chest and an eyeroll. Before Kili made it through the door, she smacked his shoulder. "Messing myself? You're disgusting."

Kili tried to keep his laughter down, but found it was unnecessary- the guards who had been standing on post had inexplicably disappeared, giving the freed dwarves a clear shot to the cellar.

When Bilbo explained to the lot of them that they would be climbing into barrels, Danika eyed Kili warily. "There's thirteen barrels." She whispered to him out of the corner of her mouth.

"Yes…?"

"Thirteen dwarves…" Danika waved a hand at them, obviously trying to lead Kili to some sort of conclusion, but he was having trouble following her logic.

"Yes, and then there's you and Bilbo," Kili said with a raised eyebrow. "And your point is…?"

"Do you mean to tell me that I don't get my own barrel?" Danika whispered with heated frustration.

"I thought you knew that." Kili mumbled, climbing into a barrel just as the others did. "Get in!"

The half-breed seemed to be hesitating, alternating between glances at the barrel and glances at Bilbo. Kili understood her reservations, but he also knew that they didn't have time to argue about it.

"Listen, Danika, you can either hang on to the side like Bilbo and get banged up in the process, or you can run along the side of the river with the orcs," He waved at the extra space in the barrel. "Or you can ride safely next to a body that will cushion you."

"Ugh!" She moaned, stomping her foot and climbing into the barrel with him. There was enough space that they weren't packed tightly together, but Kili could feel that she was trembling.

"It's going to be fine," He reassured her, waiting with closed eyes for Bilbo to pull the level and let the barrels fall.

"No, it's not," Danika grumbled, closing her own eyes and clenching her teeth together. "You said there wouldn't be anymore heights, but these barrels have to make it down the shoot before we get to the river."

"Sorry, I forgot about that," Kili rolled his eyes, realizing she was totally right and scolding himself for making his earlier promise without having thought it through. "It's just one drop and then we're in the water, okay?"

Danika seemed to be taking measured breaths, bracing for the motion of the barrels—which still hadn't moved, much to Kili's frustration. It was taking longer than was necessary….

"Bilbo!" Kili shouted to the hobbit. "Do it, already!"

The croak of barrels reached Kili's ear and he pushed his arms around Danika, enveloping her as best he could. "Here we go…"

* * *

_"Walk Unafraid" First Aid Kit_

* * *

Danika felt terrible for Kili's ears. She was unleashing a terrified scream as their barrel dropped into the water below and was certain she had deafened the poor dwarf before they even struck the wet surface. His arms were wrapped tightly around her, either for comfort or so that they both didn't slip out of the barrel—either way, the impact against the water sent Danika flying out of the barrel and under the surface of the river within the cave.

Well, at least the good news was that when Danika's bladder decided to empty itself out of pure fear, it had done so in the water and not in the barrel with Kili.

The bad news was that she was free-floating and the barrels were traveling _away_ from her. But instead of panicking, instinct kicked in and she pumped her arms and legs, swimming quickly to the first barrel she saw.

"Where's Bilbo?" She sputtered to Bofur-in-the-barrel, spitting out water and shaking the wet hair from her face. Bofur pointed upwards and they both watched as the hobbit dropped into the water.

Danika immediately swam from barrel to barrel until she found Kili's and climbed over the lip of it, dropping inside and peering over the edge with him. They dropped over a small waterfall, but the sight of it didn't scare Danika as much as she thought it would. Heights or not, they were riding along the surface of something, and she knew she could handle _that_. The whole thing reminded her of a water-ride at an amusement park.

"Look!" She pointed a wet finger toward the bridge over the water. The guards had already shut the gates under the bridge, halting the progress of the barrels. Thorin's had already clapped up against the bars of the gate and he looked murderously around at the other barrels that collided with his.

"This is like bumper-boats gone wrong," Danika grumbled. "How do we get the gates open?"

"I have to jump out and pull the lever," Kili moaned. Danika could see that he'd been hoping not to run into this situation again and felt a strong pang of pity for him.

"I was looking for something aside from that," She said in a voice that insisted Kili look at her. "Something else—there's got to be something else—" From behind her, she could hear the orcs gathering along the shore and the elves as they came to fight against the ugly creatures.

"That's the part that no one gets to see," Kili shook his head. "If I don't do it, Fili will." He paused while their barrel clapped against the collection of angry dwarves. "No one ever writes it, but I can see it. I _know_ that's what would happen."

"Then let him." Danika pleaded, knowing how harsh and pathetic it sounded. "You've done this enough- maybe it's his turn to-"

"Stop," Kili clapped a hand over her mouth, clenching his eyes shut and taking in a deep breath. "Whether he's following the overprotective prompt or just being a jerk, he's still my brother." Danika shuddered under the ferocious determination in Kili's now-opened eyes. "And I won't let him get hurt like that—especially when that's _my_ burden to bear, not his."

Danika really didn't want to admit it, but a swell of pride ran through her, knowing that Kili was being the better man—or dwarf. She recalled her first glimpse of Fili in the waiting room, endlessly making fun of Kili as he underwent the horrors of certain fan fictions. The guy was a douche and Danika didn't feel as though he deserved Kili's protection, but it wasn't her place to argue—especially when Kili was already out of the barrel and running toward the lever.

"Kili!" She heard Fili shout, and she watched his wide eyes as he noticed his brother on the bridge. Fili had apparently taken a weapon from an enemy that had come too close, throwing it at an orc that threatened to attack Kili from behind.

Danika clung to the lid of the barrel, hoping and praying that the story wouldn't take a turn for the worse.

* * *

_"Everybody Wants to Rule the World" Lorde_

* * *

Danika watched as Kili came closer to the lever, reaching out for it with both hands and pulling down with strength. She was beginning to feel hopeful—maybe they could make it through without anyone getting hurt!

But the thought came just as she heard the sickening_ thunk_ of an impact on Kili's flesh, audible despite the cries of the dwarves and the rush of the river. Danika winced and grit her teeth when she saw that the arrow had completely missed his thigh—

—and struck his lower ribs instead.

"Kili!" Everyone seemed to shout in unison. Danika wasn't sure why, but she turned her head and saw an elf grappling with the orc that had shot the arrow. She was certain it wasn't Tauriel—the elf was moving too much, but Danika could see that he or she wore all black and bound their hair in a single, tight braid that whipped around as the opponents wrestled. The orc archer must have been ready to take his shot and had misfired as the elf took him on. The reason was irrelevant; Danika turned her head back to the bridge.

Kili had fallen to the ground and didn't look to be getting up.

"No, no, no, no, no…" Danika gasped, fear curling into anger. Clamping her hands down on the sides of the barrel, she hoisted herself out and jumped to the shore, running up the steps and pulling with her weight against the lever. She surprised herself by taking up a fallen weapon and hoisting it into the innards of an orc as he came toward them, roaring at him with a fury that made her arms and legs tremble with adrenaline.

"Danika!" Fili shouted from below with a hand on her wandering, empty barrel even as his began to move closer to the waterfall. "Get Kili!"

Danika scooped Kili into her arms, pulling with an inhuman strength and stepping over the edge of the bridge, allowing both of them to drop into the barrel below. A crack met her ears, and Danika scolded herself for not having pulled the arrow out of the limp Kili's chest before jumping—hoping that the cracking sound had just been the breaking of the arrow shaft and not one of his ribs.


	11. Overload!

.

**I**

**HOW TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 11-Overload**_

* * *

_They won't pay a cent to hear you laughing__  
__They might pay a little to hear you cry__  
__If you do it long enough__  
__They might even pay attention__  
__But they still won't pay respect until you die_

_-"Broken From the Start" John Foreman_

* * *

_"Rise" The Frames_

* * *

"Fili, is he still breathing, at least?" Kili could hear from far away. He felt as though he was drowning in thick, muddy water, except that he could still breathe. Oh, how heavenly breathing felt…

But that cramping in his side was abysmal. Maybe he should be stretching more before running all over the place.

Ouch. Nope, that wasn't a cramp—there was something _inside_ of him. Something sharp and barbed…

"He hasn't stopped breathing since the last time you asked." Kili heard his brother answer.

Where were they? They weren't outside, that much was certain… where they already in Bard's house?

Kili willed his eyes to open and his head to turn, but his muscles felt stiff, as though he'd fallen asleep days ago and was now moving for the first time. "Where?" He ground out, surprised by the rasp of his voice.

"Kili!" Instantly, a pair of blue eyes hovered above him. "You're alive."

"Not for long," Kili groaned, awakening to the fullness of his pained senses. He could feel the syrupy sensation of the poison running throughout him, chilling his feet and causing his legs to tingle as though they'd fallen asleep. "I think the writer wants to kill me."

Death didn't really scare the dwarf, he'd died countless times, only to reappear somewhere else and start the cycle all over again—but the deaths were usually gruesome and though he took comfort from his "immortality", he could still _feel_ pain. The arrow had hit closer to his heart and he was beginning to lose hope concerning his chances of survival in this story. The only reason he'd had so much time in the previous scenarios was because he'd been shot in the leg and there had been more distance for the poison to travel, but already he could feel it overwhelming him.

Kili shifted tentatively, hands brushing against linen and padding. This confirmed the dwarf's earlier suspicion that they were in Bard's house, but the timing of it was still surprising. He was about to ask how long it had been since their dip in the river, but his inner arm brushed against something hard at his ribs and caused him to gasp.

"Why do I still have an arrow in my side?" He asked with rounded eyes.

This time, Fili leaned over the dwarf and answered, "Oin says the arrowhead is stopping you from bleeding out—like a cork in a bottle."

"I keep asking them when they plan on taking it out, but they only tell me that we're waiting for something." Danika said with a roll of her eyes.

"Waiting for what?" Kili asked in frustration, locking eyes with his brother. "What's going on?"

"Just be patient," Fili patted Kili's arm, sending him a reassuring smile. But Kili could still see it—Fili was nervous about something.

Turning his head to face Danika again, Kili reached out to one of her hands. "Why can't you heal it?"

"I want to, Kili, but I can't," She said with a guilty expression, "I can't pull the poison out, I can only close up the skin and cutoff the only opening we have to treat it with athelas."

Groaning in frustration, Kili rubbed a hand up and down his face, wincing when the movement of his arm pulled at the barbed arrow. "Then find some athelas."

"I don't know the spell," Danika moaned, her breath hitching as her eyes began to fill with tears. "And I don't know where Tauriel is, I haven't seen her this whole time and I didn't want to mention it because I thought it would worry you." The half-breed shook her head. "I don't know what's going on, I don't understand—this wasn't supposed to happen! We were able to predict everything except for this, and now it's all bonkers! I don't know what to do—"

"First of all," Kili said, pulling on her hand with his. "Calm down. You're freaking out. Stop it." He waited for her sobs to quiet down, piercing her with determined eyes. "Second of all, that's where this becomes an adventure—we don't know what's going to happen next, but it certainly won't be boring."

"But I can't start an adventure with the death of my best friend," Danika muttered weakly.

Kili winced, surprised by how much that sentiment both thrilled and scared him. "We don't know if you'll have to, yet. Just keep your chin up—we have to press forward anyway, right? There's nothing else we can do, so let's keep going as though the world isn't coming to an end."

Danika nodded and shivered, letting out the last remnants of her sobs. Suddenly a tiny smile crept onto her face. "Well, this is strange. When did I become the downer and you become the optimistic one—where's the Kili I met in the waiting room?"

"Did you like that Kili?"

"No!" Danika held up her hands in disgust.

"Neither did I," Kili winked at her. "But this story's brought back a little hope for me."

* * *

_"What is Love" Kiesza_

* * *

As she sat on the side of the bed, Danika rested her hands in her lap, taking up one of Kili's and stroking the back of his hand absently. "Kili, what's your perfect story?"

"Hmm?" He had closed his eyes for a moment, but looked at her curiously. "You mean, like a fan fiction?"

Danika nodded.

His eyebrows rose and he sank his head back to the pillow, a thoughtful expression playing on his face. "I'm pretty sure it would involve somewhere green and beautiful. I know we dwarves are supposed to like the mountains, but I've never seen anything quite as comfortable as Beorn's house."

Smiling widely, Danika bit her lip, remembering how completely relaxed he'd been during their stay in the skin-changer's home.

"Of course," Kili spoke up, "it'd be that much better if I had Netflix and some modern food."

A burst of laughter left Danika's lips before she was ready for it and she displayed her manners with a lovely snort for good measure. "Really, now? What was your favorite food?"

"Mmm," Kili closed his eyes and smiled from ear to ear dreamily. "Pizza. With meat toppings. I don't understand why we don't have something like that in this world, it isn't even all that hard to—"

But he never finished and Danika watched his closed eyes clench together and his lip turn up in a grimace. Kili's body began to convulse and Danika could feel the panic rising in her chest.

"Fili, help!" She shouted, rising to her feet and hovering over the dwarf's writhing body, hand still clutching at Kili's. "What were we waiting for? You have to tell me!"

Already at his brother's side, Fili held Kili's other hand and pressed against the shoulder of his thrashing brother, keeping Kili from falling to the floor. Fili's eyes were full of agony, clearly distraught from watching Kili as the dwarf began to cry out and squirm against their touches.

"She's coming," Fili whispered. "She'll be here."

"Who's coming? Kili can't wait!" Danika shouted, her heart torn between the despair from hearing Kili's cries and the anger she felt over Fili's stubborn insistence for patience. "We need to do something _now_!"

"We will," said a voice suddenly from behind her, and Danika turned to face the tall body of an elf. "Stand aside."

"Tauriel?" Danika's mouth dropped open. She was paralyzed with shock and couldn't budge, allowing herself to be shoved aside instead.

"Took you long enough." Fili grumbled from where he stood, still hovering over Kili.

"I was obviously busy," The red-haired elf murmured. "You sent me to do too many things at once."

"Is he here yet?" Fili asked urgently, but Danika couldn't process their words, still paralyzed with shock and standing to the side, assessing the strange picture before her.

It was no wonder Danika hadn't recognized the elf from before—Tauriel wore black trousers and a black coat wrapped close to her body by a myriad of buckles, her hair pulled back into a single braid that ended just above her waist. She was chanting something and an herbal smell filled the room, causing Danika to sigh in relief as the realization dawned on her that Kili wouldn't be dying just yet.

But their conversation… "Fili, I don't understand what's going on." She said, clearing her throat.

"Wait," He held up a hand to her without taking his eyes off of Kili. "Is it working?"

"Yes," Tauriel answered quickly, rubbing a green paste into the gouge at Kili's lower ribs. Danika hadn't even noticed when they pulled the arrow out, but was thankful to see his limbs relax and his breathing coming out in throaty gasps instead of screams.

She never thought she'd seen anything so terrible as Kili's face when he'd been crying out, just as she'd never seen anything so relieving as his expression when Tauriel's herbs had begun to soothe the overwhelming hurt. Danika would have to admit it sooner or later—if the writer had only done one thing well, it would be how much she genuinely cared about Kili.

"It's gonna be fine, lass," She felt a hand on her shoulder and realized Bofur was standing behind her.

"Is it?" Danika peered into the miner's brown eyes. "Everything seemed so out of control until a few moments ago… and even now, I feel like I'm missing something." Her fearful expression gave way to frustration. "What does everyone else seem to know that I don't?"

Bofur threw his head back and his laughter filled the room, along with a few chortles from Ori and Balin.

"Lass—"

He was interrupted by a frustrated Gloin. "No, you don't! I put my lot in for tomorrow."

Bofur waved him off. "Well, things are really mussed, now that you've said something like that."

"What," Danika stomped her boot, "is going on?" But then she looked around and saw the expressions on the dwarves faces and she suddenly understood. "…All of you were in on it, too!"

"Aye," Bofur's eyes twinkled. "From the start, lass, we knew just as well as you did that this was a fan fiction."

Danika gaped at him. "Then why did you play along?"

"That was his idea," Bofur jerked his thumb at Dori. "We followed you through the door just after you and Kili agreed to muck up the story—we didn't think that was a bad idea, so instead of letting the two of you have all the fun…"

Danika's legs wobbled and her hand flew to her head. "I think I'm having a brain overload."

Quickly helping her to sit against a stool, Bofur stood in front of her with his arms crossed. "We took wagers on which one of you would be the first to notice and when."

Blowing out a steadying breath, Danika looked up at the dwarf and raised an eyebrow. "Who won?"

"Well, technically, Oin just did, but there's been some debate between him and Bilbo about the caves above the goblin kingdom."

"When I called you out on your dialogue!" Danika remembered, pointing a finger at him. "When you said something out of character and I told Kili about it."

"But you didn't act on it." Bofur smiled. "You let it pass and the rest of the story is history."

Danika spared a glance at the bed, satisfied to see a peacefully sleeping Kili. "Why didn't you do more to help him?"

"What? And make everything fluff and pillows for you two?" Bofur shook his head. "There's no chance for adventure if there's no risk involved. Besides," He nudged her shoulder with a knuckle, "You've done a fine job taking care of our boy, here."

"Not at the end," Danika ducked her head. "He almost died…"

"But he didn't." Fili called to her from beside the bed. He had moved to sit beside Kili on the bed, Kili's sleeping head leaning and nestled into Fili's leg while the older brother stroked soft fingers through the archer's hair. "So stop sulking about it."

* * *

**I'll bet you weren't expecting that ;) Think you know what's going to happen next? Guess again!**


	12. Warm

.

**I**

**HOW TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 12 – Warm**_

* * *

_I want to see the colours of another sky__  
__Carry me home on your shoulders__  
__Lower me on to my bed__  
__Show me the night that I dreamed about before_**  
**

_-"Mexico" The Staves_

* * *

_"Mexico" The Staves, Ethan Johns_

* * *

Sleep never came easily for Kili, so when pairs of hands were removing him from the comfort of Bard's lovely, warm bed, he responded with a growl.

"Come on, sleepyhead," He heard just before being lifted by a set of strong arms. Without opening his eyes, he knew who the arms belonged to.

"Uncle?" Kili groaned. "What's going on?"

"Hush," Thorin's deep baritone rumbled beside Kili's body; his head and knees draped over the dwarf King's arms like a child. "We're moving you somewhere safe." The sway of Thorin's arms with each step he took was lulling Kili back into a comfortable doze. "Won't be long, just rest. Everything is under control."

* * *

Danika found herself staring as Thorin lifted Kili from the bed. The archer responded with a grimace and a groan—or was that a growl?—while his seemingly boneless limbs melted over his uncle's arms. If she'd been a much larger, much stronger being, she would have taken it upon herself to gather Kili into her arms and protect him from the world like a small babe.

It was difficult to resist those urges when Kili looked so exhausted and beaten, a strange alternative to the pride and admiration she felt when the dwarf's ferocious side was unleashed—the powerful tide of fury that would lend his dexterous hands the strength and skill to fell any enemy that crossed his path, large or small. But _this_ Kili… he was so tired, and not just needing sleep. Surely, he had earned his rest ten times over and yet here they were, awakening him again to avoid the peril that seemed to follow him without mercy.

Following closely behind Thorin as they descended the steps from Bard's home, Danika peered at the horse-drawn cart in the distance. Laketown did not have an abundance of ponies or horses, but there were enough to make do—Dori's plan was working smoothly… so far. Now, they just needed to join the throngs of people who made their way across the bridge to land. Bofur was already sitting at the reins of a small cart, waiting for them.

"Where are we going?" Kili mumbled, head lolling and eyes fluttering open.

Fili climbed into the back of the cart, reaching out his hands to help Thorin lift Kili into the back with him. "We're headed to shore. Don't ask questions, just lie back." His brother answered, grunting as he lowered Kili to lay down against the wooden boards.

"Where's Danika?" Kili muttered weakly, scrambling to sit up as Fili settled himself beside the wounded dwarf.

Fili turned his head to face her, waving an arm at her. "There's enough room—are you coming?"

There was no point in refusing—Danika couldn't think of a reason not to join them, and even if she had, she wouldn't have listened to it. The story had gone wacky and while she was prepared to do what was necessary, a bit of her confidence had died down and it was getting harder and harder to deny that she felt safer around Kili.

Heaving upward with one foot on a wheel, Danika swung her other foot beside the two dwarves and plopped in clumsily. Kili, sitting between them, managed to sit up and rest his head against Fili's shoulder, reaching out to grasp Danika's warm hand with his cold one.

Turning her head to peer over the lip of the cart, Danika called to Thorin. "Bring blankets when you come," she reminded him firmly. "Loads of blankets." She was relieved when the older dwarf simply nodded at her, forgetting to take offense to the fact that she had just _told_ him to do something instead of _asking_ him. She scolded herself inwardly and reminded herself that story or not, he was still a King and had seen them through their hellish journey. "Please," She added a little late, but he smiled at the word and nodded his head again, obviously appreciative of the sentiment.

Scooting closer to Kili, Danika pressed her side against his after removing her jacket, laying it over him and hoping it wouldn't take them long to reach the shore. The cart jerked with sudden movement and they were on their way.

* * *

_Mmmmm_. Kili thought. _Warmth. _He hesitated to open his eyes, knowing it was possible he might awaken to something that would shatter his sense of peace, but he knew better than to blindly trust _any_ feelings of peace. They were always so fleeting…

A small twitch of his limbs told him he was sitting, propped up against something, but he was cocooned in so many blankets that the only sensation he was entirely certain of was heat.

"Are you awake?" He heard from directly behind his ear. Kili jolted a little and turned his head, realizing that the thing he was propped up against was Danika. She was sitting directly behind him on the ground with her arms around his shoulders, keeping him from falling to either side, and resting herself against a tree.

Well, if Danika was there and if they were wrapped up in blankets like a burrito, perhaps there wasn't _much_ danger to be concerned with… he couldn't help himself and sighed contentedly, letting his head fall back against Danika's shoulder and allowing his limbs to loosen again.

"Do I even want to know what's going on or where we are?" Kili asked dreamily.

"I can tell you, if you like," She laughed softly. "Or not. It doesn't really matter."

"It will matter if we're too wrapped up to run away from dragon-fire," Kili snorted, closing his eyes.

"That's not something you need to worry about." She snickered into his ear, her nose brushing up against his hair.

"Why not?" He tensed a little, confusion spreading through his mind as he regained some sense. "Has Thorin left us behind already?"

"Thorin hasn't left for the mountain." Danika answered, taking in a breath and squeezing her arms tighter around Kili's shoulders. He realized the action was meant to reassure him—he was resisting the urge to jump up and take charge of the situation, finding out why she was being so passive and why there didn't seem to be any danger… but Kili trusted the half-breed, knowing that she would have alerted him if he was really needed. For now, he allowed himself to melt into her warmth again, savoring the quiet moments while they lasted.

"I have to give you a huge amount of credit," Danika said as she patted his arm. "I would have been screaming to know what's going on."

"These moments are so few, though," Kili groaned. "I know better than to question them when they come. You'll let me know when it's time to start running again."

"Kili," Danika shifted, pulling at a blanket that had come loose. "What if I said you didn't have to run anymore?"

"I would say that's not a nice thing to dangle in front of me when we both know you can't really say it," Kili grumbled. He turned his head to look up into her face and saw her bite her lip.

"But what if it was true? What if we could offer you something like that?"

"Who's 'we'?"

"Thorin. Bofur. Dori, Or, Nori, King Thranduil, Bard, Beorn, Tauriel—"

"So, she _is_ here."

"Yes," Danika nodded her head. "We were so busy trying to defy the story that we didn't notice the rest of them playing along with us—but they've known from the beginning what was happening. And this," she pointed toward the shoreline, "is where they've all come together to change things."

"They knew?" Kili was having difficulty believing it, but there were so many strange things happening that it was just a drop in the bucket of his confusion. The dwarf rolled his eyes. "I feel like there's no point in trying to understand what's going on."

"There isn't," Danika chuckled. "Just sit back and enjoy the show."

"The show?" Kili's brows came together as his nose picked up a mouthwatering scent. "Is someone cooking meat?"

Danika nodded. "Have you had enough sleep? I'm sure you're hungry. If you can't stand, I can get something for you—"

But he was already digging himself out of the layers of blanket, hissing when the frigid temperature smacked sharply against his skin. It was a small blessing, he realized, when the arrow had struck him in the side and not the legs, for while his ribs were throbbing and ached, mobility would not be a problem. He felt a soft cloth over his shoulders, still warm from their body heat, and he turned to find Danika resting the blanket on him and smiling at him in a carefree expression he'd not seen since they had left Beorn's house.

"Does my lady need an escort?" He held out an arm to her with a smile, grinning even wider when she looped her arm through his.

"Why so chivalrous?" She blushed, reaching over his chest to stop the blanket from falling off of his shoulders.

"I'm not, I just don't know where the barbecue is and I'm being sneaky and asking you to lead me while I lean on you." He flinched a little when Danika laughed, bumping his injured side accidentally. It was worth it. She had the most un-lady-like burst of laughter, snorting and slapping at her knee, and it was a welcome characteristic, more familiar to him than the sweet little giggles of the refined ladies he'd always been paired with. Danika had been so very right when she'd said it before: he was her best friend—evident from her comfortable demeanor around him—and she was his.


	13. Summer in Winter

.

**I**

**HOW TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 13 –Summer in Winter**_

* * *

_"Fortunate Son" Creedence Clearwater Revival_

* * *

Danika walked beside the wide-eyed Kili, savoring his expression. One might have looked at the dwarf's furrowed brow and pursed lips and called him confused or frustrated, but Danika knew he was impressed.

They watched the spectacles along the shoreline and further inland: a group of the dwarves had taught some of the men how to play football and were tossing an oddly-shaped ball around, tackling each other into the dirt with vigor as the rules of the game became more apparent—elsewhere Bombur stood at a large fire-pit and cooked, having gathered the materials to create an ale-saturated barbecue sauce which scented the air enough to make Danika smack her lips—others were gathered around the barrels of ale and wine—most walked around with plates of food—Bofur and a smattering of dwarves and men were standing on a platform of rocks and playing music—and a few had even set up a lane for potato sack races. If it hadn't been the first days of winter, Danika might have mistaken the gathering for a fourth of July party.

Out of the corner of her eye, Danika could see that Kili was having trouble moving, his side obviously still sore. He wore a concerned frown. "Aren't they afraid?" He whispered to her. "Don't they know the dragon will be coming soon?"

"Yes. That's why they're here. To watch."

"To watch?" Kili gaped, incredulous.

Danika patted his arm. "Everything's under control." She assured him.

"That's what Thorin said," Kili murmured, ducking his head and holding his side as he followed Danika.

"If you're hurting, we can stop here." Danika offered, brows knitting together in concern. "And don't you dare say you're fine, or I'll knock you to the ground and make you stay there."

"Some nurse you are." Kili grumbled with a wince. "I'm sorry, I _do_ need to stop."

"Don't apologize," Danika shook her head, "and thank you for being honest." She scanned the area, taking note of the tables and chairs that had been hauled to shore—adding even more to Danika's notion of a fourth of July celebration—and guided Kili to an empty table, prompting him to sit on the bench beside it.

"Wait here, I'll be back in a flash!" She said, hands on the blanket over his shoulders and satisfying herself that it wouldn't fall again.

A few minutes later, she was juggling a few plates and a flagon, walking back to find Kili hunched over the table and resting his forehead against his arm. The tankard clapping down on the surface of the table made Kili jerk his head up and his mouth widened in a grin that went from ear to ear.

"Barbecued ribs, biscuits, beans, mashed potatoes, cheddar corn, spiced hot ale, and a heavy slice of cake." She announced with a smile, setting down the plates and waving her hands at the small feast.

Kili eyed the food with a heavy lust before dipping a finger into the cheddar corn and raising it to his mouth, licking it with a slow, savoring motion that made Danika's heart skip a beat. She couldn't really understand it, but refused to question the immense joy she felt in watching this haggard dwarf enjoy the warm meal.

"Hot ale," Kili licked his lips, raising the flagon to his mouth and taking a small sip. Tendrils of steam emanated from the cup and Danika delighted in the happy groan the dwarf gave from what she assumed was the heated contents pouring down his throat and warming him from the inside out. "Ohhhh, that's the stuff."

Danika was fighting the urge to clap giddily at the dwarf's response when he suddenly looked up at her and patted the space beside him on the bench. "Sit. Eat with me."

She moved around the table and sat beside him, suddenly frowning. With a mouth full of biscuit, Kili eyed her with confusion, startling when she pulled the blanket from his shoulders and brought out a knife. Cutting a small hole in the center, Danika sheathed the knife and rose to her feet, slipping the hole over Kili's head and smoothing the rest of the blanket out over his shoulders before settling down on the bench again.

"A poncho?" He smirked at her, crumbs falling over his chin.

"It wouldn't stay over your shoulders, it was driving me crazy." Danika said with a roll of her eyes.

"Thanks, mum," He elbowed her in the ribs, scooping up a spoonful of beans and moaning in contentment as he chewed. "Are you going to eat?"

"I already ate, but I'll pick at your cake if you don't mind."

Reaching an arm out to slide the plate away from her, he made a fake sulking expression, but then shook his head and chortled—as well as one could chortle without letting beans spill from their mouth—and slid it back to her. "I'll eat and listen—you talk: What's the plan?"

"You mean, the plan for the rest of the story? There's the complicated version and the easy version, which do you want?"

"The truth."

"Well, both are true, but we'll start with the easy one." Danika shook her head at him. "Thorin has had Tauriel running a few errands for him, so she's been running from place to place and getting things ready for a showdown."

Kili nodded and a sucking noise escaping his teeth as he worked at the barbecued ribs.

"King Dain and King Thranduil already took care of the army of orcs, Tauriel and the eagles killed Azog and Bolg, and now we're waiting for Smaug to appear."

"Is Bard going to engage the dragon?" Kili said with a burp.

"You pig," Danika snorted with a shake of her head, chuckling and offering Kili a napkin. "No, a sharper shot is standing at the wind lance."

"Sharper shot?" Kili accepted the napkin, wiping at the corners of his mouth.

"Legolas."

Kili guffawed, smacking the table as he laughed and bending over to clutch his ribs. "Okay, laughing isn't good for me right now."

* * *

_"Tell Me Where You've Been" Hotel Eden_

* * *

Fili stood beside Thorin on the shoreline, flagon in hand and drinking his third ale, when the sun began to set. It was nearly time for the dragon to appear and he found himself bouncing on his heels with excitement. Well, _anxiety_ and excitement. Dori had proven to be a genius, planning every one of their actions to the smallest detail and impressing upon the dwarves what an excellent mind the overlooked dwarf had. Glancing around, Fili realized that everyone else was aware of the time as well, gathering at the shore's edge and looking up into the sky expectantly.

He was nearly brushing shoulders with his brother, who had happily engorged himself to a fullness that relieved Fili. It secretly broke Fili's heart that he had to watch his brother die over and over again in these stories. Not once did the grief lose its potency, no matter how many times Fili was forced to grieve, though he did everything he could not to be overbearing about it, especially in the waiting room. He already had a reputation for being overprotective in the stories, but he knew it would be mortifying for Kili if he was hovering over him in the waiting room as well.

A small flare went up from the ruins of Dale, only slightly visible from where they stood, but it marked the coming of the dragon.

Fili couldn't help but clench his fists as the Great Worm slowly flew towards them, its wings catching the lingering light of day and reflecting that light back as they flapped. The closer he came was the more Fili's muscles tensed. _Oh, please let this work…_

The dragon unleashed a wave of fire from its mouth, spraying the water of the lake even before he had come close to Laketown, as though attempting to frighten its inhabitants. The inhabitants, Fili smiled maliciously, who had been evacuated a day ago.

Smaug's roar was powerful enough to shake the ground, but the cry that suddenly came from the beast's mouth became shrill and Fili had to cover his ears. As the screech died down, the dragon's body visibly dipped closer to the water and it became obvious that Legolas' black arrow had struck its mark perfectly.

When the dragon smacked into the water and submerged, it sent waves toward those along the shore, but a cry of victory erupted from the watchers, who only suffered a small spray from the lake.

They had done it. The dragon was dead! As if to confirm it, several pops and crackles accompanied flashes of light and Fili realized that Gandalf was setting off fireworks!

A cheer went up from the crowd!_ Smaug is dead! Smaug is dead! _Red, green, and yellow bursts of light exploded in the sky above them!

Caught up in their glee, Fili raised his arms in the air, roaring out at the dragon and daring him to return from the dead, arms shaking from the excited adrenaline.

Kili shook Danika by the shoulders, whooping and cheering. Fili caught the moment Danika and Kili's eyes met, laughing uproariously Kili suddenly mashed his mouth against hers, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. His lips muffled her squeak, but then she tucked her hands around his waist and the two of them were kissing and laughing all at the same time.


	14. Holiday

.

**I**

**HOW TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 14 – Holiday**_

_._

* * *

Kili pulled back from kissing Danika with an anxious expression as the crowd around them celebrated their victory over the death of the dragon.

"No?" He asked, trying to read her eyes.

"Well," Her face scrunched in thought. "Not _no_, just…" Danika shrugged, "not as much as before. Maybe the moment passed."

In all honesty, Kili was relieved. The romantic tension between them had been a writer's prompt and had built up over time, but now that they'd conquered the story altogether and had freedom to do as they wished…

"I mean, I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it," She said with wide eyes, obviously concerned that she'd offended him.

"Danika, it's fine," Kili laughed, reassuring her with a pat on her shoulder. "I know what you meant. I care about you; it's just not romantic anymore."

"Phew!" Danika exhaled. "I'm just—it's just—I love you, definitely, I'm just not _in love_ with—"

"I understand. Stop worrying about it."

"M'kay," she said, biting her lip and scrutinizing his face. "You're not just saying that to make me feel better, are you?"

"Stop saying 'just'," Kili snickered. "Danika, I promised you a while back that I would _never_ lie to you. That includes now." He peered around them and realized that people were making their way back across the bridge and into the untouched Laketown. "It looks like they're heading back."

"Since Smaug didn't tear the place down," Danika finished for him, turning to Fili and raising a hand for a high five. The dwarf recognized what she was doing and clapped his hand against hers, brushing her cheek with a peck of a kiss before joining the throng of dwarves that were gathering together to talk.

"So… where are _we_ going?" Kili asked nervously with a wince. Hesitant to say it aloud, Kili didn't relish the idea of sleeping outside on the dirt in chilly weather.

Danika seemed to read his thoughts and looped her arm through Kili's. "We're the guests of honor, silly. The dragon-killers. They offered us the best rooms in the town."

He realized that she had linked arms with him partly to direct him across the bridge and partly to allow him to lean on her—and for this, he was incredibly grateful. They obviously cared about each other, there was no shame in admitting it, but Danika was still comfortable making contact with him just as she had done before. And, old dog that he was – or, at least,_ felt_ after so many stories—he was too tired for another love interest and was content enough being close to someone.

And Danika was obviously happy in accommodating this; there was nothing to be done that she didn't do herself—from helping Kili to his guest quarters, to fetching him hot tea, to making sure he had fluffy, winter blankets and a change of clothes ready for the next day. He sank into a dreamless sleep, the tea heating him to his bones and the comfort of the bed soothing the aches of his strained muscles.

Kili was surprised when he woke the next morning in the guest-room bed—he'd expected the story to end and to have reappeared in the waiting room once more—with the light of late morning pouring through his windows. He wasn't sure what Danika had been doing while he slept, but he could dimly recall the voices of dwarves and the shuffle of paper.

No sooner did he open his eyes than Danika walked into the room with a breakfast tray bearing steaming food.

"Do I smell something sweet?" He sniffed at the air, stretching before he sat up against a pillow.

"You do indeed," Danika smiled, placing the tray into his lap. "Cinnamon rolls, sausage, scrambled eggs, and strong tea."

Kili's eyes widened. "I could kiss Bombur."

With fists on her hips, Danika made an affronted noise. "Then your thanks would be misplaced."

"Did _you_ make all of this?"

"I did," She smiled even wider. "I _am_ good for something," She said with mock haughtiness, beaming with pride as he stuffed a sausage into his mouth and chewed. When Danika dipped to sit on the bed, the movement jostled Kili and he winced, a hand flying to his ribs. "Oh," She hissed through her teeth, "I'm sorry, I forgot about that. I couldn't heal it up until we were sure the poison was out of your system."

"Please, tell me it's been long enough," He pleaded, setting the tray to the side and lifting his tunic for her to look at the arrow wound. The skin made ridges around the gouge, an angry red and pink, and he hissed when she touched it. "Your fingers are cold." He mock-whimpered.

"Oh, suck it up," Danika rolled her eyes, smoothing the rough skin with her healing powers and washing away all discomfort. "There. Good as new."

"I'm sorry, are we interrupting something?" They heard from the other side of the room. Both of them turned their heads to see Fili and Bilbo standing in the doorway.

"No," Danika answered in unison with Kili, who shoved Danika's hands away and lowered his shirt.

"We came to check on you lovebirds to see what your plans were." Bilbo snickered as Fili came to sit on the bed beside Kili.

"Not lovebirds," The two answered in unison again.

"Still?" Bilbo frowned. "Why? Why not? I don't understand!"

"We know you ship us, but it's not gonna happen." Danika said with a shake of her head, causing Fili to laugh and look at Bilbo with an "I told you so" expression.

"But…" The hobbit looked horrified.

"Okay, out!" Danika pointed at the door. Bilbo hesitated and Kili smirked when Danika rose to her feet, shooing the hobbit out with her hands.

"But…!" He objected, resisting her hands on his shoulders as she ushered him out the door. "But you complete each other!" Bilbo shouted before Danika slammed the door shut.

Kili attempted to say something, but he was fighting Fili's fingers for the last remnants of his scrambled eggs and the cushion of food in his mouth garbled his words.

"You're such a pig," Danika snorted with a grin, going to a dresser in the room and bringing out pages of paper.

"I said: what _are_ our plans?"

"That's what we're deciding right now," She answered, laying the papers on his lap. "These are all the locations Thorin has picked out for you to go on holiday."

Kili looked at her in confusion and there was an awkward pause before his brother shook his head and spoke. "That was a terrible way of explaining it."

Danika rolled her eyes. "Pretty much, the gist of it is this: we don't know how long the story is going to last, but we've done something we think will prolong it and Thorin is offering you—and the rest of the company—and opportunity to go wherever you'd like for a few months with the security of a few guards and whatever supplies you need."

"A vacation?" Kili rolled the word around in his mouth, stunned. "My brain understands what you're saying, but my belief is having trouble catching up."

Both Fili and Danika laughed and helped to spread out the papers on the bed. They were maps. Maps of several locations in Middle-earth.

"Erebor, Rivendell, the Shire—" Kili read the names.

"—That's where Sigrid and I are going." Fili pointed at the map of the Shire.

"You and Sigrid." Danika raised an eyebrow.

"Yes," Fili blushed. "Me _and _Sigrid."

Kili wasn't really surprised. They were often paired together and had good chemistry. Why not?

"Pick a place and I'll take care of the rest." Danika pointed at the papers when Kili reached out to catch her hand.

"Why are you doing all of this?" He assumed the answer was pity and it frustrated him.

"Because you deserve a break," She answered, dancing dangerously close to his suspicions, "and because I don't know what will happen to me when the story ends, so I'm keeping busy."

Oh. That. He felt guilty for not having considered it before, but as an Original Character, there was no guarantee she'd be in another story, thus when the rest of them appeared in the waiting room… it was likely _she_ wouldn't.

"This is the job I've been given," she said with a shrug, but Kili could see that she was masking an upset response. "I'm going to do it the best I can until it ends."

Where before he would have objected to assistance from anyone—and resented her for her sympathy—now he understood that he was really assisting _her_ by allowing her to take care of him. He smiled, nodding slightly to himself and releasing her hand.

"But I know where you really want to go," She said with a grin, pulling up a paper Kili hadn't previously seen. "Beorn's house."

"I'm not going to kick the skin-changer out of his house." Kili snorted.

"You won't have to—he's already left." Fili said. "He decided it was too close to Mirkwood and he didn't want to endanger his animals. He's leaving for the shire, too. There's quite a few of us heading there. Bilbo, Dori, Bofur and Tauriel—"

"Wait," Kili thought he hadn't heard him right. "Bofur and Tauriel. As in… as in Bofur _and_ Tauriel?"

"Ugh!" Danika smacked her forehead. "I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you. Apparently, they're a thing… and they've been one for a while… long enough that they had a daughter, and… well, badda bing badda boom, they're my parents." She waved a hand dismissively. "Half elf, half dwarf…"

Kili's brow furrowed and his jaw dropped.

"I know, right?" Danika sneered. "And you thought crazy story elements weren't going to bother you anymore…"

* * *

**We are soooooooo not even done yet! Don't you worry- just one more chapter of fluff (I think Kili's earned it) before the next adventure starts... in OTHER WAYS TO WRECK A MARY SUE: REVENGE OF THE CROSSOVERS!**


	15. Dun Dun DUNNNNNNNNN!

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**I**

**HOW TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_** Chapter 15 – Dun Dun DUNNNN!**_

_The reason I hold on, it's 'cause I need this hole gone  
Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving  
'Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving._

_Not really sure how to feel about it. Something in the way you move_  
_Makes me feel like I can't live without you. It takes me all the way._  
_I want you to stay_

* * *

_"Stay" A Girl and Her Guitar_

* * *

Kili brought his axe down on a piece of wood atop the old stump he used for a chopping block. The pile of firewood at his feet grew a little taller as time went on and he clapped his hands together, rubbing them for warmth, and looking out over the blanket of snow on the flat parts of the land. He was grateful for the fingerless gloves Danika had taken the time to knit, even if they were a bit uneven and frayed a little at the edges. Scooping up the load of firewood, he made his way back to the house, eyeing his repairs to the roof.

Fixing up the wooden structure had been a bit of a chore, but it gave Kili something to do—repairing roof shingles, tending to the two ponies Beorn had left behind for them, hunting, and the various other things that needed to be done. Danika had poured herself into making the house a home with a cheerfulness Kili hadn't seen in her on their journey to Laketown, but in the back of his mind he knew it had something to do with her uncertainty about whether the story would continue and they would wake up in the same place the next morning or…

Pressing his boot against the front door, Kili opened it without having to put down his load of firewood and stepped inside.

"Done already?" He heard to his left and he turned his head to see Danika painting something on the wall.

"There wasn't that much," Kili answered, setting the wood in front of the fireplace and kneeling to stoke the fire that was already burning inside of it. "I'll have to head out tomorrow for more, though." He rose to his feet, swiveling on his heels and realizing Danika was standing with an open blanket, beckoning him forward.

This had been her greeting to him the past week when he returned to the house—a blanket, a cup of tea, her ushering him to the chair beside the fire, and an account of what she had done during the day. Impressed with her ingenuity, he was always interested in hearing what modern adaptation she had made for their circumstances, whether it was something as mundane as knitting a scarf or something as difficult as making pizza.

Kili didn't care what anyone else thought—there was something to be said about "domestic bliss". There were only two things he was uncertain of, only one of which he was brave enough to talk to his companion about.

"Are you happy here?" He asked Danika one evening over dinner.

"Very," She answered as she sipped at her stew. "Where did that come from?"

"I know that you come from a different world than this," Kili said, handling the water pitcher and filling her cup when he saw that it was empty. "From what I gathered in the modern AU stories, you might be feeling 'stuck' here. Nowhere to go, nothing important to do—"

Danika held a finger up. "Do me a favor and don't assume you know what I'm thinking," she said in a soft voice, fixing him with a stern expression. "I can speak for myself—I'm very happy here. I mean, it's Middle-earth! And not everyone gets a chance to enjoy the simple life like this. Just because I'm playing housewife, it doesn't mean I feel oppressed or limited. I love it here. With you." She smiled at him.

Kili nodded, cheeks hot with a deep blush. "Good. You don't mind looking after an old dog?"

"Old dog," Danika snickered. "I know you think of yourself that way, but_ I _don't." She rested a hand on his wrist. "My favorite thing in the whole wide world is watching you 'come home'. I know that whatever it is you've been doing all day, you're coming in from the cold to a warm and comfortable place." Patting his hand, she took his empty bowl and headed for the kitchen.

The second thing Kili was uncertain about was the way Danika made him feel in moments like those. He was touched by how genuinely she cared for him, but he was also nervous. So accustomed to writer's prompts telling him what to do or how to feel, Kili couldn't fathom which emotions to listen to. He had promised Danika that he would never lie to her and believed that the rule applied to this—how could they be certain the writer didn't still have a grip on them? And with the frustration of being paired against his will from other stories still fresh in Kili's mind, it was hard to distinguish between what he wanted and what he thought had been planted. Maybe that's why his first kiss to her had been so hesitant…

Despite this, he had no trouble saying "I love you" on a regular basis, either in the evenings before they slept or when he was heading out of the house. Danika reciprocated the sentiment easily, answering back without a moment's hesitation.

"Kili," Danika's voice brought him out of his thoughts, "I don't really want to be a bother, but the fireplace is doing that smoking thing again."

"Oh," He groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. "You can take my bed tonight, I'll sleep on the…" But his voice trailed off as he took in her scowl. They'd already had a conversation similar to this and Danika had aggressively refused to let him sleep without a source of heat. "Nevermind," He amended, not wanting to start a fight. "You're free to join me, if you want." The offer was genuine and he hoped she wouldn't get the wrong idea.

Danika nodded slowly, eyes showing she was concerned about _his_ comfort with the idea more than hers. "Thank you."

After cleaning up in the kitchen and preparing things for the next day, they both settled comfortably into Kili's bed. The enormous mattress had been big enough to accommodate five dwarves, having been originally built for the towering Beorn, and causing Kili to feel as though Danika was leagues away from him.

"Where'd you go?" He whispered teasingly, reaching out for her, fingers grazing her elbow.

"Didn't know if you liked your space or not," She murmured with a small huff of laughter, scooting closer to him.

"You've got to be freezing over there, I know I am."

Kili felt the half-breed draw closer to him, snuggling her head into his chest and letting him throw an arm carelessly around her shoulder. She yawned comfortably, burrowing further into his chest and murmuring a 'goodnight' as her limbs seemed to relax beside his warmth.

Pressing a lazy kiss into her forehead, the dwarf's mind began to buckle under the sensation of Danika's closeness and he uttered words he had said so many times before, but this time with fervor and affection.

"I love you."

She must have noticed the difference in his tone because she raised her head slowly to look into his face, eyes asking if it meant the same as before. Kili's mouth twitched with what he hoped was a reassuring smile, waiting on pins and needles for a response.

He could feel it through his shirt when Danika placed a scorching hand on his chest, pressing against it—and he thought she meant to push away from him, sighing as he waited for the words of rejection, but was surprised when her hand was used instead to push her upwards, a small set of pliant lips meeting his.

The kiss was soft and patient with a small exhale and a smile, expressing thankfulness and agreement all at once. Their next kiss was just like it, shared in the doorway of their little home the next morning as Kili was leaving to hunt. Danika's fingers were on the dwarf's collar and she was speaking to him, but he couldn't hear her past the thrumming in his head.

"Please, Kili," Danika repeated herself, "come back soon. I've got a strange feeling."

"Mmm," He pressed his forehead against hers and smiled. "So do I."

"Kili," She whispered seriously, startling him with the fearful expression on her face. "I feel like something bad is about to happen."

"Something bad_ is_ about happen," Kili murmured, seeking her lips again. "I'm about to head out into a cold forest for hours instead of staying in a warm house with a lovely woman." He was relieved when his humor brought a small smile to her lips, but it quickly faded and Kili found himself frowning. "I'll be back as quick as I can. Just keep that fire going; I'll be chilled to the bone when I see you again."

"You're the loon that wants to go out in this," Danika snickered, waving a hand at the snow. "If you hurry, maybe I'll heat up a bath."

"Mmm," He moaned, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, reverting to non-word responses. "Maybe you'll join me?"

Seeing the flash of hesitation in her face, Kili shook his head, murmuring, "Sorry, I—"

"Maybe," She answered quickly, cutting off his apology with another kiss before pushing him away with her hands on his shoulders. "The sooner you leave is the sooner you come back."

That train of thought followed him as he made his way through the forest. He felt uneasy, walking into the trees, and couldn't shake the feeling of something terrible looming over him, just as Danika had said earlier. He wondered if it was a writer's prompt, but Kili wasn't certain if those even applied anymore.

"Old dog, old habits," He whispered to himself, keeping his mind focused on tracking his prey.

But the sensation lingered in his head and he couldn't fight it anymore, hauling the bag with a single goose in it over his shoulder and making for the house at a trot. Stomping his feet on the mat outside, Kili pressed against the door and let the bag slide from his shoulders as he stepped inside.

The first thing he noticed was that it was dark and cold, causing the dwarf to become alert.

Cold. It was _never_ cold when he came home, nor was it ever dark. They'd gone through their fair share of candles, but Danika always insisted on keeping things bright in the house.

"Danika?" He turned his head from side to side, slowly stepping further in. He could see the stable through the window from where he stood and her pony was still there.

Something beneath his foot made a crinkle noise and he looked down, dropping to his knees to scan the object. "Candy wrapper?" His brow wrinkled. He read the letters on the label. "Chocolate frog…" Kili's eyes went wide. "I know what this is! Where have I seen it…?" He stood and paced the floor, wracking his brain.

His eyes went wide. "Hogwarts…"

* * *

**Get ready for installment #2- OTHER WAYS TO WRECK A MARY SUE: REVENGE OF THE CROSSOVERS! The story is still very open to prompts, so if you have an idea, leave it in a review or as a PM and I'll see if I can implement it ;)**


	16. For Lack of Light and Warmth

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**II**

**OTHER WAYS TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

**-Revenge of the Crossovers-**

_**Chapter 1 -For Lack of Light and Warmth**_

.

* * *

_Listen to "My Body is a Cage" Peter Gabriel_

* * *

Fili could feel it deep in his bones as he walked onto his brother's property: Something was wrong. The snow had not been cleared from the pathway to the house—Danika would never have been so careless, so attentive was she to detail. And several of the lanterns had been blown down by wind—Kili would have repaired the damaged lights along the fence-line immediately, but judging from the amount of snow on them, they'd sat for many days without being touched.

Gripping Sigrid's hand firmly, Fili pulled her closer and scanned the area with a scowl.

"Fili?" She whispered beside him, sensing his alertness. "You're scaring me—what's wrong?"

"I don't know," He muttered, walking slowly along the path. "Just stay close."

Sigrid pressed firmly to his side and he wrapped an arm around her, eyes catching something red on the step of the doorpost.

_Don't let that be blood…_ Fili prayed, bending over to touch it. The dot of red didn't smear or flake, but proved itself to be paint, for which the dwarf was incredibly relieved.

"Kili?" He called, rising and cautiously opening the front door. Hearing no reply and letting his eyes adjust to the darkness of the unlit house, Fili's nerves rattled with adrenaline, debating on whether or not to keep Sigrid close or have her return to the wagon. But she fixed him with a fearful stare, guessing at his thoughts and pleaded silently not to be sent away from him.

"Kili?" Fili called again a little louder, stepping further into the house and grimacing at the staleness of the air.

"Fili, there." Sigrid whispered, pointing toward the fireplace.

His eyes caught no movement in the presumably empty house, but now that he squinted, he could see a dark outline resting awkwardly against the armchair beside the fireplace.

"Kili?" Fili whispered in a haunted voice as he drew closer. _Oh, please, don't let him be dead_, Fili prayed to the same powers that had answered his previous plea, hesitant to step close enough to tell—but Sigrid, bless her, was already kneeling beside the arm of the chair and pressed a hand to the dark dwarf's cheek.

"He's breathing," She sighed, allowing Fili to exhale. "But his skin is freezing."

Fili's mind was already forming a strategy and list of priorities. _Warm Kili. Secure the house. Scan the area and check with the guards on duty. Send a message to Thorin. _

"Sigrid, can you—"

"I can take care of him; do what you need to do." She nodded, already working over the wood in the fireplace. A surge of pride ran through the dwarf's chest, knowing he could depend on the beautiful woman who had automatically assumed care for his brother. Without question, she was already helping him to get control of the situation.

Bringing himself back to his objectives, Fili made a pass through the house, determining it to be safe before he stepped toward the front door. His senses alerted him to a presence on the other side of the door and he gripped the handle of his sword, muscles coiling in preparation to lunge forward. Jumping out and lining his blade with the throat of the newcomer, Fili took a breath as the dwarf before him let out a nervous laugh.

"Happy to see me, then?" Bofur stepped backward.

"Bofur," Fili breathed, sheathing his sword. "Something's happened. Where are the rest of you?"

"They're coming, just a little farther behind," Bofur's smile faded. "What's going on?"

"Kili's inside and I can't find Danika. There might have been an attack, but I don't see signs of a struggle…"

Enlisting Bofur's help, the two dwarves searched the area and addressed the head guard on patrol, surprised when the elf reported nothing out of the ordinary.

"You're sure?" Fili scrutinized him.

"There are more than enough of us to surround the perimeter—if something tried to slip past us, day or night, we would have seen or heard it." The elf defended firmly. Fili resisted the urge to argue and told the guard to spread the word that Danika was missing.

Returning to the house with Bofur, Fili felt a little more at ease in seeing Kili upright—though visibly drooping— in his chair with a blanket tossed over his shoulders, staring vacantly into the fire.

"Kili," Fili grinned with relief, coming to kneel in front of his brother. Kili made no effort to turn his face away from the flames.

"He hasn't said a word," Sigrid murmured from the kitchen, bringing a steaming mug of tea and bending over the arm of the chair to offer it to Kili. But the despaired dwarf shook his head, his limp hands resting in his lap.

Fili took the mug from Sigrid's hands, thanking her before she returned to the kitchen, and set the tea down on the low table beside the chair. "Kili, tell me what happened."

"Why are you here?" Kili murmured in a low voice, finally turning his head in irritation.

"You invited us for Christmas, remember?" Fili scooted so that he knelt closer, resting a hand on the dwarf's knee and scanning Kili's cloudy eyes. "Christmas. Danika told all of us to come."

"Christmas…" Kili repeated absently, resuming his gaze into the fireplace. "They celebrate Christmas, don't they?"

"Who does?" Fili asked.

"Those bloody wizards." He answered flatly.

Fili turned his head to look at Bofur, who stood behind them with a puzzled expression.

"This stew went bad a few days ago," Sigrid commented from the kitchen, pointing at a pot. "And I hesitate to call it stew—it's barely cooked."

"I can tell you right now, that lad's had nothing to eat but smoke and liqueur." Bofur wrinkled his nose, picking up Kili's dirty pipe from the floor and tapping it on the mantle of the fireplace.

"Where's Danika?" Fili asked insistently as he turned back to his brother. The dwarf winced, but made no other reply.

"Looks to me like she left." Bofur said quietly. "There's no sign of struggle here and he's obviously not dug a grave outside. Why else would he be drunk and smoking his brains out?"

"Bofur!" Sigrid scolded. "Danika wouldn't do that to him."

"She left," Kili parroted Bofur's words. "At least... it looks like she did. I must have scared her off and now she's run to another story…"

"Kili," Sigrid stepped out of the kitchen and stood beside the chair. "Danika loved you and would never abandon you."

Fili watched as his brother seemed to be considering the young woman's words, staring as Sigrid took one of his hands in both of hers. Something flashed in his eyes, as though the touch caused him to remember something.

"We visited you last month," Sigrid prompted, "I saw how she would welcome you home in those days—the first thing she would do was make sure you were warm and comfortable—she did that often, didn't she?"

"Every day," Kili answered with a shiver, wetness appearing in his eyes. "She never forgot… not even a single day." A tear rolled down the dwarf's cheek and he seemed to struggle with where to focus his eyes.

"So, why would she go elsewhere when she was so happy here?"

Squinting his eyes and pressing a tear away from them, Kili broke Fili's heart with the weight of his sad and confused expression. "I don't know."

Fili picked up the still-hot mug of tea from the floor and pressed it into Kili's frigid hands, startled by their chill but enveloping the younger dwarf's hands with his and forcing heat into the frozen skin.

"We're going to find her and bring her back." Fili said firmly, hoping beyond hope that his reassurances would reach his brother's ears. Kili finally looked at him, nodding weakly, and Fili understood why his brother refused to lock eyes with anyone—they were full of desperation and fear that brought out the deepest pangs of pity in Fili, inciting the ferocious desire to shield the shattered dwarf from hurt.

"I let my guard down," Kili whispered to Fili, jaw clenching and tears falling freely. "And now I'm paying for it. Had to endure through some of those stories when all they wanted was my blood. Had to bunker down and not let the cold and dark get to me, had to be stronger than that. And then _she_ came. She was light and warmth, and I let her in because I needed it. Oh, Fili, I needed it so badly," Kili ducked his head, resting his forehead against his fist. "And I let my guard down. Maybe she left or maybe she needs rescuing, but I don't even know how to find her. All I know is that it's cold and dark again and I'm not strong enough to withstand it. Not without her."

* * *

**Crying yet? Don't worry, laughs about to come!**


	17. Candy Wrappers and Socks

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**II**

**OTHER WAYS TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 2—Candy Wrappers and Socks**_

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* * *

Kili's dining table was surrounded by twelve dwarves, an elf, a hobbit, a human, and a wizard. It sounded like the beginning of a bad joke to Kili and it also reminded him of their gatherings at Bilbo's home in the Shire.

He only half paid attention to the conversation going on around him—they were analyzing the candy wrapper he'd found and discussing the possibilities of what had happened—and the other half of his mind was trying to recall the incidents of the last week. Those memories were extremely hazy, blurred by the drink he'd resorted to, but he could remember that the first mug of ale he'd had after finding Danika gone had been to keep him warm. The one following it dulled the pain of Danika's absence, but when sobriety struck the next morning, his loneliness came with it, heavier than before. And there had only been one solution to that problem—more ale.

"Kili," He felt his brother's hand on his shoulder, bringing him out of his thoughts. "Are you listening?" Kili shook his head and Fili spoke. "Gandalf is saying that there is a way between the stories—a way to 'forge' crossovers. Someone came from another story and took Danika back with them."

This made Kili's ears perk up. "So, she didn't _join_ another story? She was _taken_?"

"There's no doubt in my mind," The wizard clasped his hands together on the table. "She couldn't have initiated the crossover. She was coerced into leaving, otherwise she wouldn't have left us a note."

"Note?" Kili's eyes widened. "What note? I searched the house—"

"I suspect she was being watched while she made it and left peaceably with them," Gandalf said as he rose from his chair, moving to the wall beside the fireplace. He waved his arm at the mural Danika had been painting, but Kili could not see what the wizard was referring to.

The painting was a black and white sketch-style outline of a woman's face with a masquerade face-piece over the bridge of her nose and the top of her forehead. As Kili went to stand beside Gandalf to scan the art, he felt a pang of guilt. Danika had been so excited about the paints Kili made for her and even more excited when the dwarf asked her to decorate their home however she chose. He remembered her saying that she'd almost finished with the mural—happy enough with black and white, but ecstatic when he'd surprised her with a small pot of red paint.

"I don't see it. What note are you talking about?" He murmured in frustration, crossing his arms. Gandalf pointed down and Kili could finally see a smudge near the bottom of the wall. A cluster of cherries dripped with red, one of the streaks falling all the way to the floor… and written in delicately small letters, almost the same color as the floorboards, was a name.

"Neville?" Kili whispered, kneeling to touch the painted letters, as if assuring himself they were real. He shot back up and looked the wizard in the face. "Neville! Neville Longbottom from Harry Potter, that's got to be it!"

Where gravity had been tormenting his heavy body before, now Kili felt life returning to his arms and legs. "How do we do it, Gandalf—How do we follow them?"

Gandalf raised a hand to hush the dwarf. "We need to think this through, first. If not done properly, there could be consequences."

"Forget the consequences!" Kili shouted. In reality, he had not used the word "forget", but another "f" word entirely. "I've been an effing idiot and wallowing when I should have been following after her!"

"Kili, please," He felt a soft hand on his shoulder and turned to see Sigrid's calming eyes. "No one's trying to stop you." She turned to Gandalf. "You _do_ know how to travel between stories, don't you?"

"Yes," Gandalf nodded. He glanced at the dwarves who were still at the table. "But I do not think it would be wise for _all_ of us to come. This is Kili's quest," He said with a smirk, "Let him decide the members of his own company."

Kili hoped the groans from the dwarves were because of the bad joke and not fear of being picked for his "quest".

"Mithrandir, I'd like for you to come," Kili stated the obvious, walking to the table where the other dwarves sat. "And… Uncle, if you don't mind—"

"Of course I don't mind," Thorin snorted with a faint smile.

Kili locked eyes with his brother and Fili nodded, no words necessary for the two to agree.

"But I'd like you to take the burglar as well." Thorin added. "He's the only one that can safely wield the Ring."

"Which you still have, by the way." Bilbo held out a twitching hand. Thorin removed a chain from around his neck and dropped it into the hobbit's palm.

So _that's_ how they'd prolonged the story, Kili realized. The One Ring in Thorin's possession was a dangerous game—fiction or not—but it caused enough questions that the story could not end suddenly.

"How do we do this?" Fili asked, repeating Kili's earlier query.

Gandalf rested himself into a chair at the table, drawing in a slow breath and preparing for what Kili guessed was a long explanation. "We need to have an object belonging to the fiction we are travelling to—something very specific to that universe. We also need to bring something with us that represents where we've come from, in order to get back. All members involved will need to touch the object while speaking a phrase from the universe the object belongs to."

Kili was trying to dissect this information when Bilbo spoke, forehead wrinkled and hand resting on the table. "Let me see if I understand—we're leaving bread-crumbs and taking breadcrumbs?"

"Well, I wouldn't have said it so concisely as that, but yes," The wizard tipped his hat to the hobbit.

"So we say a quote while we touch the wrapper," Kili nodded his head. "And it will take us to the Harry Potter universe."

"Yes."

"Any quote?" Kili was having trouble remembering anything from his time in those crossovers…

"Like, 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good'?" Ori piped up—

—and promptly disappeared!

"Oh, Ori," Dori smacked his hand against his forehead. "He was holding the wrapper."

While he never would have admitted it out loud, Kili felt a bit guilty that he was more concerned with losing the wrapper than Ori. "What do we do now?"

For the first time since Kili had known the wizard, Gandalf slunk back into his chair and shook his head with a deadpanned expression. They looked around at each other, too shocked to say a single word.

_What do we do now?_ Kili repeated in his head.

"You said there was a way to 'forge' crossovers," Kili said urgently. "How do we do that?"

"It takes a great amount of power—something_ I_ do not have in abundance." Gandalf muttered quietly.

Just as Kili opened his mouth to say something else, there was a flash of light and Ori reappeared.

"Hello, there," A small voice came from behind him, and Kili suddenly saw that a small, blonde-haired girl was standing close to the shocked dwarf with her hand on his shoulder. "I think this is yours."

"Luna?" Thorin stood from his seat with wide eyes. "Luna Lovegood?"

"Hello, Thorin," She nodded with a wink, as if it were a perfectly normal thing that she should be there. "I had a little chat with poor Ori, here, and it seems as though he got a bit lost."

"I'm sorry, Kili," Ori whimpered, tossing the wrapper onto the table—which Kili immediately swiped and held onto as though his life depended on it... which, it did. "I didn't mean to—it was an accident—I was trying to—"

"There, there, now," Luna patted the dwarf's shoulder. "I'm sure your friend will—"

Another flash and they were joined by another person, appearing beside Gandalf—this time it was a young man with dark hair and precarious front teeth. "Luna, what do you think you're..."

"Neville," Kili growled, stomping over to the lad and reaching out a strong hand to grip Neville's collar. "Neville Longbottom."

"You all have such strange names." Bilbo shook his head.

"Says the hobbit called Bilbo Baggins." Luna snickered, tossing her blonde hair back and completely ignoring the rough manner with which Neville was being handled.

"Tell me what you've done with her!" Kili shouted in the face of a cowering Neville, who raised his hands in surrender. "Why did you take Danika?"

"He made me do it," said the nervous boy with a glance at Luna, as though she might come to his rescue, but the girl continued to stand beside Ori and watch them with interest. "I didn't want to, but he possessed me and made me come here. It was like I was sleep-walking…. I remember, she was talking to me." Neville's eyes watered as he looked up at the dwarf, begging for forgiveness. "I think she knew—knew it wasn't me, that is. She told me everything was going to be alright, even when I made her come with me. As soon as I got back to my own story, someone with a red hat came and took her from me. I don't remember what happened after that."

"Who made you do it?" Kili growled, shaking the frightened boy.

"_Him_." Neville whispered fearfully. "You know… _he who shall not be named_."

Kili released his grip on Neville's collar and took a step back, more pensive than afraid. "Why would Voldemort want—"

"Shhh!" Neville hissed, holding his hands over his ears.

"We're not in that universe anymore," Luna cocked her head at him. "It wouldn't matter if you said it here."

Neville rolled his eyes, dropping his hands in embarrassment and righting himself. "He said something about a favor, but I didn't understand what he meant."

"You heard him speaking?" Thorin asked from the other side of the table.

"You know how villains are," Neville said with a sigh, bringing up his hand to open and close it like a mouth. "They like to whisper and carry on as though everyone knows what they're talking about."

"A favor?" Kili pressed a hand to his temple. "What does that mean? A favor to who?"

"It was a favor to a dark power, I know that much," Neville said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I just assumed he was blathering on about something in our universe… but now I'm starting to think he meant—"

"Sauron," Gandalf said with a heavy weight in his voice and everyone turned to face him. Kili's heart dropped when he started putting together the pieces of the puzzle and the wizard spoke on. "We took away his army of orcs, we rid the misty mountains of goblins, we struck down Azog and Bolg… but as long as the ring exists, he still has power enough to summon other servants," He looked Kili in the eye, "or _allies_."

Bilbo groaned. "This is getting out of hand, what are we supposed to do now?"

"We follow the trail," Gandalf said simply. "If Sauron wanted her killed, he wouldn't have gone to the trouble of capturing her." The wizard's gaze had not broken from Kili. "He means to draw us after him."

Kili nodded, realizing that there was now more at stake than just returning Danika to their story. Sauron wanted a climactic ending.

"Then we do as he wishes, for the moment," Kili's jaw tensed. He looked at each of the faces he had asked to come with him. "Are we ready to leave now?"

They all nodded in unison and Luna came to stand beside Neville, catching his hand in hers and reaching out to touch the candy wrapper as the rest of them leaned forward to do the same.

Kili realized they were all expecting him to speak, but his mind was bursting from all that he'd learned. He winced and shook his head, hair falling into his down-turned face as he struggled to think, but then felt the small hand of Luna on his arm. Her face was soft and sympathetic, smiling at him in encouragement.

"Could you…?" Kili's voice was gravelly and she nodded, her soft voice uttering the words that enveloped them in a flash of light.

"_That's a curious thing to keep in your sock_."

* * *

**We're off to Hogwarts! As always, if you have a suggestion for the story, don't hesitate to leave it in a review or PM! And thank you to Booksnake for your prompts for this chapter :)**


	18. Snogging

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**II**

**OTHER**** WAYS TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 3 – Snogging**_

.

* * *

"_Madness" Muse_

* * *

Kili felt a sickening tug at his innards before he was blinded by a flashing light- he wanted to throw up his arms to shield his eyes, but they were stuck in place and he was struggling to breathe. While the moment passed quickly, he was terrified to realize this was the sensation of transporting between worlds. In an attempt to ignore his nausea, Kili twitched his finally-working fingers and looked at their new surroundings.

Stone walls, stone ceiling, and a strange column in the middle of the room with rounded walls. It slowly dawned on Kili that they were standing in the abandoned first-floor girls' bathroom—but why, he couldn't put his finger on.

Thorin, Bilbo, and Fili stood closeby while Gandalf was already taking a step away from them with Luna and Neville. Fili looked the most confused and Kili had a sneaking suspicion of why.

"You've never been in a Harry Potter fan fiction, have you?" Kili raised an eyebrow and grinned at his brother.

"Not that I can recall," Fili answered with an upturned lip in disgust. Even someone who hadn't been to Hogwarts could take a good guess at the room they were standing in.

Shaking his head, Kili turned to Neville. "All right, then, show us where you took her."

"Took her?" Neville glanced at Luna, who seemed content to be standing extremely close to a smug-looking Thorin. "Oh! You didn't mean _her_," he pointed at the blonde girl who winked at Kili's uncle, "Sorry, I—nevermind."

Kili's brow furrowed. "Eh?"

"They've been snogging." Fili muttered with a snort. Everyone turned to look at him. "What? I don't have to know anything about you to see why we're in _here_."

"I think someone's here." They heard a whisper from the third stall behind Thorin.

"Great deduction, genius." A door swung open.

"Hermione?" Thorin said with a wry smile and a slight lick of his lips.

"Thorin." Hermione nodded at him as she leaned around the corner of the stall with an equally amorous smile.

"_Thorin_?" Ron's head appeared, eyes widening as he looked back at Hermione, suddenly understanding that something had happened between the two. He was clearly intimidated by the thought that he was competing with Thorin.

"_Hermione_?" Luna's hands went to her hips and she took on a very uncharacteristic scowl, turning to Thorin and shoving his shoulder.

"Thorin?" Neville moaned into his hands, eyes misting as he looked at Luna. He obviously couldn't compete, either.

"Luna?" Hermione growled jealously at Thorin.

"Thorin!" Ron reminded her, waving a hand at the majestic dwarf.

"Ron?" They all heard from the second stall, followed by the door opening and Harry Potter's head popping out. "Hermione?"

"Harry," She nodded tersely, acknowledging him before turning her head back to the dwarves and crossing her arms.

"Thorin?" Harry looked at the dwarf.

"Thorin?" They heard from behind Harry. Out came the head of a ginger. "Thorin!"

"Ginny." Thorin smiled sweetly.

"Thorin!" Luna and Hermione shouted angrily together.

"Fili," Kili's brother added helpfully, raising his hand to indicate that he was the dwarf that the name belonged to. "And this is Bilbo." He clapped his hand on the hobbit's shoulder—but Bilbo looked as though he didn't want anything to do with it.

Kili was biting his lip and clamping his eyes shut, waiting for the awkward moment to pass before he spoke again. "Great, now that we all know who was paired with who, can we get on with this?"

"Yes, let's," Ron was pulling at Hermione's shoulder, but she was busy throwing eye-daggers at Thorin.

Gandalf looked exceptionally uncomfortable and made for the door with Fili following close behind.

"Does that mean no one's here for me?" They all turned their heads toward the ceiling, where Moaning Myrtle floated. No one said a word, but the group from Middle-earth quickly shuffled toward the door and slammed it shut.

"Unbelievable," Fili said with a shake of his head. "Are there _any_ stories that aren't about smut?"

"Quite a few," said an old voice from behind them. "But even the best of adventures don't always get many reviews or favorites."

"Dumbledore." Gandalf breathed in relief, reaching out to shake the wizard's hand.

"I don't understand," Bilbo cocked his head to the side. "Why wouldn't the good adventure stories get many reviews?"

"Because most people don't read fan fiction- they don't think it will be any good." Dumbledore said with a shrug. "They think the only stories worth reading are the ones you can buy in a store. But I think," He said, leaning down to be level with Bilbo, "the best stories are the ones that haven't been written yet."

Kili rolled his eyes. Did _all_ wizards enjoy speaking in riddles? "We're not really here to discuss fictions."

"Oh, but I think you are." Dumbledore countered. "I think someone has been tampering with them—more so than usual." Turning to Luna, Dumbledore whispered something in her ear and she responded with a nod, turning to leave. "Mr. Longbottom, I believe, knows who stole your friend."

"The dark lord," Gandalf said, gripping his staff. "We suspect that Sauron might be trying to join forces with… _others_."

The headmaster shook his head. "We have to follow the trail to find where they are gathering, but that means we need to find the servant first."

Kili looked at Neville and then back to Dumbledore. "_He_ said that it was a man with a red hat, but that seems to be our only clue."

"And not much to go by," Fili grumbled. Neville drooped with guilt, glancing unhappily at the dwarves and wizards.

"Are you sure it wasn't a red fez?" Dumbledore asked with a knowing smile.

"A fez?" Neville's head shot up. "Yes! Yes, it was a fez! How did you know—?"

"Like that one?" The old man pointed at a decorative deer-head, mounted on the wall… with a curious looking red hat perched on its brow.

"Yes!" Neville practically jumped with excitement. "That's the one… but what's it doing up there?"

With a word and a pointing of his wand, Dumbledore brought the fez closer and examined it. "This is not from our universe." He uttered, handing the hat to Kili, who tentatively took it. "Someone is leaving us clues..."

A fez? And another universe? What was going on?

Kili glanced up just in time to see Dumbledore and Gandalf sharing a look that said they had suspicions of what this might mean. Kili was stumped. It seemed the more clues he found was the more confused he was getting. But Fili sensed his brother's frustration and reached out a hand to his shoulder.

"We're going to figure this out." Fili comforted. "We're going to find her and bring her back."

Remembering Sigrid's reassurances, Kili recognized that these were borrowed words and understood that Fili was just as confused.

"Thorin," Kili handed him the hat in a pleading voice. "I don't understand."

Rolling the fez around in his large hands, Thorin's brows knit together in thought. "Gandalf, who does this belong to?"

"Who, indeed," Gandalf laughed, drawing a snicker from Dumbledore.

"He means Dr. Who." Bilbo said with a roll of his eyes. Kili and Fili turned in confusion to him. "Are you telling me you haven't been in a Whoniverse fiction?" They shook their heads. "You're certainly in for a treat."

"Does this mean we're leaving?" Thorin asked with a raised brow. "That didn't leave Fili with the best impression of Harry Potter."

"I'm certain you'll have a chance to see it better when you get back." Gandalf laughed.

Kili frowned at the grey pilgrim. "The way you said that—you're not coming with us, are you?"

"I'm afraid I will have to stay here," Gandalf said, apologetically. "But you understand well enough how this works, I'm sure you'll do just as well without me."

"How can you… Gandalf, why? I'm confused enough as it is, why are you making this harder?" Kili said, rubbing his temple and biting back at the overwhelming chaos in his head.

"I understand, my lad," The wizard laid a large hand the dwarf's shoulder. "I cannot tell you why I have to stay, not yet. I wish I could, but this work that you've begun is bigger than you realize and it's imperative that you keep going—this isn't just about rescuing a companion anymore. The fate of the fiction world is at stake."

Thorin grumbled something about the obscurity of wizards, but Gandalf ignored him. "Trust me, Kili. I promise you that all will come to light—there _will_ be answers. But the less you know is a safeguard against the villains in the shadows."

Kili hated that Gandalf was making them press on without him.

He hated that he didn't understand what was going on.

He hated that he had to wait for an explanation.

But most of all, he hated that Danika didn't seem to be the main goal anymore, at least not for Gandalf. She still was for Kili, though.

"How do we proceed?" Thorin asked, handing the fez to Bilbo.

"You have something of the world you are travelling to," Gandalf nodded at the fez. "And now you need something from this world to take with you."

"And I have just the thing," Dumbledore smiled. From around his neck, he pulled the Time-Turner necklace. "For a similarity between worlds."

Kili blew out a breath and clenched his fists. "Bilbo? I've never been to the next world, do you know any quotes—?"

"You leave that to me," Bilbo said with a wink.

Kili, Fili, and Thorin reached out to touch the Time-Turner as Bilbo looped it around his neck. "Are we ready?"

Everyone nodded.

"Alon—sy!"


	19. More Confusion

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**II**

**OTHER WAYS TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 4 – More Confusion**_

.

* * *

"_Radioactive" Dual Sessions (Vintage Chic 100) –or— Imagine Dragons_

* * *

Danika had the strange sensation that she was floating. Was she in a boat? She couldn't tell; it was pitch-black. Pressing her hands against the floor, she could feel the texture of aged wooden planks, aligned tightly at the seams… but Danika could see a bit of light through the knot holes and wondered why a light source would be below her instead of above her. Maybe she had lost her sense of direction. Maybe she was dizzy. Maybe—

"Hello?" She called out. A part of her was afraid and didn't want to call attention to herself, for fear of what her captors might do, but a deeper instinct said she was going to have to face them sooner or later.

No answer came and she tried to stand, but the ground beneath her shook and she stumbled back to the floor with a grunt. The feeling of floating felt all the more real and Danika hoped very much that she wasn't trapped inside of a box that was resting on water. There was a strange, airy, whistling sound…

"Hello, there!" Danika called out again, reaching out a hand where she supposed a wall was and felt iron bars. A cage. She was in a cage. But what was beyond the bars that was stopping the light from coming in? And if it were a cage, then how was it balancing on water?

Reaching past the bars, her fingers brushed against a thick fabric. Curiosity got the better of Danika and she found herself tugging at the fabric, wondering if she could pull it down to get a better look at her surroundings.

The fabric gave way a little and she could feel that it was resting over the top of the cage. With a stronger pull, the fabric began to slide down until its own weight and gravity did the work for her. Having gone from darkness to bright light so suddenly, Danika was blinded and clenched her eyes shut, holding her hands over her face.

When her sensitivity to the light eased, she opened her eyes and stopped breathing.

Daylight was at her back and shadowy darkness loomed in front of her- she could see blue sky and wandering clouds to the side, though the direction she was facing showed the mouth of a cave about fifteen feet from where her prison hung. She realized with horror she was sitting in a cage dangling over an abyss so deep that the mist covering the ground made it seem endless. A glance upward revealed that the cage was held in place by a rusted hook. The ceiling of the cave reached out further than the floor so that the gap between her and solid ground would have been too difficult to jump despite the fact that her bars were spaced wide enough for her pass through them.

"Not water, I'm hanging in the air," she whispered frantically to herself. There was movement on the flat ground across the gap from where she hung and Danika realized she was not alone.

"Where am I?" She shouted at the person she suddenly recognized as an orc. What else could be so ugly? "What do you want?"

The orc was sitting on a large stone, bent over something he was eating, and turned his head to glance at her, but refused to answer.

"What do you want?" She repeated, trying to suppress the desperate fear clamping down on her heart and restricting her breath.

Again, the orc made no answer, but snickered and resumed picking at the food in his hand. Danika realized it was a bone and gulped. She slunk back to the center of the cage, knowing there would be a better chance of her causing it to fall if she was constantly moving around in it.

"Oh, Kili," she whimpered, bending her knees and taking her face in her hands. "Where are you?"

* * *

"_Occupy Your Mind" The Villagers_

* * *

"Bilbo, where are we?" Fili asked after the sickening sensation of transport had eased.

They were inside an oddly-lit room, circles and beams littering the walls while a pillar of technological contraptions rested in the center.

"Who are _you_?" The wide eyes of a man in a striped suit darted from Kili to Thorin and then from Bilbo to Fili.

"That's him!" Neville suddenly brushed past Kili. While Fili was surprised to see Neville among them—they hadn't brought him with, had they?—the confirmation the boy gave as he pointed at the man in the striped suit was enough to make Fili pass over it.

"At first I thought it was someone from our world, but that is most definitely him." Neville said as though he were out of breath.

Kili unsheathed his sword, stepping closer to the man and pressing the blade against the chest of his suit. "Either you have a doppelganger, sir," Kili pressed the point of the sword a little harder, "or you are to blame for the disappearance of a young, blonde lass."

With a roll of his eyes, Fili came to stand beside his uncle, knowing that Kili's tactic of interrogation wasn't exactly subtle.

"Excuse me?" The man held up his hands, his pointed hair a perfect pairing to the surprised expression on his face. "Are you talking about Rose?"

"Rose Tyler?" Bilbo stepped forward. "Has something happened to her, too?"

Fili could see that Kili was beginning to get aggravated and snorted. At least, now his brother understood why he'd been so disgruntled in the Harry Potter Universe. They were in new territory and Bilbo was busy fraternizing with what Kili understood to be the enemy. The hobbit was motioning for Kili to lower his sword, which the dwarf complied with reluctantly.

"I left her with a copy of myself in the alternate universe after Bad Wolf Bay. I can't communicate with her, but for some reason the Tardis has been picking up a signal and giving me a visual of her. It shouldn't be able to do that."

Fili had no idea what the man was going on about and looked at Bilbo in frustration, hoping the hobbit would fill them in.

"Kili," Bilbo stepped beside the dark-haired dwarf and waved a hand at the man. "This is the Doctor. And we're in a space-ship."

"This," Thorin sneered, looking up at the ceiling, "is a space ship?"

"Please," Bilbo begged, glancing quickly at Thorin, "Don't get him started."

"What's wrong with the Tardis?" The Doctor looked incredulous. "She's sexy!"

"Getting back to the matter at hand," Bilbo cleared his throat loudly. "We've got a missing companion, too, and we found evidence and a witness who says it was you."

"Really now?" The Doctor shoved his hands into his pockets and nodded. "That's interesting—where's this evidence?"

Handling the red fez, Neville held it up to show the Doctor, but when he reached out to take it from the boy, Kili pulled it out of his hands. "We'll need that in case we go to another fan fiction."

"Well, it's not mine." The Doctor shook his head.

"What do you mean 'it's not yours'?" Fili put his hands on his hips.

"I can't believe this," Bilbo whispered, smacking his head. "This is all wrong." He crossed his arms and tapped his foot. "You're not supposed to be the Tenth Doctor, the fez belongs to Eleven!"

"Bilbo, you know we have no idea what you're talking about." Thorin grumbled.

"Sorry," Bilbo took in a steady breath. "The Doctor is an alien—"

"_You're_ the alien!" The Tenth Doctor interrupted.

"—and whenever he dies, he regenerates—he, er, resurrects into someone different. That hat," He pointed at the fez, "belongs to the man _this_ man will turn into the next time he dies."

Though Fili did his best to follow Bilbo's tale, he felt queasy with confusion and had to sit down on the floor to catch his bearings. Thorin looked down at him and patted his head, a reassuring gesture that Fili would rather his uncle hadn't done as it made his head hurt worse.

Kili blew out a breath and closed his eyes. "Bilbo, I'm trying not to lose my temper, here, but I have no idea what's going on and I need to you to answer my next question as honestly and concisely as you can. Is this man a villain?"

"No!" Bilbo smirked, shaking his head. "I can assure you, the Doctor is as trustworthy as they come. In fact, he might be able to help us."

"Are you certain?" Fili raised an eyebrow, scrutinizing the tall man in the striped suit.

"Evil doesn't wear converse," The hobbit muttered, snickering at his own joke. He turned toward the Doctor. "I have to apologize for my friends, but we've been through quite a bit and we're just trying to find our lost friend."

"I gathered that," The Doctor eyed Kili with a look of wariness that melted into sympathy. "You said you lost a blonde lass?"

"Yes," Kili answered in a gruff voice, his jaw muscles clenching. "And this boy, here," He pointed at Neville, "says it was you who took her."

"I swear to you, I've taken no one," The Doctor replied. "I'm only searching for my own lost companion."

Something that looked like recognition flashed through Kili's eyes as he stepped closer to the center console. "Is that your Rose?"

"Yes," The doctor stepped closer to a screen, pointing at it in anger. "And she's not supposed to be where the Tardis says she is."

"That's Danika." Kili nodded at the screen, pursing his lips.

Disbelief hung over Fili, but as he rose to his feet to join his brother beside the screen, his eyebrows rose and he nodded. "I don't know how, but you're right."

There sat Danika, frightened and alone in a wide, barred box hanging over the ledge of a mountain. Sitting on a safe surface was an orc, in plain sight, as though he was waiting for something or someone.

"This is the girl you're looking for?" The doctor's eyes widened. "How is it that we're looking for the same person, but with different names?"

Thorin moaned. "We'd need a detective to sort this out, we're getting nowhere."

"Detective," Fili muttered under his breath, "We'd need…" And suddenly he had a thought. Turning to Kili, Fili took his brother by the shoulders and grinned. "We need to visit another universe."

"No, no, please," Kili groaned, a hand flying to his forehead. "Every time we do this, it just gets stranger and stranger."

"We've got too many clues and we don't know how to sort them," Fili said firmly, looking to Thorin to back him up. "You want to find Danika, don't you?"

Kili glanced at the screen again and Fili saw the pained wince pass over the dwarf's face.

"Thorin was right," Fili said, gripping his brother's shoulders tighter. "We_ could_ use a detective. And who better to solve this puzzle than Sherlock Holmes?"

* * *

.

**Don't worry, this WILL be resolved! Either tonight or tomorrow ;) **


	20. Tea with Sherlock

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**II**

**OTHER WAYS TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 5 – Tea with Sherlock**_

.

* * *

"_I Remember" Saint Saviour_

* * *

I, John Watson, have been amazed. It isn't often that this happens, even when my best mate is Sherlock Holmes, but it was a day of significant marvel.

I was sitting at the desk, uploading a new entry to my blog when my eyes strayed to the window. I frowned, turned my head to look at Sherlock, and then leaned a little further toward the glass to get a better look.

"We have a new case," Sherlock beamed at me, obviously reading my expression.

"Er, I think so," My brow furrowed and I watched the odd men as they entered the building. The sound of heavy boots could be heard, as well as the fast tapping of someone lean and quick. It cannot be entirely owed to Sherlock that I have good ears, but I'll give the man credit for fine-tuning my ability to make sense of the sounds I hear.

I watched as Holmes' eyebrows rose and knit together, listening to those same sounds, and then we both turned to face the door and take in the sight of the strangest group I have ever seen.

Into the front-room walked three short men, who stood closely beside each other, each wearing features that marked them as related, and each with a majestic bearing on their thick-limbed bodies. A tall, thin man with spiked hair stood beside them, looking around the apartment and nodding his approval. There was also a younger lad with dark brown hair and slightly pudgy cheeks who seemed bewildered by everything he saw. But it was the last of the six strangers that caught my attention: despite his short height and curly mop of hair, as well as the costume-like attire he wore, I was mystified to see my face reflected back at me on a living creature.

"Well, this is awkward," The shorter fellow remarked, looking me up and down.

"You seem to be running into a number of awkward situations today," Sherlock smirked, settling down in his chair with that know-it-all expression which normally bothered me, but not this time…

"H-have a seat," I waved at the couch and the two chairs beside the desk. Two of the three shorter men sat down on the couch while the third, dark-haired one seemed to hesitate—but at a glance from the obviously older man, he nodded and joined them. The taller man sat at the desk, eyeing Sherlock curiously, while the younger lad stood by the door, shaking his head at me nervously to indicate that he was not in a mood for sitting.

"Watson, I think our guests would like some tea." Holmes said, bringing me out of my stupor. I jolted out of my staring and practically flew into the kitchen, anxious to be present when everything was said. Every nuance of our guests intrigued me.

"I'm assuming some of you are new to this, so let me explain how it works." Sherlock said, grabbing the arms of his chair and turning it to face them all better. He leaned forward with his hands together on his knees. "I will ask you questions and you will give me as concise answers as you can. I'd like as many details as you can give without being superfluous or unnecessary. Is that understood?"

I turned my head away from the kettle to look at them and saw that they all nodded, all except for the older man, who looked as though Sherlock was wasting his time. I could tell from the way he held himself that he was a man of great importance and was not accustomed to being told what to do.

Sherlock leaned even further forward and looked very pointedly at the man who had hesitantly sat beside the other two. "Tell me what went missing."

"Introductions," I coughed into my sleeve, peeking at Sherlock out of the corner of my eye. He snorted and rolled his eyes, nodding and putting on a fake smile.

"I don't need names, I've got the relationships figured out."

Tea-tray in hand, I sent him a reprimanding scowl and apologized quickly to the three on the couch.

"You," Sherlock pointed at the dark-haired young man, "are the reason everyone is here—you haven't slept well in some time and there's evidence of alcohol and tobacco on your beard and shirt, but you keep your gloves, boots, and jacket in good condition which means that your dirty shirt and other lack of grooming isn't a normal behavior, so you're obviously trying to drown out sorrow over something that is only recently lacking. I'm guessing you've lost some great treasure or—" Sherlock pressed his hands together under his chin.

"—a woman. Definitely a woman. You—" He pointed at the blonde, "are obviously the concerned brother, bearing a subtle resemblance to these two, but mostly because even though you're definitely out of your element, you're willing to help out in any way you can. And from the way you hold yourself and the condition you keep your clothes and hidden weapons, you're in training for something important, which brings us to you," Sherlock's finger pointed at the next man. "I'm guessing you're their father, although I haven't quite made up my mind, but you're definitely a relative due to the strong likeness. You also have a bearing that just reeks of grandeur, though the evidence supports that you have also had something important taken from you, probably a leadership position."

Holmes then turned his attention upon the taller man, sitting in the chair behind the desk. "You are not a relative, you are not even a friend, judging from the way you walked into the apartment with them, your seating, and the detached expression you wear, as though they're more of an irritant to you than anything else—but you have something that they want, something they can't find anywhere else, and you're tolerating them until each has what the other needs."

The young lad blew out a breath. "That's brilliant. Do me—what can you tell about me?"

"Boring. You're a witness." Sherlock waved him off and the lad's shoulders seemed to droop.

I cleared my throat, knowing Sherlock hadn't quite understood what I meant about introductions. "Well, for starters, I'm John Watson. And your names are—?"

Everyone turned their heads to the older man, who took in a frustrated breath. "I am Thorin, these are my nephews—"

"Not father, but related." Holmes shrugged his shoulders.

"—my nephews, Fili and Kili. This young man is Neville. That man is The Doctor. And this," he waved a hand at the small fellow whom I hadn't seen sit down on the floor beside the couch, "is Mr. Baggins."

"Bilbo." Mr. Baggins nodded his head, seemingly at me.

There was a curious bit, in all of this, when I had the overwhelming urge to ask not _who_ they were, but _what_ they were. Apparently, I wasn't alone in that observation because Sherlock addressed it head-on. "And you're not from London."

Thorin shook his head.

"Or from England."

Again, the man shook his head.

"Or perhaps even the same universe."

The teacup in my hand threatened to fall after my fingers loosened, but I caught it at the last moment, ducking into my chair and shaking my head. "I'm sorry, what?"

"No," Thorin answered Holmes. "We are not. We are from a different story entirely."

I might have choked on my tea, if I had been drinking it, but because I wasn't, my sputter came from a dry throat and everyone looked at me with concern. "Sorry, sorry. I'm afraid I don't understand."

"John," Sherlock called my attention to his very serious face. "Fiction. They're from another fan fiction."

"Oh." I suddenly understood. And yet, didn't. "Wait, what do you mean _another_?"

"Later." My friend said, turning back toward our visitors. "Dwarves and a hobbit, but I can't place you." He pointed at the tall gentleman who'd been indicated as The Doctor.

"Timelord." The Doctor answered with a sigh.

"Ah." Sherlock clapped his hands together.

Neville uncrossed his arms. "And I'm from—"

"Boring." Sherlock said, coming to sit on the coffee table and eyeing the one named Kili. "Tell me about her disappearance."

Kili no longer looked surprised that my friend could read him so well, but instead looked depressed, ducking his head and complying with Sherlock's rule of being concise. "She was supposed to be home, but when I came back from a hunt, she was gone. No sign of struggle, nothing out of place except for a streak of paint across the floor from the mural she'd been painting on our living room wall. I found a candy wrapper from Neville's world and I assumed she'd left with him, but then a friend pointed out that the streak of paint sat beside a name. We saw it as a clue and our friend took us into Neville's world."

"Why did you take her?" Sherlock turned to Neville and the lad looked as though he were shrinking under the gaze of my detective comrade.

"I was possessed." The lad stammered. "It wasn't my fault, the—Lord Voldemort—he made me come to get her and bring her back, but I could see and hear everything going on like it was someone else. That's when I got back to my own world and someone else took Danika off my hands."

Danika. So, we had a name for the woman at the center of all of this.

"Who took her from you?"

"Him," Neville pointed at the tall, skinny man, who held his hands up and shook his head.

"It wasn't me, I swear it."

"But that's not the reason you're here—you wouldn't willingly accompany those who accuse you of kidnapping." Holmes narrowed his eyes at The Doctor. "What is it _you're_ missing?"

"A companion. Her name is Rose."

"Two missing female companions." Sherlock tapped his fingers against the table he sat on.

"Oh, and they look alike," The little man, Bilbo, mentioned.

"The women?" Holmes glanced at Kili and then at The Doctor. They both nodded. Swiveling his feet around the table and sitting to face The Doctor, Sherlock scrutinized the man. "A Time-lord losing his companion, that happens quite a bit, doesn't it?"

"Not like this," The man shook his head, crossing his legs. His footwear caught my attention. Out of all of them, this man was the only one dressed normally—or rather the most normal, as I couldn't understand why someone would be wearing a pinstripe suit with converse in such a casual manner.

"We were separated," The man continued. "I had to leave her in an alternate universe with no way of seeing or speaking to her ever again."

"Then how did you know she's missing?" Holmes asked.

"Because my 'space ship' picked up a transmission showing her in _their_ world," he pointed at the three on the couch.

"I'll ask you again, how do you know she's missing?" Holmes repeated. The six of them looked at each other in confusion. "This man—Kili—has an _actual_ disappearance on his hands, but you have no way of verifying whether or not your friend is truly missing from her universe. It's likely that either they're the same person or you are mistaken."

"How can they be the same person?" Kili asked with a confused look. I can sympathize with that expression, I wear it myself quite often.

"Why do John and Bilbo wear identical faces?" Holmes offered a hypothetical question. "Characters get recycled, actors start in different fandom movies, and so on. But the only confirmed absence we have is Kili's friend, so I'm more inclined to think she is less likely the Doctor's companion."

More of their adventure was told and while Sherlock peppered them with questions until he looked as though he knew enough to form a theory.

"Doctor," Holmes rose to his feet.

"Hm?"

"No, John, not you—The Doctor." Holmes pointed at the man in the suit. "Doctor, the Tardis, is it safely hidden?"

"How do you know about the Tardis?" The Doctor said in surprise, rising to his feet.

"I know all of you, all of your fandom," Sherlock said with open hands. "What's better is that I know why you're here."

"We came to see you," Neville murmured.

"No," Sherlock said slowly. "You were directed here. The Tardis can move between universes easily—and stories, for that matter. And as you've been walking through doors, you haven't been closing them behind you—someone means to follow the breadcrumbs you've been leaving…"

"Who?" Said the tall chap in the converse.

"The dark lord." Kili muttered, looking gravely at his brother and uncle. "We defeated the dragon and threw back the armies he would have used. We made him desperate for another fighting force…" and lifting his head up to look at Sherlock, the dwarf's face was full of guilt. "And now we've given him a way to move through the fan fictions..."


	21. Crouch's explanation

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**II**

**OTHER WAYS TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 6 – Crouch's Explanation**_

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* * *

"_Teardrop" Jose Gonzalez_

* * *

Danika had fallen asleep—how, she didn't know, but it might have had something to do with her sitting as still as possible and having nothing to do for hours and hours—and startled awake to the sound of a rock smacking against the platform she lay upon. Glancing around, she found that her head had cleared enough from her nap to make better sense of her surroundings.

Across from her was a cave in the side of a mountain, the ceiling of which stretched out to hang her barred platform by a hook, though the floor of the cave ended far from her so that she hung over nothing with a gap between her and a solid surface.

Danika's eyes strayed to the abyss of the gap—it couldn't have been further than ten feet across, but it was miles and miles downward—and then she looked over to the firm ground where the orc had been sitting. There was no longer an orc, but a tall and skinny man in a long, black leather jacket with unkempt brown hair. He looked familiar, but Danika was too startled by the way he stared at her maliciously to form a thought.

"Comfortable?" The man asked with a strange lick of his lips.

The action caught Danika off-guard and she was suddenly very grateful for the gap between her and the flat land. In her mind, the lick seemed to forebode some disgusting fate on her part…

"You're Barty Crouch," She pointed at him, eyes widening.

"Junior," He corrected, crossing his arms in amusement.

"From… Harry Potter?" Danika looked at him with a quizzical look.

He nodded.

"What do you want?"

"I want you to tell Kili to come."

Kili.

Why were they after Kili? What could Crouch possibly want from him?

"He doesn't know where I am. He probably doesn't know how to get here." She knew it was foolish to say aloud—a trap was useless if their intended prey couldn't find it!—but she was already fearfully affected by the placement of her cage, hanging over an endless abyss, and she wasn't able to filter her words before she said them.

"Him and his motley crew already followed the false trail we left behind. All it took was a candy-wrapper and a fez to get them started." Crouch smirked. "It's amazing how simple it was—they just ran right after it."

"Why are you telling me all of this?" She narrowed her eyes at him. "Idiot-criminals give their monologue about 'The Plan', I thought you were smarter than that."

"Well, normally, you'd be right, but I need you to look terrified—it will make Kili get here quicker." He licked his lips again. Despite how often he did it, Danika became more and more unsettled each time his sharp tongue darted out of his mouth. "If I tell you that you've been accessory to the downfall of fan fictions everywhere, it might help things along."

"Telling me your tactic doesn't seem very smart, either." Danika crossed her arms.

"We'll see." He nodded with a grin.

"So, what's the rest of the master plan?" She yawned. "Kili comes after me, blah blah blah, I get it. But that seems like too much work just to lure a dwarf in."

"No, we don't want the dwarf." Crouch shook his head. "We want the hobbit."

Bilbo. Danika's heart dropped. No, not Bilbo… "What for?"

"The Ring. Sauron can't take form and come into the fullness of his might unless he has the Ring, and Voldemort can't come here until that happens."

Danika's eyebrows rose and she resisted a relieved smile. "Bilbo doesn't have the Ring."

"You're right, he doesn't, we checked." Crouch nodded, pursing his lips. "But he knows who does. He doesn't have many attachments to use as motivators, but I'm pretty sure your dwarf would be able to convince Bilbo to come out with the Ring when he sees that we have you."

"Do you really think Kili would trade me for the One Ring?" She asked incredulously. "Maybe you don't know him as well as I do. And that still seems like you went to too much effort for one thing."

"Two," Barty Crouch Jr. held up two fingers. "The Ring and the Tardis. We'll kill two birds with one Danika-shaped-stone."

"I'm confused," Danika said in irritation, wondering how all of this was supposed to make her scared if she didn't understand it. "Firstly, why would The Doctor show up here with the Tardis? And secondly, what in the world do you need a time-travelling spaceship for when apparently you've already opened up a pathway between Middle-earth and Hogwarts?"

"That's _one_ pathway, and it took the combined power of Sauron and Lord Voldemort to make it—the Tardis can open up several with ease." He rose to his feet, brushing the dirt off of his knees. "And to answer the first question—you're obviously familiar with Dr. Who, so you have to know already that you look like his companion."

"I'm not a red-head," Danika threw her hands up in the air. "So unless you gave me polyjuice potion while I was asleep—"

"Not that one. The one before." Crouch shook his head at her. "Rose Tyler."

Oh. Danika couldn't argue against that—she even remembered the few times when someone pointed out her likeness to Rose, though she really hadn't made anything of it until now.

"The Doctor brings the Tardis, Bilbo brings the Ring," Crouch licked his lips at her, but it wasn't a darting motion like before. This time it was slow, causing Danika's skin to crawl. "You were a marvelous stroke of luck. Sauron will have the Ring and become whole again, The Tardis will allow him and Lord Voldemort to move through the fictions and recruit other allies, and the whole fiction world will fall under their rule—all because of you."

And as much as she tried to resist it, the train of thought he led her to was working to make panic rise in her chest. Although she tried to persuade herself that it was just a story and wasn't in the real world, a wiggle of her toes in her shoes and the feel of the breeze against her skin told her that the world she existed in was very much real—at least to her. There might be some solace in knowing that the damage of the villains would be limited to the inside of the story and no further, but Danika could not deny that it frightened her very much to be stuck in that chaotic bubble while it happened.

Danika's breathing increased as she thought of the friends she had made in Middle-earth and what they would suffer on her behalf, when she realized it would also affect the characters in the other stories as well—the ones she'd read about but had never met: the Harry Potter universe, The Doctor Who world, and whatever others these dark lords would lurk into.

"I won't call him," She said, _hoping_ that her last act of defiance might be enough, but considering that her efforts were probably useless. "I won't say a word to Kili."

"I don't need you to." Crouch said with a blank face. His smiles before had made Danika nervous, but now his expression was numb and that scared her even more. The previously chatty Barty Crouch Jr. was completely silent now, having done his work of planting fear in her head, and was now moving to do something else with his wand.

Pointing at a boulder beside him, a burst of green was emitted from the wand and a circular picture churned to the stony surface, not unlike a television screen. The image was blurry for a moment, swirling and rotating, until it became clearer and showed a moving picture of dwarves, a hobbit, and humans, all aboard the Tardis. They were looking down at a console, oblivious to the fact that they were being watched.

And then Crouch pointed the wand at Danika and she ducked down to her knees, taking her head in her hands and anticipating the pain she was certain would come.

But it didn't.

Agonizing seconds ticked by in which Danika felt nothing and she was afraid to look up, thinking that Crouch was playing with her. But then she released the hold over her face and opened her eyes.

The wooden boards which had once been beneath her feet were no longer visible, though she could still feel their solidity beneath the soles of her shoes. A rush of terror swept over her and she realized that Crouch had cast a spell to make the cage invisible. She might have preferred torture to this.

Taking steadying breaths, Danika clamped her eyes shut and willed her limbs to stop trembling. If Crouch wanted to frighten her into doing his bidding, he was going to have to do better than that. But then she remembered what he'd said before.

"_I won't call him."_

"_I don't need you to."_

It didn't matter if she was _willing_ to speak, she was already terrified out of her mind- her screams would be sufficient to motivate Kili to come.

Danika looked up just in time to see Crouch point his wand at her and she felt a force drive her backward, pushing her into the bars and tipping the platform with her weight. She let out a startled shriek and it got the attention of the dwarves, whom she could still see on the circular image on the boulder.

"Danika?" She heard Kili whisper in recognition, but her attention was diverted from his image as she was pushed further back and began to slip through the bars, the spaces between them wide enough to allow her shoulders to pass through without touching.

Her horrified scream was piercing even to her own ears as her arms reached wildly for something—anything!—to grab hold of and keep herself from falling over the edge of the platform. Finally, her hand struck a bar of the cage and she grasped it with all of her strength, her knuckles going white with the grip.

"Danika!" She heard Kili shout after her and she caught a small glimpse of his horror-struck face, filling the entire circle on the boulder. If her mind had been working, she might have shouted to him that it was a trap and that he should stay away, but her limbs were seizing with fear and her lungs were busy heaving deep breaths between alarmed cries.

Kili's voice turned angry and the dwarf began to shout violently. "_I'll kill you, Barty Crouch!"_

"Junior," The man corrected again, looking bored. "The Tardis should be able to read where we are, so consider this your official invitation to drop by."

"Oh, I'm coming," Kili said threateningly as he shook with fury. "I'm coming to end your miserable existence!"


	22. This is the Ultimate Showdown

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**II**

**OTHER WAYS TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 7 – This is the Ultimate Showdown**_

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* * *

"_Rise" The Frames_

* * *

Danika could see Kili's trembling fists clenched together from where she sat huddled against herself in the center-most part of the hanging platform as it hung across from the cave.

Though Crouch had used his magic to pull Danika back onto the platform after tipping it, the distress he'd caused had done it's work and Kili agreed to do Crouch's bidding, shouting frantically at the wizard and threatening his life, all while calling out to Danika. The familiar mechanical whistle of the Tardis was heard moments later and the blue box appeared a few feet from where Crouch stood.

Fili had been the first to emerge from the Tardis with a strong grip on his brother's arm as the dwarf followed him, keeping Kili from darting forward and ripping Barty Crouch Junior apart limb from limb like his ferocious expression said he wanted to do. Thorin emerged from the blue box to put a hand on his nephew's other arm, obviously hoping to restrain him from the same action. As the rest of them piled out of the Tardis, Danika noted that they all wore incredibly patient expressions. All except for Kili.

He was livid. His face ducked a little, low eyebrows over his dark eyes, and his furious glare sank into Crouch as the dwarf clenched his jaw and hands, both grinding as though hungry for the villain's blood.

Crouch did not look impressed. He stood before them all with his hands in his pockets and a relaxed face, as though he was becoming bored with waiting for them all to exit the time-travelling space ship.

"I don't see Bilbo." The evil wizard said, hand bulging as he gripped the wand in his pocket.

"I'm here," The hobbit called out from behind the tall bodies of Sherlock and The Doctor, shuffling forward and looking as though he had expected to be called upon.

"Ah," Crouch nodded, bringing the wand into the open. "You have something for me." He held his hand out and twitched his fingers, silently asking Bilbo to step forward. "Oh," He said suddenly, as though he had just remembered something. "And the key to the Tardis."

The Doctor relinquished the key to the hobbit without a fuss, looking tired and resigned while Bilbo looked up nervously at Sherlock, who nodded and waved him forward. The detective did not look uneasy in the slightest, and that gave Danika hope. She was familiar with a myriad of different fandoms, causing her to recognize the characters standing in the cave, but Sherlock was the one she was paying most attention to. Although... she could not help but glance at Kili and felt a pang of guilt in having caused him to come here. When would the stories finally leave him alone? When would he ever have peace?

"I'm sure your master will be well-pleased," The hobbit grumbled, reaching into his pocket and handing over a band of gold—The Ring! No! Why was Bilbo giving it up without a fight?—and the key before pointing at Danika. "We've done what you wanted, now release her." Kili looked irked that the hobbit had stolen those words from him, but seemed to be relaxing under the arms of his brother and uncle.

Crouch shifted the key and the Ring in his hand, smiling widely and pointing his wand at Danika's cage with a smirk. "That was a very poor choice of words."

The cage began to shift, and at first Danika thought that he meant to levitate it forward, but then she realized that it was swaying and the hook began to creak against its anchor on the overhanging ceiling.

"Stop!" Kili cried out, looking torn between leaping at the cage and strangling Crouch. "You have your trinkets—bring her safely here!"

"You knew exactly what I was asking for when I said that Bilbo had something for me." Crouch mused with a vindictive smile. "And you've been consulting with a professional know-it-all," He inclined his head at Sherlock, "So you probably know our plans just as well as I do—" He licked his lips, "—which means you've got something up your sleeve."

Crouch held up the ring. "How do I know this is the One Ring?" He was met with silence and Bilbo ducked nervously behind Thorin. "Furthermore, how do I know this—" He held up the key, "is the actual Tardis key?"

"You can test the key," The Doctor waved his hand at the closed door of the Tardis. "But the Ring you'll have to take in faith."

"Just how stupid do you think I am?" Crouch guffawed.

"Very." Sherlock said with crossed arms.

"Really?" Crouch looked at him with disbelief. "Because _you're_ just reading the evidence, you're not a planner." He pointed at The Doctor. "But you, my lovely twin, have been known to muddle with situations just like this."

The Doctor held his hands out. "Do what you want with me. Whatever sign of good faith you want in exchange for Ro—Danika's freedom." He shook his head at his error, looking over at Danika and mouthing "sorry".

Danika wasn't sure how to react. She didn't like being the bargaining chip for things that were so important. For a brief moment, the idea passed through her mind that she should jump from the platform and brave death—whatever _that_ meant in a fan fiction—so that the leverage she had become would no longer give Crouch power over her friends…

… but then she met Kili's eyes and he seemed to know what she was thinking. His angry features softened and he looked pained.

_Please,_ his brown eyes pleaded as they misted over, _please, don't do it. I've come this far, please don't leave me again. _

The look broke her heart and she shuddered, tears creeping into her own eyes as she nodded her head at him, promising to sit tight until this horrid exchange was finished. She was inwardly disgusted that she had considered the thought at all, remembering her mission of consoling the dwarf who had been through so much.

_Trust me,_ he mouthed at her— or that's what it looked like— and she nodded again while her arms released their tight hold of her knees while she sat.

Crouch stepped forward and motioned for the dwarves and humans to back up against the wall and give him room as he approached the Doctor, whose hands were still held up, as though expecting to be bound. But Barty Crouch Jr. did nothing except point his wand at the Time-lord's neck, causing the man to follow him as he made his way toward the Tardis. Inserting the key into the door, Crouch first locked it and then unlocked it to verify that it was, in fact, the true key. When he was satisfied that he wasn't being duped, he put the key back in his pocket and threw the dwarves an irritated look, bringing the Doctor to walk with him to another wall of the cave.

"They gave me the correct key," He called toward the wall, as though he were speaking to something on the other side of it, "But I can't tell if they've given me the One Ring."

A shadow fell over the wall and it dissipated into darkness, as though it had been an illusion, hiding a secret cavern beyond the cave.

"Bring it to me." A low and unnatural voice rumbled the ground beneath their feet. Even Danika had felt it despite the lack of solid ground beneath her own feet.

Crouch leaned forward, as though wary of touching the dark shadow, and held out the Ring for inspection.

"No," The grinding and booming reply came, "I cannot sense its presence."

"You liar!" Crouch shouted into The Doctor's ear with a wild expression—his wide eyes and bared teeth made the man look crazed, but it was his quick tongue at the corner of his mouth that finished the image of the unhinged villain. "You told me to take it on faith and then you call me a fool! Where is the Ring?"

No one answered and the tension was thick in the air.

"Where is the Ring?" He screamed, causing The Doctor to wince and throw up his hands over his head. It was not an act of cowering, but an effort to keep his face free from the saliva that came from Crouch's shrieking mouth. "Tell me where it is or I will give this girl to Lord Voldemort as a plaything!"

Danika wasn't sure what that would mean, but a cold hand gripped her heart when she considered that she'd only been Crouch's plaything up until this point.

Kili looked ready to say something, but Fili's hand flew to his brother's chest as if to keep him from speaking, his other hand already gripping Kili's arm tightly. Danika could see that Fili was whispering something to his brother and she strained her eyes to see.

_Wait. Wait for it._ He said. Was that Danika's eyes playing tricks on her with wishful thinking, or was the dwarf telling Kili to wait? And for heaven's sake, what were they waiting for? She could remember the first time Fili had asked them to wait in a desperate situation, withholding his secret until the last moment. She could also remember how relieved she had been when he finally revealed it—the scheme concerning their first adventure—and it gave her hope. Was this the same pokerface now as he had been wearing then?

Crouch began flailing and shouting obscenities at them. He shoved The Doctor forward so that the time-lord stumbled into the line of dwarves and a clumsy Neville dropped to the floor from the impact. Pointing his wand to the cage again, Crouch hissed at them and demanded to know where the Ring was once more, promising them that he would not ask again—clank! One of the cage supports loosened with a grinding sound and the platform began to creak.

But Danika was not afraid. She sat completely still, cross legged with her hands resting on her knees and locking her faith-filled eyes on Kili's despairing ones. He began to struggle against his brother and uncle, a contrast to the peaceful state of the girl whose cage shifted above her head.

"One last chance before she falls to her death." Crouch growled at them.

But then his head shifted to look at the dark shadow beside him and he jolted in surprise. The blackness had become alive with an orange and red light. The voice which had once been a low rumble was now a high-pitched shriek, denoting pain and helplessness.

"The Ring has been tossed into the fire of Mount Doom." Sherlock said with a smile, ignoring the distress of the shadow and the creaking of the weakened cage. A whirlwind of air was beginning to grow inside of the cave and everyone's hair danced around their faces.

"No! No!" Crouch threw up a hand to shield his eyes from the bright light. "How did you-? When did you-?"

"Time machine," Sherlock uttered carelessly. "Or did you think this was the first time we'd done this?"

Danika considered for a moment that it was entirely possible The Doctor could have already gone through this scenario before jumping back into the Tardis and going back to the beginning of their meeting, but before she could question why they hadn't gone back further in time to stop _all of this_ from happening, she resigned herself to the notion that The Doctor had a rule against certain alterations in the timeline. Knowing she couldn't possibly fathom everything happening, she shook away the thought and convinced herself that Sherlock had meant that it wasn't the first time they'd foiled a villain's plans.

"Curse you!" Crouch threw his hand out and pointed his wand at the cage, causing it to tilt even more and buckle violently.

Danika felt herself sliding and automatically reached out, hoping to catch one of the bars before she fell through them. With a final groan, the hook above her head released its heavy load and Danika was overcome with a weightless sensation.


	23. Right In the Feels

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**II**

**OTHER WAYS TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 8 –Right In the Feels**_

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* * *

"_Midnight" Coldplay_

* * *

Danika was certain that Kili's tortured cry would be the last thing she heard as she fell through the air, but she was startled when her ears caught something else.

"Wingardium Leviosa!"

All movement stopped and the bars of the cage passed over her shoulders, falling behind her and downward at a frighteningly quick pace. But her body was floating in the air…. How?

A great heave of relief left Kili's lips before Danika heard, "Gently, Neville—she's afraid of heights!"

Danika finally opened her eyes to find that she was moving through the air by some unseen force. It felt as though she were encased in bubble-wrap and being pulled around by air.

"Watch the ledge!" Kili grumbled to the young wizard as they stared down at her, and Danika could see now that she was hovering just under the level edge of the cave. Neville and Kili were standing as close to the edge as they could manage—one step more and they would have fallen themselves!—and Neville's hand held a wand, pointing it at Danika's body as she floated upward and over their heads. She willed herself not to look down, but it took shutting her eyes again and grinding her teeth to get through her weightless ascent.

"Just drop her, already," Kili murmured with arms outstretched as she hovered above her brown-eyed dwarf.

A rush of air brought her downward quickly and she fell into Kili's arms, toppling them awkwardly backward when she fell onto his chest.

Still shocked from playing with heights, Danika could do nothing more than bury her face into Kili's front and grab a fistful of his shirt in each hand, sobbing out her breaths as he squeezed his arms tightly around her. His breathy laughs brushed through the wayward strands of her blonde hair and then Danika could feel light kisses being pressed into her forehead.

* * *

"_O" Coldplay_

* * *

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Kili finally heard Danika whisper after a long silence, and he felt her breath above his collar bone. "I must be crushing you to death."

"You're not," He sighed happily, tightening his arms around her to keep her from getting up. "If you were, I couldn't think of a better way to die."

A little quiver in her chest fluttered against his stomach in her sniffling laughter. "Stop it, you sod. I'm already crying."

"Don't you hush me," Kili murmured through a kiss to her hair before he craned his neck to see her face. "I've been to hell and back again looking for you, I'm entitled to be a sod."

"Fine," She laughed, her white-knuckled fists releasing his shirt and pushing against the floor on either side of him to rise. He groaned in disagreement, but he knew their companions were trying their hardest not to stare and she was already standing above him, offering him a hand up. Kili knew that she wasn't truly strong enough to help him to his feet, but he accepted anyway.

He refused to release her hand as soon as Kili was on his feet, pulling her to his side with his arm around her shoulder and wondering how best to get her to safety.

"Where's that maniac Crouch?" Danika whispered, ducking her head into Kili's neck and almost making him forget everything but the warmth of her closeness.

"Down for the count." He muttered into her hair, rotating them but not causing her move from where she was nestled. "Just turn your head, he's over there."

Obediently, she pressed the side of her face against Kili's collarbone, and looked at Thorin standing over a fallen Crouch with an axe. The crazed man was flat on his belly with Thorin's axe-blade resting against the back of Crouch's neck. He wasn't dead, but if he made even the slightest movement, Kili was certain that Thorin wouldn't hesitate to give the axe a forceful swing.

"And Sauron," Her head whipped around to look at the dark cavern. "How did you throw the Ring into Mount Doom if you're all standing here—"

"That'd be Luna, love." Kili couldn't resist a smirk. "She was pretty adamant. Jumped onto an eagle's back and flew off to Mordor. Didn't know how soon it would be, but we knew we were cutting it close."

"What do we do now?" Danika whispered, looking up into Kili's face.

If the lovely, blonde woman expected an answer from him, Kili hoped she wouldn't be too disappointed with the shake of his head to indicate that he had no ideas, his lips pressed together in a thin line.

"I don't know," He said after a moment. "I was so intent on getting here. Beyond that…"

"That's why you brought me along," Fili said, stepping forward with a smile and patting his brother's shoulder. "You're all energy and no thought, but_ I_ have a head over my shoulders." Danika momentarily left the safety of Kili's arms to lean into Fili, thanking him for her rescue, before coming to stand beside Kili and grabbing his hand firmly.

Giving her fingers a good squeeze, Kili turned to his brother. "Dumbledore said Voldemort was still in the Harry Potter Universe the last time he checked. Sauron is melting away with the Ring," He pointed at the cavern, still filled with light, though the shrieking had died down, "and we have Crouch beneath our uncle's boot—I don't want to leave any loose ends for them to use again, but how do we know if we've taken care of everything?"

"You can't know," The Doctor said, stepping toward them with his hands in his pocket. "They have the entire world to plan in and you're a lone dwarf."

"We'll just have to keep an eye on things." Sherlock shrugged with his arms crossed.

"Is that even possible?" Asked Thorin from where he stood, guarding the unconscious body of Crouch. "We can return this fellow to his own world easily enough, but how do we know when evil is lurking where it doesn't belong?"

"_Evil_ doesn't_ belong_ anywhere," Neville muttered under his breath and Kili saw Danika's head snap in his direction. At first, he thought the woman was upset by Neville's presence, but then he saw her face turn soft with sympathy. While Thorin, Sherlock, and The Doctor consulted with each other, Danika stepped toward Neville with a smile.

"Miss." He nodded his head at her with a guilty expression. "I'm glad to see you're not hurt." He said shyly.

"Thanks to you." She beamed at him, eyebrows coming together in concern.

"No," Neville hung his head as he shook it slowly. "No, I'm the reason you were taken at all, you can't thank me. I owed it to you."

"That wasn't you, Neville." Danika came closer and hugged Neville, running a soothing hand over his back. "I could tell it wasn't you—you're not to blame for what happened. But if it makes you feel any better, you have my forgiveness," She turned her head to look Kili in the eye, "and Kili's, too."

Kili had to admit that he'd been harsh on the lad since they'd found out what his involvement was, but he was also incredibly grateful that Neville had been able to save Danika from the fall over the ledge. He made a point of bowing with his hand over his heart to show he was in agreement with Danika's words and Neville just about broke into tears.

"Well, if the lot of you are done hugging and crying," Sherlock coughed into his hand, "Then we'll be able to get a move on."

Kili turned to face his brother and the three planning faces of Thorin, The Doctor, and Sherlock, with Neville and Bilbo standing beside Danika and himself.

"One last trip into the Tardis," The Doctor waved a hand at the blue box. "And we'll pick up Luna and return everyone to the universe they belong to. Once we've closed all the 'doors' we opened up to get here, we set up a warning system in each of the universes in case we find anyone wandering around where they don't belong."

Sherlock nodded his head and walked toward the Tardis, muttering something about the irony of John being unable to write out this particular story.

"We will all gather at the Lonely Mountain," Thorin spoke to his nephews and Danika. "I won't have you out of my sight again, you're less defensible."

Kili grimaced. Up until the day Danika had gone missing, he'd been enjoying the safety and freedom of living in the middle of nowhere with his… well, for lack of a better term, his beloved. There simply was no getting around it and that was fine by him.

"No," He heard Danika say and his head snapped in her direction. "No, Kili's freedom has been hard-won and we're not giving it up that easily." She turned meekly toward him with a shy expression. "Unless you _want_ to live in Erebor…"

Kili shook his head. "No, you guessed my thoughts correctly. I can't go back to that mountain again. I was hoping to return to our house, but I know that isn't the wisest decision."

"Where else would you go?" Thorin asked in a frustrated tone that reminded Kili his uncle was only looking to keep him safe. "Is there _anywhere_ better-guarded than Erebor on Middle-earth?"

They heard the deep rumble of a weak voice beyond the cave. "There is nowhere on Middle-earth you can go that you will not be found. Perhapssssss," Sauron hissed, "it will not be by me, but there are othersssss. The will find you and destroy you!"

The wheels in Kili's head were turning and he faced his uncle with an expression he hoped Thorin could read. "I guess _Erebor_ is our only option, then."

Something in Thorin's eyes twinkled and he nodded, the smallest of smiles tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Then let's get into the blue box and be on our way."

Danika looked at the two of them, sensing that they had shared something secretive, but made no effort to press them for it. The members of their adventurous company made their way, one by one, through the Tardis door, dragging the unconscious Crouch after them, and not bothering to look back at the diminishing spirit of Sauron.

When they had shut the door behind them, Kili wondered if they should be further away from Sauron's cave before they spoke freely, postponing his questions when Thorin asked The Doctor to pick up Luna from the rendezvous spot they'd chosen hours before.

"What's going on?" Danika look up at Kili with questioning eyes, but he held a finger to his lips, silently asking her to save her questions until they knew they were out of earshot of the dying entity in the cave.

An hour later, they had retrieved Luna and were returning her, Crouch, and Neville to their proper universe with short farewells and welcoming Gandalf into the blue box. It wasn't until they came to Sherlock's universe that Kili found his voice again.

"Uncle, I don't think Danika and I can stay in Middle-earth."

Thorin sighed, ducking his head and glancing at Kili out of the corner of his eye. "I know this. I don't like it, but I'm afraid you're right."

"We're not staying in Middle-earth?" Danika looked disappointed. "And why couldn't we speak before?"

"Because Lord Voldemort was listening," Gandalf said as he leaned against his staff. After the wizard had been brought on-board, he revealed that he and Dumbledore had been hard at work, monitoring the dark wizard, Voldemort, and learning what they could about his communications with Sauron. "And if he finds a way into that world, you will not be safe from his wrath."

"But what if we went back to a different time?" Danika bit her lip. "Like the Lord of the Rings setting, instead of the Hobbit setting?"

"Where do you think we found Crouch hiding?" The Doctor said in a sympathetic voice, crossing his arms. "They already thought of that trick and took you there as soon as they got you from Neville."

"That, and… awful things happen to wizards who meddle with time." Gandalf snickered, but the humor was lost on the solemn group.

"So…" Danika duck her head. "So we really can't go back. But—where _can_ we go?"

"It wouldn't make any sense to go to the Harry Potter world," Fili said with a tinge of disgust. Clearly, his first impression of the world had left a sour taste in his mouth, ruining the chance to become better acquainted with it.

"You can stay in mine," the Doctor offered with a shrug. "I've never had dwarf companions before."

"Thank you, but no," Danika shook her head, smiling at him for the offer. "As exciting as that sounds, I think I've had enough life-threatening adventures for a while." But the way she looked at Kili told him that wasn't really the reason, and if he knew her at all, she had said it because she knew _he_ was weary of adventures.

If there was only one thing that made the dwarf love Danika, it was that she knew his thoughts before he spoke them and was always saving him from embarrassment and guarding his honor. But, of course, he loved her for more than just this, so it came as no surprise when he found himself willing to do something selfless for her.

"I cannot speak for the rest of you, but I'd like to go to Danika's world with her."

The startled expression on Danika's face almost made Kili laugh, but she looked at him sternly and took his hand in hers. "I'm not so sure you'd like that."

"Why not?" He shrugged with a smile. "A simple life in a mundane world—isn't that what we were aiming for with our first house?"

Danika bit her lip. "Is that even possible—to take you to my world? My world—I say that as though it's another fan fiction… but…" She looked around at them. "I'm an Original Character… do I even have a world?"

"Doubtless, you do," Gandalf chimed in with a chuckle. "And I imagine the Doctor possesses some gadgetry which would help us determine it."

Danika seemed to be considering this for a moment and Kili held his breath, doing his best not to look at Fili. The brothers were close—even apart from the fan fiction prompts—and he wondered if Fili might take it as an abandonment for Kili to wander into a new realm without him. But his eyes strayed to his brother's and he was surprised to see Fili smiling at him.

"We'll do whatever we need to do to keep each other safe." Fili assured him. "Even if that means we must be separated for a while."

Danika was catching on to their thoughts and looked horrified. "No—no, you're coming with us if we're going there. If it's safe for us, then it's safe for you, too."

"Too many of you in the same universe will make you easy targets," Sherlock said. "And you won't find _my_ world any less dangerous, so I won't offer it to you."

Thorin spoke from behind them. "I don't think it would be necessary for us to find different worlds to occupy. If we take the gamble of spreading ourselves out, then there are more chances of us being found, more trails for the enemy to follow. No, I think we should _all_ reside in Danika's world."

Danika and Kili both let out a small sigh of relief, and for Kili's part, he was glad that his family would be close at hand.

"However, I don't think we can live too closely together." Thorin added, making Kili's heart drop. "Different lands within the same world will do."

"I'm not leaving without Sigrid," Fili said firmly.

"I wasn't going to ask you to," Thorin huffed.

"And where am_ I_ in all of this?" Bilbo chimed in.

"You'll be under my protection, Mr. Baggins." Thorin answered quickly. "Unless Gandalf means to come—"

"That is an invitation I must decline, Master Dwarf," the wizard interrupted. "For I am in no more danger than I was before, and _someone_ must stay behind to keep watch over Middle-earth."

Kili wouldn't have admitted it out loud, but he was becoming overly-tired. Chasing clues through the fan fictions and facing Crouch had taken its toll, and talk of travel only wore Kili down more.

"Doctor," Danika suddenly spoke up. She apologized for interrupting the conversation between Thorin and the wizard. "I don't want to impose, but some of us are super tired—"

The Doctor raised his eyebrows at her. "I'm sorry, I didn't even think to offer. There's a guest room over there," he pointed at steps moving downward and through a doorway, "and if you need anything else, just pipe up."

"Maybe some tea?" Danika smiled sweetly, reaching a hand through the loop of Kili's elbow. Kili finally understood what she was getting at. They might not be able to go home, but Danika obviously intended to press on as she had before. After a few other words with the Doctor, Danika nodded and led Kili down the short set of steps and into the "guest room" the Doctor had indicated.

It was a room with a bed and nothing more, but Kili didn't need more. He felt like if he fell asleep, he might never wake again. Lowering himself to sit on the edge of the bed, he leaned tiredly over toward his boots and met the eyes of a kneeling Danika.

* * *

"_Run To You" Pentatonix_

* * *

"Let me do that for you," Danika said as she took hold of Kili's boot, tugging to slide it off of his foot. He sat on the bed with hunched shoulders and a tired face, the events of their adventure obviously having claimed the last bits of energy he had left. He stared at her while she worked to free his other foot from its boot and she wondered if it annoyed him that she was insisting on helping him.

No, she realized. No, this was the face of a man who was used up and just needed a good rest. But she saw something else in his glistening eyes and she knelt in front of his knees quietly, waiting for him to speak.

With the smallest of movements, so small that she almost didn't see it, Kili shook his head, his lip quivering while his eyes filled with slight wetness. Danika looked up into his face, patient enough to wait for him to tell her what he needed.

"Almost…" He closed his eyes for a moment. "Almost lost you."

"But you didn't," Danika smiled at him, softly patting his knee. "Everything's okay. We're about to start new lives, it's exciting."

Kili didn't look excited, though. He just looked worn. "Don't want a new one without you, though."

Danika's brow crinkled. "Is that what's bothering you? You think that now you've rescued me, we'll part and go our separate ways? As though you don't mean a thing to me?" Kili's expression softened and Danika finally understood. He'd openly declared to her multiple times that he wanted to be with her, that he loved her and that she was important to him, but she hadn't yet replied or given any indication of her own thoughts.

"Kili," She was suddenly having trouble meeting his eyes. "In the beginning, when we were thrown together, we were resisting each other, but we still got along incredibly well. I told you that I considered you my best friend, remember?" He nodded and she continued. "We were fighting against a Mary Sue story in Middle-earth… but we're not doing that anymore, are we? I mean, we are sooooo off the map, it isn't even funny! I was ready to be with you after the first story was over—and we just finished our second adventure together. I still consider you my best friend, but it helps things that I'm attracted to you, and if you wanted to—"

"Stop talking," Kili grumbled, leaning forward and ducking his face to hers to kiss her. She could feel his contented sigh as his lips moved over hers, his hands cupping her at the back of her head. Melting into the kiss, Danika let out her own contented sigh and let her hands travel to his waist, bringing herself closer to him.

"Just one more thing," She murmured against his lips.

"Mm, no." He groaned, using his hands to press her face closer as though it might shut her up.

"I love you." She smiled. She felt the pause in his movements and was suddenly enveloped by his arms as he held her in a strong embrace, resting his forehead against her neck.

Was that all it took to reassure him? Had he really been waiting that long to hear her say it? Danika scolded herself for not making her feelings more obvious and she silently promised him that she wouldn't put him through that agony anymore. There was a weak tremble in his arms and Danika felt him shudder, sensing that this dwarf was on his last legs.

"You need sleep," she insisted, rising to her feet and gently pushing on his shoulder. He didn't need much convincing and laid back, swinging his legs onto the bed and allowing Danika to pull a sheet and comforter over his exhausted form.

After convincing herself she had done everything she could to make him comfortable, Danika removed her own shoes and slowly climbed into the bed after him, careful not to jerk him with her movements. Pulling the blankets over her shoulder, she scooted herself closer to the already-snoring dwarf and spooned herself against him, settling her forehead against the back of Kili's neck and closing her eyes in bliss.

As her muscles relaxed and her weight slowly fell into the mattress, Kili's hand reached behind him and found hers, fingers brushing lazily against each other.

In this moment, Danika didn't care where they went, so long as more moments like these were in her future.


	24. Simple Pleasures

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**II**

**OTHER WAYS TO WRECK A MARY SUE**

_**Chapter 9 – Simple Pleasures**_

.

* * *

"_We Found Love" Niklas Carson_

* * *

_Mmmmm_, Kili thought, _Warmth_. _Wait… this is familiar…_

He shifted a little, remembering where he was—The Doctor's guest room—and sensed the warm body lined against his back. A twitch of his fingers reminded him he was holding Danika's hand, even in sleep.

Overwhelmed by how full and content he felt, Kili's lips tugged into a smile and he breathed a sigh of relief into the pillow as he closed his eyes again, purposing to drift back into sleep and never let this moment end.

Danika let out a sleepy moan behind him and shifted closer—if that was even possible with how close she was already—pulling her arm around Kili's waist and resting their interlocked hands over his stomach.

"Should we get up?" She whispered, her nose rubbing softly against the skin under his ear as she pressed a gentle kiss against his neck.

"No," Kili groaned, tightening his hand over hers. "We're not leaving this room ever again."

A tired giggle tickled his ear. "So we'll be the Doctor's tag-a-longs that never leave the Tardis?"

Kili rolled himself to face her, touching his forehead to hers and grinning at her with mischief. Letting go of her hand, he put his warm hand against the small of her back while he shifted close enough to press against her. The action surprised her, but she didn't look as though she was going to reject it, and she smiled as she bit her lip.

"We'll be like the snug little mice that refuse to leave the house." He whispered, softly kissing the corner of Danika's mouth.

"Mmmm," She closed her eyes in what Kili hoped was enjoyment—was that noise an approval of his kisses or his plan to loiter in the blue box? He thought, for a moment, about moving his hand lower, but a voice called to them from the doorway and startled both of them.

"If either of you are hungry, we just made some food." Bilbo coughed into his hand, and Kili started to wonder if the hobbit had been watching them…

"We'll be up in a moment." Danika answered, scooting herself away from Kili, visibly embarrassed from being caught so intimately wrapped around the dwarf.

"Bilbo Baggins," Kili growled in frustration, mashing his face into a pillow as the hobbit disappeared and Danika rose from the bed.

* * *

"_It's Time" Jon D &amp; TJ Smith(cover)_

* * *

"No," Kili complained into his pillow, pulling the sheet over his head. "It's safer to stay in bed—no one tries to make plans in here."

"They will, if you don't stop hiding under those covers." Danika smacked his shoulder through the blankets. "Come out!"

"No," He groaned, "but _you're_ welcome to come _in_ anytime you want."

Another playful nudge struck his shoulder. "When did I hook up with such an old man?"

Kili knew Danika was teasing him, but he found himself asking the same question. When had he become so old and tired? It definitely gave him something in common with the older version of Bilbo when that hobbit had said:

"_I'm old, Gandalf. I know I don't look it, but I'm beginning to feel it deep in my heart. I feel thin, stretched—like butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday. And I don't think I shall return. In fact, I mean not to."_

The hand Danika had previously struck him in humor with was now smoothing over his shoulder comfortingly. "Kili, if you trust me enough to talk to them for us—if you want me to take care of it—"

"Time to wake up, lazy bones!" Kili heard just before a heavy body plowed into him over the covers.

"Oy! Fili!" He moaned, trying to shift under his brother's weight. "Get off!"

"Fili," Thorin's voice filled the room, "Let him up; we need him in one piece."

Heavy weight lifted itself from Kili's mashed body and he gasped for air dramatically, pulling the sheet from over his head and peeking out at the group that had appeared around his bed. Danika hadn't been joking about the planning committee coming to him if he hadn't been willing to go to them.

"I don't think we should take advantage of the Doctor's generosity any more than we need to, so don't get too comfortable here unless you mean to stay on with him." Thorin reminded Kili.

"At least then, Bilbo would have some sane company." Fili chortled.

Kili sat up in the bed and eyed Bilbo. "You're staying with the Doctor?"

"Well, for a short time," Bilbo said, blushing as all eyes were drawn to him. "I can still stomach a little excitement—and I've often wondered what it would be like to share an adventure with him."

Blinking in surprise, Kili rubbed a hand over his face and glanced nervously from person to person. "I'm not sure I really want an answer to this, but have we figured out where we're headed next?"

"We have," Thorin nodded, coming to sit on the edge of the bed. "And there are a few specifics we'll need your help with."

Kili grimaced. He was looking forward to this as much as he'd looked forward to getting shot with an arrow. "Specifics?"

"Don't worry," Danika crawled across the bed to sit shoulder to shoulder with him, brushing her hand against his as if asking for permission to hold it. "You'll like this."

"We found Danika's world and the best way to describe it would be a modern AU. We'll be taking up residencies and employment with the Doctor's help, and you have a say in what you do and how you'll be living."

"You want me to choose my profession?" Kili was pleasantly baffled. "Somehow I thought this would be more torturous."

"We planned the last major even without you," Thorin grinned, "We didn't mind doing it again."

Pursing his lips, Kili found himself staring at his hand in Danika's, stroking her thumb and taking a moment to think. A small part of him felt guilty for once again being "out of the loop", as though he weren't pulling his own weight, but it was overruled by the stronger part of him that was grateful they had taken care of everything, leaving the personal decisions to him.

But even with choice staring him in the face, he couldn't bring himself to speak, let alone consider his options for a trade. He brought his head up. "What will _you_ be doing, uncle?"

Thorin looked amused and crossed his arms. "Something in management… CEO of some lucrative company." He shrugged. "I've done it in other stories; it wasn't so hard. It will give me an opportunity for travel, to have a summer home and a plane that can give me the freedom to visit you whenever you need. I'm taking Bilbo on as a personal assistant—easier to protect him that way—and I'm not sure what Fili has decided on yet. He keeps changing his mind."

"Sigrid wants to go to school." Fili answered from where he leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. "So I think we'll play the part of married students at a University until we can make better plans."

Fili said it so casually, as though the idea of starting over didn't faze him—as though he were excited about the change. Kili, on the other hand, was scared of those circumstances. But at least there was _one _thing in Fili's description Kili found useful…

"Could I have a moment to think over a few things? It won't take long." Kili requested. Thorin nodded at Fili and the two stepped up the stairs and out of the room, leaving behind a worried-looking Bilbo and a curious expression on Danika's face.

"Alone." Kili emphasized as nicely as he could when the hobbit lingered a little too long.

Bilbo rolled his eyes and made his way to the doorway just as Danika slid her legs from the bed, purposing to follow him.

"Wait," Kili reached out for her hand to stop her from leaving. "I didn't mean _alone_ alone."

* * *

"_Feel Again" Collington_

* * *

"Come here." Danika watched Kili twitch his fingers at her before she got very far from the bed. She glanced in the direction of the doorway, which Bilbo had just left through, and lowered herself to the bed again, sitting beside the dwarf with the coffee-brown eyes. Those eyes stared at her, with serious calculations happening somewhere behind them, and Danika wondered what he was thinking…

"Come here." He repeated, pulling back the covers from his lap. Even fully clothed, Danika was wary of sitting so close to Kili—it wasn't that she questioned his intentions with her, but she was afraid of being too forward with him. But the moment of hesitation passed and she scooted closer, piling into his lap and resting her temple against his neck as he wound his arms around her back and bent knees.

"There was a part of Fili's setup I wouldn't mind adopting… for us." He took a deep breath in.

"I think it would be great if you wanted to take a few classes." Danika said, rubbing at her nose. She had a sneaking suspicion that he wasn't referring to school…

She felt the hum in Kili's throat. "Not exactly what I meant…" She waited patiently for him to continue, another sneaking suspicion entering her mind, though she knew it was just wishful thinking on her part.

"You're my light and warmth," Kili said suddenly. "That's what I said to Fili when you were gone. I've been so cold, all the way down to my bones, that I just got numb to it after a while. Numb to everything. But then you showed up with this ridiculous idea that I mattered and that I could make a few of my own choices. And ever since then…" Danika's heart was beating furiously in her chest, but she did her best to sit still with her face parked in Kili's neck, fearful for showing too much of what she felt as he spoke on.

"I can't even fathom having to go back to my old life—it panics me just to think of it." He said, and Danika could feel the shiver that went through Kili's body and the tremble of his hands. Passing gentle fingers along his jawline and over his chin, she tried to comfort and settle him. Kili reached up and grasped her fingers, bringing them to his lips. "I don't want to face the next story without you. I can't. I won't. I want a new purpose—I want to take care of you and protect you. I don't have much to offer… well, I don't have _anything_ to offer, except myself…"

Danika reflected on the irony of the situation—having started their first story in humor and rejection of the romance they felt they were being forced into, and here she was: listening to a tentative proposal and wondering if she was allowed to enjoy it as much as she was._ Absolutely_, she thought. Readers and writers could debate it until the cows came home, but this came down to what _she_ wanted.

"Is that a roundabout way of asking me to be your wife?" She smiled, refusing to meet his eyes, but he pulled away from her enough to see her face and looked at her with determined eyes.

"No," He said, and for a moment, she was afraid she'd assumed too much from what he was saying, but then he smiled at her and gave her a wink. "It's a very long explanation of why I'd like to be your husband."

"Same thing," Danika ducked her blushing face back into his neck, trying to suppress overjoyed laughter. "Except that it wasn't a question."

"You're right, it's not."

Adopting a fake horrified expression—tinged with amusement—her jaw dropped and she looked up into his face. "Excuse me? So, I don't get a say?"

"If I asked you, would you say yes?"

"Well, yes, but—"

"Then there's no point in asking if I already know what the answer is." He smirked.

"Oh, for the love of all things good and green! That's no way to propose!" They heard Bilbo shout from the doorway with his hands on his hips. He held up a pointed finger. "Do you not have a _single_ romantic bone in your body?"

Kili and Danika looked at each other and then back at Bilbo, shaking their heads and answering in unison, "No."

"Ugh!" The hobbit threw his hands up in disgust , leaving the entryway.

Kili sneered at the empty doorway and then glanced nervously at Danika. "I'm romantic, aren't I?"

"Absolutely," Danika purred, snuggling into her handsome dwarf. "Just not in the conventional way."

"I've learned you have a distaste for the conventional." Kili snickered. "But I'm glad to know I'm doing something right."

"I don't need roses and chocolate and poems," Danika said with a snort. "Just be honest and real, that's good enough for me." She took in a surprised breath when Kili's lips made contact with hers, travelling down to her neck and murmuring his appreciation of her practicality, when Bilbo's head appeared in the doorway again.

"He said he'll do it." The hobbit announced.

"Bilbo Baggins!" Kili shouted as he glared. "Is it your new hobby to creep behind corners and appear at exactly the wrong moment?"

"Kili," Danika scolded softly, laying a calming hand on his chest, waiting until he had taken in and released a few frustrated breaths. Directing her attention to the blushing hobbit, she asked, "_Who_ says they'll do _what_?"

"The Doctor," Bilbo sheepishly pointed behind him. "Says he'll marry you here, if you like. I asked him."

Kili's eyebrows rose and his head turned quickly, looking like he was gauging Danika's reaction. His expression irked her, though, because she knew what was going to happen—she would say something like, "Whatever you're comfortable with," and he'd respond with, "No, whatever _you're_ comfortable with", and the two of them would tentatively dance around their real thoughts in an effort to make sure one wasn't forcing the other into something they didn't want, and effectively giving neither of them what they wanted.

But Danika refused to play that game. She knew it was terribly forward, but she could also see that look of longing in Kili's eye. "_I'd_ like that very much."

"Whenever you're ready." Bilbo beamed and he disappeared through the door again—and this time, Danika knew he would not return.

"I wish I knew what you were thinking," Kili scanned her face. "You said not to assume, but I thought you'd want the ceremony, the white dress, the—"

Danika quickly pulled away from Kili and planted her feet on the floor, peeling off her jacket and socks. "I know you said you're not familiar with The Doctor, but _I am_—and believe me when I say that it's every girl's dream to get married in the Tardis."

Kili snorted with laughter, watching her movements as she started unbuttoning her shirt, but then she realized he wasn't moving and scolded him with a raised brow. "Now, off with you! I need to get ready."

Rising to his knees on the bed, Kili walked on them across the mattress until he was close enough to put his hands on Danika's waist. "Look at you, wasting no time. What are you doing?"

"White dress," She pointed at the sheets on the bed. "I'm sure I can work something out in a few minutes."

"Do you want help?" His index finger brushed over one of the lower buttons on her shirt, but she smacked his hand and pointed at the doorway.

* * *

"_Inland" Jars of Clay_

* * *

Kili wasn't surprised when the Doctor agreed to marry Danika and Kili on the main deck of the Tardis—as though there had been a chance of him saying no, especially when Bilbo made an enthusiastic display of his support!

But it had shaken Kili a little when Danika had called Fili into the guest room with her; Kili's feet kept him where he was, but his eyes followed his brother as the blonde dwarf disappeared through the archway.

Bilbo fluttered around the Tardis, panicking over the setting not being decorated for a ceremony, but Kili leaned against the console of the blue box with a half-smile, knowing Danika didn't want anything dramatic. The woman was as casual as they came and any fuss made over her would have made her uncomfortable. She had assured him before he left the guest room that she was more concerned with making the most of their time before they settled into a new life—and Kili wasn't about to argue with that.

Fili appeared again, ascending the stairs and sending Kili a wink as he came to stand beside his brother, when a bare foot padded against the floor under the archway.

Attached to it was a pale leg, and then another foot came into view. Danika had pulled the white sheet from the bed to wrap it around her chest and lower body, the excess of which flowed on the floor behind her. Somehow, Fili had cut the fabric in such a way that it tied in the back and looked very much like a tailor-made dress. This was the first time Kili had seen Danika's bare shoulders and he found himself eyeing the milky skin along her collarbone and arms.

With her hair pulled up in a braid that crowned around her head and into a bun behind her left ear, she was a picture of simplicity—and still more lovely than anything Kili had ever seen. It made his jaw drop.

It suddenly dawned on him, what he was about to do—he'd been paired with women of all races, sizes, and ages, but this was the first time he'd chosen someone himself. This was the only woman who had ever looked into the deepest, darkest parts of him and didn't listen to the self-loathing he scolded himself with, but encouraged him with what little good there was. She refused to let him bury himself under a mountain of grief and made him feel lighter, as though it were permissible for him to live, to enjoy things again.

"I love you." He whispered, taking her hand when she came alongside him.

* * *

.

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**Tune in next time for HOW TO SURVIVE A MODERN AU, the third installment in our story!**

**First of all, yay for impromptu wedding dresses made out of bedsheets; secondly, yay for weddings in a Tardis! **

**Phew, drama's done for now- now our heroes get to settle into their new lives in a modern setting- that portion of the story hasn't been entirely planned yet, so if you have any ideas, leave 'em in the reviews (just like you did for the other stories- those ideas were so amazingly helpful, the chapters wouldn't be what they were without your imaginations!) I've honestly got an image of Kili doing something like Leopold (from Kate &amp; Leopold) and wondering what to do with the shaving cream and accidentally spraying it all over the mirror. He's been in a few modern stories, but I'm sure there are SOME things he's not familiar with ;) Lemme know what you think!**

**By the way, just so you know, there's going to be a segment pretty soon with Kili and Danika going to the movie theater to watch The Battle of Five Armies- I'll be covering both of their reactions to it (but I won't post spoilers until next Saturday, so it'll be fair game by then!)**


	25. Kili's First Bike

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**III**

**HOW TO SURVIVE A MODERN AU**

**-Adventures in a Mundane World-**

_**Chapter 1 – Kili's First Bike**_

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_You HAVE to listen to this song while you read this! _"_Til Kingdom Come" Coldplay_

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Kili felt Danika's arms come together tightly around his torso, holding him around his ribs as her hair swept past her in the strong wind passing by. The rumble of the motorcycle beneath wasn't as loud as the whistling of the air as it rushed over his ears, deafening him to all else.

Danika's chin rested on Kili's back and he was suddenly grateful that he'd tied back his long hair—it might have whipped into her face otherwise—and she snuggled closer to him, peeking around his shoulder at the amazing sight in front of them. They were on a single road made of faded, grey asphalt with long, flat tracks of land on either side of the road and a scattering of small mountains in the distance before them.

Kili's hands were stretched out on the handles of the motorcycle, but he squeezed his upper arms to hug down on hers around his ribs, keeping his gaze forward though he didn't need to turn his head to see her smile. Behind aviator sunglasses, he was smiling as well. And he had every reason to.

Freedom. New life. New surroundings. Bright blue sky, green cactus brimming with yellow, white, and pink flowers, and red mountains. He'd never seen rocks in that color, more accustomed to the dreary grey of his homeland, but it impressed him. The desert was alive with more color than he'd expected and it immediately enticed him into becoming excited for this change he'd originally been so afraid of.

The Arizona spring was warm over them and the wind that beat against them filled and ruffled their light clothing as both looked forward and enjoyed the freedom and speed of the motorcycle. He'd never lived in a desert before, but this was where Danika was from and he was already enjoying the feel of sun on his skin, the dry heat reaching all the way to his core.

_I could get very used to this_, Kili grinned even wider.

"I knew you'd like the bike," Danika called to him, and he was surprised he could hear her over the wind.

Oh, yes—riding through the warm desert on a motorcycle with his wife just behind him—he could get very, very used to this.

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**Can't you just feel the freedom when you listen to that song while you read?**

**And yes, I'm from the desert, so driving with the top down while passing through the less civilized parts is one of my favorite things to do!**

**In the next chapter, we'll see their new digs and see how Kili reacts to neighbors**


	26. Nightmares

**III**

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**HOW TO SURVIVE A MODERN AU**

_**Chapter 2 – Nightmares**_

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"_Demons (acoustic—live in London)" Imagine Dragons_

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Danika stepped out of the shower to towel-dry herself when she heard the sound. It was a soft and breathy, but consistent, and she wondered if it was just normal, everyday background noise from the hotel room. But as she slipped her robe sleeves over her arms and tied the front of it, she walked barefoot into the bedroom and her heart stopped.

Kili was sitting on the floor with his back against the side of the bed, knees bent and hands holding his temples as he took measured breaths. She could see his wrists shaking and noted that the room was cold—was the air conditioner really on that high?— and uncomfortably stuffy.

"Kili?" Danika took a tentative step toward him and he continued to breathe in an out faster than was normal.

He didn't seem to hear her, so she sat down next to him and put a hand on his knee, hoping she wouldn't startle him by touching him. It wasn't often he ended up like this, but she was already familiar with these moments. He was strong and resilient, but the mind could only take so much before his body and mind refused to function—so many different stories he'd had to live and then an experience of traveling through other universes… something was bound to overwhelm him sooner or later.

Leaning forward and stretching her finger to the air conditioner, Danika turned it off and reached over her head for the blankets, surrounding Kili in a protective barrier and waiting until he returned to reality on his own. She sat beside him patiently, stroking her fingers through his hair and keeping a blank face—she knew that when Kili surfaced from his lapse, he would eagerly be looking for a reaction from her to convince himself that he was either safe or in danger, and she'd already made the mistake once of panicking while he did.

Kili's breaths seemed to be slowing and Danika allowed herself to breathe a small sigh of relief. As if waking up from a dream, his eyes roamed over his surroundings and locked onto her face. She thought that his expression looked grateful at first, but then it melted into shame. It was obvious that he was embarrassed in having this problem, but Danika didn't think any less of him for it—having seen him in battle and knowing what lengths he would go to in protecting those he loved. No amount of reassurance convinced him, though; even strong minds could succumb to fear, Danika had said, but Kili despised the anxiety attacks and looked at them as a weakness he shouldn't be showing.

"I turned off the air, it should warm up in here pretty quickly." Danika said, rubbing his arms through the blanket.

He nodded, but didn't say anything.

"Kili," Danika scooted closer to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "Maybe this is too much change, too soon." She peered into his face, but he refused to meet her eyes. "Maybe we should head somewhere more familiar."

"Familiar?" He croaked.

"Somewhere… more green, maybe." She kissed his cheek and rested her head on his shoulder. "A place where we can plant a garden, maybe have rocking chairs on our porch and watch the fireflies in the evening. You told me you lived in a setting like that once, and that you liked it. Maybe the desert is just too different."

"Maybe." Kili nodded his head with a look that said he was considering her words. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, you've done nothing wrong." She patted his shoulder, standing up and offering him a hand. She knew she couldn't possibly be of any help in getting his heavy, thick body off of the floor, but she was glad that Kili humored her and took her hand. "_I'm_ sorry. You woke up alone, I know you don't like that. Next time, I won't shower until you're up and about."

Kili snorted in disgust. "You shouldn't have to do that. I'm not a child."

"Stop it." Danika held up a finger. "We're not doing this again. You're not a child—you're a brave and handsome dwarf who's carried his fair load of extremes for long enough," she untied the knot of the sash and let the robe fall from her shoulders. "And you're _all mine_ to take care of."

"Hmm." The corner of his mouth twitched into a lopsided smile. "When you put it that way…" His fingers brushed against the skin at her hips. "Maybe I don't mind you taking care of me."

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"_Thinking Out Loud" Ed Sheeran_

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Kili took a sip from his cup of coffee and sighed happily. It didn't matter what temperature they rode through—Arizona, New Mexico, or Oklahoma, as they'd travelled the distance—a hot mug of black coffee did the trick in settling Kili's nerves.

Danika reached over the table of the diner for the container of sugar and proceeded to drop the majority of the shaker's contents into her own mug of coffee.

Kili sneered. "I don't understand how you can drink something so sickeningly sweet." Resting his elbows on the table across from her, he shifted his seating on the uncomfortable booth and watched her smile smugly at him.

"Saccherine." She said after she began to stir the sugar in.

"Sacha-what?" Kili's eyebrows came together.

"It means 'sickeningly sweet'. That's the word you're looking for." Danika winked at him.

"Does it, now?" He grinned and shook his head, pulling the wrinkled map out of his black, denim jacket pocket. Unfolding the map on the table, his eyes searched for their location, tracking their progress over the long road.

"Georgia." Danika pointed at their end goal. "Green, but still warm. And it's closer to Fili and Sigrid."

Kili nodded, tracing their route with a pencil and remembering her first description of it. It had taken a few days for Kili to reconcile with the idea of leaving the desert, but Danika was persuasive and his resistance died down quickly when she gave him a description of the land that awaited them. And somehow… distance from Fili had made things worse. As many times as the two were at odds with each other, Fili was still a part of home for Kili.

"And it has _fireflies_." Kili added with a smile, knowing it was more a point of interest for her than him.

"Yes, it does." She smiled back, rubbing her foot along his leg under the table.

"We're going to have to pace ourselves. That motorcycle can't be comfortable for your backside after three days of riding."

"Or yours." Danika fixed him with a stern look. He laughed at that—always turning everything around on him!—and took up the map, folding it before returning it to his jacket and then taking her hand on the table.

"Tell me when you need a longer break than a few hours." He insisted, letting her know she wasn't the only concerned spouse. "I don't mind lingering for a few days."

"Neither do I." She squeezed his hand. "I wasn't joking when I said this was the way I wanted to spend my honeymoon."

"I still don't really believe that." He rolled his eyes and took a sip of his coffee. "I still think we should get a car."

"We will. But I'm not making you get rid of the motorcycle."

_Thank you_. He thought, inwardly. Kili didn't mind how different it was to drive a car instead of riding a pony, but the bike came close enough to make it familiar. And there were already so many things he was having to adapt to.

Like the sudden burst of music coming from the phone in his pocket.

"That's you." Danika said before she drank her coffee.

Phones. Kili would rather have done without, but Thorin had insisted on getting his nephew the latest model and paying for the service of it to keep tabs on both him and Fili. Shoving his hand into his pocket and touching the screen of the phone to accept the call, Kili rolled his eyes.

"Yes?"

"That's not how you answer a phone-call." Said Fili's voice on the other side of the line.

"That's not how you answer a phone-call." Said Danika from across the table.

"Oh, shove off." Kili shook his head at both of them. "Did you need something?"

"Just wanted to see if you'd passed into Alabama, yet."

"Nope. We're resting at the border of Oklahoma."

"Please, tell me it's the border of Oklahoma and Arkensas." Fili moaned.

"Other side," Kili snorted a laugh. "New Mexico. Anxious much?"

"You're just taking your time, is all."

"Fili," Kili groaned. "I'm on my honeymoon. Are you really calling me to tell me to hurry up?"

"Yes." Even Danika could hear the answer from where she sat, and she sent Kili an "aww" look. "Let me talk to your wife."

"And let you convince her to speed things up? Not a chance." Kili mashed the button to end the call and jammed the phone back into his pocket.

"And _that's_ not how you _end_ a phone-call." Danika tutted. Her own phone began to ring and Kili knew it was his brother without seeing her look of recognition at the screen. While Kili had been hesitant to accept a phone from Thorin, he couldn't speak for his wife—who gratefully accepted Thorin's offer to her, knowing that if Kili was in a mood to refuse calls, _she_ wouldn't.

"Stop whining." Danika muttered in response to something Fili said. "You're the one that chose to go to that school, if you don't like it—" He said something to make her pause. "Fili…Fili, no, we're not talking about that, yet. And no, I don't want you discussing it with him first."

Danika mouthed "sorry" at Kili before doing exactly what he'd done before: ending the call and putting the phone back into her pocket.

"What was that?" Kili raised an eyebrow at her.

"Nothing," She shook her head. "He still thinks we should settle in a neighborhood with the white picket fence and the children who go to school together."

"And what do you think about that?" Kili asked. In all honesty, he wasn't sure what she really wanted out of a life with him, and they hadn't spoken much of it because she was hesitant to talk when they were still figuring out where to settle. And it was ironic, but somehow a cookie-cutter life in a mundane world frightened him more than charging towards danger in another world.

"I haven't decided yet." She pressed her lips into a line with an open expression. "I'll tell the truth when I have, I promise. But for now, this—" She turned her head and smiled at the open window, "—traveling with you is perfect." Rising and leaning over the table, she lowered her face to his and kissed him quickly before sitting down and finishing her coffee.

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**I apologize, there was a problem with the chapters, so if you feel like you missed one, just go back in the chapter selection and read the one before "Kili's First Bike". Also, thank you to those who informed me of the chapter title mistake (I really appreciate that). Any time you find typos or errors, please please please bring those to my attention. I usually have a friend edit for me, but this story has just been a casual adventure and I didn't want to take up their time.**

**Next up: **

**Georgia, Fili and Sigrid, and neighbors Kili doesn't get along with**


	27. Blood On the Floor

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**III**

**HOW TO SURVIVE A MODERN AU**

**Chapter 4 – Blood On the Floor**

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"_Chord Left" Agnes Obel_

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Kili thought it would be as simple as walking into the bathroom and surprising his wife by coming home to their apartment early—he'd just returned from a job interview and felt pretty good about his chances, and hearing the running water from the shower, he knew where to find her—but Kili should have known that nothing, not even a "boring" life in a mundane world, would ever allow him to have it that easy.

What he walked in on was as just as gruesome and horrifying as the memories of his battle fictions! Slumped against the wall with a trickle of blood running from her head was Danika, legs outstretched on the tile floor, which looked to be covered with… something that almost looked like brain matter, though his mind fought hard against the notion. Adrenaline erupted from his core and pumped outward, his mind racing to determine the severity of his wife's injuries and calculations for whether or not the threat was still among them or had already left.

No, the threat was still there, Kili's senses told him, and he crouched in a defensive position as his ears alerted him to movement behind him, within the bedroom. Before the intruder even came into view, Kili launched himself beyond the door and tackled the person's midsection, flipping them onto their back and pressing a heavy hand against their neck while the other hand clenched into a fist, ready to deliver a crushing blow.

"Who the hell are you?" He shouted into the startled face.

"Kili!" He heard behind him, and he looked back to see that Danika had crawled away from the wall. "It's okay! Let her go—she's a friend!"

"A friend?" In puzzlement, Kili looked down at the person's face, just above where he was squeezing a thin neck.

Sure enough, the red haze faded away and he noted the woman's features: Curly red hair, pale skin peppered with freckles, and eyelashes that looked unrealistically long. The woman's expression turned from shocked to sour in an instant and she pushed Kili's hand away from her neck with a curse.

"Stand down." The woman ordered, lifting herself up from the floor and stepping over to Danika. The woman lifted Kili's wife up under the shoulders and set her to sit on the closed toilet seat, reaching into the shower to turn the water off before turning her attentions back to Danika.

Kili remained petrified where he knelt in their bedroom, his ears filling with some sort of throbbing and his vision clouding while his mind was trying to process everything he'd seen and wondering how it had suddenly become okay…

"Hold this on your head," He heard the woman say to Danika before the redhead stepped slowly in front of Kili.

"Killian?" He heard above his head, but he couldn't move. Killian? Who was Killian? Oh, wait. That's right, that was his "full name" while they occupied the modern story—how ironic that this person was trying to get his attention with a name that wasn't really his.

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"_Angels" The Xx_

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Danika pressed the wet towel to her head, hoping she didn't look as bad as Kili made it seem, but a glance to the mirror told her it was even worse than that.

_It looks like someone tried to bludgeon me to death,_ she groaned inwardly. And it probably didn't help things that she'd vomited all over the bathroom floor. Yeah, Kili's initial reaction shouldn't have surprised her.

"Killian?" She heard Wren say to Kili. Their next door neighbor, Wren, was a God-sent—invaluable in keeping Danika's spirits up and proving herself to be a friend Danika could be herself with. So, it came as no surprise that Danika sent a text message the doctor-in-training when Danika had fallen in the shower.

"Killian?" Wren repeated, and Danika leaned to see through the bathroom door.

Kili was kneeling, hunched over, and staring at the floor with wide eyes, unhearing and unspeaking. Their neighbor, Wren, had dropped to her own knees in front of him, scanning him over and putting a hand under his chin to bring his head up.

"Killian, if you can hear me, you need to respond." Wren spoke in a firm tone that said she was in nurse-mode. Danika watched as Kili gave the smallest of nods, the curtain of his long hair obscuring his face.

"Okay, Kili," Wren spoke in a strong, slow tone meant for calming—it would have sounded condescending to anyone else, but to Danika it meant Wren was trying to let Kili know everything was under control. "You're having an anxiety attack and I need to you count in your head for me—start with one hundred and work your way down—I'm going to get up in a moment to take care of your wife, but I need you to try and breathe your way through this, all right?"

In their long conversations together, it had come up more than once that Kili was a "war veteran", and Danika was relieved when Wren assumed she'd meant as a soldier in Iraq, but even though the source was a lie, the resulting trauma was still the same.

Kili continued to stare at nothing, his shallow breathing causing Danika to think that he might already be counting, and his head twitched in subtle duck that might pass for a nod.

"Blanket." Danika called softly. "Can you give him a blanket?"

Rising and tearing the quilt from their bed, Wren pulled it over Kili's shoulders before returning to the bathroom. Oblivious to it, Kili made no movement as the quilt began to slide down one of his shoulders. It must have been obvious that Danika was about to get up to correct the blanket because Wren put a firm hand on Danika's shoulder and shook her head.

"Nope. Sit. I don't want you to fall again. He'll come out of it himself, and when he does, he won't want to see _this_." She raised a lip at the floor, reaching for a towel from the rack and wiping at the mess under Danika's feet.

"You don't have to do that." Danika whined. "It's gross, I can do it."

"Shutup and say thank you." Wren smirked, scrubbing the last remnants of sick off of the floor.

Danika grumbled. "Thank you."

"How does your head feel?" Wren threw the dirty towel into the shower and put her hands on her hips, looking down at Danika with clinical eyes.

"Throbbing. Sharp right here." Her finger hovered over her forehead.

"That's because you have a small cut." The nurse said as she ducked to look into the bathroom cabinets. "Even a small cut can bleed like crazy, though." Bringing out the antiseptic, Wren poured some of it into a hand towel and pressed it lightly against Danika's injury. The medicine stung and Danika couldn't hold back the hiss, but her eyes darted to Kili when she realized her sound had caused him to move.

Brushing away the blanket and rising to his feet, Kili strode into the bathroom with an aggressively determined expression, passing by Wren without acknowledging her and kneeling in front of Danika, seemingly afraid of touching her.

"What happened?" Came the breathy rasp, his eyebrows pressed together and his intense look of concern making Kili's face look older than it was.

"I'm okay, really," Danika tried to smile at him, but he looked so scared that she was having a hard time focusing on anything but calming him down. "I slipped in the shower—it was so stupid, I thought only old ladies do that!—and my head started bleeding like crazy and it freaked me out—when I saw how much blood there was, I threw up—and then I called Wren because she's a nurse—and Wren is awesome and came over even though she just got off a double-shift—and I'm really okay—"

Kili's arms wrapped around her middle and Danika took in a sharp breath as he burrowed his face into her stomach, dry sobs coming out in muffled breaths against her waist, and an awkward-looking Wren silently waved goodbye to Danika before disappearing through the bathroom door. The sound of the front door shutting told Danika they were alone.

"I thought they came for you again," Kili moaned into her shirt.

"I really am okay, now," Danika promised, her eyes threatening to fill up with tears. "But you freaked me out a little, attacking our neighbor like that."

"It wouldn't help things if I said I thought she was an orc, would it?"

Danika snorted. "No, not really—she's not tall enough. She might pass for a skinny hobbit, though." Danika laughed, relieved to see the quirk of a smile on her husband's face.

"Woman," He adopted a pretend irked expression. "I leave you alone for one hour—one effing hour—and you have to go and scare me half to death. Do I have to start defending you from shower stalls, now?" Kili shook his head, moving his hands up and down her back and taking in a shaky breath. "What were you even doing—"

"I was dancing in the shower," Danika rolled her eyes.

"Dancing?" Kili sneered. "In the shower?"

"I was trying to get my groove on to Taylor Swift."

Kili gagged. "Sweetheart, _no one_ gets their groove on to Taylor Swift. You've got to be mental if you like her."

"Well, I _am_ mental," Danika grinned widely, "as you have told me time and time again—and you haven't heard her new song, so you can't judge me."

"Oh, yes, I can," Kili growled playfully, and Danika's heart swelled with relief that he was no longer upset or scared over her ridiculous incident. "I've got that right and more, as a husband. And right now, I'm going to act on my right to take care of you."

"Do you sit around thinking up cheesy lines like that, or do they just come to you on the spot?" Danika stuck her tongue out at him while he slipped his arms under her knees and shoulders, pulling her close to his chest and carrying her into their living room.

"They're usually a spur of the moment," Kili winked at her, touching his forehead to hers. "Because I'm just _that_ good."

Laying her down on their couch and retrieving the quilt from their bedroom, Kili made a production of getting Danika comfortable. After fifteen minutes of the dwarf—or rather, man, in this story—moving like a whirlwind through their apartment, Danika was wearing her fuzzy slippers, wrapped in the quilt with a warm cup of tea, a plate of several pieces of toast on the coffee table where her feet were propped up, and the screen of their television was flickering to life.

"I'm not sick," Danika laughed, "I have a head injury."

"You never let me spoil you; I have to take my opportunities where I can get 'em." Kili muttered, holding up the television remote and taking a sip from the dark, brown glass bottle he held in his other hand.

"So, I get tea and _you_ get beer?" Danika raised a playful eyebrow at him. "That doesn't seem fair."

"_I_ can throw back a Guinness, _I_ don't have a head-wound." He raised the bottle defiantly in another sip.

"It's not a head-wound," Danika rolled her eyes.

"You don't even _like_ Guinness drought—you said it tastes like coffee."

"It does! And I still have some Blue Moon left in the fridge."

"Not until you've been given the go-ahead from our friend, the doctor." Kili argued.

"Ugh," Danika groaned. "Please tell me you don't mean The Doctor, please tell me you're referring to our neighbor."

"I was," Kili set down his beer and crossed his arms. "But now that you've mentioned it, I'm considering sending for the other one."

Danika pushed back the blanket and set down the tea, facing Kili with frustration. "It was an accident, even in _this_ world there are accidents, you can't keep me safe from everything—"

"Watch me." Kili's brows turned down as he looked at his crossed arms. Danika's mood fell when she began to understand the darkness of the cloud over her husband's head.

"Kili," She reached out to touch his arm, trying to meet his eyes. "That's no way to live. I know you love me, but what you're afraid of… you have to face it, some day one of us is going to leave the other."

Kili's eyes shot up and pierced hers, and Danika realized how those words could be misconstrued. "That's _not_ what I meant—listen, one of us is going to die or fade off or whatever it is that happens to characters when a story is over. We have _no_ control over that—but we do have some control over _now_. We need to savor what we have _now_."

It looked to Danika as though this was the furthest thing from Kili's mind, but she didn't know how to say it to him any other way. Whether or not he accepted those words was all on him and she had done her best to make her case. But acceptance or no, _distracting_ him from his mood wouldn't hurt things—and seeing as Danika's head wasn't throbbing quite as badly as it had been…

"That's _my_ plan, anyway." She grinned, scooting closer to him. He didn't seem to notice her wry smile, but he welcomed her into his arms all the same. Turning her head up and pressing feathery kisses to his jawline, Danika smoothed a hand over his chest and let her fingers linger over the lines of his muscles, loving the feel of thin, soft cotton over the searing heat of his skin. Her other hand came to rest over his bicep and she gave it a gentle squeeze, looking into his face and biting her lip as she waited for him to get the message.

Dark-brown eyes finally met hers and his face relaxed as Kili's arm twitched, obviously understanding what it was her small hand was asking him for. Flexing his bicep until it bulged under her hand, he grinned at her when she let out a girly squeal.

"Why do you like that so much?" He watched her in amusement.

"Because you're hot!" Danika clapped giddily. "Do it again."

Kili snorted a laugh, shaking his head and rolling his eyes, but complying nonetheless. Another squeal erupted from Danika's lips, but this time it was muffled by a pair of warm lips and the scrape of a stubble-lined chin.

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* * *

**Thank you for your patience, next chapter in a few days!**

**.**

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst? ****Try ****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

_**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**_

**.**

**Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try ****STARS AND HAMMERS**

_**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**_

**.**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try ****GOLD AND FIRE**

_**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.**_**_Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to_ GEMS AND POISON**


	28. The One Where Everyone Blushes

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**III**

**HOW TO SURVIVE A MODERN AU**

**Chapter 5 – The One Where Everyone Blushes**

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Danika's eyes became wide as she answered her front door to admit a tired-looking Wren. "What happened to _you_?"

"I fell down the stairs," Wren grumbled, her English accent more pronounced with her embarrassment, holding up a gift bag. "I brought the cheese." She added in an obvious attempt to divert Danika's attention.

"Forget the cheese, do you need some ice?" Danika pointed at the pink, irritated skin on her friend's shoulder.

"It looks worse than it is," Wren rolled her eyes. "One of the curses of being skinny and pale—I bruise easily." But the nurse refused to let Danika dwell on it and stepped past her, setting the bag on Danika's coffee table and unloading its contents. "Besides, it happened half an hour ago. I'm fine."

"Well, let me know if you need—" Danika started to say, but another knock struck the door. Stepping back over to open it, she was met with a bear-hug and a lock of blonde hair in her face.

"Merry Christmas!" Fili practically shouted with a wide smile.

"Merry Christmas, _Philip_." Danika emphasized the name, hoping he would get the hint that there was someone else there. Showing his understanding with a wink, he strode into the living room of the small apartment and offered a hand to the stranger.

It was obvious from the way Wren blushed that Fili was having an effect on her and Danika rolled her eyes as they shook hands. "They need your help in the kitchen," she elbowed him, plopping down next to Wren on the couch and scooping up her glass of wine from the table.

Wren let out an unsteady breath as Fili removed himself from the room and Danika scooted closer to her friend on the couch.

"You married into a very handsome family." Wren whispered, cocking her head at Danika.

Danika just about choked on her sip and couldn't hold back a laugh. "Um… yes, I guess they are." It amused her that Wren, usually so cryptic about her likes and dislikes regarding men, had said something so straightforward. "Fili's not exactly on the market, though—he's married."

Wren let out a small breath that Danika thought meant to express disappointment, but she didn't let Wren linger long on it. "However, his uncle isn't."

The red-head's eyebrows rose. "So the brunette and the golden poster boy are taken and you're offering me their stuffy, old uncle?" Wren laughed. "No, thank you."

"You obviously haven't seen their uncle." Danika's cheeks went red when she thought of her own first thoughts of Thorin, but Wren interrupted those thoughts.

"So, why are we having Christmas in the end of Spring?"

"Oh, that. Kili and Fili were still in the military service around Christmas time, so we didn't get to celebrate it properly. We're all about family, so this is a really big deal for them."

Wren smiled, looking around the room. "I can tell—your apartment is always so homey. Even though he doesn't talk much to me, when Kili _does_ speak, it's to say something about you or his brother. Do we get to meet his wife, or is—"

But Wren's words caught in her throat and Danika looked for whatever it was that had made her friend take on a horrified expression.

"Who's that?" Wren whispered, ducking a little behind Danika on the couch.

"That's the stuffy, old uncle." Danika laughed as Thorin stepped out of the kitchen with a bowl of nuts. "I don't know if you two have met, yet. This is—"

"Wren." Thorin nodded at the woman whose blush spread all throughout her face.

"John." She nodded at him, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Nevermind then," Danika looked back and forth between them. "How do you know…?"

"He caught me when I fell down the stairs." Wren muttered in embarrassment, and Danika wondered if she was trying to become a part of the couch, though she had enough sense to speak in an unwavering voice. "And carried me back up them before he picked up my groceries from all over the floor…"

"And you brought the cheese," Thorin beamed at the assortment on the coffee table. "Which is perfect because I have something to pair it with." He held out the bowl, either oblivious to Wren's embarrassment or ignoring it. "You seem to have cultured taste, I hope you like these nuts."

It took a good amount of Danika's willpower not to burst into loud laughter, feeling a blush break out on her own face as she rose from the couch, intending to let the two speak to each other in a more private setting—though, from the look on Wren's face, it was the last thing the nurse wanted.

"I'm going to see if they need my help in the kitchen." Danika grinned as she walked away.

"Traitor," She heard Wren whisper as she left the room, and she knew that later on she was going to pay for having left her friend alone with Thorin. Entering the kitchen and leaning against the wall furthest from the entrance, she let out all the laughter she'd been holding in, surprising Kili and Fili who stopped what they were doing to stare at her with curiosity.

"Sorry, sorry," She held a hand over her mouth, clutching her glass of wine and hoping the grip wouldn't break it. "Thorin, he just… oh, you should have been there."

Kili shook his head at her, smiling and turning his attention back to the pot he was stirring. "Enjoying yourself out there while I slave away in here?"

"Hey," Danika smacked his shoulder lightly. "I offered to cook and you wouldn't let me. Sigrid and I could have rocked Christmas dinner, but you insisted on 'spoiling' us." She took a sip of her wine and turned her head to Fili. "Speaking of which, where is she?"

"She said she couldn't buy a Christmas gift for me if I was there with her." Fili rolled his eyes. "Said she was fine shopping by herself. She's a lot more comfortable in this setting than I am, that's for sure."

"School not what you thought it would be?" Danika leaned against the refrigerator.

"Sigrid's thriving there." Fili nodded his head, moving to stand alongside Danika as Kili opened the oven to check on the roast. "I just think I need something more hands-on."

Danika heard another knock at the door, but Fili squeezed her elbow and told her he would answer it, guessing it was Sigrid and leaving Danika and Kili alone in the kitchen.

"Mm, finally," Kili muttered, closing the oven door and glancing through the archway of the kitchen before quickly turning to Danika and taking her into his arms for a crushing kiss. Nearly dropping her drink, Danika squirmed in his grip to set the glass on the countertop and wrapped her arms around his waist, greedily kissing him again.

"Everyone keeps coming in here," Kili grumbled against her lips, licking the corner.

She was certain her face was flushed and Danika smiled into another kiss. "You're the one that invited them over—you want to throw them all out so we can be alone?" She raised an eyebrow in a mock-scolding manner.

"Maybe," He breathed against her cheek before running his nose along her jawline. "Maybe I'll toss 'em all out and you can wear nothing but that apron."

"An apron?" Danika pushed him away and pointed at the oven, reminding him of the roast. "Apron's aren't sexy." She wiggled her hips at him as she walked behind him.

"Yeah, but _you_ are," he grinned mischievously at her, smacking her bottom as she made her way out and eliciting a giddy squeal from her.

"Behave!" She pointed at him before ducking out of the kitchen and dodging another smack to her rump. Shaking her head, Danika looked into the living room and was relieved to find Thorin and Wren actually talking to each other in what looked like a civilized conversation, though she couldn't imagine how Thorin had managed to press past Wren's embarrassment.

Sigrid had arrived, just as Fili predicted, and she held a box with a wide, professionally-tied bow. Danika went about the room playing hostess, offering Sigrid a glass and prompting her to choose from their assortment of wines, but the smiling blonde woman insisted she was fine, even passing on the offer of coffee.

"Dinner's not going to be ready for another twenty minutes, so I suggest we start opening presents," Kili said, clapping his hands together before ducking under the Christmas tree and pressing a box into Danika's hands. Sitting on the arm of the couch, Danika grinned at Kili in amusement, wondering what he could be so anxious for her to open in front of everyone. The box was small, no bigger than the palm of her hand, and Danika felt obligated to open it when there were several sets of eyes watching her expectantly.

After a small rip of the wrapping paper and the opening of a lid, Danika realized she was holding a smaller black, velvet jewelry box and she raised her head with wide eyes as if to ask Kili if she was holding what she thought she was holding.

He nodded at her with a beaming smile, waving at her to lift the lid—it was a ring, a thin band of gold that held three small stones, two white on either side of one purple gem in the center.

"Kili," Danika breathed in awe, "Is this the one that…"

"You were telling me what you wanted and then we saw it in that shop just outside the café in Oklahoma, remember?" He was leaning against the wall opposite of her, arms crossed and the biggest smile Danika had ever seen him wear. "I wasn't able to get you a proper ring before we married, so I thought 'better late then never'."

After a moment of staring at the ring in shock, Danika realized Kili had come to kneel in front of her, pulling the ring from the box and slipping it onto her finger and kissing her hand tenderly.

"Say something," He pleaded, a small blush creeping onto his cheeks.

"Thank you," Danika finally squeaked, sliding down from the arm of the couch and putting her arms around her husband to hug him. Everyone around them clapped and Danika's cheeks were starting to burn from smiling so widely.

"Well, if we're done with that," Fili said jokingly, causing the whole room to erupt into laughter. "I have something for _my_ wife."

"Uh-uh," Sigrid shook her head, holding up the box she'd brought in with her. "You first."

"I thought the rule was 'ladies first'," Thorin countered, but Fili was already unwrapping the package. Beneath it was a white clothing box and he eyed Sigrid cautiously.

"You're going to try and embarrass me with underwear, aren't you?" He snickered.

"Just open it," She shook her head at him.

But whatever it was in the box made Fili stop in his tracks. He'd lifted the lid only enough so that he could see inside and his frantic eyes went back and forth between the gift and his wife.

"Is this a joke?" He murmured quietly, but Sigrid only beamed at him.

"What is it?" Thorin leaned in his seat.

"Come on, Fili, show us," Kili prompted.

With slow movements, Fili reached into the package and carefully pulled out a tiny white onesie.

"Is that—?" Danika's heart swelled and she turned to face Sigrid, clapping her hands. "Are you—?"

"Yes," Sigrid's face was red, but her smile was bright enough to light up the room.

"You're pregnant?" Danika heard Wren say from the other side of the couch beside Thorin. "Congratulations!"

A teary-eyed Fili matched Sigrid's smile and he dropped to his knees in front of her seat and threw his arms around her with a happy cry.

"Merry Christmas," Sigrid said into her husband's blonde hair.

* * *

.

.

**Merry Christmas, sweethearts! No new chapter until next week ;) By the way, ****I really can't take the credit for Danika's neighbor- kkolmakov is responsible for writing the gorgeous and brilliant Wren! If you haven't read any of her stories, you really should (she's terrific!) This original character is tailor-made for a well-written Thorin!**

**If you like romantic Thorin stories, try CONVINCE ME THAT WINTER IS OVER by Kkolmakov**

**or any of the other stories she's written- they're all amazing**

**.**

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst? ****Try ****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

_**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**_

**.**

**Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try ****STARS AND HAMMERS**

_**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**_

**.**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try ****GOLD AND FIRE**

_**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.**_**_Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to_ GEMS AND POISON**


	29. Bilbo Returns

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**III**

**HOW TO SURVIVE A MODERN AU**

_**Chapter 6—Bilbo Returns**_

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* * *

Danika was sitting on the floor in front of her laundry machines, pulling out a dry, freshly heated blanket when she had this overwhelming urge to climb into the wide drum of the dryer to suck up all of its inner warmth. _You're such a spaz_, she told herself, _just wrap the blanket around yourself—_

_Knock knock knock!_ She jumped, startled, when the tap came from the front door of her apartment. Pulling the blanket around her shoulders, she stepped across the carpet and reached for the handle.

"Bilbo?" She blinked, looking the hobbit up and down with a hand flying to her mouth. "What the hell—"

"Tea first, talking later," the miserable Mr. Baggins said as he shivered.

Dressed in modern clothes that mimicked a Middle-Earth trend, Bilbo was dripping wet and making a puddle on Danika's welcome mat. She ushered him in quickly and helped him out of his soaked shoes and drenched jacket.

"Um," Danika was beginning to see that the rest of his clothes were not much dryer. "Here's the plan: the bathroom's to the left, you're going to throw everything in the tub, and I'm going to rifle through Kili's clothes to find something that will fit."

If Bilbo had anything witty to say, he kept it to himself and Danika satisfied herself with the tired nod he gave her, directing him to the bathroom and trotting to her bedroom closet to see what she might find. Thankfully, the hobbit and dwarves were practically the same height, having adapted to a modern fan fiction, but poor Bilbo was certainly much leaner than her thick, muscled husband. This would probably be the only time in her life that she wished he were a little less built…

Tossing the dry clothes into the waiting hobbit's hands, she listened for close of the bathroom door before she dove into the kitchen to light the stovetop beneath the kettle of water. Faster than she'd anticipated, Bilbo was standing in the archway of the kitchen, wearing the clothes that were obviously too wide for him.

"Have you been feeding Kili nothing but cake?" He smiled at her, pinching at either side of the large shirt.

Danika snorted. "Er, no. He doesn't look much different from the dwarf he was, just taller."

Bilbo shook his head. "Unbelievable. And here I am, nothing but skin and bones, and short to boot."

"You're not _that_ short," Danika squinted at him, raising her hand above her head to measure the height difference between them. "Not unless you're calling _me_ short." The kettle started to whistle and Danika poured it into the ceramic teapot, plopping two teabags into it and letting it steep. "I'm sorry it's not the same as home; modern tea is a little underwhelming—"

"Home?" The hobbit eyed her knowingly and crossed his arms. "I thought _this_ was home."

Danika winced, realizing she'd been caught calling Middle-Earth her home. "Yeah. It is. Kinda. Well…"

"You lot aren't getting along in this story very well, are you?" Bilbo reached into a cupboard, looking for a mug.

"We knew this was going to be hard." Danika rolled her eyes, hating to admit that it was true. "I just don't think any of us expected it to be this… well, boring."

"Boring?" Bilbo's eyebrows rose. "Well, you're welcome to accompany the Doctor any time you want; I promise you it will be anything but boring."

"Which brings us to back to the 'what the hell' remark." Danika poured tea into the waiting Bilbo's mug, stepping past him and waving a hand at the couch.

"Firstly," He grunted as he lowered himself to the couch cushion. "I want to state that I _did_ have the excitement I was looking for and that I brought a lot of this on myself."

"But it obviously wasn't what you thought it would be," Danika smirked at him, sitting and bringing her knees up in front of her, wrapping her arms around them.

"Not in the slightest," Bilbo closed his eyes and shook his head at her. "You have got to believe me when I say that I tried and tried, but I wouldn't wish those kinds of adventures on anyone." He took a slow sip of his tea, wrinkling his nose when the taste hit his mouth. "I see what you mean about modern and boring already."

"Bilbo," Danika sighed. "The wet clothes?"

"Right!" The hobbit's nose twitched. "I don't think I'm ready to tell the long version of this story, but the shorter version involves a planet made entirely of ocean-water and inhabitants that look like squids."

"Squids?" Danika's eyes widened and she leaned forward, as though assessing whether or not he was telling the truth. "And a planet made entirely of water? How does that even work?"

"The Doctor was explaining it to me when the Tardis was attacked by one of the squids, there was a struggle and I had to fix the broken antennae on the top of the blue box with my belt. I was nearly electrocuted!" Bilbo's arms went up in a huff. "And all the while, the Doctor kept babbling on about some sort of message from his future self and the water interrupting the signal—and telling me to hurry up so that we could get out of there!" He ran a hand over his face and shook his head. "It was humiliating and nerve-wracking."

"I'm so sorry, Bilbo." Danika patted his hand. "But at least you got here safely."

"Amen to that. I told him I knew exactly where I wanted to go next and he took me straight here. I don't think we'll be seeing him again for a while."

As if on cue, the front door opened and Kili stepped through, causing a small giggle to erupt from Danika as he looked at them in surprise.

"Well, normally, I'd take issue to other men calling on my wife while I'm away…" Kili fisted his knuckles against his hips. He looked Bilbo up and down, eyebrow quirking when he seemed to recognize that their guest was wearing his clothes, but then he laughed and came forward to hug the startled hobbit. "Good to see you, Bilbo. How was your adventure with the Doctor?"

While Bilbo let out a grumpy noise from his throat, Kili leaned over his wife to kiss her softly on the lips. He lingered there a moment, his eyes smiling at her in a way that made Danika's heartbeat quicken, like he was seeing her for the first time in ages. She might have melted into the couch if he hadn't picked her up with strong arms, lowering himself to the cushions and setting her over his lap as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

Gone were the grumpy noises from Bilbo and the hobbit's eyes twinkled. Danika almost rolled her eyes at him, knowing how fond he was of them as a pair, but she was a little distracted by the way Kili was errantly playing with her hair while he questioned Bilbo. She heard little of the conversation, concentrating for a moment on the tingles that ran through her back when Kili's fingers brushed over her neck.

This was home. This sensation of Kili's fingers touching her even in the smallest way, his woodsy scent and the rhythm of his breathing, which was a pattern she had unconsciously memorized. As much as she still longed for the beauty of Middle-Earth—and detested the daily routine of this mundane world—those feelings subsided when she was with her One. Home was not a place. Home was Kili.

"Fili and Sigrid are expecting, soon." Danika heard Kili say and the hobbit's eyes went almost as wide as his smile.

"That's fantastic!" Bilbo was practically bouncing, his air of manners forgotten in the wake of his joy. "That's so wonderful. And I expect you'll not soon be outdone by them." He winked.

Danika's face dropped and she knew Kili was wearing a similar frown.

"Bilbo," Kili started to speak, pausing for a moment, and Danika was searching for words herself.

_We don't want to._

_Not yet._

_Why is everyone pressuring us? It's our choice!_

_It isn't safe, there are villains still looking for us._

_I mean, I want to—definitely! _

_We can't think about that right now._

All the things that she wanted to say were passing through her mind, but she couldn't muster up the thoughts into a coherent order.

"We're not able to," Kili answered bluntly.

_Oh._ Danika tried to hide her surprise. _Or we could say that._ No more questions about it, no delving into details, no one putting expectations on them… despite her unease in telling such a lie, she understood the advantages of telling it.

Bilbo immediately looked struck by guilt. "I'm sorry—I didn't realize—I didn't mean—"

"It's fine, Bilbo," Danika heard Kili say behind her head. "So, tell us about the Doctor, how is he these days? I'm assuming something exciting happened, seeing as you're wearing my clothes."

As her husband gracefully segued into a new conversation, Danika fought against sighing in relief. As afternoon gave way to evening, they offered their couch to Bilbo for the night, but apparently Thorin had caught wind of the hobbit's return and had sent along a taxi and made reservations for a hotel room.

"How is the old man, anyway?" Bilbo had smirked at Danika, obviously referring to Thorin.

"Well…" She smiled, not wanting to give too much away before Bilbo found out for himself. "He's met someone."

"Has he, now?" Bilbo laughed, stepping out the front door and waving at the taxi driver waiting at the bottom of the stairs. "I get the feeling she's not normal in some way."

"Oh, she's perfectly normal," Danika defended. "No, she's exceptional—well, you'll see for yourself after you jump onto that plane."

"Does she know about…" Bilbo's eyebrows furrowed and he seemed to be looking for the right words. "Well, about the story? Does she know that she's a fictional character and that he's—"

"I don't think he's gone that far yet." Danika said as the driver began to walk to the car. "This cabby looks a little impatient." She bit her lip. Would it be terrible of her to admit that she didn't want Bilbo to go? Their afternoon together and helped her to gain a little perspective and she had already been missing the hobbit so much. And he looked as though he understood her thoughts perfectly because he smiled warmly at her and held out his arms to embrace her.

"We'll see each other again soon, I promise." Bilbo said, squeezing her shoulders before he descended the stairs. Suddenly, he turned and he opened his mouth as if to say something, but the words seemed to be stuck in his throat. "I'm… I'm so glad that… well, that we survived those stories and that everything turned out as well as it did for you. For all of us." He scratched the back of his head. "I'm very, very glad."

Danika knew she was blushing because she could feel the warmth in her cheeks and she crossed her arms, promising herself that she wouldn't break into tears as though this was the last time she would see her friend. "Thank you, Bilbo."

The cab drove off once Bilbo was inside of it and Danika found herself standing on her doorstep watching the vacant street, arms wrapped around herself in a small effort for comfort. A warm set of arms crossed around hers from behind and a stubbly chin rested on her shoulder.

"He'll be back." Kili murmured, kissing her jawline and sighing against her skin.

"I know…" Danika closed her eyes. "I just don't like saying goodbye to any of them."

"Come inside," He whispered against her cheek, taking one of her hands in his and leading her into their living room. After plopping onto their couch, Kili looked up at her and he must have sensed that she was mulling over something. Twitching a finger at her, he motioned for her to sit in his lap again, pulling Danika against his chest and resting his cheek on the top of her head as she curled into him.

"You're thinking," He murmured into her hair, tickling a few strands with his breath and making her smile.

"Am I that obvious?" Danika asked, burrowing her nose deeper into his chest and closing her eyes in contentment.

"Your body shuts down when your brain is working." He said, and she knew that he was grinning, even without looking at him. "It seems to work the other way around, too."

"Har har," She rolled her eyes, but he didn't seem to be laughing at his own joke. Daring to look up at his face, she realized he was staring straight down at her.

"It's the baby thing, isn't it?" He murmured hesitantly, his eyelids twitching as he watched her reaction.

_This_, she inwardly moaned, _is not how I wanted to start this conversation. _But she knew they needed to talk about it soon enough. "Yes."

"Just tell everyone what I told Bilbo," Kili shrugged, as if it solved the problem. "I know some of your friends have been badgering you—"

"It's not just that," She huffed, shoving her face back into the safety of Kili's chest. "It's… Kili, you've done this so many times, I would understand if you didn't want to have children at all."

"What makes you think I don't want children with you?" She felt the rumble of his voice from beneath his muscled chest. "Have you even asked me? And this, coming from the woman who says, 'Don't assume you know what I'm thinking'? That's a two-way road, love. You've got to give it if you want it back."

"I just don't want you to feel pressured into thinking that you—"

"Will you just ask me, already?"

"Fine. Kili, is it your hope to have children in the near future?"

"No."

"See? I knew you were—"

"Danika," He pulled her head away from his chest. "Stop hiding, come sit next to me so we can talk about this like adults."

"No," She shook her head. "I like right where I am. And who said we were being adults?"

"Danika," Kili growled.

She sighed. "I'm sorry." Moving to sit beside him, Danika propped her elbow against the back of the couch, leaning her head on her palm and looking Kili in the eye.

She was suddenly wishing she had done this at the beginning of the conversation because the expression on his face said that this was more important to him than he was letting on.

"I love you." He said softly, fingers fidgeting with the fabric over her knee. "And I don't want you to compare our lives to anything that's been written for me previously. That's not fair to you—I'm not the only one here. Yes, I do want children, but I most certainly do not want them right now." He took in a breath. "I've never said it because I was scared you were going to agree with me just for the sake of agreeing with me, paying no mind to your own thoughts." Kili raised a brow. "I guess I just botched that plan…"

"I wouldn't mind being a mother." Danika blurted out quicker than she meant. "But until I stop feeling like we're being chased around, I don't want to think about it. It's probably selfish, but being on the run with a pregnant belly sounds terrifying." She blew out the air she had been holding in. "And being on the run with an infant sounds even more terrifying. At least, if _I'm_ in danger, it's just _me_, but a baby…"

"I know," Kili nodded, drawing circles on her knee with his finger. "But this is good to know: it's an adventure we both want to take, just not right now."

Danika smiled at him, happy that they'd both been honest and that it had been resolved so quickly. She let her eyes roam over him in admiration, taking in the features that put butterflies in her stomach.

Kili's long, brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail, swept over his muscled shoulder which stretched the thin material of the tight, v-neck shirt he wore. Shaded, black tattoos were scattered over his forearms and the bend of his elbow. Shadowy scruff travelled from his neck to his chin, the thin beard eternally paused at a five-oclock shadow. All of these, she loved, but it was his eyes that caught Danika's attention—those once coffee-brown eyes had lightened to something warm and vibrant, like milk chocolate with a hint of yellow tones.

"You're so hot." The words left Danika's mouth in a dreamy voice before she could tell herself to shut up.

Kili's eyebrows rose. "Thank… you?"

A deep blush ran over Danika's hot cheeks. "Sorry."

"Sorry?" He grinned widely at her leaning forward.

"No, I'm _not _sorry, I'm…" She couldn't help the sigh that came next.

"You're…? Besotted. At least, that's what you look like."

"Yeah, yeah." She laid back on the couch and threw an arm over her eyes. "Make fun of me."

With her arm over her eyes, she couldn't see Kili coming after her, but she felt the shift in weight on the couch cushions and the crushingly heavy body that had crawled on top of her.

"I'd rather make fun _with_ you." He said in a humorously low seductive tone.

"Ugh," she tried pushing his face away from hers when his beard scratched against her chin. "The cheesy lines again?"

"Yes, they're genius." He wagged his eyebrows at her, smothering her with another kiss as she squealed under his weight.

"They're not!" She insisted, finally relaxing her struggling limbs and laughing.

"They _are_—because they work so well on you." Burrowing his face into her neck, Kili bit lightly at her skin.

Danika sighed in mock exasperation before giggling at the brush of his lips under her ear. "As much as I hate it, it's true…"

* * *

**.**

**.**

**Thank you for being so patient! That's the trouble with writing three stories at once :( **

**By the way, this story is still open to prompts, so let me know if you have any ideas!**

**.**

.** Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try STARS AND HAMMERS**

**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**

.

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst?****Try****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**

**.**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try****GOLD AND FIRE**

**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.****Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to GEMS AND POISON**


	30. AUTHORS PROMISE

_._

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**_

**I HAVE NOT ABANDONED THIS STORY.**

**Chapters will be coming every two weeks for a while.**

It's always so hard to find a story you like and then learn that the writer hasn't updated in months (sometimes, even years), but I promise you—here and now—that I will never abandon my stories.

This is the part of the year where my writing time gets limited, so you can expect updates to be every two weeks, but as the year progresses, chapters will come much faster.

Also, just so you know, I am sitting down to write a new story soon and when I feel it is up to my impossibly high standards, I will be uploading two chapters a week for it—no title yet, but we're going to call it "The Goblin Wars" until further notice: _Tauriel and Kili have accompanied Bilbo to the Shire, but upon their return to Erebor, the sons of Durin are thrust into a war with goblins, an attempt by Sauron to get better footing by taking the mountain—but the Dark Lord will prove his power through a weapon none of them could have expected: Kili, son of Dis! _


	31. Complications

.

**III**

**HOW TO SURVIVE A MODERN AU**

_**Chapter 7 – Complications**_

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* * *

**"_Angry Hill" George Ezra_**

* * *

"Let me see if I've got this straight," Kili said with closed eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "We fled into another story to hide, only to be drawn back to our original story by the same trap our enemy laid the last time?"

Now he looked up, reading the face of the Doctor as the man sat on his couch with a cup of tea in hand. Danika was sitting beside the Doctor, bracing her own cup of tea with shaking hands as the Time-Lord nodded.

"Pretty much," The Doctor said, and Kili seriously wondered if his knees were going to collapse beneath him.

"Kili, come sit." Danika patted the spot on the other side of her. Reluctantly moving from where he stood in front of the Doctor, Kili lowered himself to the couch and grabbed Danika's hand to anchor him while panic threatened to overtake him.

"Several characters have gone missing from different stories," The Doctor re-iterated, as though it might help, but Kili already understood and waved a hand at him.

"And someone is holding them captive." Kili nodded. "That same someone made demands for the return of said captives, I'm guessing?"

"According to the King of Gondor and Rohan, yes." The Doctor set his tea down and crossed his arms, leaning back into the couch. "And they'll want to discuss those terms with you before I say any more."

"I don't want to do this again," Kili shook his head. "We've got a nice life here. We're safe…"

"Kili," Danika gripped his arm. Turning his head, he could see that she wanted to rebuke him, but her mouth was moving without any sound coming out.

It rankled him to say something that sounded so cowardly, but hadn't they been hiding out in another world for a reason? So that the concerns of the previous stories wouldn't affect them anymore? And then he looked down at his arms and legs and somehow had his answer. No, these tattoos weren't truly who he was, nor were the fashionably distressed jeans he wore. They were an imaginative distraction from his real purpose—

"We've got a job to do," Danika spoke softly from beside him, peering down at his arms as though she saw the same thing. "We made this mess, now we have to clean it up."

"Then we'll need to call Thorin," Kili muttered, still unsure how committed he was to fixing this new trouble.

"I've already done that," The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "He was the first one I told—he and the others are waiting for us." And then, as if realizing something, he added, "Sorry, er, Thorin told me to come and explain things to you and then bring you with, if you _wanted_ to go."

"If I wanted…?" Kili eyed the Doctor with some suspicion. "I'm guessing he thought I might refuse."

"Well…" The Doctor shrugged, but Kili could see that this was the case. His uncle was trying to spare him from having a repeat of their last "adventure".

"No," Kili shook his head, and for a moment Danika looked as though she thought he was choosing not to go. "No, I can't just sit here if the rest of them are leaving, too. Where are we going?"

"For starters," The Doctor rose to his feet. "I've got some travelers waiting in the Tardis. It's sitting in the parking lot of that abandoned skating ring just down the block. Thorin's there, too, and so is Fili. I don't know if Bilbo is there yet."

* * *

**"_Arnalds: Sudden Throw" Olafur Arnalds_**

* * *

"You look mightily confused." Danika heard Thorin say when she, Kili, and the Doctor had finished their walk to the empty parking lot.

"I was just asked to leave everything behind at a moment's notice," She tilted her head cockily at him.

"Hm," Thorin looked amused, crossing his arms. "I know the feeling."

Suddenly a thought struck Danika: Thorin _did_ know what that felt like. How many times had he been forced to relive the moment when the dragon attacked Erebor and drove the dwarves out of it?

"My guests have been waiting a while," the Doctor mentioned, waving a hand at the blue box. "They're eager to talk to you, Thorin."

Thorin's eyebrows rose and then he shook his head and sighed. "All right, then, lead on…"

The Doctor held up a hand to stop the dwarf from stepping forward, instead rapping his knuckles on the door and calling the travellers out. The first to stand in the doorway was Aragorn, but as he greeted Thorin, the dwarf called him King Elessar and bowed low. Had they met before? Danika had no idea what kind of crossovers existed, but she imagined Thorin had been in a few of them.

The next to step out of the blue box was Faramir, and behind him, Eowyn. Danika couldn't help but feel a small thrill run through her as she watched the two—who were, by far, her favorite coupling in the Lord of the Rings universe—step into the open with interlocked hands, eyes taking in the strange scenery.

Next was Eomer, Eowyn's older brother, and Danika reminded herself that if Aragorn had ascended to the throne of Gondor, then that meant Eomer was King of Rohan. As she processed the information, Eomer's eyes went directly to Danika's. Some sort of familiarity passed through his face, which had gone from scrutinizing their surroundings with battle-readiness to a pained relief.

Eomer suddenly smiled and whispered a name, looking directly at Danika. "Lisswyn."

Danika was stunned. What had he called her?

"Lisswyn!" He shouted, bursting from the doorway and leaping to put his arms around her. "He found you! By the gods, he found you!"

Still stunned to silence, Danika was too shocked by the abrupt embrace of the horse-lord to resist it. No one else said a word, but she could feel everyone's eyes on them and she finally raised her hands to push away from Eomer's tall, strong body.

But he must have mistaken the action because he pulled away from her only to lean his head down and take her lips in a passionate kiss that sent her head whirling.

* * *

**"_I'm A Mess" Ed Sheeran_**

* * *

As Eomer stepped out of the Tardis, he donned a serious expression, wary of this new world— King Elessar, Eowyn, and Faramir had exited the blue box with more trust than he, and he was looking around for threats to their safety. It had been his lack of attention which robbed him of the presence of his wife days earlier. They had thought Rohan safe—Rohan, of all places! After the War of the Ring, it _should_ have been safe—and yet evil had found a way to invade the golden hall and steal away not only his wife, but the wives of several others.

The Doctor had promised to help Eomer find his beloved, but had insisted that the answer to her whereabouts might lay with these strange people who had once called Middle-Earth their home.

Looking from face to face, Eomer found that he could recognize a few of them, even knew their names, but it was the beautiful woman who stood directly in front of him that caused him to lose his composure.

"Lisswyn?" He whispered, hands starting to shake. After days of thinking her dead or captured, here she stood, safe and sound. "Lisswyn!"

Oh, that wonderful Doctor! Somehow, he'd already made good on his promise of help! "He found you!"

The wave of relief that flowed through him was immense and he felt as though years had been lifted from his heavy shoulders. "By the gods, he found you!"

Throwing his arms around her small frame and clutching her to him to be sure she was real, Eomer crushed her with a strength lent to him by the joy in seeing his beloved again. Tears threatened to escape his eyes and it was difficult to hold back the breathy sobs that nearly tore through his innards, but he had yet to hear her speak and he wondered why.

Her hands were on his chest and he felt a protective heat surge through him. Never again would he drop his guard and leave her defenseless! Never again would he assume that those servants under him were trustworthy as a rule!

Eomer looked into her face, a sigh of relief and a laugh mixing into one, before he lowered his lips to hers and pressed away all of the anxiety and desperation into that powerful kiss. He wondered if she could feel the tension melt away from him in the kiss, but then he felt a hand on his shoulder. Eomer didn't care if it was his sister, reminding him to be chaste in public—didn't she understand how much he had missed his wife, had been terrified that Lisswyn had been taken from him forever, and was only reveling in the ecstasy of finding her again?—but when he lifted his head from his wife's and turned to face the person the hand belonged to, he realized he was mistaken.

A fist was flying toward his face and Eomer had no time to duck or to block it. The knuckles collided with Eomer's temple and he felt the ground rush up towards him, bashing him at the back of his head as if the blow to the front hadn't been enough.

"Get your hands off of her!" Someone was shouting from above him. Eomer's eyesight was blurry, refocusing after being struck so hard, but he could tell that it was one of the dwarves who stood over him. Lisswyn stood to the side with a look of terrified shock on her face.

Not waiting until his senses returned to normal, Eomer launched himself upward, throwing his own fist out toward the offending dwarf and managing to make contact with a shoulder.

"Stand back, Lisswyn!" Eomer shouted as he righted himself and threw the woman behind him, a shielding hand reaching backward to push her away from the maddened dwarf.

"Kili!" Someone called, and Eomer assumed it was the name of the enraged figure before him.

"It was _you_, then," Eomer's eyes burned with anger. "You, who came in the night to steal my wife!"

Kili looked insulted and confused. "Danika is _my_ wife."

At this, the woman behind Eomer came to stand between them, arms outstretched to touch the chest of both men in an effort to keep them parted. "I don't know what's going on, but everyone needs to calm the hell down!"

"Lisswyn," He moaned, eyeing her with despair and incomprehension. Eomer's heart thudded painfully in his chest, trying to make sense of it all. Wasn't she happy to see him? Didn't she know that he'd done everything he could to find her again? To rescue her?

The woman glanced at Kili for a moment before taking both hands and holding them up in front of Eomer, as though he might try to push past her at the dwarf. "Listen, I don't know who that is, but my name's Danika. You've got me confused with somebody else."

"You're not…?" Eomer was having trouble taking his eyes from her face. Her features were exactly as he remembered them, but there was something odd about the way she was looking at him, as though she didn't have an inkling as to who he was. "But, I… Eowyn," He turned his head, desperately seeking out his sister's support. "This is—"

"Eomer," Eowyn said softly from behind him, putting a hand on her brother's shoulder. "It's not her…"

Heaviness returned to his shoulders in disappointment and Eomer felt as though he would be crushed beneath it. "I'm sorry," he whispered, ducking his head. "You just look so much like her…"

"Please pardon us, my lady, but you _do_ resemble the Queen of Rohan's appearance." Aragorn had come near and was speaking, but a ringing began in Eomer's ears and he suspected that it was from the jarring of his head against a dwarf's fist.

Said dwarf, Kili, was putting his hands on Danika's shoulders and pulling her away from the grief-struck horse-lord, but the woman seemed to resist and looked into Eomer's wet eyes with pity and understanding that said she felt his pain.

"I'm so sorry," She breathed.

* * *

**"_I'm Not the Only One" Sam Smith_**

* * *

Danika felt her heart drop at the sight of the broken King of Rohan. Kili was tugging insistently at her shoulders and she almost swatted his hands away, but then realized he was trying to separate her from what he considered to be danger. That was the way of dwarves, she had come to find: fiercely protective of those they loved, and the loving response was for the protected ones to _allow_ that defensiveness.

Ducking her head to keep from looking at Eomer's tears, she turned and let Kili lead her away from the man, whose companions had come alongside him to comfort and embrace him.

Kili was muttering something under his breath in anger, his dark locks blowing past his face as he walked quickly, and Danika couldn't help but let her head snap back up. "Shut up." She chided.

Startled, Kili did not stop walking her over to where his brother stood, but fixed her with confused eyes.

"You know the pain of losing someone you love," Danika reminded him, hoping to soften his heart to the poor man in the distance. "What if you had come to rescue me when I was missing and found someone that looked like me, but she insisted that she wasn't who you thought she was?"

Kili's jaw worked as he looked at her face, his frustrated features giving way to sympathy though they refused to become less sharp. "Couldn't stand by while he kissed you like that. Misunderstanding or no."

Danika shook her head, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Possessive much?"

"Yes," He answered in a growl, no traces of humor on his scowling face. "You're…" He huffed in anger and shook his head, apparently having difficulty with the words. "You're mine. I fought for you, I bled for you, and I would die for you in a moment. You're mine."

Danika's heart skipped a beat and she slid her arms around Kili's waist, resting her head on his chest. She could have taken the words differently, argued that she belonged to no one, but it was hard to resist _wanting_ to belong to him. Wasn't it right for her to want that? Wasn't that the whole purpose of having married him? Yes, she wanted to belong to him and didn't mind that it came with the stipulation of letting him be a bit more protective than she thought was necessary.

"I love you." She murmured into his chest, closing her eyes and holding him that much closer. Danika felt his hands move around her waist and into her hair, running his fingers through the strands of it as he laid his cheek against the top of her head.

* * *

.

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**By the way, I know that Eomer married Lothiriel in canon, but there's an excellent story with him and an original character **

**that I just love love love and I wanted to pay tribute to it- HEART OF THE HORSELORD by rynogeny**

**And really- if we're travelling through fan fictions, then it's not really that important to stick to canon ;)**

**.**

**NEW STORY COMING SOON!**

**.**

**Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try STARS AND HAMMERS**

**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**

.

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst?****Try****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**

**.**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try****GOLD AND FIRE**

**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.****Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to GEMS AND POISON**


	32. Don't Let Me Hesitate

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**III**

**HOW TO SURVIVE A MODERN AU**

_**Chapter 8 – Don't Let Me Hesitate**_

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* * *

"_Left Hand Free" alt-J_

* * *

Wren wasn't sure what she was seeing, but she rubbed her eyes again to be certain she wasn't imagining things.

She was standing in a vacant parking lot, watching the two groups in front of her with interest, and then staring at the blue phone box off to the side of everything and wondering just what they'd gotten themselves into. Thorin had told her early on in their relationship that he and his family were at the center of some very complicated drama and she hadn't asked any questions, thinking that the ignorance might save her a wretched headache… but now she was beginning to regret not knowing.

Fili and Sigrid, looking for all the part like the college students she supposed they were pretending to be—pullover sweaters and faded jeans with a book-bag hanging from the blonde woman's shoulder—stood behind Thorin. They were in stark contrast to his very expensive, but casual attire, complete with unbuttoned blue shirt under a crisp, tailored black sports coat. Kili and Danika stood to the side of these three as though they were part of the group, but clearly wanted their own space.

Thorin's youngest nephew wore a faded grey tank top that didn't cover his muscled shoulders or the multiple tattoos there— grey and black geometrical shapes that might have been tribal, though they looked strongly rooted in Norse designs. His hair was pulled back into a bun except for a stray curl that refused to stay in place, which Danika was tucking behind his ear as she faced him. Leaning back against his motorcycle, Kili had his hands resting on Danika's hips as she stood in front of him in skinny jeans and a black t-shirt. The way Kili's arms wound around his wife might have looked relaxed if Wren hadn't seen his scowling expression—it was defensive, and he seemed to be watching a man standing in the group about twenty feet away from them.

The second group looked like they'd just come from a renaissance fair. There were three men and a woman, two of which Wren could see were related, while the other two looked nothing alike. There was a dark-haired man with a regal bearing that looked to be speaking soothing words as he knelt in front of one of the sitting men, a tanned blond. Noting the way the woman had her hand on the blond man's shoulder, Wren realized the woman, also blonde, was actually pressing his shoulder down as though she were keeping him from rising. The fourth had a gentle look in his eye and glanced at the first group with curiosity.

As Wren drew closer to them, another figure appeared from behind the box and smiled welcomingly at her, his long and skinny arms hanging at his sides while he shoved his hands into the pockets of a blue pinstripe jacket.

"Thorin," She called to the dark-haired man behind the stranger, shaking her head and hoping he would fix her confusion shortly. "I got your message and came as soon as I could—what's going on?"

Thorin removed his dark sunglasses and folded them, sliding them into his pocket and reaching out a hand to her. Ducking into his side and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek, Wren looked up into his weary face and waited for him to speak.

"Little bird," He sighed. "I've got a long story to tell and not much time to tell it in…"

* * *

"_Tough Love" Jessie Ware_

* * *

Danika was tracing one of Kili's tattoos with her finger and watching his jaw clench and unclench when she heard the voice of Wren behind them. Turning her head quickly, she saw that Wren had greeted Kili's uncle and they were speaking quietly to each other.

Danika's brow furrowed. "Is he going to tell her?"

"Looks like it." Kili said in a clipped tone, not taking his eyes off of the King of Rohan.

"I wonder what he'll say. It'll probably sound pretty loony." Danika returned her attentions to Kili's tattoo, shifting a bit closer to him as his thumb worked in circles at her hip. Kili still did not look down at her, but hummed in reply. Her fingers twitched, itching to touch the pronounced collar bones she could see above the low collar of Kili's ribbed shirt, and she wondered if he would even notice.

Glancing behind her, she could see that King Eomer was watching Kili with a similar expression, and it suddenly struck her that they might be sizing each other up. The grip of her husband's hold became tighter as he interlocked his fingers at her lower back, adjusting his perch on the motorcycle and sighing through his nose.

"For goodness sake," Danika snorted, trying to pull away from Kili's chest before realizing he had a strong grip that wouldn't allow her to budge. "Why don't you just pee on me and get it over with?"

Kili's eyes darted to her face, his expression still harsh. "…what?"

"You know, like a dog," Danika rolled her eyes. "Marking your territory. Warding off other dogs—"

Kili shook his head at her, eyes returning to the other man. "Not doing that. Just holding you. I can do that, you know, being _married_ to you—"

"Kili," Danika sighed, lifting her hands to his jawline and gently turning his face toward her. She waited until his eyes followed, but his brow remained furrowed, his jaw tight, and his eyebrows ducked as though he were angry. "Please… When you act like this… I know you're just trying to protect me, but it makes me feel a little… well, like you don't trust me." She bit her lip and unconsciously stroked along his jawline with both hands. Danika was uncomfortable speaking these thoughts and had trouble meeting Kili's now-attentive eyes. "You make me feel like you think he'll try to head over here and seduce me away from you, like that's even possible."

Kili sighed, nodding as he lifted a hand to brush back hair behind Danika's ear, though his face was still intense. "You have a talent for being understanding," He whispered, touching her chin with his knuckle to make her look at him. "It's part of why I love you so much. But aim some of that talent toward me: I've had too many good things taken away from me and I've had to sit back and let it happen. I finally find the most important person in my life and someone else is trying to lay a claim on you."

"Ugh," Danika moaned, but she could see that Kili was hurt by her outburst and she quickly explained. "I'm sorry, not you—that was incredibly sweet and I hear what you're saying. But I don't want to be part of one of those love triangle things." Sneering dramatically, she stuck her tongue out. "I'd rather just leave it at 'and she met the love of her life and they lived happily ever after'."

Kili snorted, a bit of humor returning to his face. "If you were looking for a 'happily ever after', you picked the wrong story and the wrong person to fall in love with."

"Well, I didn't really have a choice, did I?" She rolled her eyes again. "But even if I did, I'd still choose you."

Kili's intensity was now focused on her, and even though this was what she'd been trying for, Danika suddenly felt shy under his protective gaze, lowering her eyes to the hem of his shirt and letting her hands slid down his ribs. Taking in a shaky breath, she fidgeted with the shirt a moment before letting her hands rest in Kili's lap.

"Where is that blasted hobbit?" Kili muttered, pressing his forehead against hers and closing his eyes. "I just want to get this done and over with."

"Kili," Danika bit her lip nervously. "Do you think…nevermind."

"What?" Kili's eyes opened and though his forehead continued to touch hers, he looked into her face questioningly. "What were you going to say?"

"If—no, _when_ the problem in Middle-Earth is solved, will we be coming back here?" Danika shifted her weight, realizing that with the way Kili leaned on the motorcycle and with the way she was leaning into him, she was practically straddling his leg.

"I think so. Why?" His hands came up to her shoulder blades and she suppressed a shiver.

"Thorin," She turned her head ever-so-slightly. "If he's willing to tell Wren about all of this then maybe he's planning on asking her to come to Middle-Earth. If he doesn't want to come back…"

"Danika, I'll be honest," Kili pulled her into his arms, pressing her head against his shoulder. "I want to be wherever my family is, whether that's here or somewhere else. But if you wanted to come back here, I would do that for you."

"Hm," Danika smiled, nuzzling his neck. "I was going to say the same thing to you."

"So you don't care where we go?" He sounded relieved.

"Home is wherever I'm with you." Danika said, frowning as she pulled away to look at his face. "That sounds like a song—I'm not just saying it to be cheesy, I really mean it."

* * *

"_Waiting Game" Banks_

* * *

Bilbo pulled up to the parking lot and immediately pressed his sunglasses lower on his nose. What in the world was going on? Stepping out of the vehicle and slamming the door shut behind him, Bilbo took hesitant steps around the Tardis and intended to march up to Thorin, but changed his mind when he saw that the man was occupied with a very shocked-looking Wren.

"Oh dear," He let out a low whistle and scratched his head, stepping toward Fili and Sigrid instead. "What's the Doctor done this time?"

"He's here to help, Bilbo," Sigrid said softly, slipping her hand through Fili's arm.

Fili patted her hand with his other hand, inclining his head toward the newcomers from Middle-Earth. "There have been some disappearances—we think an ally of the Dark Lord has stolen away key characters from various stories to try and lure us back."

Turning to glance at them over his shoulder, Bilbo suddenly recognized the man he knew to be Aragorn. He was faintly aware of having met the others, but Strider was the one that stuck out to him most prominently. In returning his gaze to Fili, Bilbo's eyes swept over Kili and Danika, and he noted the way Kili seemed to hover over his wife as though she were in danger.

Fili must have seen the question in Bilbo's eyes. "King Eomer's wife has gone missing and she apparently shares a very convincing likeness with Danika. And when the King first arrived, he supposed her to be his queen…" Fili seemed to be looking for the right words, but Bilbo could put together the pieces just fine.

"I see," Bilbo said with a twitch of his nose. "I can imagine Kili didn't take very well to that."

"No, not really," Fili smirked, looking more amused than offended. He sighed heavily and then looked over at his uncle, gauging something in the older man's face. "I think we'll be leaving soon."

"Fili," Sigrid whispered quietly, tapping at his shoulder with light fingers, and a question seemed to pass from her eyes to his in silent communication.

"Right," He nodded, calling the Doctor over to them and speaking in a low, discreet tone. "Doctor, when we came into this story, we changed—from dwarves and hobbits to men. When we go back to Middle-Earth, will we change again?"

"Most likely," The Doctor nodded.

"Will Sigrid still be with child?"

The question seemed to quiet all who heard it.

"Er," The Doctor reached into his jacket for his sonic screwdriver and began tossing and catching it. "I don't know. It's likely she will be, but… well, I just don't know."

Fili nodded and pulled Sigrid closer to him, wrapping an arm around her shoulder before pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. "You can still stay here if you like, Sig—I'll come back as soon as—"

"Please, Fili," Sigrid's voice was soft, but her refusal was firm. "I want to go with you."

The blond dwarf looked torn for a moment, but then slowly nodded, shifting his focus to his uncle when Thorin no longer seemed to be speaking in hushed tones.

"It's not that simple." Thorin sounded as if he was resisting shouting and Wren looked away from him and into the eyes of those surrounding the two, as though looking for some kind of confirmation. When she regarded Bilbo, she must have seen something that settled the doubt in her face because she turned back to Thorin and whispered harshly at him before taking a step backward.

"Sigrid," Wren spoke the woman's name in a commanding tone. "If you want to stay here, you won't be alone. We can wait together for the men that have promised to come back to us."

Fili's face lit up and he looked down at Sigrid, pleading with her, but Sigrid shook her head. "I will go with my husband."

Wren sighed and shot Thorin a dark glare. "Then I'm coming, too. I won't be leaving a pregnant woman to the care of your barbaric witch-doctors."

"Witch doctors," Thorin shook his head at her. "So, just like that—here and now—you're ready to—"

But the red-headed nurse silenced him with a crushing kiss, an admirable feat, given her height and build in comparison to the large man that loomed over her. When she pulled away from him, Thorin looked surprised —and was that a smug smile creeping over his face?—and the Wren planted her fists against her hips and looked over the lot of them.

"Well, then," she grinned. "Don't just stand there, we've got work to do!"

* * *

.

.

**Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try STARS AND HAMMERS**

**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**

.

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst?****Try****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**

**.**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try****GOLD AND FIRE**

**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.****Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to GEMS AND POISON**


	33. Welcome back to Oz

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**IV**

**WHEN TO KILL A CROSSOVER**

—_**The Dreaded Love Triangle—**_

_**Chapter 1 – Welcome Back to Oz**_

* * *

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_Author's note: Just so you know, I don't have a problem with things getting a little steamy, but I will never cross over the line into smut. If that's your thing, there are plenty of talented writers on fan fic who are very good at what they do, but personally I am not comfortable featuring those things in my own stories. With that said, consider this your warning…_

_Also, thank you for waiting so patiently—I caught the flu (twice!) and didn't have enough brains to write. If things seem a little off in this chapter, I apologize, it might be my sick brain :P_

_._

* * *

"_Beyond this Moment" Patrick O'Hearn_

* * *

It was strange, re-entering the Tardis with the handful of Lord of the Rings characters she only knew through books and movies, but Danika was determined not to remain shy of the newcomers—despite the rocky beginnings they'd suffered from confusing her with Eomer's wife.

The King of Rohan remained withdrawn, setting himself down on the floor of the Blue Box as soon as the rest of them had piled into it, and Danika wondered if it would be wise to speak to him at all when suddenly his sister strode confidently over to her and made conversation.

Danika was surprised by how much she had in common with the shield-maiden and even felt as though they might have known each other in another life, but she ignored that sensation and was happy to admit that she and Eowyn were going to be good friends.

Returning tentatively to Kili's side, Danika realized she'd intruded on a discussion he and the Doctor were having.

"I'm sorry, what?" She peered at both of them with not a little scrutiny, feeling their searching gazes on her face.

"I asked the Doctor why you're so often mistaken for other people." Kili muttered in a low voice, and Danika understood that he meant to keep Eomer from hearing them.

"Well, I _am_ an Original Character," Danika crossed her arms. "But that doesn't mean I have an original face."

"That's what the Doctor said." Kili nodded.

"It's interesting," The Doctor grinned, jamming his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "I mean, you _are_ Rose. I could swear it on a stack of bibles, but I've got no proof other than a gut feeling."

"And we all know how well _that_ serves you." Bilbo rolled his eyes at the Doctor, resting himself against the rounded bars surrounding the Tardis controls.

"Oh, hush," the Doctor rolled his eyes. "You're as bad as Donna sometimes."

"The point," Danika cleared her throat to bring the Doctor's attention back to her and Kili, who snaked an arm around her waist so smoothly that she hadn't noticed it until then. "Is that I _could_ be Lisswyn—is that what you're saying?"

"Do you have any of her memories?" The Doctor brought out his sonic screwdriver and ran it over her head as though it might reveal something new to him.

"No," Danika waved off the sonic screwdriver. "But I don't remember being Rose, either."

"Hmmm," The Doctor scratched his head. "Not even when you stepped into the Tardis? Well, no, wait… no, you wouldn't—because you'd have to be in the Whoverse and you'd have to be back on earth…"

"Come again?" Danika scrunched her face in confusion.

"An Original Character belongs in the universe they originate from. I'd wager the Tardis that if we travelled into the Doctor Who universe, you'd remember being Rose."

Danika groaned in frustration. "Listen, I don't care about any of that. I just want to help these people find their loved ones and then get on with my life." She grabbed Kili's hand, perhaps a little too tightly, but he didn't seem to be complaining. He only squeezed back and sent her a determined look that said he agreed with the sentiment.

"I understand," The Doctor held up his hands as if in surrender. "All I'm trying to do is warn you—because if you're several characters in one and the King of Rohan expects his bride to be returned, it could cause trouble."

Danika nodded, letting that information sink in, when Bilbo waved the Doctor over to the Tardis console, insisting that it was making an irregular noise and needed his attention.

Kili's eyes seemed to pierce Danika all the way to her soul. "How are you handling this?"

Danika sighed. "I'm fine. We'll take care of this threat and then—"

"No," Kili shook his head and smiled, grabbing her shoulders. "I mean _how_ are you handling this? This has got to be the strangest situation for anyone to be in and I'm hoping it's not overwhelming you."

Shrugging, she found it easy to admit that she wasn't truly phased by it. "Honestly, I know who I am and I know where I belong, even if I supposedly 'belong' in several different stories. I'm Danika and I belong with you—the most handsome, caring, strong, brave—" But her compliments ran short as her lips were abruptly occupied by her husband's . It was hard not to laugh into his mouth when she realized how much her praises meant to him and she trailed her hands over his chest and around his neck, clasping at the curly hair at the base of his neck and deepening the kiss.

"I love you," He murmured into her lips, smiling after each peck.

"Are you nervous about going back?" Danika asked after Kili loosened his hold.

"No," Kili shook his head, brushing a strand of hair away from her cheek. "I know the rhythm of Middle-Earth better than the modern world we've been living in; it'll be easy to go back." Kili sighed, resting his forehead against hers. "But it will be a different Age and I'm not sure what to expect."

Danika nodded, running her fingers errantly over Kili's tattoos once more. "I'm going to miss these."

His neck wrinkled as he maneuvered his face to look down at the markings. "Really? Didn't realize you were so fond of them."

She snorted a laugh. "I'm pretty sure you _did_ know," Danika rolled her eyes.

A happy grin lit up his face, much to her relief. "Well, get your last look because I'm pretty sure these things won't follow us into the next world."

"Mm," Danika's cheeks were warm with a heavy blush, but she allowed herself to stare at him.

His dark curly hair was still pulled back into a bun, but that rebellious strand in the front was hanging down beside a warm, brown eye. The stubble along his chin was filled-in, but short, and she allowed herself to reach up and lightly scratch along his jawline. Another glance at his well-defined muscles and thick hands reminded her that he wouldn't be changing too much.

"All the important stuff will stay the same," she winked at him, and she was startled to see a blush erupt across his own cheeks. Did he really have no idea how much he made her blood boil?

Suddenly the Tardis seemed to be growing and Danika felt herself become lighter. She glanced from face to face to watch the changes in Thorin, Bilbo, Fili, and Kili. Sigrid stayed much the same as she was before, though her clothes abruptly changed to something a person of Laketown would wear. Thorin also didn't seem to change much, his wavy hair and thick beard remaining where they were, though like Sigrid, his attire morphed into something different. Bilbo stood behind Thorin, but from where Danika stood, she could see that he had shrunk a few inches.

It was Fili who showed a major transition from human college student to warrior dwarf. His blond, wavy hair suddenly trickled down his shoulders and his facial hair grew in a quick, but smooth movement. The furs lining his brown jacket spread over his chest and made it appear larger than it actually was and Danika shot her head sideways to glance at Kili.

Though Kili's muscle structure stayed exactly the same, the dark curls of his hair smoothed into straight, silky locks that swept over his face. Just before his clothing rearranged itself into a jacket and tunic, the markings on his skin disappeared and Danika resisted a wistful sigh.

The biggest change had been their environment, which seemed to grow larger and taller, but Danika knew that it was because they were returning to their short heights and thus everything _looked_ larger and taller to them. She didn't _feel_ much different, but the way Kili was looking at her told her there was a change in her appearance.

"Your hair," He reached out for her face with a little confusion. "It's… well, it's a little darker and more… reddish?" She lowered her eyes to the strand of wavy hair in his fingers, but then scanned his eyes when he looked up at the side of her head. "And no pointed ears? Those were my favorite…"

"What?" Danika felt the rounded edges of her ears and blew out a frustrated huff. "Wait, you liked those? I thought that was a joke."

"It made you look like a woodland nymph." He winked at her with a sly smile. "And, yes, it drove me a little crazy. Good crazy."

"Well, that's not fair," Danika groaned, the pinch of regret working at her heart when she realized she'd been robbed of something he'd enjoyed. Looking down at herself, she realized her clothing had changed along with the rest of her friends and family. "Dresses," She shook her head. "Why is it always dresses?"

There was a short gasp from behind them and Danika turned to see that Eomer was staring at her with a frown.

"What?" She allowed herself to face him, crossing her arms and taking a few steps toward the King of Rohan.

Eomer was grumbling to himself, but then he raised his eyes to hers, almost defiantly. He said nothing, but turned his head away and made a show of ignoring her.

It was Eowyn who finally spoke as she came to stand beside the slightly shorter Danika. "It's hard for him to see you and not think of his wife," The swordswoman said. "Especially in that dress and with that color of hair." Eowyn looked Danika up and down and crossed her arms. "If I didn't know any better, I'd swear you were her."

"I'm sorry," Danika murmured, unsure how to feel. But then the ridiculousness of it all made her laugh. "I'm not sorry for looking the way I do, I'm just as much a victim to that as the rest of you are to seeing it! But this isn't the first time I've been mistaken for someone else."

"Oh?" Eowyn cocked her head at Danika. "Do tell."

The next few minutes were filled with an account of the previous adventure she and the dwarves had been through, recalling the plot of the fan fiction villains to come together and open doorways from one story to another in order to conquer them all—along with her uncanny resemblance to the Doctor's companion. Danika was surprised to find that Eowyn was aware of being a fictional character, but it was also something of a relief.

"I guess it's my fault any of this is happening." Danika admitted. "If I'd just followed the prompt the writer had given me at the beginning of that Mary Sue story, everything would have stayed the way it was supposed to. I didn't mean for it all to get so out of hand, but I was just trying to help Kili."

"Your husband, the dwarf?"

Danika nodded.

"I would consider that worth it." Eowyn smiled at her kindly. "I know something of that myself." She smiled and glanced over her shoulder at Faramir. "But thankfully I'm almost always paired with my own true love repeatedly. And though he has to suffer through his father's scorn and the War of the Ring, we always have a happy ending together."

Danika felt her face warming and she looked over at Faramir, who spoke to Eomer with a calming tone alongside Aragorn. "You two were my very first OTP."

Eowyn's face worked into confusion. "Your what?"

"You know," Danika laughed. "My 'one true pair'. I mean, I saw the hobbit and there were a few dwarves I had my eye on," She glanced sheepishly at Thorin and knew she couldn't admit to Eowyn that he'd been at the heart of her attraction before she'd met Kili. "but you two were meant to be together. And it was canon anyway, so everyone won."

"Canon?" Eowyn's face scrunched into even more confusion.

"Yeah, the storyline according to the book," Danika shook her head. "Sorry, it's not important—more fiction abbreviations…"

* * *

"_Waiting Game" Banks_

* * *

Danika had been speaking to Eowyn while the Doctor explained where he was taking them and why, so when it was time to step through the door of the Tardis and into the darkness of night and a green clearing beside a thick forest, she was a bit confused. Shrugging, she knew she'd catch up sooner or later with "the plan".

But when her toe hit the dirt, something strange happened and she was no longer concerned with their plans—her skin prickled as though a cold wind had passed by her and a rush of emotions welled up in her chest.

"Holy smokes," She breathed with widened eyes.

Lisswyn. Danika. What was her name again? Where was her sister, Brynwyn? Wait—who the hell was Brynwyn? She didn't have a sister…A flood of memories snaked through her mind. She wasn't overwhelmed with new information; rather it was the subtle lifting of a blanket over a portion of her brain.

Lisswyn. She _was_ Lisswyn. But she was also Danika. How was that even possible?

Stepping further into the grassy area, Danika turned her eyes back toward the Tardis and watched Eomer as he emerged from it.

Eomer. She knew him. She'd known him before, but now she _knew_ him, remembered him intimately.

Oh, dear… Danika knew she was staring, but she couldn't stop, and she now looked at the horseman with a familiarity she hadn't had before.

She could remember it all. Everything. From the moment they met in the caves, to the moment she knew she was attracted to him while taking care of his injured arm, to the moment he betrayed his feelings for her and put his love for her above duty… to the moment they'd married and the night that followed.

But it changed nothing. As if to confirm this resolve within her, Danika took a long, hard look at Kili; her attraction and affection for him was strong. The problem was… she felt a similar feeling when she looked over at Eomer.

And he seemed to know it.

"Lisswyn?" He mouthed at her, sensing that something had changed.

And against her better judgment, Danika found herself nodding at him before staring at the ground beneath her feet. Kili pulled away from her to join the crowd around Sigrid, who seemed to be at the center of everyone else's focus as the Doctor ran his sonic screwdriver over her, presumably scanning her belly for proof of the baby within. Everyone except her and Eomer, who had drawn closer to Danika and was now standing with his face above hers.

"I remember," She admitted quietly. "I can see it all in my head—the memories."

"The caves?" Eomer prompted. She nodded.

"The orcs," His brow furrowed in frustration. Yes, the rabble that had attacked the caves where she and the other women had taken refuge—and the brave attempt of the wounded King to defend them! Recalling the event sent a thrill of admiration through Danika as she turned her eyes up toward the King.

"The betrayal of the cook, the death of my friends, everything…" She said slowly. There was a strong urge to rush into Eomer's arms, but Danika resisted it fiercely, much to Eomer's disappointment. He frowned at her and she suspected he was waiting for her to respond to his closeness. "But I can't. I don't know when that happened, but it's not who I am now."

Eomer's hands shook in anger, but something at the back of her mind told her he was angry with the situation and not her directly. "I don't agree." He took another step toward her and she almost bent her head back, expecting one of his firm, passionate kisses. How could her lips recall his taste so well? But she stopped him with trembling hands.

"I think you're both of the people you claim to be." Eomer said. "I also think you have a choice between those two lives and I'm not going to sit back and wait passively, watching and hoping that you'll choose the one where you belong."

A distant part of her brain feared that Kili was watching them, but somehow they were ignored as the horse-lord lowered his head to press a slow kiss to Danika's cheekbone. Half of her was startled while the other half leaned into the kiss, as though her muscles and skin remembered the physical contact.

"Eomer," she sighed dreamily, but then caught herself and shook her head. "Don't do this, don't make it a choice—"

"I know you think a great deal of time has passed since those memories happened, but they haven't—at least, not for me." He said with eyes that were angry, but pleading. "For me, I lost you two weeks ago and have been living in agony without you, Lisswyn."

It scared Danika that the name struck a chord in her and she suppressed the aching response. "Then, I pray, don't prolong that agony," Danika countered, surprising herself with language she didn't normally use. "Don't make me break your heart with a refusal."

"You won't," He smiled. "I'll remind you of what we had together."

Danika glared at the ground and threw up a hand to push against Eomer's stomach, shoving him back with as much force as she could muster. "Don't willfully misunderstand me—there is _no_ choosing here, there is _no_ winning back." She turned fierce eyes upward at the King of Rohan. "I belong with Kili and that's all there is to it. I don't know why I remember being your wife, but it—" She almost said that it didn't matter, but those words would be too sharp for Eomer to take; he required patience and a soft answer if he was expected to fully consider what she said. How she knew that was a mystery, but she still couldn't bring herself to hurt him. "—that isn't who I am."

But Eomer did not look convinced. He smiled at her, not maliciously, but in a knowing manner that Danika couldn't help but be affected by. It was the smile he always gave her when she was being stubborn about something—oh, to hell with it! That was a memory that belonged to someone else, not her!

She swung herself around quickly, knowing that the longer she stood with him was the easier it would be to remember their life together and that much harder to resist him.

"Kili," Danika sounded out of breath and she strode to her husband, determined to touch him and ground herself with that sensation.

The dwarf smiled as he held out a hand to her, announcing that the Doctor had determined Sigrid was still pregnant, showing his obvious relief at the news. But then he scanned her face and he must have sensed that something was off.

"What's wrong?" He drew his brows together, startled when Danika threw herself into his arms. She followed it with a deep kiss and he grunted at the shock of her forcefulness.

"I need a moment alone with you," She whispered in a rushed voice, clutching at his shirt and pulling him away from the others. Danika wasn't sure where she was headed, but the dark gathering of trees across from them seemed the best place to retreat to. "Please, can we get away, just for a minute?"

Kili's eyebrows rose and the tug of a roguish smile worked at his mouth. "I don't know how much time we have before —" but then something clicked and he understood she wasn't going to take no for an answer, and he called out to Fili. "We'll be right back."

He hardly had time to finish the words before Danika was pulling him and beginning to run to the trees hand-in-hand. There was no resistance from the flustered dwarf as he followed her, gripping her hand with more strength and overtaking her at a trot to lead her into the darker part of the trees. Grateful that he was giving in to her request as though it were playful mischief—and Mahal, she knew he liked mischief—she stopped running when they were deep in the trees and grabbed his moonlit face, pouring the intensity of her fear and uncertainty into it. Clawing at his jacket and tunic, she refused to pull her hungry lips away and hoped that he wouldn't argue with what she was asking from him.

Thankfully, he didn't seem to be arguing at all.

* * *

"_Stay With Me" Sam Smith_

* * *

Kili felt Danika's desperacy in the kiss and wondered what had come over his wife. Their teeth clicked together as she pressed her lips harshly against his and he began to tug himself out of his jacket. Mahal, he might not know what had come over her, but he wasn't about to stop what they were doing when she so obviously needed something from him.

"Kili, tell me you love me." She begged breathlessly.

"I _do_ love you," Kili murmured under the insistent pressure of her lips, backing her against a tree and running his hands through her hair. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Was she afraid? Was that the reason for this frantic need that was driving her to bite at his neck and tug on his belt?

"Tell me you're not disappointed with me," Danika pleaded weakly under his touch, closing all the spaces between their bodies.

What? The heated chaos of their movement stopped and he grabbed both of her hands to bring them together at his chest. "Danika, stop," He gasped for air and looked into her face, seeing for the first time that she_ was_ afraid—but Mahal! _What_ did she have to fear? "What's going on?"

"Something's happening to me," a single tear left his wife's face and he wiped it away with a tentative finger, still trying to catch his breath. "I don't understand it, but…" Danika shook her head. "I'm yours, right? Tell me again, what you said before. I need to hear it."

Kili didn't want to say it out loud, but Danika was frightening him. He answered as steadily as he could. "I fought for you, I bled for you. I would die to keep you safe. You're _mine_."

This seemed to settle her and she pressed herself close to him once more, devouring his neck with a fervent hunger. With a loud groan, his brain stopped working, but there was a part of Kili that said he should stop what they were doing and figure out what exactly was causing Danika to act like this. There was no time to mull over it, though, when she was tugging so relentlessly at his tunic, unclothing him in a whirlwind of need.

"Say it again," She pleaded.

"You're mine." Kili growled and all throughout the next few minutes he would whisper it in her ear over and over again.

* * *

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**Again, thank you for your patience, I've been so sick! Hopefully this longer chapter makes up for it!**

**.**

**By the way, the reference I'm using for the previous Eomer/OC relationship is one of my favorite stories- Heart of The Horselord by rynogeny. Please be sure to give that story a read, it's fantastic!**

**.**

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst? ****Try ****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

_**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**_

**.**

**Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try ****STARS AND HAMMERS**

_**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**_

**.**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try ****GOLD AND FIRE**

_**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.**_**_Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to_ GEMS AND POISON**


	34. Will the blushing ever stop?

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**IV**

**WHEN TO KILL A CROSSOVER**

_**Chapter 2 – Will the Blushing Ever Stop?**_

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* * *

"_Duet" Rachel Yamagata_

* * *

Eomer considered himself patient. As a man of war, he had learned early that endurance was key: There was a time to strike quickly and a time to be pensive in the shadows.

But _by Bema_, Eomer did not know how to navigate the difficulties of these strange times!

The outlandish man who called himself The Doctor had settled his curious blue box in the plains beside a wooded area, making it easier to conceal and defend. For Eomer's part, he was relieved they hadn't agreed to set it down within the walls surrounding the Golden Hall—the Tardis, as the man called it, struck Eomer as a source of irresistible trouble. And Rohan had suffered enough trouble…

"The morning is coming and Edoras is not far from here, but if we hope to reach it by midday, then we ought to depart quickly." King Elessar said as they all spoke together in a huddle beside the Tardis.

"How far is 'not far'?" the Doctor scratched his head and looked in the direction of their goal. "Well, _that's_ a bit of a walk—are you sure you don't want to get back into the Tardis and then pop on over there, now?"

"There will be no 'popping', Master Timelord," Eomer grumbled. "We Middle-Earthers are accustomed to taking what you call 'a bit of a walk'. But we will have to delay for a short while longer."

"Delay? What for?" Faramir asked.

Eomer refused to meet the eyes of his brother-by-marriage. "We are _missing_ members of our party."

"Missing?" The Doctor turned his head this way and that, obviously taking a count of everyone visible. "Kili and Danika. Well, then, let's go find them—"

But Eomer caught the man by the arm without looking up and murmured, "I do not think they wish to be disturbed."

Not a few blushes erupted from the cheeks of all who heard and understood, but the Doctor was not one of them and glanced questioningly at the hand on his arm.

"Trust me," Eomer's jaw clenched when he noted the Doctor's ignorance. "They want a moment _alone_."

The huddle dispersed and a few of them fell into comfortable conversation, but Eomer brushed off any of their attempts to speak to him, muttering curtly in response to anything that was said. He knew perfectly well what the dwarf and the woman were doing in the trees and it twisted his innards to think that only moments beforehand he had promised Lisswyn he would not let her go.

"Do not disregard me," Eowyn's voice disturbed his angry thoughts and he turned to face her. Eowyn stood with her arms crossed and a stubborn expression. "What did you say to her?"

"What did I say to whom?" Eomer said in an equally stubborn manner.

His sister's hand flew to his shoulder, bringing his attention back to her quickly. "You know I will not leave you to your brooding thoughts—we both know that it ends in disastrous consequences."

"Perhaps you should announce that to our people; they may not want a fool for a King." He lifted her hand from his arm. "There is no harm in leaving me to my thoughts."

"But there is harm in what follows," She pressed. "And your defensiveness tells me what you seek to hold back—you aim to woo a woman wed to another man."

"She was wed to me _first_," Eomer snarled quietly, not wanting the conversation to go any further than him and his sibling. "And she told me that she can remember our lives together. Lisswyn was taken from me and forced to live another life, only to be returned and tell me she prefers the one she has adapted to. Would you call it disastrous if I tried to reclaim the woman who belongs at my side?"

"You say that she can remember, but does she still choose the dwarf instead of you?"

"Yes." Eomer answered bitterly.

"Then you must accept her choice."

"If the answer were as simple as that, then I would not hesitate to follow it." Eomer said softly, his shoulders bowing under the strain of his heavy heart. "But I cannot accept it because… though she no longer needs me, it is_ I_ who still has need of _her_." Eomer expected a rebuke, but when he looked up at his sister, he saw only pity. "I was ill-prepared when our parents died and less prepared when Theodred passed as well. And then our uncle fell in the fields of Pelenor, robbing me of a mentor and hoisting upon me a duty I knew nothing about."

Eomer could feel that there was moisture in his eyes, but he was not ashamed. The Rohirrim warriors did not weep for pain or fear, but were open in their tears concerning the death of loved ones, and Eomer carried the burden of so many loved ones lost to him that it was always fresh in his mind.

"And then my sister, the brave shield-maiden who slayed the Witch-King of Angmar, leaves me with the heaviest loss of all," And for this he spared a smile, though small, for the face that looked so trustingly into his. "Though I could not have lost her to a more worthy man." Eomer sobered a moment and his brows drew together in anguish. "All this and then Lisswyn, the only woman I could ever come to love—the balm to my grievous wounds—has been taken from me… only to appear before me once more and say that she does not love me."

"Did she say this to you?" Eowyn crossed her arms. "Did she say that she no longer cares for you?"

"She does not have to; it does not matter," Eomer shook his head. "Whether she does or not, she will still choose another heart over mine."

"That sounds more like _loyalty_ rather than a matter of the heart." His sister said, and he knew she spoke wisely. "And if anyone knows anything of loyalty among us, it would be you, my brother."

Eomer nodded, knowing that she spoke of his banishment at the hands of his King. Though Wormtongue was the one to give the order for exile, it was still the King's signature on the parchment, and that had created the deepest of hurts. And still Eomer had remained devoted, sweeping through the outer lands and driving away the forces of orcs he and his eored came upon.

"And if you still love her as much as you claim, will you not respect her wishes?" Eowyn came closer and laid her hands on Eomer's crossed arms. He could not help but peer into her face as she spoke. "Will you help her despite her own call to duty—to love another? You cause her pain by forcing her to think she must choose you or be rid of you. Don't make her suffer your anger simply because you are thinking only of yourself."

These words stung Eomer deeply and he barely noticed when Eowyn removed her hands and stepped away, speaking to her husband beside the blue box.

All this time, he had been focusing on the unfairness of it all, of the abandonment he felt and the wounding of his own heart—hadn't he once considered the effect he was having on this woman, this… Danika? In that light, his words to her had been biting and self-serving and he determined immediately to make amends with her as soon as he could manage.

* * *

"_Mourning Doves" Mikky Ekko_

* * *

Danika was surprised to see the light of morning already appearing around them as she and Kili strode hand-in-hand from the trees that had hidden them from view.

"Aren't you cold?" Kili rubbed at her shoulders as they walked toward the Tardis.

"A little," She said with a small yawn. "I had no idea we touched down right before the sun was going to come up."

When Danika shuddered again, Kili swept his Ered Luin jacket over her shoulders, and she couldn't help but sniff at the leather and breathe a sigh of contentment.

"How is it that you've only been wearing this a few minutes and already it smells like you?"

Kili shrugged and smiled. "I'm hoping that means you like it—instead of trying to subtly tell me I need deodorant."

"Danika." Someone called to them and they both lifted their faces to an approaching Eomer.

"Oh," Danika stopped in her tracks, wishing she could disappear on the spot. Kili seemed to sense her sudden unease and came to stand beside her, a hand on her elbow as if reassuring her that he wasn't going anywhere. "Good morning," She nodded shakily, nervously avoiding Eomer's eyes.

"Could I have a word with you, Danika?"

She was startled to hear him speak her name, partly because it sounded strange with his accent and partly because he had insisted on calling her 'Lisswyn' until then. Kili cleared his throat and shifted his stance, clearly sending a message to the King of Rohan that he wasn't about to leave. Danika glanced at Eomer's face and was amazed to see that he did not scowl at Kili, but nodded his head in acceptance.

"I feel I must apologize for what I said earlier," Eomer continued, eyes fixed on Danika, ignoring the glare of the dwarf beside her. "It was spoken out of turn and I hope that you'll forgive me for being so brash."

"It wasn't brash," Danika almost smiled, but remembered the tensions between her husband and… her 'previous husband'? No, she must distinguish between the two sets of memories in her head if she were to stay sane and separate everything into a "Danika" or "Lisswyn" category. "But I'm relieved you won't stick to it. Can you accept what_ I_ said earlier?"

The muscles in the Rohan man's thick jawline tensed and he looked as though he was fighting an inward battle, but he answered after a moment. "Yes, I can."

She stared at him in disbelief, stunned that such a transition had come over him. _Eowyn probably spoke to him_, a part of her mind whispered, knowing how much sway she had over her brother and how she had the ability to point out things he had trouble seeing.

To say that Kili looked frustrated was an understatement and Danika did not look forward to explaining herself to him later on. "Thank you," She breathed, and because he was not a man for awkward moments, Eomer ducked his head in a small bow and turned on his heel to walk away from them.

"What was _that_ all about?" Kili's irked voice ground out.

Danika blew out a heavy sigh of relief. "I will totally fill you in later, but please don't make me talk about it right now. Would it be too much to ask if you could just feel relieved with me that something good happened?"

Kili snorted. "I have no idea what that's supposed to mean, but I'll hold my tongue until later, if that's what you want."

"Just…" Danika looped her arm through Kili's and took a step forward with him. "Just trust me. Something good happened."

* * *

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**I know it's a short chapter, but bear with me- there's more coming, soon!**

**This story is about to take-off on another whirlwind adventure, so remember to leave your prompts in the reviews or a message!**

**.**

**By the way, the reference I'm using for the previous Eomer/OC relationship is one of my favorite stories- Heart of The Horselord by rynogeny. Please be sure to give that story a read, it's fantastic!**

**.**

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst? ****Try ****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

_**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**_

**.**

**Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try ****STARS AND HAMMERS**

_**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**_

**.**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try ****GOLD AND FIRE**

_**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.**_**_Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to_ GEMS AND POISON**


	35. The Letter

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**IV**

**WHEN TO KILL A CROSSOVER**

_**Chapter 3 – The Letter**_

.

* * *

"_This Is How A Heart Breaks – Pull Defibrillator Mix" Rob Thomas_

* * *

The large company arrived in Edoras at midday, having walked far from the Tardis—which the Doctor assured them was safe where it was. King Elessar seemed anxious to have them assemble in the Golden Hall as quickly as could be managed so that they could unveil the letter of the enemy to all who had come, including the leaders of other realms.

Danika clung to Kili's arm while they climbed the hill to the hall, unsettled by the sight of Rohan's people as they wept over the loss of family or friends. As much as she wanted to console them, she knew that the quicker they reached the hall, the faster she and the dwarves could help.

Once inside, they gathered around the King's feasting table on which a large map was rolled out with several missives were scattered around its edges. When several of the leaders asked who the newcomers were—in reference to the dwarves, hobbit, and Doctor—King Elessar left the explanation as simple as, "They are from another realm and have dealt with this threat before."

Danika fidgeted nervously in her seat. "No pressure," she muttered sarcastically under her breath.

Aragorn was interrupted, however, by a councilman of Rohan. "Why is it that the Queen of the Riddermark sits beside a dwarf and not the King?"

All eyes turned to Danika and warmth passed into her cheeks as she slunk down in her chair. It was Eomer who stood and came to her aid. "You are mistaken, councilor Ermus. Though this woman bears a strong resemblance to her, this is not the Queen. Lady Lisswyn has been counted among those stolen."

The councilman raised an eyebrow at Eomer before glancing again at Danika, nodding slowly before muttering, "My apologies, then."

Danika slowly released the breath she had been holding in and wiggled uneasily in her chair until Aragorn turned and received a bundle from the page that stood behind him. Laying the bundle on the table, Aragorn unfolded the blue wrap to reveal a thick, folded parchment that looked like animal hide. A black, wax seal was attached to it, though it had been pulled from some of the paper, evidence that the letter had been opened previously.

It was passed from hand to hand until it reached Thorin, who unfolded the paper and began to read its contents.

"It _is_ from Voldemort." Thorin announced, and Danika mustered her patience, knowing he would eventually read it aloud for all to hear.

"The picture moves," King Elessar spoke, having sat back down with his hands clasped under his chin and his elbows on the table. "I have never seen anything like it, save the mirror belonging to Lady Galadriel in Lothlorien."

"It is common for pictures to move where the sender of this letter comes from." Thorin said, laying the letter down on the table. "But it is a dark magic and not to be tangled with. You were right to listen to the Doctor and fetch us; we've dealt with this before."

"And his terms?" Aragorn raised a brow at the dwarf, obviously referring to what was written there.

Danika was becoming frustrated that Thorin did not answer, but kept her irritation in check as he passed the paper to his right, toward his nephews and Bilbo. Wren, who sat on Thorin's left, was eyeing Danika warily, making her skin prickle and her curiosity pique.

"We will take it into consideration." Thorin answered at the same time Kili's eyes became wide in reading what the letter said

Danika inwardly groaned, not liking to be kept in suspense, but then Kili slid the letter in her direction hesitantly, as though debating on whether or not to let her see it.

"We don't have time for things to be taken into consideration!" A nobleman suddenly stood from his seat and slapped his hands down on the table, startling Danika's attention from the parchment. "For every five days we delay, they come and take more people from among us!"

"I understand," Thorin held up a steadying hand. "but this requires patience—"

"I will not sit _patiently_ by and wait for my family to be taken from me." The man glared at Thorin.

"Peace, Lennar!" King Elessar held up a hand, his face stern. "They will not abandon us in our time of need, but this is not a choice you can make for them." He said in rebuke.

The nobleman continued to scowl at Thorin, but lowered himself to his seat and crossed his arms in worry.

"Every five days, they come?" Thorin addressed Aragorn. "When is the next five days ended?"

"Tonight." Eomer said, startling Danika. He'd been so quiet throughout it all that she had forgotten he was there. "We expect that whether you answer the letter immediately or not, the black wraiths will pass through to reap more of our people."

The older dwarf nodded, pressing his forehead against hands fisted together.

"How does it happen?" Wren suddenly asked. "The disappearances…?"

"In the late watches of the night," The nobleman who'd previously shouted at Thorin said. "Wraith-like specters appear and steal away women and older children. None are able to withstand them, save Mithrandir, but he is in The White City of Gondor, guarding the wall—orcs have amassed in Mordor and the mountain is lit with green fire."

Green Fire. Voldemort. Orcs. Wraiths. Danika's mind raced over these facts as she finally glanced down at the parchment.

Written in black scrawl were the words:

_Greetings Middle-Earthens,_

_Gather the ones who came before, that we may bring our vengeance against them in recompense for the destruction of your previous master, Lord Sauron. I shall take up the seat of power and exact payment from your women and children until the offenders step forward. She who came before may parlay on your behalf. _

_The lord of all, Voldemort_

Danika's heart sank. "Who is 'she who came before'?" Her brain was actively working on remembering just who had been there for the group's last encounter with Sauron… and coming up with the same answer every time. "Oh, pigspit— he means _me_, doesn't he?"

"It doesn't matter because you're _not_ going to Mordor." Kili growled, surprising Danika when she realized he'd risen from his seat to stand behind her chair silently, gripping the top of it with enough strength she thought it might break under the strain.

"You said this was delivered to Gondor?" Fili queried, ignoring Kili's glare.

Aragorn nodded. "One of our captains had been alerted to the presence of orcs on the border of Ithilien. He returned on horseback, dead, but with this letter in his possession. Five days later, the first of the 'stolen' were taken."

"Were they killed or taken?" Fili furrowed his brow.

"You will see for yourself tonight if we do not answer this speedily." The angry nobleman spoke up again.

"We'll answer it right away," Danika spoke up, but Kili's hand moved from the top of the chair to her shoulder and she shut her mouth.

"My company needs a moment to discuss this in privacy." Thorin said as he looked at Aragorn, clearly not making a request so much as announcing that everyone needed to leave the large room.

King Elessar nodded and the rest of them dispersed, rising slowly and making their way out of the hall in all directions—and clearly upset at having been dismissed by a dwarf!—but Eomer stayed where he sat, fixing Thorin with a stubborn glower that said he would violently argue against leaving. And though Danika did her best not to tap into her new memories, it didn't take much to remember that his expression meant he was ready to rip someone apart if they got between him and her.

"Have you read the letter?" She was bold enough to ask him from across the table.

Eomer nodded.

"Did you know it was referring to me?"

Eomer shook his head.

"Like I said before," Kili said slowly. "You're not going."

Danika wheeled around in her chair. "You know who we're dealing with—you know how serious they get about people screwing around with them! And kids are missing because I didn't show up fast enough for them." She was close to tears thinking about it and knew why Voldemort had done it that way: The wizard was appealing to her sense of empathy. "I can't live with that on my conscience."

"You've got to be crazy if you think I'm going to let you—" Kili started to object with a grimace, but Danika smacked her hand down on the table and her skin brushed the parchment—and as soon as she made contact with the letter, untouched by her until this moment, a brilliant flash erupted from it and it burst into flame.

Danika jumped away from the table, inadvertently in Kili's direction, though he pulled her away to protect her from the flames that shot up all the way to the ceiling of the Golden Hall. She gaped at the fire as it died down and revealed a white, ghostly image which looked around the room at them until it locked eyes with her. Kili's hands were still on her shoulders, but now he shoved her behind him, looking up at the ghost with a snarl.

* * *

"_Smile – Hippie Sabotage Remix" Mikky Ekko_

* * *

"She who came before," It said in a devious voice, its features sharpening until it appeared to be a small version of Voldemort.

"What do you want?" Thorin tried to catch the image's attention, but it ignored him and only had eyes for Danika.

"I come to you with an offer," The tiny Voldemort said, "for the souls in my possession."

"What do you want?" Danika swallowed nervously, trying not to show just how frightened she was…

"I have already conquered this world as my own, but it lacks the amusement I so enjoyed when last we met." The specter smiled.

Danika groaned. This sounded too much like one of the Saw movies—she almost expected him to say, _let's play a game._

"I hope you will honor me with a game of wizard's chess." He said.

_Oh_, she thought, _well, that was ironic!_

"And if I say no?" She growled—or at least tried to, though she knew she couldn't sound as fearsome as Kili or Thorin.

Voldemort smiled and waved his hand, another specter filling the space beside him—and this time the face belonged to a young girl.

"Brynwyn!" Danika shrieked, trying to push past Kili, but he had his arms wrapped tightly around her and kept her from reaching the table. "This is a trick! You don't have her!"

Kili stared at her in confusion, but Danika was solely focused on the image of the girl—Lisswyn's sister. A wave of emotions passed painfully through her heart as she looked at the face of her younger sister, the girl's features so like her own that she remembered people mistaking her for Lisswyn's daughter when she'd first come to Edoras. Danika knew it was pointless to resist it—as much as she denied being Lisswyn, she couldn't ignore the memory of protectiveness she had for this child.

"I have no need for trickery. I have already appropriated so many, why should she not be numbered among them?" Voldemort jeered. "But she will be returned to you with the others, should you best me on the board I have already arranged."

"If I win, will you leave Middle-Earth?" Danika attempted.

But the wizard only laughed and waved his hand at the smoky image of Brynwyn, making the girl's face disappear. "No." He said simply.

"Then what is the point?" Danika yelled, feeling frantic and helpless.

"Entertainment." The wizard smiled, obviously enjoying her fear. "These people are mine to do with as I please—and it pleases me to use them against you in Amended Wizard's Chess."

"What is Amended Wizard's Chess?" The Doctor asked from the other side of the table. Danika had forgotten that he was there, but felt a glimmer of hope when she caught his eye. The Doctor was always pitted against impossible situations—surely, he'd see the weak point in Voldemort's scheme!

"Choose your game pieces," Voldemort continued to address Danika, cocking his head to the side with a smile that chilled Danika to her core. "Any pieces, from any story, to be matched against my own."

"You're asking me to battle you in an epic chess tournament with living pawns and knights on a life-size board in exchange for the lives of countless women and children, including my own sister?" Danika's jaw dropped and her hands started to tremble, partly out of anger and partly out of fear. She wasn't a very good chess player, but she wouldn't be saying that out loud…

"You seem a bit slow," Voldemort eyed her with false concern. "Perhaps I should leave you with a copy of the rules…" And at the snap of his fingers, a paper flew from his cloudy appearance and flew in a rounded circle before landing on the table. "Since I know you won't refuse, I'll be waiting for you on the Field of Pelennor before the White City three days from now at sunset."

"Why sunset?" Danika rolled her eyes at him.

Voldemort shrugged. "Ambience."

His image distorted into a black snake that reached out and snapped its jaws close to Kili's face, though the dwarf did not flinch. Obviously dissatisfied with this show of bravery, the snake hovered for a moment, its dark tongue shooting out of its mouth as it sniffed at him. And then it breathed a black whisp of smoke in his direction before it vanished into nothing, Voldemort's presence clearly finished with them.

Kili's eyes fluttered for a moment and he coughed, wearing a dizzy expression and sniffing out as he waved the black smoke away.

"Kili," Danika reached up a hand to his face. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

But the dwarf didn't have time to answer her before his eyes rolled into his head and his knees buckled, dropping his weight on her—where before he had been holding her to protect her, that hold became his support as he became deadweight against Danika's arms.

"Fili, help!" She scrambled to keep Kili from falling to the floor, but his brother was already standing behind him to help lower him to lay against the carpet.

Danika watched in horror as everyone huddled around the fallen form of Kili, hoping beyond hope that Voldemort hadn't killed him. She didn't take another breath until Wren knelt beside him and announced that he was still breathing and that his eyes were moving as though he were dreaming—

—but Danika couldn't process the relief while her mind was so busy and everything her eyes saw passed slowly, the sounds mutedly, and the sensations numb.

Voldemort. Orcs. Wraiths.

Games. Living pieces. Amended Wizard's Chess.

Kili. Women and Children.

Gandalf. The Doctor. Thorin.

Would this insanity never end?

* * *

.

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**Thank you for your patience! I wrote and scrapped many times before just cutting to the chase and telling **

**you what this was all about- and there's a lot more explanation coming, so don't worry.**

**The next chapters will be coming in a few days, so you won't have to wait long.**

**.**

**By the way, the reference I'm using for the previous Eomer/OC relationship is one of my favorite stories- Heart of The Horselord by rynogeny. Please be sure to give that story a read, it's fantastic!**

**.**

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst? ****Try ****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

_**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**_

**.**

**Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try ****STARS AND HAMMERS**

_**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**_

**.**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try ****GOLD AND FIRE**

_**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.**_**_Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to_ GEMS AND POISON**


	36. Ghosts, Wraiths, Dementors

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**IV**

**WHEN TO KILL A CROSSOVER**

_**Chapter 4 – Ghosts, Wraiths, Dementors**_

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* * *

"_**Wild Ones" Bahari**_

* * *

Danika was lost in the ocean of chaos surrounding her—Fili and Thorin lifted Kili from the floor and were carrying him as Eomer led them to a guest chamber. She was aware that someone was leading her along with them because she could feel their hand on her arm. Her eyes were locked onto Kili's face, watching his eyelids twitch and his lips move in indiscernible mutterings as they passed through the doorway. But as she slowly came back to her senses, Danika saw that it was Bilbo who was guiding her.

They lowered Kili into a bed and Wren immediately appeared by his side, checking him over for the second time.

"Take off his boots," Danika whispered in a haze as the room tilting sideways—though something told her it wasn't the room tilting so much as her own head. "He doesn't like to sleep with his shoes on." A few heads turned to look at her incredulously, but their puzzlement turned into concern, obviously wondering if she was losing her mind or about to faint.

_All right, then_, she thought. _Fainting it is._

But before Danika could make it far, someone reached out and caught her by the shoulders, lifting her up and helping her into a padded chair by the fireplace.

_Ugh,_ she inwardly moaned. _I can't even black out and escape all of this without someone arguing. _

"Liss—Danika." The person said in front of her face, but the image was mottled and blurry.

_Who's that?_ Danika could feel her head loll. _Whoever it is, they're rude. Just want to sleep_.

"Danika, come back." The speaker said. "He's not dead. Do you hear me? The dwarf is not dead."

_The dwarf?_ Danika wondered. _Wait, which one? There's a lot of 'em to keep track of—are you talking about Dopey, Sneezy, or Grumpy? Aw, jeez… wrong story. How am I supposed to 'come back' if I don't even know where I am right now?_

"Danika." The caller said a little louder, his blonde-haired and tan-skinned picture becoming clearer.

"She's in shock," said someone from beside him. "Can't you do something?"

And then something smacked against her face and she gasped, snapping back to the present with a start as her internal compass suddenly righted itself.

"I didn't mean _that_," Bilbo hissed sharply, looking from Eomer to Danika.

"Ow," She winced, cradling her stinging jaw.

Eomer's intense face was trained on Danika's. "Now is_ not_ a time for despair. You need to gather your wits and—"

"Did you hit me?" Danika realized it could have been much worse than the slap she'd received, having seen the power of this horseman during their story together and knowing full-well he would never strike her with a true blow.

"You were in shock," He said, raising himself from his knees on the floor and standing to look down at her.

Only a small percentage of Danika wanted to thank him for bringing her back to reality, but she was still angry with him for something else, and that slap had only added to things.

"You _lied_ to me." Danika spat as she stood to face him, though her height wasn't enough to be imposing. "You didn't tell me they took my sister."

At first, the King's face was sour, but then he shook his head. "I didn't lie to you. And I didn't tell you because you denied being Lisswyn—and that included her relations. I was respecting your wishes…"

Danika's anger ebbed; what he said made sense. But Brynwyn— Danika's heart was stirred to pity and hurt at the thought of the girl being in captivity. Bilbo looked uncomfortable in the middle of such a conversation and crept away, stopping at the foot of Kili's bed before finding a chair in the corner of the room.

"When Lisswyn was taken," Danika felt her eyes filling up with tears "how did Brynwyn fare?"

Eomer looked at Danika with nothing but sympathy. "She was very brave. She understood there was nothing I could do and even took up some of your—" he shook his head, "—Lisswyn's duties." And then he put his hands on Danika's shoulders and peered into her face. "But, as I said before, now is not a time for despair. We can help none of them if we lose our heads."

Danika nodded, taking in a shaky breath and turning her head to look at the bed where Kili lay.

"This sorcerer _wants_ you to fear him." He said in reference to Voldemort, and Eomer's face had suddenly turned dark, his brows lowering in a battle-ready glare and his eyes half busy looking at her and half inwardly planning strategies. "He craves it—he feeds on it. But you must not give him that satisfaction."

"How? How do I fight this?" Danika looked at him with pleading eyes. "Voldemort wants to unravel me and I feel like I'm tearing at the edges."

"Resist his lies with truth. Does he truly own this world?"

Danika bit her lip. "I don't… no. No, he doesn't."

"The arrogant tyrant tries to make you believe his lies by slipping them in quietly. But you are stronger than that. You know _for certain_ that he is not from this world and can be overthrown."

"Yes," Danika nodded, closing her eyes and branding these words into her mind.

"We will regain our lost people, we will defeat this force and drive it out, and we will make peace reign again in Middle-Earth."

"How can you be so hopeful?"

"That wasn't hope." Eomer grunted. "That was a _goal_." Something clicked in Danika's head and she understood how he was thinking. To press on as if there was any chance of failure would only allow fear to creep into her head and prevent her from doing as well as she could. "There is no one else to keep that goal, save us. Keep your courage, Danika, so that others may keep theirs."

She glanced again at the bed to see that Fili was kneeling beside it, gripping one of Kili's hands while Sigrid stood behind him with a hand on the blond dwarf's shoulder. Thorin's feet looked planted where they were as he stood at the foot of the bed, arms crossed and brow creased in desperate frustration as he looked down at his nephew's sleeping form. Moving about the room with a purpose, Wren had directed and questioned the healers and finally came to stand beside Thorin, slipping her hand through his unmoving arm. Poor Bilbo didn't seem to know what to do and had crumpled into a chair in the corner of the room, taking his face in his hands.

"I need your help," Danika said to Eomer with sudden determination, hating to see her family like this and knowing that the horseman was right. She couldn't give in to despair, not when she was the only one that could put an end to this. She needed to be clear-headed and do whatever was necessary. "I'm sure you remember trying to play chess with Lisswyn."

Eomer snorted. "_Trying_. You weren't—she wasn't much interested."

"Then you'll understand when I say that she was skilled in comparison to me." Danika knew it wasn't entirely true—she had Lisswyn's memories, so she could call upon whatever strategy had been learned—but the analogy served its purpose and Eomer sighed through his nose.

"I'll have a board brought in," He said with a wince, striding out of the room.

Danika sighed, watching him leave. She would much rather have practiced with Kili, but unfortunately…

"How is he?" Danika wrapped her arms around herself as she stepped closer to the bed.

"Sleeping," Wren said with a hardened face. Danika had seen that face before—she knew the nurse only wore it when she was trying to figure something out. "There's nothing wrong in a _medical_ sense, but this is…"

"…magic." Thorin finished for her in a low grumble.

Danika scanned her husband's features. His eyes were moving slowly beneath the lids, long lashes fluttering as they twitched, and his lips softly opened and closed as though he might call out at any moment. His fingers and legs contracted likewise, as though Kili were trapped inside of a dream he couldn't wake from. It tore at Danika's heart as she watched, coming around the other side of the bed and sitting beside him to take the hand that wasn't in Fili's possession.

Fili's frantic eyes met hers for a moment and unspoken words passed between the two: _we will do whatever is necessary._

Her fingers swept through Kili's bangs, pulling them back as she leaned to kiss his forehead. "Why can't they just leave you alone?" she whispered.

* * *

"_**Nightsky featuring John LaMonica" Robot Koch, John LaMonica**_

* * *

Kili was swimming in black, murky waters, and clawing for the surface. As soon as he found it, he hacked and coughed until his lungs didn't sting. There was a grey shelf of rock just beside him and he climbed out of the water to survey the new land.

Black sky and grey stone, featureless and smooth— Kili took a moment to look out at the black ocean behind him to get a sense of where he was when a dull green and grey billow of smoke erupted from the land before him. Shielding his face from the sudden wind, Kili squinted to see that there were ghostly figures standing within the pillar of smoke.

"Kili," One of them spoke, and on further inspection, Kili realized it was Thorin. "You're such a disappointment." The figure standing beside him was a dimly shaded Wren, who narrowed her eyes at Kili in disgust. "So many stories and this is what you've been reduced to? You're not a fighter, you're a useless coward!"

"I can't believe I ever thought you were attractive." The hazy Wren spoke. "Danika was right when she said Thorin was better-looking."

Kili's eyes widened and he could scarcely believe his ears. This was a dream. It had to be.

Both of the figures turned their backs to him and walked away when Fili and Sigrid appeared in the rolls of grey smoke.

"Kili," The Fili ghost said with a lick of his lips. "All those stories we had together were a lot more fun when the writers let me have my way with you."

A sting of revulsion and fear ran through Kili's innards and he shook his head, denying the strange look of lust he saw in his brother's eyes.

"He only married me to keep up appearances," Sigrid said with a look of despair. "His child will be the perfect cover-up for his interest in you."

"No," Kili's brows came together in indignation. "I don't believe that for a moment."

The Fili and Sigrid specters turned their backs to him and disappeared, only to have Eomer and Danika take their place.

"No, no, no," Kili shook his head and he threw his hands over his ears, not interested in hearing what this hellish place would cause his beloved to say. But it did him no good because he heard her just as clearly as if his palms weren't covering his ears.

"I remember, Kili," The Danika ghost said with a look of sympathy. "I remember my life with him from before. I remember being Lisswyn." Her voice haunted him because these were the exact words she'd said before this nightmare began. "And I cannot abandon him, not when he was my first husband."

But she hadn't said those last words in reality and Kili knew it. As much as this dream was trying to strike uncertainty into his heart, he _knew_ what was real. "You never said that to me. It isn't true."

"I might not have said it to you, but it was what I was thinking." The Danika said with an expression so similar to his wife's that his faith started to waver. "This is what really want."

The Eomer ghost put his arm around her and Kili didn't resist the growl that left his upturned lip. "That's not true," the dwarf tried to remind himself, but what happened next would be burned into his mind like a fire-brand.

The ghost of Eomer began to kiss Danika heatedly and she let him, allowing his hands to roam over the curves that had suddenly become undressed. Kili's heart sped up and his blood heated, wanting nothing less than Eomer's broken and bleeding body on the ground before him, but no matter how fast he ran toward them, all the while screaming for the man to keep his hands to himself, the land beneath his feet kept him at the same distance from the smoke as he had been before.

He realized the only other way to keep himself from watching the intimate display of the ghosts was to throw himself into the black water again, crying out as he did. And as soon as he hit the water, his eyes snapped open to the waking world.

Gasping for breath, Kili bolted upright and looked about the room. Wooden panels adorned the walls, with a flag here and there bearing the symbol of the House of Eorl, the lords of Rohan. The four poster bed must have been filled with horsehair because it shifted strangely under his weight.

Bilbo had fallen asleep on a chair in the corner to his right, and to his left was a fireplace that had been lit to a blaze, filling the room with enough heat to fend off the chill of evening. And there, before the fireplace, sat Danika and Eomer opposite each other over a chessboard.

"Kili?" Danika's head turned until their eyes met. "Kili!" She burst from her chair and threw her arms around him, her familiar weight comforting him and confirming that this was real and not imaginary.

"You, it's really you," He said with a relieved groan, squeezing his arms around her tightly and ducking his head into the crook of her neck. Breathing in her scent and nuzzling the warmth of her skin, Kili anchored himself in this moment, letting his hands trail downward and grip her waist. Yes, the give of her young flesh underneath the dress, _that_ was real. The softness of her hair and the slightly oily smell of it, _that_ was real. And the way her chest heaved against his when she took a breath in such a tight embrace, _that_ was real.

"Are you all right?" Danika asked him worriedly, and Kili was about to answer her when he lifted his head from her shoulder, seeing the waiting Eomer behind her.

"What's _he_ doing here?" Kili said in a low growl, the lingering memories of the dream still fresh in his mind.

"I'm complete crap at chess," Danika said with a roll of her eyes.

"She needs practice and instruction," Eomer spoke up, warily eyeing the dwarf that was glaring.

"She doesn't need practice," The dwarf objected as he clutched her closer. "She won't be going to this absurd meeting—the Doctor and I are going to find a way around it. We'll come up with an alternative."

"And if you fail?" Eomer stood from his chair, hands clenched. "Then your pride dooms her to an uneven match."

"It's already uneven! You think too highly of yourself if you believe you can teach her what she doesn't already know in only a day."

"It's three days," Eomer reminded him curtly. "And I don't consider myself a master of chess, but I _am_ a man of war and I know how to resist an enemy."

"I'm sure you do," Kili snapped, taking the comment personally.

"Will both of you _shut up_?" Danika jumped from the bed to stand between them, looking back and forth between the two with a scowl that matched theirs. "_She_ can speak for herself and _she_ thinks that both of you have the right idea." Putting her hands on her hips, she seemed to be summoning her patience. "This whole love triangle thing is getting on my nerves! Can't you guys see how ridiculous this is?"

While Eomer murmured an apology to her, Kili could only stare at the floor in shock. He'd been doing it again—listening to the deeper part of his doubt and letting it go too far. The dream hadn't instigated that doubt, but it certainly fed it— and this was no time for pointing fingers, not when every minute counted!

Kili brought up his head and jolted, startled to find Danika standing directly in front of him.

"Kili," she said in a low whisper that was both tired and relenting. "I understand if you're uncomfortable with Eomer teaching me how to play chess, and… if you don't want me to learn from him, then I won't."

The dwarf's eyes darted to her face, trying to read it in utter confusion. "You'd do that?"

"I'd like to practice with _someone_, but if you don't like the thought of him and I spending time together then I won't do it with him. I love you..."

Eomer shifted uncomfortably, as though pretending not to listen was below him, but Kili took a moment to look over the man for what seemed like the hundredth time since they met. The King of Rohan looked like a calculating sort, and his tanned skin and muscled features were enough proof that his trade had been warfare from an early age—and where before these things had made Kili uncomfortable with Eomer being so near to Danika, now they lent him some favor.

"As much as I hate to say it," Kili sighed. "Eomer is probably the best chance you have at learning quickly." He rolled his eyes. "And I doubt you'll be in better care—no one will be more concerned about your success than him and I."

"Don't just say that because it's logical," Danika pressed her eyebrows together seriously. "If you really don't want—"

"I've got to let this go," Kili whispered as he bowed his head. "Distrusting him is… it doesn't reflect that I trust you, either." Kili lifted his head up to look at her, searching her eyes for the solidity he needed so badly. "I'm sorry. I dreamt—"

But he wasn't able to tell her about the dream before a terrified scream came from a distant room in the Golden Hall.

* * *

"_**The Son of Flynn (Remixed by Ki: Theory)" Daft Punk, Ki: Theory**_

* * *

"What was that?" Danika inched closer to Kili and he thrust his arms protectively around her as he looked toward the door. Eomer had drawn his sword in a fluidic motion, but at the next scream, he lowered it.

"Bema," Eomer cursed, sheathing his sword. "They've come."

"Who's come?" Bilbo said from the corner, clearly awake now.

"The wraiths." The King of Rohan muttered as he opened the door to the room. "Danika, stay here with Kili."

"Don't tell me what to do," Danika said from within Kili's hold in what sounded like a whimper rather than a threat.

"What can we do against them?" Bilbo wrung his hands together, obviously disturbed by the shrieks of surprise and shouts of anger that came more frequently.

"Nothing," Eomer snapped before he marched through the door.

Danika was torn between following his advice to stay in the room and giving in to her curiosity for what was happening all around the Golden Hall. She imagined it wasn't just the hall that was filled with the cries, but also the huts below it…

"You're not going anywhere," Kili told her, grabbing her wrist as she tried to pull away from him. "I don't often agree with—" but his words were cut short by a loud shout coming from the room beside them.

"That was Fili," Danika breathed, knowing Kili recognized it too by the horror-struck look in his eye. Using the lapse in concentration, she tugged away from his hand and bolted toward the door connecting the two rooms, throwing it open and gaping at what she saw.

"That's not a wraith," She said as Kili followed from behind, staring at the black-cloaked figure hovering above Fili and Sigrid while they lay in the bed. "It's a Dementor!"

The Dementor waved its hand above its head and a line of glowing light appeared as though it had opened a crack in the space above it, and a tendril of light crept from the crack of light, reaching downward toward Sigrid where she crawled away from it. The light struck her, causing her to become silent and unmoving, wrapping around her and pulling her toward the crack.

"Sigrid!" Fili clamped a hand on her wrist—or tried to, but he was too late and she was hoisted into the air beyond his reach. The frantic dwarf leapt to his feet to try and catch her hand again, but she had passed through the rip of light and was nowhere to be seen.

"No!" He cried out, reaching for the blade that lay on the table beside the bed and jabbing it in the direction of the Dementor. "Let her go!"

But the Dementor was not amused and pointed a sharp, black finger at Fili, causing him to drop the sword and grip his throat as though he were choking.

"Fili, no!" Kili pushed past Danika, who was petrified where she stood. What could she do? What could any of them do?

Kili leapt at the Dementor, throwing back its hand with his clenched fist as he cursed at it, but it only raised its other hand and pointed at him as well, holding both of the dwarves in a choke hold.

Danika wasn't sure what good it would do, but she picked up a chair and threw it in the direction of the Dementor, hitting it in its middle and hoping that at least it would buy her husband and his brother another breath. If that was all her actions would accomplish, then it was worth it.

A brilliant light filled the room and all were flung backward as if by a strong wind, and the Dementor cried out in a high-pitched shriek that stung Danika's ears painfully.

"Begone, servant of Voldemort!" An older voice called out to the Dementor, and Danika looked up from where she had fallen to the ground to see a white cloak and staff—Gandalf had come! "Release those whom you have taken and return to your master or I shall send you to the eternal light!"

The Dementor swept itself from the room at an astonishing speed and the air in the room seemed to shudder. The light reappeared for a moment before Sigrid began to drop as if from the ceiling! Fili had enough wits about him and before she hit the ground, he rolled to cushion her fall with his body, groaning as she landed heavily on him. She looked as though she woke from a doze and then realized where she was and who she had fallen on, but Fili was tearfully clinging to her with strong arms, caging her in his hold.

"Gandalf," Kili breathed in relief. "Gandalf, you came!"

"And not too soon, it appears," Gandalf said wearily. "But I must save others if I can—I will return!" And sweeping his cloak behind him, the wizard left the room hurriedly.

"Kili, are you hurt?" Danika crept toward him on hands and knees, reaching out for him at the same time that he held his arms out to her.

"I'm fine," He answered quickly, pulling at her and bringing her closer as he helped her to stand with him. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, looking around the room as though he expected danger to appear again, but Danika knew that Gandalf would not have left them if there had been any more danger. And she couldn't stop staring at Fili and Sigrid.

"Fili?" Sigrid whispered fearfully, trembling visibly in her husband's hold.

"Sig," Fili had ducked his head into her neck and refused to come out, his muscles and veins prominent as his arms tightened around her. "Sig, I thought I'd lost you. Both of you."

"I'm all right," Her voice broke as tears descended to her cheeks. "And our lad's all right, too." Sigrid suddenly tried to pull back, but Fili's strong grip didn't allow for much, and she weakly beat her fist against his shoulder. "What were you thinking, trying to fend a ghost off with a sword?" She exclaimed in an angry sob. "You could have been killed!"

"I couldn't let it take you." The blond dwarf muttered quietly in what sounded like an apologetic voice, still refusing to leave the safety of her neck, as though she might disappear if he lifted his head.

Her struggles against him went unnoticed, as did her anger, and Fili only kept his arms around her while she shouted at him. But her words were blurred by her weeping and soon her voice died down into crying, obviously more terrified that she'd almost watched her husband die instead of angry with him for coming against a Dementor.

Danika's heart was in her throat and she ducked her head into Kili's chest, pulling herself closer to him, grateful that Gandalf had come to their aid at the last minute. Fili and Sigrid's reunion was a calming source of hope and fueled a resolve inside of Danika.

"I have to win this game," She raised her head to look into Kili's eyes, his determined expression similar to hers. "I have to find a way to beat him."

Kili was scanning her face, as though looking for something, and then nodded in fierce resolution. "You don't need to do it alone."

She looked down at the shuddering form of Sigrid, still clinging to Fili as he rocked her in his lap, before Danika returned her gaze to Kili. "Voldemort's bothered Middle-Earth for the last time. Let's take the bastard down."

* * *

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**Next chapter: the rules for Amended Wizard's Chess and a reveal of some of the live player game-pieces! Story still open to a few prompts! If there are characters from other fandoms and stories you'd like to see on the board, leave me a review with your suggestions!**

**.**

**By the way, the reference I'm using for the previous Eomer/OC relationship is one of my favorite stories- Heart of The Horselord by rynogeny. Please be sure to give that story a read, it's fantastic!**

**.**

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst? ****Try ****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

_**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**_

**.**

**Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try ****STARS AND HAMMERS**

_**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**_

**.**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try ****GOLD AND FIRE**

_**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.**_**_Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to_ GEMS AND POISON**


	37. What's your Fantasy Draft?

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**IV**

**WHEN TO KILL A CROSSOVER**

_**Chapter 5 –What's Your Fantasy Draft?**_

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* * *

"_**Sleeper" Pray for Sound**_

* * *

Danika groaned at the sudden light peaking in through the small window of the room, pulling the blanket over her head as she snuggled closer to her husband and tucked her face closer to where his bare chest lay against the mattress. He jerked slightly, obviously startled by her sudden movement, and then laid his arm over her, pulling her closer to him with a contented sigh through his nose.

"What are you doing?" Kili whispered to her when she pressed her face even closer to his skin. She could feel him kissing at the top of her head.

"I'm burrowing." Came her muffled answer, but he must have understood her because he snickered and patted her back.

"Can't be easy to breathe," He murmured, moving his legs to scissor with hers.

"S'not," She admitted, lifting her head to kiss him and then returned to digging her face deep between mattress and dwarf pectoral. She savored the heat and pressure of the enclosed space, but faintly heard him speaking to her and lifted her head again. "What'd you say?"

"We have to get up," He repeated with a sympathetic expression.

Ducking her head back down into his flesh and pulling her side of the blanket closer to her, she growled out a petulant, "No."

"Danika."

She knew he was going to scold her, going to remind her of her responsibilities, but she wanted to milk these precious moments for all they were worth. "Five more minutes."

"I'd agree with you if we were back on Earth, but we're not." He patted her back again. "Come on, let's get up."

Once more, Danika lifted her head from the covers, her face revealing the desperate fear that had carried over since the previous night. How she had fallen asleep in the first place was a mystery—considering that she'd been chosen to play chess against an evil wizard, watched her husband fall under a sleeping spell, and been witness to a Dementor trying to steal her sister-in-law— but it was so hard to resist the body heat and comfort of someone she trusted so implicitly when she was feeling so haggard.

"Please," She begged in a small voice, finally showing just how frightened she was of what lay beyond the guestroom door. "I need five minutes of not worrying over everything—just five minutes, you can count the—"

"Hush," Kili touched her face, looking into her eyes and seeing that this wasn't the same "five minutes" she generally asked for in humor. This was recharging her courage and confidence… "You can have it. Five minutes. Burrow away, then."

* * *

"_**Fire-scene alt. version" S. Carey**_

* * *

Sigrid knew without a doubt that Fili's sword would do nothing against the ghostly creature that had attempted to take her in the night, but when he chose to take up a chair beside the bed with his weapon at the ready, she said nothing—the angry dwarf needed something to make him feel moderately in control.

The following morning, she woke to find her blond sentinel barely awake, sitting in the same chair, but the sword was now in his hand and not on the table. As she rose, she murmured something softly to him, but he only grunted in reply. A few attempts to coax him into a bath to help him relax failed and after a while, she gave up trying to speak to him at all.

Once she was dressed and had splashed her face with a little water, Sigrid left the guest room and strode into the hall with Fili following so closely behind her that his hand was always resting over her elbow or waist. It seemed the only thing that would comfort him would be keeping constant vigil over her and she wasn't about to argue. Not that she thought he'd speak up to argue anyway. Sigrid had seen him like this before—his temper wasn't well known to most, except to those intimately acquainted with him, but it was fierce when it struck. Likely he wouldn't say anything to her until midday, but she wasn't about to take it personally. She loved him too much to meddle with his methods of coping with helplessness and anger.

"Were you able to sleep last night?" Asked Danika as she and Kili strode over to the table where Sigrid ate her porridge. Fili snorted, sitting close enough that his shoulder was touching his wife's. He hunched over the table, his elbows against the wooden surface.

"Yes, a little," Sigrid answered Danika softly, laying a gentle hand on Fili's tensed forearm. "But I think we'll rest a little easier tonight, camped under the stars."

Kili nodded and seemed to be looking over his brother, assessing the older dwarf's mood. "Any word on when we'll be leaving?"

"As soon as you are finished eating, my friends," came the voice of King Eomer, coming to stand beside the table. "We have been preparing through the night and will not waste a moment of daylight. Which of you is able to ride a horse?"

Danika's eyes widened and she seemed to be mulling over the question when Sigrid came to her rescue and filled the silence. "I think we are accustomed to ponies, my lord. But when pressed, I'm certain Fili and I could manage a Rohan horse in the same saddle." She glanced at her husband, who continued to glare at everything, but spared her a nod of agreement. Sigrid might have said more, but she felt it might be rude to speak for her husband's brother and his wife.

"We can do the same." Kili nodded, earning a skeptic look from Danika.

"Can we?" She mouthed at him, and her hesitancy seemed to amuse him, but it hinted at some sort of inside joke which Sigrid was sure she'd rather not be in on.

"What about the hobbit? And Thorin and the Healer?" Eomer was obviously ignoring the mischievous smile of the dark-haired dwarf.

"I will take up Bilbo Baggins," Gandalf inserted as he sat on the bench beside Kili. "And you'll find that Thorin Oakenshield is perfectly capable of commanding a Rohan-bred steed of any size. And I doubt he'll wish to be parted from our red-haired companion." The wizard added with a glimmer of humor in his aged eyes.

Though King Eomer's tanned face was grim—an expression that seemed stuck to the horseman's features—he looked satisfied with these answers and murmured a, "When you're ready," before stepping away from the table and making his way out of the hall.

"Thorin and Wren will be along shortly," Gandalf mentioned, rising from his seat as though he'd forgotten something, and looked to be heading back to the guest chambers. "Bilbo and I will be waiting for you in the stables."

Sigrid scraped the last remnants of her breakfast, noting that Danika was ignoring her own bowl as she whispered angrily with Fili's brother, and her ears picked up a reference to heights. Kili shrugged at whatever it was Danika was fussing over and laid a comforting hand on his wife's shoulder, somehow finding words that seemed to placate the nervous woman.

"We'll meet you in the stables," Kili said as he rose, gripping Danika's elbow to help her up, but she shrugged him off in a huff and stormed toward the kitchen with her untouched porridge.

Now that they were alone, Sigrid took the opportunity to speak to Fili again. "Are you angry with me?"

Fili's eyebrows rose and he fixed her with an incredulous stare. "What on earth would give you that idea, lass?"

Sigrid did her best to keep from smiling—rejoicing in the small victory of getting the intense dwarf to speak—but the twitch at the corner of her lips must have been obvious. "You've said nothing to me all night or all morning and you wouldn't share the bed with me." Honestly, she knew the reason he'd been silent—he'd been "on guard"—but there was one point that had been nagging at the back of her mind since their encounter with the Dementor. "I… I shouted at you last night and I'm sorry I did."

"You rebuked me for being foolish, but that doesn't warrant how cold I've been." Fili released a heavy sigh and looked down at his knees, jaw muscles tensing. He looked to be thinking on coming words and shook his head a few times before they chaotically tumbled from his grumbling mouth.

"I thought we were safe—when we went to modern Earth—we haven't had peace like that before—and then Middle-Earth called on us again—I don't know if I can take it—there's no happy endings—and every story just seems—it's not a place for joy—"

Sigrid reached out to put a hand on his forearm as she had done before, but this time he clapped his other hand over hers, gripping it tightly and looking at her with glistening eyes that showed a breaking heart.

"Sigrid, how many stories have we been in together?"

Her eyes widened. "I don't think I could count them all. Quite a few, though…"

"And how do they all end?" His eyes were fixed on her, almost asking if she understood what he was getting at. But she didn't. Where was he going with this?

"Fili, what are you trying to say?"

"You die." He growled, squeezing her hand a bit too hard, but this was one instance where his dwarven strength didn't bother her. "I've had to watch you die over and over again—either because you're human and don't live as long as I do, or in childbirth, or in some other form of tragedy." Fili took in a sharp breath and turned his head to watch others within the hall rise from their seats and head towards the doors, obviously marking that it was nearly time to leave.

"The writers, they all think you're expendable." He snorted with an affronted expression. "Just another way to prove how dangerous the villain is, or just another way to get a rise out of me. But you're not expendable. Not to me." And when he turned his fierce eyes on her, she was powerless to look away. "We've come together in the stories more than a few times, Sig. But this time, I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Or our babe."

Sigrid was aware of something cool on her cheek, but she didn't realize she was tearing up until Fili lifted a hand to her face, brushing away the trails of wetness with his thumbs. His other hand reached tentatively for her belly, swollen enough that she was obviously rounded by pregnancy, and she rested her own hand atop his, pressing it firmly to the side where their little one was kicking.

The nudges from the one inside seemed to lend Fili some comfort because he smiled widely despite tired and tearful eyes and he cooed something in Khuzdul to it before returning his gaze to Sigrid.

"We're not leaving with the others." He announced calmly. If Fili hadn't just explained himself before telling her of this decision, Sigrid might have protested, but the more she lingered on the idea was the more she wanted to agree with him. "I've already spoken to the King of Rohan. We'll be staying here until that horrid game is over." He suddenly took both of Sigrid's hands, his face begging for her fullest attention. "I don't know what's going to happen when it's done—when either Danika or the dark wizard have won—but whatever is to come… Please, just tell me you understand. Tell me you know I only mean to keep you safe. Tell me I'm not—"

"I understand." Sigrid nodded, leaning forward on the bench to embrace the weary dwarf. "But you haven't said anything to your brother, have you?"

"Not yet," Fili muttered, looking nervously from side to side as the hall was emptied of riders and servants.

"I think you should do it quickly." Sigrid said as she pulled her leg out from the bench to stand. "And if you must go with him, I'll do as you say and stay here."

"Lass, you're too good to me, making that offer. But it won't come to that—I'll not leave you here alone."

Sigrid nodded, silent relief washing through her, though she refused to make any outward sign of it.

* * *

"_**Northern Lights" The Cave Singers**_

* * *

Danika hadn't considered herself tall before her appearance changed in coming to Middle-Earth, but she could easily have passed for a tall dwarf, much like her husband. It had never, and would never, come up in conversation, but Danika secretly relished in the idea that although she'd had two hearts vying for her affections, only one was the clear winner: why had she become so short if she was supposed to belong to the rather large Eomer? The man was considered very tall and strong according to the standard of men, throwing their proportions even more out of sync.

No. Danika was clearly formed for Kili.

Unfortunately, her lack of height had several downsides—one of them being the enormous animal she had been presented to ride with. Thankfully, the Rohirrim kept many different sizes of saddle, making it easy to select one that would bear both her and her dwarven husband, but the principle of riding at such a height was still daunting.

"Can't I ride in a cart?" Danika whimpered. She turned her head, wondering if Kili had heard her, but startled when she realized he wasn't standing beside her. He was speaking in low tones to his brother in the corner of the dark, logged stables and he didn't look happy. In fact, he looked nauseous.

"A cart would be too slow for the ride we need to make." Eomer's voice came from her left. She turned to find the horseman near his horse's stall.

"Firefoot," Danika smiled, not resisting the onslaught of memories concerning the grey steed. It struck her as silly that her hand reached into her riding dress' pocket, but the instinct revealed that she had tucked away an apple—probably a force of habit for Lisswyn. Danika's feet had unconsciously taken her to Firefoot's stall and she held the apple in an upraised hand.

The warhorse lowered its speckled head, snatching up the apple in an instant and devouring the treat with a shake of his head.

"He's missed that," Eomer was stuffing something into a saddlebag at Firefoot's side. "He seems to think I plan on starving him to death without your secret stash of soaked oats."

Danika snorted, brushing her fingers over Firefoot's nose and speaking to the horse instead of the horseman. "He's not neglecting you, is he? Too busy being King to remember to feed you?"

"Oh, hush," Eomer rolled his eyes at her. "With the way you've pampered him, I'll need a longer saddle-strap just to reach the first buckle-notch."

Danika made a theatrical gasp. "Firefoot, did he just call you _fat_?"

Firefoot continued to chew.

"As long as he gets his ration of carrots, I don't think he'd care if anyone called him an oliphaunt." Eomer chuckled, coming to stand beside Danika.

"I dunno, Firefoot." Danika rubbed gently over the horse's nose and between his eyes. "Wide belly, grey coloring, likes to stomp on things… I think Eomer has a point." She laughed. "You're an oliphaunt trying to pass as a horse."

Danika grinned up at Eomer, only to find that the humor in his eyes had died down and the way he was looking at her… it was an expression she was familiar with and she cleared her throat to break the mood.

"All of these horses might as well be oliphaunts," She said hastily, looking back at the horse assigned to her and Kili, "for all the good it will do me to try and ride one."

Eomer looked between her and her horse a moment, as if coming to an internal decision. He then took her hand and pulled her toward the horse's stall, hefting her up by the waist before she knew what he was doing, and handed her the reins.

"I don't need to learn how to do this—Kili's gonna be driving—" Danika objected.

"And what happens if your husband falls off?" Eomer put his fists on his hips. "What then?"

Danika heaved a resigned sigh. There were many differences between Eomer and Kili, but the one that stuck out the most was the way they approached things: Eomer came at things head-on, preparing for the worst, and believed in facing something with everything he had. Kili, on the other hand, had a talent for pinpointing things—the principle of an archer—and believed that anything that could not be overpowered could somehow be avoided. Some might have called it 'running away', but Danika knew that it was the skill of evasion and had nothing to do with fear or cowardice.

But in this case, Eomer had a point. "All right, then, tell me what to do."

"The telling isn't as important as the action." Eomer reached for her leg and Danika jolted. It wasn't an intimate touch, but she had been surprised by it, relaxing the limb when she understood he was only attempting to instruct her. A series of presses to specific muscles and a few words regarding how much pressure she should apply caused Danika to feel some relief. Maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all.

Kili finished speaking with his brother and came to the opening of the stall with his arms crossed, glaring at the King of Rohan and clearing his throat as if announcing his presence. Eomer looked more annoyed than intimidated by the glare the dwarf was sending his way, but nodded at Kili before stepping out of the stall to allow Kili in.

"Will you need a mounting block, master dwarf?" The King asked, probably more of a jest than a genuine offer.

Danika scowled at Eomer and was waiting for Kili to let out some angry remark, but the dwarf only shook his head and answered with a surprisingly polite, "No, thank you."

Kili came alongside the horse and looked up at Danika, who was biting her lip as she waited to see what he would do next. The horse was so tall that the stirrup was level with her husband's nose!

Quicker than she would have thought possible, Kili crouched before leaping at an angle away from the horse, his thick boot catching on the stable-stall wall—as if pressing against a step—and jumping back toward the horse. He twisted in midair, other boot using the stirrup like another step, and flew upward to swing his leg over the saddle, landing perfectly behind Danika with a sassy grin. The horse shifted underneath them, but didn't seem phased by the dwarf's unconventional way of mounting it.

Danika made no effort to stop from gaping at him, but Eomer had enough reserve to keep his impressed response to, "Interesting," before returning to Firefoot's stall.

"Where did you learn to do that?" Danika's mouth was still hanging open as Kili moved his arms around her waist to grab the reins.

"You liked that, eh?" He smirked at her, kissing the side of her temple and moving their steed out of the stall and through the doors of the stable.

"Um, _yeah_," She guffawed. "That was hot."

Kili laughed. "That's good. Something to get your attention away from _him_."

Danika rolled her eyes. "Kili," She groaned in exasperation, trying not to let the comment hurt her too much. "Just… shut up." She crossed her arms resentfully. "He was making sure I knew what to do in case you fell off."

"I'm not going to fall off," He huffed in offense. "Not unless he's planning on pushing me, in which case I hope you won't be riding off by yourself."

"I'm not doing this again." Danika shook her head. "Stopping treating it like a love-triangle and it won't _be_ a love-triangle. Ugh, in fact, I refuse to say those two words together anymore."

Kili brought their mount to a halt just outside the stables where the rest of the riders were assembling and Danika found herself looking for the rest of her family.

"We're missing Fili and Sigrid," Danika scanned the crowd again as the wind blew wisps of hair into her face. She batted them aside and looked out over the plains, realizing just how long of a ride this was going to be. "Are they still at the hall?"

"Fili and Sigrid aren't coming." Kili said in a low voice, full of regret and disapproval.

Danika looked at him over her shoulder. "Why?"

Kili sighed and drew his arms closer around her midsection, resting his chin on her shoulder as King Eomer rode before the gathering to address all who were there. Danika was distracted by Kili's closeness and her curiosity regarding Fili and Sigrid, but she definitely heard when the horselord mentioned "riding hard" and "short rests". Her poor backside was not going to like this…

Eomer concluded in something Rohirric and the rest of the horsemen, about twenty-five heads apart from Danika and her companions, gave a loud shout before moving down the hill and through the gates.

It wasn't until they were on the open plains that Danika had the courage to speak again. "Fili's afraid, isn't he?" Her words came out disjointedly while the horse bumpily trotted slowly with the crowd.

"Mh-mm." Kili answered. Normally, Danika would have expected him to become defensive, knowing that her statement could have been misconstrued as calling Fili a coward. But the whole situation was certainly not normal. "Sigrid has a tendency to be used as the red-shirt in her stories."

"Red shirt?" Danika raised a brow.

"The one who comes to some terrible fate as proof that circumstances are dire." Kili elaborated. "And Fili's seen it happen one too many times." Kili sighed and Danika turned in the saddle to look at him—a difficult thing to do while moving so jerkily. "Probably wise not to bring someone like that into the hell-storm we're walking into. I think Thorin might have asked the same thing of Wren, but she's too stubborn to stay behind. I know if I could ask you to stay behind, I would."

"You'd have to tie my hands and feet and lock me in a cellar to make that work." Danika rolled her eyes at him, turning back around.

"Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind," He chuckled from behind her, but there was still something making him uneasy. "I know Fili would have come if I asked him, would have left her in Rohan and come with us. But I know he would have worried over whether or not something might happen to her while he was away."

Danika reached her hands behind her to clasp around his back. It was slightly awkward, but she didn't care—it was all she could do to offer support.

As the horses made their way slowly down the hill, Thorin and Wren came to ride beside them and spoke briefly, sitting similar to Danika and Kili on the saddle, though Wren sat behind the older dwarf instead of in front like Danika. When they began to gather at the flat land, Danika couldn't help her curiosity.

"Would it be easier for me to ride behind you like Wren is with Thorin?"

Kili made an amused sound and one of his hands released its grip on the reins, sliding over Danika's side and along her outer thigh. "Easier, yes. Would it be as fun, though?"

She chortled as he scooted himself to press closer to her, teasingly.

"Probably not as much fun."

A call went out to the riders and the ones at the front of the company darted forward in a gallop.

Kili let out an exasperated sigh. "Things are about to get bumpy. Hold on to the saddle-horn."

"The one in front of me or behind me?" Danika wagged her eyebrows as she twisted to look at him.

"Later." Kili promised with a small wince. "Turn around."

The severity in Kili's command startled Danika, but once their horse erupted into a run, she understood it. She'd only been holding the saddle-horn tentatively before the animal broke into a fast gallop, but now she clung to it for dear life. It felt as though the horse had become a kangaroo, impacting harshly on the earth with every stride before leaping through the air and impacting again.

"Count your breaths," Kili called over the wind passing through Danika's ears. "The going will be easier in a bit—and when it does, loosen your grip on the horn and lean back on me."

Danika did as she was told, counting and giving herself something to focus on while remembering to breathe—one, two, three, four… and just as Kili had said it would, the animal's jerky movements flowed into graceful ones as they caught more speed, moving smoothly as though it was sailing through the wind. The air smoothed around Danika's face and time seemed to slow down. The horse's mane fluttered like a flag in front of Danika's hands and she was almost tempted to let go of the horn entirely and spread her arms out like she was flying—a distinct difference from a moment ago when she was convinced she would fall off!

Pressing her back into Kili's chest was not so much leaning as anchoring herself to him while his muscles compensated fluidly with the movement of the horse. A sting of admiration ran through Danika—not only had he ridden before, but he was good at it, something she could only have appreciated while he was in his element. The tediousness of their lives on modern Earth had always made her wonder if he had ever enjoyed living there, but now she had her answer. This was where he belonged.

"I love you." She muttered against him, finding herself enjoying the gallop of the horse, and knowing he probably hadn't heard her over the wind.

"I love you, too." He answered above her ear.

* * *

"_**Small Things" Ben Howard**_

* * *

The ride through the plains had been uneventful and the company of riders covered a lot of ground before stopping at nightfall. It was obvious that Eomer was determined to get to the fields of Pelenor in record time and there were few who would contest the motive. The sooner they got through this awful game of chess was the sooner they would either have their people back or know for certain that those hostages were unreachable.

Campfires were lit and bedrolls were flattened on the scraggly grass of the plains, and with a blue and purple sky overheard, glistening with gems of starlight, one might think it a pleasant outing. But the grim truth was that most of the riders believed they rode to certain death and Danika heard a few of them saying so to each other.

As Kili and Danika, Thorin and Wren, Bilbo and Eowyn sat around the same fire, Eomer approached the group with a long and narrow wooden box in his hand.

"Your 'Doctor' is a bit saddle-sore," the King announced to Kili with a bit of humor, shaking his head. "But he is in one of the small tents and says he would like to speak with you."

Kili eyed the man warily, but nodded. Danika watched him rise and disappear into the tent, startled when Eomer plopped down beside her and began unfolding the box. It was a chessboard that had been folded with the pieces inside of it.

"We've already covered the basics," Eomer said, placing the pieces on the board. "But I'm not sure how much you remember from last night."

"Probably not as much as I should," Danika bit her lip as the others around the fire fixed her with interested faces. "I mean… there were a few distractions…" She hesitated to mention Dementors, not for fear of the ghosts, but because they reminded her that Fili and Sigrid hadn't come with them.

The next hour was filled with strategy and trying to commit certain things to memory, but Danika could feel her exhaustion wearing on her. Nearing the end of that hour, Wren came to sit beside Danika, offering advice and proving herself a brilliant strategist, much to the obvious satisfaction of Thorin, who watched his lass with no small amount of pride. It was eventually Wren who played against Eomer while Danika watched and attempted to make sense of the rapidly moving chess pieces.

Danika felt a warm hand on her shoulder and knew that Kili had returned, but when she looked up, she saw that the Doctor stood there as well, hands in his pockets and leaning heavily on one leg.

"How's it going?" Danika yawned, stretching her arms up into the air.

"We've been reading over the paper Voldemort left us." The Doctor announced tiredly. "Apparently it's just what he said it is: rules and instructions."

"Is the magical bastard's game any different than this?" Eomer asked tersely.

"Yes," Kili answered, coming to sit beside Danika and wrapping an arm around her waist.

The Doctor shifted his weight to the other leg, but made no move to sit. "In a regular game of chess, the players move the pieces on the board turn by turn and try to eliminate each other's pieces from the board with strategy—the only difference between that and Amended Wizard's Chess is that when two pieces meet, instead of one automatically overpowering the other, the pieces come together for a duel. The outcome of that duel determines which piece claims the spot."

"A duel?" Eomer raised his brows skeptically.

"As in, 'It's my turn to move and I'm going to take out your pawn with my bishop, but now we'll just have you two fight and whoever wins keeps the space?'" Danika said, squinting as she tried to understand.

"That's right." Kili nodded. "The instructions say what Voldemort said, the night he appeared to us: you get to choose your pieces."

"So, if I choose, say, the Hulk, to go against a weaker piece Voldemort has chosen, that pretty much guarantees a victory?" Danika asked, receiving nods from both Kili and the Doctor. "If this didn't involve the lives of hostages, I might say that sounded fun." And then her brows furrowed. "So it doesn't really matter if I'm a good chess player, does it?"

"Sort of," Kili said, rubbing his forehead. Danika imagined that if he'd been pouring over the instructions and rules paper with the Doctor for so long, he was probably getting a headache. "You need to know how to maneuver your pieces around the board so that one of your weaker choices doesn't go up against one of Voldemort's stronger choices."

Eomer nodded. "It's exactly as we've been teaching you, Danika. You've nothing to fear if you remember the principles we taught you."

"Okay, then," Danika looked from face to face. "So we've got to start thinking about game-pieces…"

"We can advise you, but these have to be _your _choices, according to the rules." Kili said, reaching out a hand to the Doctor and taking the parchment from the Timelord's hands.

"Voldemort has already shown us his 8 principle game-pieces," The Doctor began to explain, pointing at a portion of the paper Kili held. "And we are supposed to write our 8 principle pieces on this paper before we get there. The other 8 pieces, the pawns, won't be revealed until the game begins, but it might be a good idea to have them sorted out before we get there."

"Principle pieces? You mean the King, Queen, Bishops, Knights, and Rooks?" Danika peered at the paper, scanning over it before coming to the names.

"Right. The King piece has to be the one playing the game, so Voldemort is the King on this board, while _you_ are the King on your board."

Danika's face scrunched as she looked over the list. "So this is Voldemort's list right here?"

Bishop: Sarumon from the Lord of the Rings Universe

2nd Bishop: The Sith Emporer from the Star Wars Universe

Knight: King Leonidus of the Spartans

2nd Knight: The Terminator from the Terminator Universe

Rook: Maleficent from the Sleeping Beauty Universe

2nd Rook: Q from the Star Trek Universe

"Why doesn't it show his Queen piece?" Danika asked, surprised that this was the thing that worried her amongst all of the other things she should be concerned with.

"Not sure," Kili muttered, scowling in puzzlement.

"Whatever," Danika shook her head. "It doesn't even matter—I've got to start thinking about who to match against these."

"If I may be so bold," Gandalf came to stand beside the Doctor. "As to offer myself as a piece in the game."

Silence fell over the camp and Danika looked up at the wizard and nodded. "Are you sure?"

Of all the things Gandalf could have said to assure her, nothing was as impactful as his very stern, very powerful, "Yes." The way he said the word embodied more argument than a handful of words, and Danika wondered just how much magic was in the wizard's voice alone.

"All right then," she sighed. "Gandalf will be one of my Bishops."

Eomer began to say something in objection, but all of their heads turned when the paper in Danika's hands glowed and red words appeared beside Voldemort's written list of pieces. The paper had already committed Danika to her spoken choice.

"Perhaps," Eomer said with clenched teeth, obviously trying to hold his temper in check. "You might discuss which person holds what position on the board before announcing it to the paper…"

Danika's eyes went wide and she turned to face Kili. "Erm… I shouldn't have made Gandalf a Bishop, is that what he's saying?"

Kili winced and nodded sympathetically at her, causing her stomach to flip. She swallowed. "Sorry about that. I know these pieces won't meet up exactly, but I'm just using Voldemort's pieces as a reference…"

"It's fine," Kili looked defensively at Eomer. "That's not a bad way of going about it. Who else were you thinking of?"

"Well, I honestly think the only person I can pit against Terminator would be Robocop."

"Remember, you're not pitting them against each other—" Eomer started, but Danika held up a hand.

"Look, this is confusing enough as it is!" Danika threw her hands up in disgust. "I know one of my bishops will probably end up going against one of his Knights, but this is the only way I can keep things straight in my mind!" she was immediately embarrassed by her outburst and blushed, ducking her head into her hands. "I'm sorry. I'm just trying to keep things straight."

Eomer looked neither surprised or offended by her eruption and murmured an apology, encouraging her to continue.

"Gandalf against Sarumon, Terminator against Robocop," Kili parroted her choices, laying a reassuring hand on her back. "Do you have someone for The Sith Emporer?"

"I don't know," Danika shook her head, biting her lip a little too hard. "Dr. Manhattan from The Watchmen?"

Kili raised his eyebrows. "We could put him as the only piece on the board and win the game."

"I know, right?" Danika permitted herself a small smile. "I'm not sure who I'd have fight King Leonidus. I mean, you've seen 300 right? That movie was intense…"

"Oh, that's easy," Kili sent her a cheeky grin. "Maximus."

"Wait," Danika sat up straight. "Like, General Maximus? Like, Maximus Decimus Meridias?"

"How do you know his whole name?" Kili smirked at her.

"I've seen the movie just as many times as you have," She winked at him. "You only pick it every other Friday."

Kili rolled his eyes at her. "This coming from the woman who watches _Dr. Who_ every night."

Gandalf cleared his throat. "I don't mean to interrupt, but perhaps we should focus on the choices."

Danika heard Bilbo's snort of disapproval from behind her. "…just let them…"

"Sorry, you're right." She shook her head. It was strange that in the face of something so dangerous, her husband could still manage to make her smile and feel at ease. But that ease was replaced by the weight of responsibility, brought on by the serious expression Eomer was sending her way. Didn't the man every have a day off?

"Dr. Manhattan, Bishop." Danika said to the paper, watching the red ink appear. "King Leonidus, Knight. Robocop, Knight." And reading over the list again, the wheels in Danika's head started turning. "Green Lantern, Rook."

"Ugh, really?" Kili grimaced. "You honestly think the Green Lantern stands a chance in a game like this?"

Danika's jaw dropped. "Excuse me, but I _like_ the Green Lantern. Forget that awful Ryan Reynolds movie, he was a fantastic character before it!"

Kili held his hands up in surrender. "We'll see. Who are you going to match against Q from Star Trek?"

Deciding to spare her lip from further biting, Danika tapped her fingers against her knee instead. "I'm thinking…"

"What about Raven?" Bilbo piped up from behind them.

"Raven who?"

"You know—Raven! From the Teen Titans," Bilbo looked astounded that Danika hadn't understood the reference. "You do know who the Teen Titans are, don't you?"

"Not really..." Danika turned to face him, losing the battle and biting her lip again.

"How?" Bilbo was incredulous. "How do I know who the Teen Titans are, and you don't?"

Kili waved a hand at Bilbo. "It doesn't matter. Yes, that's an excellent idea, but if Danika doesn't know who that is—"

"I don't think that should matter," The Doctor said.

"Raven would be a formidable piece, indeed," Gandalf murmured.

"Raven, Rook." Danika said before anyone else could speak. She clamped her eyelids shut to avoid seeing their reactions and blew out a tired breath. "Did I just pick my main pieces in all of ten minutes?"

The silence that met her ears didn't encourage her to open her eyes yet and she drew her bent legs to her chest, laying her forehead against her knees. "I'm so screwed…"

"No, you're not." Kili's hands smoothed over her shoulders. "You picked an amazing set of game pieces. But we're going to make this a little easier for you. The Doctor and I are trying to find a way around this game, and we might have a few ideas…" His fingers slid gently over her wrists. "Please, please look at me when I say this."

Danika peeked up from her knees with meek eyes.

"We need you to make the Tardis the Queen."

Now Danika's head came up. "The Tardis?"

"Yes," The Doctor stepped closer to her, handing her the key. "We think we might be able to outsmart Voldemort if we keep you close to the Tardis."

Looking from the face to face, Danika began to feel hopeful when she saw that they'd done more in the tent than look over the rules. They were planning something… "Tardis, Queen."

The paper took up the name and something lifted from it, a wisp of red smoke, and it sped through the air and away from the campsite.

"Now the dark wizard knows your principle choices." Gandalf nodded. "A wise move on his part—to force you to pick your most important pieces first. But he will not see your pawns until we arrive—perhaps we should give some thought to them."

"Tomorrow," Danika sliced her hand through the air. "I'm done for the night—if it's even night anymore…"

"It is." Eomer said, slowly rising to his feet and nodding at them before heading for his tent.

The majority of them dispersed for their sleeping places and Danika popped her knuckles tiredly. "I could fall asleep right here."

"I'm relieved to hear that," Kili smiled apologetically at her. "Because that was sort of the idea." He'd already brought their bedrolls alongside them, spreading them out side-by-side before lying down and patting the space beside him.

Danika crawled to his side, stretching and yawning as he pulled a blanket over them, before curling into him and laying her head on his shoulder. As he turned to his side to pull her to his chest, he let out a happy hum and kissed her forehead.

"My choices were crap." Danika murmured into his throat.

"Shh," He wrapped the blanket tighter around her back. "You did well. There's no point in second guessing yourself now."

"Mmf." She argued intelligently.

* * *

.

.

_**You've waited too long for this chapter, so I didn't think you'd mind**_

_**if I made it longer than usual. And it hasn't been edited, so I'll go through it later**_

_**for typos and such- I was in a hurry to get it up for you!**_

_**As you're reading this, I'm writing the next chapter, so I promise it won't be **_

_**as long of a wait as last time!**_

**_._**

**By the way, the reference I'm using for the previous Eomer/OC relationship is one of my favorite stories- Heart of The Horselord by rynogeny. Please be sure to give that story a read, it's fantastic!**

**.**

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst? ****Try ****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

_**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**_

**.**

**Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try ****STARS AND HAMMERS**

_**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**_

**.**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try ****GOLD AND FIRE**

_**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.**_**_Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to_ GEMS AND POISON**


	38. I Want to Play a Game

.

**IV**

**WHEN TO KILL A CROSSOVER**

_**Chapter 6 – I Want to Play a Game**_

_Was I bold enough?_

_Was I cruel enough?_

_Was I cold enough?_

_How the games get old and tired_

_If you've lost all time for others ones, then let it be me_

_I'm folding up, I'm turning around_

_._

* * *

"_**Turning to Rust" Ciaran Lavery**_

* * *

The following morning, Danika was aching from sleeping on the ground—something she hadn't done since her first adventure with the dwarves who had travelled to Erebor—made worse when faced with spending the rest of the day on a saddle. Already, her unaccustomed bones were protesting the ride from yesterday and the prospect of another hard ride did nothing to lift her spirits.

"You look awful," Bilbo muttered sympathetically as he brought her a bowl of soaked oats. Danika had been bending over to gather her bedroll and was too stiff to raise herself erect, instead letting herself fall to the ground and rolling into a sitting position before accepting the breakfast.

"That was graceful," Kili snorted at her, taking up the blankets and padding.

"Shoosh, you," Danika growled, lifting the bowl to her lips and downing its relatively warm contents.

"Do you think you'll be well enough to travel?" Bilbo winced at her apparent state of soreness.

"I don't have much of a choice, now, do I?" She snapped, slurping up the last of the oats. But she instantly regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth and she clamped her eyes shut, shaking her head and catching Bilbo by the hand before he was able to turn away from her.

"I'm sorry," Danika whispered, "I'm so sorry, Bilbo."

Bilbo patted the hand that clutched at his arm and he smiled with what she assumed to be pity. "You're on edge, I understand."

"That's no excuse." Danika saw in a raw voice that sounded as haggard as she felt. But before she could say more, Kili knelt beside her and took the empty bowl from her hands.

"How's your back?" He asked in a serious tone, looking her up and down.

"I'm fine." She murmured in irritation, but Kili raised an eyebrow at her.

"That's _my_ line." He said without smiling. "So I know how fake it is when you say it like that."

"I don't want to sound like I'm whining."

"It's not whining. I asked; you're going to give me a truthful answer. It's as simple as that."

"I'm sure my back will be fine when I pop it." Danika said stubbornly.

"And you're not going to let me help with that either, are you?"

"I just don't want to bother you with it."

"It won't be a bother," Kili crossed his arms. "I've got, literally, nothing to do except take care of you and I'm going to do that job with everything I've got. The hard part is getting you to accept it."

"Is this how you two carry on when you argue?" Bilbo's disbelieving gaze went from Kili to Danika. "_What_ is the problem? Why do people have such a hard time letting other people assist them? And the worst of them is you two! I don't understand it…" He threw his hands up in a huff, grumbling as he walked away.

"We weren't arguing, were we?" With wide eyes, Danika watched the hobbit leave.

"You were arguing; I was being forcefully kind." Kili laughed, breaking his previously serious composure.

Danika shrugged. "I guess so." She rubbed at the back of her neck. "Could you be forcefully kind to my neck?"

"That's what I was offering before," Kili rolled his eyes at her.

The tired woman shivered slightly as the dwarf's warm hands pulled at her collar to give him better access to her neck and as he worked at the knots and strains, she gave up on an inner battle.

"I'm sorry," Danika said sheepishly, shutting her eyes and relishing in the familiar touch of her beloved's heated fingers. "I'm being pig-headed and I don't need to be. I thought I needed to do all of this by myself, but after last night, I'm realizing I can't."

"Why do you think we're all coming with you?" Kili whispered. "We're not here for the scenery."

"I know." She sighed, comforted partly by the way his thumbs brushed over the bend of her neck and partly by the relief that followed her confession. "Sometimes I can be—"

"Stubborn." Kili supplied with a chuckle.

"Well, I was going to say stupid, but stubborn works, too." She laughed. "I'm not used to this, to being… well, in charge."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm going to be making choices in this game; I'm going to be at the head of it. But… I'm _not_ a leader. I'm much better at _helping_ the person who makes decisions. That's why you and I work so well together, I think. You don't mind being in charge, being the leader, and I don't mind following your decisions. I'd much rather let you take on the pressure of responsibility while I sit under your authority and do whatever needs to be done… Am I making sense?"

"Yes." Kili answered, and Danika could hear the smile in his voice. "I just find it funny—some might take what you said as you being under my thumb."

Danika snorted. "That implies that you have a heavy thumb. You don't; you're no tyrant. I'm happy to be 'under your thumb', especially when it feels like this." She moaned happily, feeling some of the tension leave her shoulders.

Kili was silent for a moment and Danika wanted badly to know what he was thinking, but she held her tongue and waited for him to speak his mind.

"I'm glad you see it that way," He finally said, brushing his lips over one of her shoulders. "Please don't think I'm being chauvinistic, but it makes me proud that you think of me that way." His hands left her shoulder and he helped her to stand, looking determinedly into her face. "And like I said before, you don't have to do this alone. Eomer and Wren seem to know what they're doing on a chess board and I doubt even the powers of Voldemort will keep them from standing close enough to shout advice in your direction."

"What about you?" Danika slipped her arms around his waist.

"What about me?" Kili sent her a half-grin.

"I want you close-by, too."

"If we could manage it, I'd be on the board with you."

"Hell to the no!" Danika screeched, pulling away from him. "I'm not making you a pawn in that game, so don't even think it."

Kili held his hands up to signal he wouldn't push the subject further, but Danika's heart was still pounding from her knee-jerk response. Walking away from him, she blew out a steadying breath and strode to where the horses had been tied, willing herself to calm down—there was no way she was putting her husband in the middle of the evil wizard's game! But whatever peace she'd bought with those few seconds was lost when she realized she'd have to figure out how to mount their horse on her own…

"Erm…" She swiveled around and looked at Kili, who had followed her with their bedding, handing it off to another rider.

Kili fixed her with a mischievous and expectant grin, crossing his arms and shifting his weight to one leg. "Need some help?"

"Maybe…" Danika turned back to the horse, refusing to meet Kili's eyes out of irritation. But the more she stared at the saddle was the more she realized there was no way she could do it alone. The irony of asking for help after talking about the necessity of asking for help was not lost on her…

"Urgh," She growled. "Kili, I need help mounting." There. She technically hadn't asked. Danika wanted to stick out her tongue.

"I'd rather you didn't say _that_ until we're alone," He grinned, wagging his eyebrows at her.

* * *

"_**Megalopolis" Rodrigo Y Gabriela**_

* * *

Kili had asked Danika to ride behind him on the second day of travel, knowing that it would be a little easier on her sore muscles. But after a midday break to eat, he switched her to sit in front, positioning her as though to ride side-saddle and propped her head against his shoulder. Telling her to sleep, he was surprised when her answer wasn't an argument, but a light snore. It couldn't have been very comfortable, he admitted, but the poor woman was suffering from what he could only describe as "jet lag". Having been born into this lifestyle, Kili only had to re-attune himself to the world around them, but Danika had only dabbled in it for a short while before being returned to her own world and then thrust back to this one with him again. It was enough to drive anyone to madness.

That evening was filled with more chess lessons, more debate over possible game-pieces, and more coaxing her to eat when she said she couldn't stomach much.

"Optimus Prime." Danika answered Bilbo's question beside the fire. "I'm not sure how well he'll hold up against the pieces Voldemort is choosing, but I think he's a good place to start."

"That's not a bad choice at all," Bilbo smiled at her, but Eomer looked confused.

"Eomer…" Danika bit her lip and looked hesitant to speak to the horselord, but she raised her eyes to look at him. "Do you remember other stories you might have been in? Other universes?"

The King of Rohan eyed her dubiously. "There are shadows in my mind; perhaps they are memories of other lives, but all are rooted in Middle-Earth."

"Even though you're part of the Star Trek universe?" Wren spoke from beside Thorin on the other side of the campfire.

"I beg your pardon, but I don't understand what that means," Eomer tilted his head to look at the red-headed healer.

Thorin raised his eyebrows. "Even _I_ can remember that universe—and you were in it, sir." But still Eomer shook his head.

"I wonder why that is," Bilbo looked into the fire, his mind working over something. "Why do we remember some of the other stories we've been in while others are forgotten or blocked?"

It was slow, but eventually everyone's heads turned to look in the direction of the standing Doctor, who had refuse to sit while everyone else sat.

"It's, er, complicated," He scratched at the back of his head. "I mean, it makes perfect sense to _me_, but—"

Danika rolled her eyes and Kili chuckled at her disgruntlement. "Anyway," She turned her head back to Eomer, "I was only asking to get more ideas."

"What about Spock?" Wren offered. Thorin whispered something in her ear and she playfully smacked his shoulder.

"If I can't think of anyone else, I'll consider it," Danika said, yawning widely.

Much of the next day passed the same as the day before, but the mountains to their left and the great white city before them caused them all to sigh with relief. The White City of Gondor. They'd made it!

The dwarves were scrutinized by onlookers as they passed through the gate and road upward through the streets, but with prejudice or surprise, Kili didn't know. He only knew that he was determined to get Danika in a better state than she already was, sagging in his arms on the saddle before him with a growling belly. It wasn't that their rations hadn't been enough during the long ride there, but her decline in appetite was beginning to worry him.

While the horses were seen to, the weary travelers were shown to rooms overlooking the fields of Pelennor, a daunting sight under the coming rainclouds that fluttered over the field in an unnatural mist. The dark wizard was preparing his board…

* * *

"_**You and Me" You+Me**_

* * *

"You need to eat." Kili insisted, bringing a small tray to the bed where Danika was sitting and wringing her hands together. A hot bath hadn't calmed her nerves, but had eased the pains of riding horseback for days. Kili would take whatever victory he could get. "Stop being so difficult."

"I'm not trying to be difficult." Danika said with a small sniffle. Kili's eyes shot up to her face. Having fussed over finding ways to get her to relax, he'd forgotten to pay attention to her personally. How ironic…

Kili sighed, frustrated with himself. "Scoot over, love."

With downcast eyes and a quivering lip, Danika shifted to permit Kili to come alongside her on the bed. Leaning against the headboard and pulling her into his lap, Kili wound his arms around her shoulders and pressed her head against his shoulder, cradling her.

"Are you afraid?" He whispered, running his fingers like a comb through her drying hair.

Danika sighed. "Not really. I know I'm as prepared as I'm going to get. I know I'll have Eomer and Wren there to help me strategize. And I know that you and the Doctor have been cooking something up since you read through the rules."

"There's nothing left to worry over." Kili breathed into her hair, inhaling the scent of whatever soap she'd used.

"I'm not worried." Danika repeated grumpily. "I'm… it's going to sound so stupid."

"And yet, you know I'm going to ask anyway."

"…I'm upset that everyone's had to put us up." She pressed her face into his chest, the words coming out in a comical blur. "They've had to feed us, clothe us, give us horses to ride—I don't like being a burden to people!"

"Is that seriously what you're stewing over?" Kili raised a brow, trying to bite back the laugh in his throat. "Danika, of all the—you're ridiculous. I'm sure they don't mind all that much." And finding a subject to distract her, Kili poked her in the ribs. "Let's talk a bit; we need to figure out what to do when this is all over."

Her head slowly rose and she looked at him in disgust. "What does that mean?" And cocking her head to the side, she added, "You're trying to distract me."

"No, it's an honest question. If we play wizard's chess—"

"_Amended_ wizard's chess." Danika corrected with a roll of her eyes.

"—and then we drive Voldemort out of Middle-Earth and all is happiness and sunshine once again, where do you want to live?"

Danika's face fell and Kili thought she almost looked disappointed, though he couldn't figure out _what_ she could be thinking. Brushing a strand of blonde hair out of her face, Kili stared into her blue eyes and tired face, trying to determine just what was going on in her creative imagination.

"I don't know." She answered honestly. "I could point out the pro's and con's of living _anywhere_, but I just don't think I care anymore. I'm tired of all this moving around and I'm tired of getting into these strange situations. What I really want now…"

But her words stopped and Kili almost groaned in frustration, feeling robbed. After a moment, though, she looked at him inquisitively and something in the back of his mind clicked.

"Uh-uh." He shook his head at her. "I'm not going to tell you where I want to go just so that you'll agree with me. It's your turn, this time."

"It isn't so much of a 'where' as a 'what'." She answered non-committedly.

"Blast you, woman!" Kili lunged forward and pressed her body underneath him, looking her in the eye and pinning her arms down on the mattress. "Out with it."

"You're not much of an interrogator," She laughed, trying to wriggle from his grasp, but finding him too strong to escape from.

"Why does it have to be an interrogation?" He groaned, resting his forehead against hers in mock exasperation. Her foot was slowly sliding up and down his leg.

"It's more fun that way." Danika giggled, pressing her hips up into his. Her distraction was working, sending all other thoughts to the wayside as his need for her steadily climbed to unbearable. The _distractor_ had become the _distractee_.

"Please," He begged, calling on the last remnants of good sense remaining in his hazy brain. "Just tell me what you want."

Blowing out a soft sigh, Danika relented in a small voice that was barely audible. "I'd like to start a family."

Kili's eyebrows rose. "Oh," was the only response he could muster.

"If you don't want to, yet, I understand—"

"When we can make it through all of this unscathed," He interrupted, "I don't see why not."

Her timid grin turned into a beaming smile, lighting up her face in a way that made Kili's heart swell.

* * *

"_**Radioactive—Live London Sessions/2013" Imagine Dragons**_

* * *

The next morning…

Danika would rather not have ridden just before playing—her stomach was already unsettled—but Eomer and Kili assured her that she wouldn't want to walk the distance from the White City's walls to the chess board out on the field. Wren didn't seem to care either way, slipping her hand through the loop of Danika's arm once they were dismounted and patting her forearm comfortingly.

"You're going to be playing two games," The red-headed healer said. "While the chess pieces are moving, Voldemort will be trying to unsettle you by other means."

"Poker. He's going to be playing poker _and_ chess." Kili murmured from Danika's other side.

Wren peered around Danika to look at the dark-haired dwarf. "Essentially, yes."

"So I have to keep my focus on the game and not him." Danika closed her eyes and nodded, each step bringing her closer to the massive board. Kili's fingers played with hers a moment before pulling her from Wren's arm and embracing Danika in a tight hold, crushing her to his chest. The four of them were silent as Danika finally pulled away, approaching the chess platform with wide eyes.

She was amazed at the size of the board.

Behind them was the White City of Gondor, its splendor apparent even in the overcast morning; in front of them was the grassy fields of Pelennor, where the War of the Ring had been fought years beforehand. It was here that the Kingship of Rohan had passed into Eomer's hands after the death of his uncle, Theoden. And it was also here that he'd found Eowyn's limp form, thinking her dead when he had clutched her in his trembling arms, only to learn that she and Merry had hidden among the men to fight alongside the Rohirrim. Danika wondered if he hated these fields as much as she was beginning to.

It only took Danika a single step to raise herself to the smooth surface of the chess platform—it was covered with alternating black and white tiles big enough for a person to stand in. Part of Danika's active mind wondered how her Optimus Prime pawn was going to fit.

On Danika's side of the board were her principle players, all standing on rounded discs that hovered lightly above the chess squares, and where the King piece should have been was a disc with a small stone chair. Danika squinted across the board to see that Voldemort was already sitting in his King-piece chair, surrounded not only by his principle players but also his pawns. She noted the players in the eight pawn positions:

_Captain Jack Sparrow from the Pirates of the Carribean_

_Rorschach from The Watchmen_

_Subzero from Mortal Kombat_

_Godzilla_

_The Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz_

_Darth Maul from Star Wars_

_Moriarty from Sherlock_

_The White Witch from the Chronicles of Narnia_

Danika turned to look back at the only other people to join her on the fields of Pelennor: King Eomer, Healer Wren, and her husband, Kili. As long as they were there, she knew she could manage…

"Please, take your seat so that we can begin." The dark wizard said calmly, his magic causing his voice to carry to her side of the board.

Looking once more to her husband's face, Danika moved toward the King seat. Kili nodded at her encouragingly, standing beside Wren and Eomer at the edge of the board, just close enough to talk to Danika, but far enough not to touch her.

"You must choose your pawns, my dear." Voldemort whispered passively from his seat, his menace obvious even in the playful hiss of his deep voice.

"All right then," Danika sat in her stone King-piece chair, elbows resting on her knees as she rubbed her hands together. "Eight pawns: Captain Jack Harkness from Doctor Who. V from V for Vendetta. Ice-man from X-men. Optimus Prime from Transformers. The Incredible Hulk from The Avengers. Thor from The Avengers. Spock from Star Trek. And lastly, Star Lord from Guardians of the Galaxy."

As she said their names aloud, each of the players appeared on the eight empty discs on her side of the board, filling the ranks and freezing as they faced the direction of her opponent.

"Excellent choices, all." Voldemort clapped, though Danika doubted he really meant it.

"When do I get to see your Queen-piece?" Danika shouted with cupped hands.

"All in good time—you must come against my her to reveal her identity. Don't worry," Voldemort jeered. "She _won't_ be shy."

Danika's hands were trembling from frustration and nerves, but she was more than prepared for this game to start.

Voldemort seemed to sense her readiness. "Shall we begin?" And with that, he made the first move…

* * *

"_**We Came to Smash – In a Black Tuxedo" Martin Solveig **\- Please, please, please listen to this song while you read this section!_

* * *

"Fly, my pretties!" Called a high-pitched, cackling female voice. A swarm of flying monkeys appeared above her, swooping down onto a roaring green monster.

Danika was sitting at the edge of her seat on the King-piece throne, having called out to the pawn directly in front of Voldemort's moving pawn-piece—and now the Incredible Hulk was defending himself against the minions of the Wicked Witch of the West.

A large green fist shot up into the air and caught one of the winged creatures by the leg, shaking it in his hand before the Hulk savagely tore it apart. No matter how many horror films Danika had seen, nothing could compare to the carnage before her. Monkey after monkey dove at the Hulk, but he swatted them away easily, growling and swearing with garbled words.

Finally, the Hulk turned toward the witch. Her servants lay in a heap about the board, some missing their wings and others their arms and legs, and she looked momentarily frightened before putting on a sneer that would have made Danika whimper if it had been aimed at her.

"Smash!" Hulk shouted, bringing his fists down on the Wicked Witch of the West, pummeling her down into the ground. A heap of white smoke whirled around her flattened remains and the deep, low ring of a large bell sounded in the distance.

Voldemort leaned forward in his chair, peering at Danika across the distance and smiling to himself before commanding another pawn to move forward. It wasn't a threatening movement, but Danika wasn't comfortable with leaving her part of the board vulnerable in that spot, and so she called on the pawn closest to Voldemort's piece.

Just as Danika had predicted, Voldemort called to the pawn—the White Witch of Narnia—and shouted an attack against Danika's Ice-man pawn. The X-man immediately created a shield of ice and a sword and ran toward the witch, but her long spear-like wand struck out at him, causing him to leave his side undefended as he ducked away from it and she turned him to stone before he could compensate. The bell rang once more.

Danika gaped—that match had been over far quicker than she expected—but called herself back to focus when she saw that Voldemort was moving the White Witch closer to her ranks.

"Thor!" Danika called out. "Stop her!"

The Thor pawn-piece raised his hammer to the sky, causing darkened clouds to gather and collect until a single, powerful lightning bolt came down upon his hammer. The son of Odin threw his hammer against the ground, sending out a ripple that jarred the entire board, and fixed his gaze on the Witch of Narnia. The rumble of the board caught her off-guard, just in time for Thor to throw his hammer toward her, colliding with her middle and sending out currents of lightning across her cold, white skin. The Witch evaporated under the hammer's power and the bell tolled again.

Breathing out a sigh of relief, Danika watched as Thor and the Hulk grinned at each other. The god of thunder's platform had brought him side by side with the green monster when he'd been positioned against the White Witch—Thor raised his hammer to bump against the Hulk's raised knuckles. It was the strangest 'fist-bump' Danika had ever seen, but she took encouragement from it. Maybe she had a chance of winning after all…

Voldemort's pawn Rorschach was fighting against Danika's V for Vendetta pawn, but she was momentarily distracted by Eomer as the horselord took a moment to advise her, picking up on a few of the strategies Voldemort was using and determining what to do next. She was surprised when the low hum of the bell drifted through the air, marking a winner—Rorschach!

"Ugh," She groaned to herself, but Eomer heard it and questioned her. "Sorry, I kinda wanted to see that…"

"Watch his rook," Eomer warned her, pointing across the board.

Voldemort's Maleficent was moving. And there was only once piece in position to go against her.

Danika knew she was taking a risk, but she shouted to her Green Lantern piece. The green-clad superhero created a tank with his Ring, riding toward Maleficent slowly, but powerfully. The horned enchantress crossed her arms and raised a brow at him, unimpressed. Immediately, Green Lantern fired against her, but she dodged the round quickly and tapped her staff against the armor of the tank.

"Are you so dishonorable that you will not come against me yourself?" She mocked in a sing-song voice.

The tank rippled and disappeared, replaced by Green Lantern wearing emerald armor and wielding a long sword.

"My turn," Maleficent smiled with one corner of her mouth. In the blink of an eye, she transformed into a massive, black dragon and her wide jaws descended on the hapless Green Lantern, swallowing him whole. A mound in her great, scaled neck traveled downward toward her belly until finally she let out a loud belch.

Danika smacked her forehead just before she turned slowly to look at her husband, who stood at the edge of the chess platform with crossed arms.

"You were right," Danika sighed in exasperation. She then turned her attention back to the board and moved her Captain Jack Harkness pawn, hoping to pit it against a certain pawn, when Voldemort made it evident he had other plans.

Two pawn platforms met, but not the ones Danika was intending.

"Captain Jack against Captain Jack?" Danika wrinkled her nose. "Ugh, I mean, I can understand _my_ Jack, but the _drunk pirate_…?"

"This is going to be over quickly." Kili murmured to Eomer, who looked at both of the pawns as though they were useless.

"Captain Jack Harkness." The time-travelling man introduced himself to his opponent. He held his hand out, but the pirate made no move to shake it.

"Erm," Jack looked around in confusion. "Captain Jack Sparrow." The pirate gave a clumsy bow and Jack Harkness looked at him skeptically.

"Why are you wearing eye-liner?" Jack Harkness cocked his head at the burping Captain Sparrow.

"Doesn't everyone?" Jack Sparrow looked around as if to find someone who would confirm this statement, but the pirate only swung around so quickly that he had to take a step to steady himself. "Hmm, I guess not. Still, you've got to admit…" Jack wagged his eyebrows seductively. "It holds a certain charm, does not it?"

Danika's jaw dropped open as she watched Jack Harkness laugh and cross his arms, eyeing the pirate with a playful expression. "That, I won't argue. Not everyone can pull off a look like that, but you seem to have a –"

Clearing her throat, Danika called out, "Listen, you two can talk over coffee later, but we kinda need to keep focus right now."

Jack Harkness nodded relentingly, putting on a serious face and lifting up his gun to aim at the other man, but Jack Sparrow only looked at him with fear, eyes begging for mercy. "No, no—listen, mate—" The pirate held up his hands in surrender.

"Sorry," Jack Harkness brought out his pistol. "Work before pleasure, love."

And with that, he pulled the trigger and a round went into Jack Sparrow's midsection, sending the pirate to the ground on his back.

Captain Jack Harkness shook his head again and turned away, as if shooting the pirate had been wasteful, but the man swiveled around again when a cough erupted from Jack Sparrow's mouth.

"Oy, mate, there's better ways of killing a man, ye know?" Jack Sparrow said as he rose to his feet. There was a wide hole in his middle, black char lining his shirt around the edges, but it was smoky instead of bloody. From where he sat in his King-piece chair, Voldemort threw out a hand and from his wand a ray of light—revealing Jack Sparrow to be nothing but bones and tattered cloth.

Jack Harkness' eyes went wide as he watched the pirate approach him.

"Like this." Jack Sparrow cackled, thrusting the blade of his sword into Jack Harkness' belly. The man cried out, looking at the swaggering drunkard in shock. But then they both stood upright, assessing each other as though for the first time.

"You can't die, can you?" Jack Sparrow said with an upturned lip and raised brow.

"Nope," Captain Harkness gurgled, spitting out a mouthful of blood as he removed the blade from his body, throwing the reddened weapon to the ground and putting his hands on his hips. "I'm guessing it's the same with you?"

"Aye," The pirate looked impressed.

Danika's hands were on her face in front of her mouth. "What the…?" She turned to look behind her at her advisors, but Kili only shrugged at her. Eomer looked confused, as he had for most of the game, but Wren was explaining to him that both of the players were such that they couldn't be killed.

The two Jacks were busy shooting and stabbing at each other, more out of humor and curiosity than in an attempt to be victor, all the while exchanging flirtatious banter. Danika could see that this was going to be a long turn…

Eventually, pieces of Jack Sparrow began to fall from him, and Jack Harkness got a gleam in his eye, dismembering the other captain as quickly as he could manage while the pirate protested. Soon Captain Jack Sparrow was nothing but a pile of bones which occasionally twitched and jerked, but Harkness seemed to take that as a win.

"Technically, he can't fight back anymore." Captain Jack called to the dark wizard, whose head was ducked in frustration as he nodded, waving a hand at the bones of Captain Jack Sparrow.

Captain Jack Harkness swiveled around on his game-stand and bowed theatrically to Danika, who clapped in enthusiastic appreciation.

Eventually, the pieces on the board had met and fought, hours passing quickly.

Voldemort's Godzilla fought against Danika's Optimus Prime, with her piece winning before it was taken out by Q, who had so far been undefeated.

Subzero fought against Captain Jack Harkness, who was forced to admit defeat when Subzero froze him and was unable to fight against the martial artist, adhering to the same rule he'd applied to Jack Sparrow beforehand.

But Dr. Manhattan was the piece that Danika had the most confidence in, eliminating Subzero, Rorschach, and Darth Maul before any of them could respond.

"You need to think for a moment," Eomer came close-by to whisper into Danika's ear. "He's gaining on you."

"Voldemort's got one pawn left," Danika objected, pointing over the board.

"It's not a game of elimination, though," Wren said, coming to Danika's other side. "He's trying to distract you—look at where his Knight is."

Sure enough, when Danika squinted in the distance, there was King Leonidus of the Spartans, gripping his sword with surety and narrowing his eyes at her. Her Raven rook was being defeated by Voldemort's Sarumon bishop, but Danika was trying to figure out what her opponent had up his sleeve…

"That's enough of that," Danika murmured to herself, finding the opportunity to put her Dr. Manhattan in front of Voldemort's Q. "Let's see what you think of this!"

Oddly enough, the match was over in a few moments, each of the pieces glowing until they were too bright to look at before Q had disappeared entirely, leaving Dr. Manhattan the clear winner.

But that King Leonidus piece…

"What's he doing?" Danika whispered to herself as much as the Rohan King who was pacing behind her.

"Send the Knight to your left." Eomer growled, looking over the board as though he wanted to run onto it and challenge every piece on it.

"Maximus," Danika called and pointed to the Spartan King. "Take him out!"

"Gladly." The gladiator unsheathed his sword and stood still while the platform beneath him came to connect with the platform of the warrior king, who set the bottom edge of his shield on the ground while leaning his elbows on the upper tip of it.

"I have no quarrel with you, slave," King Leonidus said calmly, looking over the man with condescension.

"That matters little," Maximus answered. "I don't like the way you've been looking at my King."

"That slip of a girl does not deserve your allegiance." Leonidus said simply, a bored expression playing over his face.

"And the evil sorcerer doesn't deserve yours." The gladiator said.

Leonidus smiled, cocking an eyebrow and turning his head to look at the wizard behind him. "That's true enough, but I take it you're fighting for the same reason I am."

"I'm no mercenary." Maximus growled. "I fight for something better than myself."

"Think what you will, but you'll meet the same end no matter _what_ you fight for."

Danika's attention was held captive by even the smallest twitches of the two warriors, sensing that rather than talking, they were measuring each other's abilities. It was a dance of the tongue which would mimic the style of their weapons and minds.

"I concede that you might best me," Maximus held his shield up defensively, "but my last breath will be drawn _after_ I deliver a killing blow, a relief earned by the surety that my sword will end you, even if it is slowly."

The King of the Spartans was amused by this, but it was a martyred smile, and if Danika read his face correctly, he looked as though he believed what the gladiator said. The King nodded. "It is an honor to come against a man with an equal heart to mine."

With an answering nod and a click of his sword against his shield, Maximus readied himself for the fight.

* * *

.

_**Longest chapter ever...**_

_**But I didn't want it to be said that everything that happened before the game was a filler.**_

_**It isn't. At least, not to me. Those terrifying moments before a big event are important**_

_**to me, so I couldn't help but include them. Game's not over yet! And believe me, things are about to get insane.**_

_**I haven't really checked over this chapter- again, I was so anxious to get it out quickly for you to read- so if you**_

_**see any typos or any mistakes (or just have any questions) please send me a PM and I'll fix it!**_

**_Next chapter coming in a few days!_**

**_._**

**By the way, the reference I'm using for the previous Eomer/OC relationship is one of my favorite stories- Heart of The Horselord by rynogeny. Please be sure to give that story a read, it's fantastic!**

**.**

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst? ****Try ****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

_**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**_

**.**

**Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try ****STARS AND HAMMERS**

_**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**_

**.**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try ****GOLD AND FIRE**

_**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.**_**_Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to_ GEMS AND POISON**


	39. Nevermind, THIS is the ultimate showdown

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**IV**

**WHEN TO KILL A CROSSOVER**

_**Chapter 7 – Nevermind, THIS is The Ultimate Showdown**_

.

* * *

"_**Trendsetter" Goose**_

* * *

Leaning forward on the stone chair, Danika was riveted by the sight of the two opponents facing each other, so still and silent that one might have mistaken them for stone figures. Maximus kept his eyes trained on the eyes of the Spartan King—and Leonidus held the gladiator's gaze with a grin, much too experienced to betray any hint of attack.

Maximus' blade struck out as quick as a shot from a gun, but it was only to test the defense of the other man — and Leonidus knew it. The Spartan barely flinched. And then suddenly he fell forward to throw his shield against the outstretched blade, attempting to push the Spaniard's arm away from his body just enough to leave an opening and make him vulnerable. This time, it was Maximus who grinned, apparently ready for this effort as he swerved his torso away from the blade. Pushing his own sword and shield together on either side of Leonidus sword, Maximus began to grapple the weapon from his opponent's thrust and was nearly successful if it hadn't been for the Spartan shield that struck out at his temple.

Maximus staggered back, releasing his grip on Leonidus' sword and bouncing on his heels as he shook his head and regained his sense of balance. The hit to his head had been well-placed and he nodded at the King, as though giving the warrior a compliment. Leonidus nodded back, as though flattered by the unspoken praise, and readied himself for another attack.

"It's about time." Danika heard behind her and she swiveled in her chair to see the Doctor and Bilbo approaching her small party of advisors at the edge of the board. Where had they come from?

"Things would have moved quicker if we'd had the Tardis at our disposal." Bilbo muttered grumpily to Kili, who turned to look at Danika with a hopeful glint in his eye.

"Danika," The Doctor crept as close as he could, "Ask for an intermission."

Her jaw nearly dropped. He wanted her to _what_? Why were they showing up so suddenly? And why did Danika think she could see lines of horses in the distance?

A low cry of pain caught Danika's ears and her head snapped back to look at the match in the short distance—Maximus' left leg was sliced along his inner thigh, a dark red line appearing all the way down to his knee.

* * *

"_**The Prettiest" Adna**_

* * *

Maximus and Leonidus had danced around the edge of a serious battle for long enough—Kili admired that they so clearly respected each other and wished very much that the two brave warriors could come out of this alive, but Voldemort's patience would be sorely tested if they kept on with the charade. And it was very possible they both would be eliminated upon refusing to fight.

"They're coming." Kili heard from behind him and he grinned widely. _I know that voice_.

Thorin smiled as he strode up behind Kili, clapping a hand on the younger dwarf's shoulder before coming to Wren and smothering her smiling face with a flamboyant kiss.

"What's going on?" Danika called nervously in a whispered shout, too distracted by the fight to look behind her.

"We're bringing re-enforcements," Kili whispered back, crossing his arms and trying to look disgruntled instead of optimistic. No need to tip off the evil wizard just yet…

"You're all up to something." Danika said, and Kili could see her hands shaking from where they clutched at the arm-rests of the stone throne. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you have an awful poker-face." Kili snorted with a small smile. "You had enough to worry about anyway."

"I've got more to worry about _now_." Danika turned her head slightly, catching a glimpse of Kili out of the corner of her eye. "Don't you think I can win?"

Kili came to stand as close to Danika's chair as he dared without touching the chess-board. "You know that I do. But even if you win, Voldemort's not just going to leave and we won't feign submission to this madman."

"Kili," Danika groaned, her foot tapping nervously at the ground while her knee bounced erratically. "Be careful…"

"When this match is over, just do as the Doctor said." Kili reminded her.

"He's going to bleed to death." Wren whimpered to his left. Thorin stood with his hand on the healer's shoulder, eyes intently taking in the scene before them while Wren's held her hands together tightly in front of her mouth. She was obviously talking about their chess-piece, Maximus, but Kili could see that Leonidus was not doing much better. The two were speaking to each other, but the words were said so low and so breathily that he couldn't make them out.

Finally, it came down to Leonidus. The King was kneeling, numerous cuts and gouges peppering his tanned skin as he leaned against his shield and looked tiredly into the eyes of the gladiator. Maximus clutched at his own side, favoring his injured leg as the blood seeped out of it and drew all healthy color from the man with it.

"Do it." The Spartan said, spitting out a tooth and a trickle of blood.

Maximus hesitated, but the King shook his head and growled. "I will not be someone's game-piece. Free me."

Still trying to catch his breath, the gladiator's shoulders sank and he nodded wearily. Lifting his sword above his head, Maximus inhaled steadily and closed his eyes for a momentary pause. On his knees, Leonidus bent his head and somberly waited. The sound of the swipe came before Kili saw the blade descend on the Spartan's neck, so quick was the gladiator's blow, and the head of his opponent rolled to the floor before the man's remains became bright and vanished into the air.

Maximus sank to his knees, but Kili couldn't tell if it was due to sorrow or fatigue. Perhaps both.

"Lord Voldemort," Wren called from the edge of the board, brushing away Thorin's hand as the dwarf tried to pull her away from it. "May we request a short reprieve?"

Kili's neck popped when he turned his head a little too quickly to see the wizard's reaction and, to his surprise, Voldemort looked to be considering the notion. They had, after all, been playing this absurd game for _hours_… In answer, his pale hand waved over the board and a ghostly time-turner appeared, powdery sand descending down the glass funnel.

Wren's slow blink and sigh of relief mimicked the majority of those standing alongside Kili. "May we also join our players on the board, to tend to them?" The healer asked.

Kili could hear Thorin's low hiss where he stood behind Wren, but Kili's eyes were trained on the wizard. This, it seemed, was not disagreeable to him either, but a glint of mischief played in the wizard's sunken eyes. "My dear, it would not offend me, but I am not responsible for what happens if you take that risk."

"What does _that_ mean?" Bilbo whispered beside Kili, but no one seemed brave enough to ask Voldemort this question.

Instead, Kili jumped up onto the platform, ready to take the consequence, whatever it was, and stepped onto the disc with Danika to pry her claw-like hands from the King's stone chair. Danika gasped as though broken from a trance and rose on shaky legs to press herself into him, burying her face in his chest and squeezing her arms around his torso.

* * *

"_**Silent Flight, Sleeping Dawn" MONO**_

* * *

Danika wasn't afraid. She could understand if it looked that way, but buried deep in Kili's hold with the security of his arms around her and his familiar scent filling her senses, she simply didn't care what she looked like.

She was raw. How many matches had she been witness to? And each of them just as adrenaline-filled as the one before it! But Danika's shaky nerves did not mirror her inner calm, knowing that Voldemort would not go unchallenged. Perhaps Kili hadn't told her what they were planning before, but she knew her friends and family well enough: they wouldn't sit quietly by and let Middle-earth be taken by this intruder.

"How is Maximus?" She suddenly asked, slightly wary of looking over at the wounded gladiator.

"Don't you worry over that—Wren's on the job." Kili whispered, causing Danika to heave a sigh of relief.

Maximus lay on his side, propped up on an elbow as he watched the healer work over his leg. Wren was murmuring something about bravery when facing the Spartan King, but Maximus shook his head.

"That was not bravery— it was mercy. Bravery is entering a battle-field to tend a man when an evil wizard has advised you to stay away from it, kind healer." He said weakly, staring at Wren pointedly.

Wren snorted her disapproval and said something in a low growl that Danika couldn't hear, but whatever it was, it made Maximus laugh.

"You are a singular woman," He smiled at her, hissing and grimacing as she pulled something tight around his thigh—was that a belt? As Kili continued to hold Danika, rocking her slightly in a calming motion, Danika chanced a peek in Thorin's direction.

The dark-haired dwarf looked livid, his brows coming together as they arched over angry eyes and a snarling, upturned lip. It was an easy guess that part of his anger was because he was being held back by Bilbo and Eomer— and Danika doubted they were truly holding him back so much as he was _allowing_ them.

"The time-piece." Danika murmured, turning her head so that her nose nuzzled against Kili's neck. "How much time do I have left before we have to start again?"

"Enough," Kili said stubbornly, obviously unsettled that he would have to leave the board again. "Just relax for a moment."

"Are you going to tell me what your plans are?"

"No. The only thing I need you to remember is this: keep the Tardis close-by."

"Why?"

Kili's hands left her back and he smoothed them over Danika's cheeks, forcing her to look at his suddenly serious face. "Because if this doesn't work, I want you to jump into it and lock the door."

Danika's eyes went wide. "No, I won't do that—"

Kili ducked his head closer. "Yes, you can. The Doctor gave you the key and I want you safe from all of this."

"What do you expect me to do?" Danika demanded sharply. "Sit there and wait? Do you know how agonizing that will be?"

"Not as agonizing as slavery to this villain." Kili ground out, clenching his fists as he lowered them from her face. "At the next chance you get, jump into the Tardis and find Fili and Sigrid. And then I want you to wait in Rohan until…" He shut his eyes, unsettled by his thoughts on their possible failure. "Well, until you learn what our fate was."

"No." Danika whispered adamantly, recognizing that she was close to shouting. "I'm going to find another way out of this."

Kili himself was close to shouting, but a bell sounded three times and the time-piece began to waver with the last grains of sand rolling down the glass.

"I would advise your comrades to exit the board quickly." Voldemort prompted lazily from his ornate throne.

"Kili, go," Danika's breath and heartbeat quickened. "Please, I don't know what he'll—"

"I'm not leaving until you promise to use the Tardis." Kili glared at her, watching her eyes for compliance.

"I will, just move off of the—"

"You're lying; I can see it." Kili ducked his head lower, taking both of her hands in his. "I'm staying right here—"

"Eomer!" Danika cried out in a panic, struggling out of Kili's arms. "Get him off of the board!" She wasn't sure if the man had heard her—let alone whether or not he would help her— but before Kili could fix her with a look of betrayal, two sets of strong arms pulled him off of the disc by the shoulders.

"Get off of me!" Kili shouted, struggling violently against Eomer and one of the captains of Rohan. Danika held in a sob, watching him fight against their hold as they dragged him back to the grassy area at the edge of the board, and she sat down again quickly to keep from collapsing on her buckling knees.

Kili managed to free an arm and immediately shot his fist out at Eomer's nose, the sickening crunch audible even from where Danika sat, but the man had enough resistance left in him to regain his hold and pull the dwarf's kicking form backward onto the grass. They landed in a heap, where Thorin helped to pin the shouting dwarf down. The captain of Rohan was not so lucky.

As the very last grain of sand fell down the funnel of the time-piece, the last of the bells sounded and the time-keeper disappeared. Eomer's captain had been floored by the kicking Kili and was crouching to jump down from the board when the tone of the bell carried through the air—reducing the man to nothing but a flash of light as he vanished.

Danika could hear Eomer speak the captain's name, but there was no chance for them to save him—had he been killed or taken? It was much like the instance where Sigrid had almost been taken by the Dementors…

* * *

"_**Still Alright" pg. lost**_

* * *

Kili's head was pounding and his blood was pumping, a bad mixture for one being pinned to the ground by both his uncle and the man who had claimed to be his wife's previous husband. Eomer's assistant had vaporized into thin air at the last sounding of the bell and he felt his shoulder loosen as his jaw dropped open.

"Wren!" Thorin nearly shouted in his ear, not helping Kili's headache. But turning his head to watch his uncle at the edge of the chess-board, Kili's anger melted. Wren was still kneeling on the disc beside the gladiator. She appeared to be unharmed, but Kili wasn't sure if she'd stay that way after seeing what had happened to the Rohan man.

"Be still, ghivashel," Thorin said with a hand out, as though to warn her back. Wren's eyes were wide as she looked from him to the spot where the Rohan man had vanished.

A low curse left Danika's lips and Kili threw off Eomer's arm, sitting up amidst the grass and dirt while Kili put a hand to his temple. "Did you _hit_ me?" All he could remember was the chaos of a scuffle.

The King of Rohan raised an eyebrow at him, hand waving at the stream of blood from his own nose.

"Sorry," Kili muttered as he rose to his feet. _No_, he thought to himself. _Not that sorry_.

"Why couldn't you do as you were told?" Thorin was growling with crossed arms.

"I couldn't leave him to die and I wasn't finished tying off this leg." Wren answered tersely.

"Have no fear, my friend," Maximus, still lying on his side, turned his head toward Thorin, "I will guard the lady with my life."

"A lot of good _that_ will do, half-dead as you are." Thorin muttered.

Kili wasn't interested in the rest of the conversation, but watched as Danika started the game again with her first move—commanding the disc carrying Maximus and Wren closer to the edge of the board. It filled him with pride that she would attempt to help them, but he wondered at the wisdom of it and resolved to cross his arms and shut his mouth. And then Voldemort's Queen started to move.

The Queen-piece. Kili both anticipated and dreaded the moment when her identity was revealed. And it didn't help matters that she was headed for Wren and Maximus.

"Wren," Thorin's arms came uncrossed and his eyes locked onto the moving Queen. "Wren!"

Wounded as he was, Maximus rose to his feet, leaving his shield, but gripping his sword as he stepped in front of her. "I'm not sure what good I am against this foe, honorable healer, but I advise you to leap from the board, if you can."

"Come, azyungal!" Thorin urged. "I won't let you fall."

Just as the Queen's disc clicked with the gladiator's, Wren sprang forward, her red hair flying behind her like a cape as she dove into Thorin's arms. The two let out a huff as they made contact and Thorin carried the small Wren over to where the rest of them stood. Obviously hesitant to set her down again after such a close call, the dwarf encased the small woman with his arms and glared at the board—Wren didn't seem to mind being held in such a manner.

Maximus stood, sword in hand, ready for whatever came, but the ominous stone pillar of the Queen simply sat and did nothing. All waited, holding their breath… and suddenly a brilliant light emanated from the pillar. Bursting with a white glow, the pillar appeared much like the opening of a doorway to the sun.

"Maximus," Danika was on her feet, one hand on the arm of her stone chair. "What do you see? What is it?"

The gladiator looked spellbound by whatever it is he saw, gazing into the beams of light coming from the illuminated pillar, and his mouth opened as if to speak.

"What is it?" Danika asked again in a louder voice.

"The Writer." Maximus said with a shiver—and then the light consumed him and he was gone.

"Wait," Danika turned to face those standing behind her throne. "What did he say? He said something—"

"The Writer," Bilbo repeated, scratching his head and squinting at Kili. "That's what he said, isn't it?"

"I…" Kili's eyes were wide and he was at a loss for words. "I don't know. I _think_ that's what he said."

"What Writer?" Bilbo turned to Eomer and The Doctor. "Whose Writer?"

"_The_ Writer." Voldemort smiled from where he sat.

"There's no way." Danika shook her head as she sat, crossing her legs and resting her elbows on the arms of the stone chair. "Nice try. That would've been a good trick if you'd made it more believable."

For the first time in the game, Voldemort rose from his chair. His black robes swept around him as he raised a hand in the air. "My Queen, I believe our opponent suspects you to be false."

The Queen pillar quivered for a moment before the light lowered and a voice carried through the air.

" '_I had hoped we could reach the end of the story so I could…'_

'_What?' Kili's eyes twinkled. 'So you could what?'_

_She shook her head, trying to fight a smile and failing. 'Things. There were things I wanted to do.'_

'_Like…?' Kili pressed, scooting closer to her and smiling mischievously. 'I want to hear about these things. Things you can't do now?'_

_Danika's face fell. 'Yes. As much as I wish it weren't so.'_

_Kili's smile died down and he scanned her face, realizing just how close he was to her. 'Why not?'_

'_Ugh,' She moaned, looking away from him. 'Because I can't—leave it alone.'_

_Kili was leaning close enough that when she turned her head to look at him again, their noses brushed together. There was a heat in Kili's face that was drawn to the warmth emanating from hers, and he was about to drink from that pool of warmth when Bifur suddenly appeared in front of them, speaking to Kili in Khuzdul."_

"You're just quoting the story," Danika waved a pointed finger at the pillar. "Anyone who can read can—"

"_But what Danika really wanted_," The voice continued as though reading on, "_was to drink from that pool of warmth herself. Romantic prompt or not, she couldn't deny that she was attracted to the tall, dark dwarf—and if that wasn't enough, she pitied him. Poor Kili, always tossed to and fro, and always for the amusement of others_."

Kili shook his head, and waved off the voice from the pillar as he took a few steps toward the Doctor.

"_Kili came close to hating Danika for her pity_." The voice said, stopping Kili in his tracks. "_He didn't want it. He wanted her to be attracted to him for the things he'd accomplished, not for the hurts he'd suffered."_

Kili clenched his eyes shut.

"_And the only reason he allowed her to come with him to Beorn's house after the death of the dragon was because __**he**__ pitied __**her**__. The poor Original Character with no future beyond the end of the story—she needed a purpose, something to occupy her until her inevitable closure. And he didn't mind someone taking care of him if it was more for their benefit than his."_

"That's not true!" Danika shouted defiantly at the pillar, but Kili found himself staring at the ground, stunned into silence.

"Kili," He heard above him, and he lifted his head to look at Danika's wet eyes. "That's not true, is it?"

Kili knew she could see that it was even before he answered. "It… yes. Yes, it is."

* * *

"_**Hard On Me" Gorgon City, Maverick Sabre**_

* * *

As strange as it sounded, Danika was relieved. Perhaps her motives in helping Kili in their first story had been obvious, but hidden from everyone else was the guilt she felt. All she'd wanted to do was take care of kicked-puppy-Kili, like every other fan-girl, but she'd had a hard time admitting that her allure to him had been born from it. Kili looked just as guilty now, head hanging as he unconsciously rubbed at his arm. Apparently his affections had begun in the same way, but she wasn't going to let him brood about it.

Stepping around to the back of the stone chair, Danika planted a firm step on the edge of the disc and anchored herself by holding the back of the throne with one hand, hanging toward Kili as much as she could stretch herself.

"Kili," She caught his attention and his head snapped up to look at her in surprise. "I don't care."

He looked at her in confusion, as though he couldn't believe she was telling the truth.

"I don't." Danika grinned at him. "I don't care how we started. We're here. That's all that matters, right?"

She expected him to look relieved, but his expression was only grateful and loving as he raised his hands to cup under her chin, stretching himself upward so that his lips met hers.

A clap of thunder sounded overhead and everyone's eyes darted to Voldemort, whose pale fingers were drumming along the arm of his throne in boredom. Righting herself and standing tall on the King-piece disc, Danika sent him a hand gesture she'd learned from her husband when first they'd met.

"Let's end this so I can go home and kiss my dwarf in peace." She growled, taking up her seat with the best glower she could summon.

* * *

.

.

_**Well, my dearies, now that you know who the Queen is, what do you think will happen next?**_

_**Next chapter coming within the week (I hope)**_

_**.**_

**By the way, the reference I'm using for the previous Eomer/OC relationship is one of my favorite stories- Heart of The Horselord by rynogeny. Please be sure to give that story a read, it's fantastic!**

**.**

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst? ****Try ****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

_**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**_

**.**

**Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try ****STARS AND HAMMERS**

_**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**_

**.**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try ****GOLD AND FIRE**

_**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.**_**_Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to_ GEMS AND POISON**


	40. Lose to Win

.

**IV**

**WHEN TO KILL A CROSSOVER**

_**Chapter 8 – Lose to Win**_

.

* * *

"_**The Lion The Beast The Beat" Grace Potter and the Nocturnals**_

* * *

"I am so done with this," Danika grumbled, slamming her fist against the arm of her stone chair. Immediately, the disc beneath her began to move.

A few surprised murmurs came from the small crowd behind her, but the loudest of them was Bilbo.

"What are you doing?" He screeched in alarm, raising his hands to knot through the hair at the top of his head.

Danika didn't answer, but watched as Voldemort raised an eyebrow at her, twitching his finger in a soundless command at the Queen-piece. The stone pillar slid at an angle, obviously positioning itself against Danika, though it would take a few moves before the pieces were in place.

"You can't!" Bilbo cried out, turning to Kili and shaking the dwarf by the shoulders. "Tell her she can't! She'll listen to you!"

For a moment, Danika was wary of turning her head to see her husband's reaction and kept her eyes trained on the Queen. Her heart was beating in her throat and she blew out nervous breaths, trying to summon enough courage not to look as terrified as she felt. The positions of the game-pieces were such that Danika knew she wouldn't win—she had one last chance…

"Danika knows what she's doing." Kili finally spoke.

Danika's turn—her piece shifted to the right.

Voldemort's turn—the Queen slid closer.

Shift, slide. Almost there. Shift, slide…

The pieces clicked as they came together and an overwhelming light surrounded Danika and made the world nothing but white.

* * *

"_**Bless This Morning Year" Helios**_

* * *

Danika blinked.

"Hey," She heard as the white light around her settled to into colors and shapes. "Dani, you okay?"

"What?" Danika shook her head and blinked again. When she opened her eyes, she was looking into the face of a woman in her mid-twenties. The deep red of the woman's lipstick accentuated her plump lips, a fitting addition to the dramatic cat-eye eyeliner above her grey-blue eyes and black, thick-rimmed glasses.

"You spaced out for a second," The woman smiled, almost teasingly.

_Kitty_. Danika's muddled brain latched onto the name. _Her name is Kitty_.

A lock of Kitty's wavy, brown hair fell into her face as she shifted her seating in the armchair across from Danika's. Fixing Danika with a quizzical expression, Kitty tucked the hair behind her ear, making visible the white hanging gauges in the shape of a swan. The long neck of the bird bent down through the front of Kitty's earlobe while the bone-carved wing curved under it. Danika's brows furrowed as she realized that the undertones of the woman's hair were teal.

"It's your turn." Kitty reminded her.

"Oh, right!" Danika shook her head again, leaning forward to move a piece on the chessboard they were playing at.

"Everything okay?" Kitty rested her elbows on the arms of the chair and bit her lip.

"It's nothing," Danika waved her hand, "Kinda' forgot where I was for a second."

"Hmm," Kitty raised a brow at her, "You seem to be doing that a lot lately."

"Yeah," The blonde leaned back in her chair, resting her hands in her lap and looking around Kitty's apartment.

Books. That's right, Kitty was into books. For as long as Danika had known her, Kitty had been reading five books at a time and was eager to find someone to discuss the ones she liked as well as bash on the ones she didn't. Lined along the dark-red brick walls of the small room with large glass window, there were aged wooden floors at their feet, covered with a few mismatched rugs.

"Any writing progress?" Danika smirked at her, watching Kitty's mouth twitch in what Danika knew to be disgust. Kitty's outstretched hand paused where it was, hovering a chess-piece, when she blew out an irritated breath. The arm she held out was covered in tattoos, Victorian scrollwork and leaves intertwined around a broach on her bicep, surrounding the words, "Faith without works is dead".

"Not really." Kitty let out a resigned sigh, fingers twitching before she slid her bishop across the board. "I'm kind of at a dead end—story's kind of taking off without me."

"Why haven't you asked me for help?" Danika pretended to look offended, but she knew her friend would see through it. Kitty rubbed her nose before sinking back in her chair.

"Like I said: it looks like it's taking off without me. Seems to have a life of its own, if you know what I mean."

"No, not really." Danika admitted, leaning forward to look at her pieces. Kitty was a horrible chess-player, but Danika like to humor her. "Explain it to me. How does a story 'seem to have a life of its own'?"

"Nevermind." Kitty shook her head, twisting in her chair so that her legs hung over one arm of the chair while her back was propped up against the other. "I just haven't felt much like writing lately. And it's not like I get that many readers anyway."

Rolling her eyes, Danika could see that this wasn't really about how many readers she got. It was about how lonely she was: Kitty hadn't started writing until her husband had been deployed—even then, it had taken a while before Danika had been able to prompt Kitty to sit down at the keyboard and put her ideas available for the world to see.

"The Hobbit fandom is slowing down since the last movie came out." Kitty added to her reasoning. "Even the stories I'm following from other people have been updating less and less."

"Just because things are slowing down, it doesn't change how much you love it." Danika reminded her resolutely. It was a hard loss, she knew, to have a spouse—a best friend—suddenly absent from everyday life and thrown into danger, but the writing had been a worthwhile distraction. Still was. "You should keep to it, you know? Tell me what the problem _really_ is."

Kitty's leg bobbed up and down from where it hung over the arm of the chair, and at first Danika thought it was boredom or habit, but then she realized that it was out of nervousness. A wave of confusion swept over Danika's thoughts as she looked around the apartment again. Wait… how did she know this place? This was Kitty's apartment, she understood that as fact, but why did she feel so unfamiliar with it…

"I'm just wondering if I'm embarrassing myself," Kitty murmured, pointing at the board to remind Danika that it was her turn again. "I mean, I'm sitting at the keyboard, typing my heart out and I don't even get that many reviews—"

"That doesn't matter." Danika interrupted, still puzzling over what was wrong with the room she was sitting in. "You have to take that chance to become a better writer, right? Tolkien was a war veteran and he decided to write a book about a hobbit going on an adventure—he felt comfortable enough taking it to a publisher, don't you think he questioned whether or not it was too silly?"

"Hm," Kitty's half smile turned up one corner of her mouth while the other side lazily rose to meet it. "Yeah, Tolkien was pretty bad-arse. Okay, fine—maybe you _can_ help me with a plot-hole." Danika stood up suddenly to look closer at the bookshelf beside them while Kitty spoke on, unnoticing of the way Danika was peering into the highest shelf of books. "So, they just got back from, like, our time and they're trying to find out why all these people have gone missing. There's this letter—"

"From Lord Voldemort." Danika whispered, staring intently at a title and wondering why it was taking her a few tries to read it.

"—yeah, and he wants to have this, like, wizard's chess game—"

"Amended wizard's chess." She said breathily, narrowing her gaze at the title and willing it to make sense. _How To Wreck…_

"but I haven't written the—"

_How to Wreck a Mary Sue. _ Memories and knowledge flooded Danika's brain, much like when she had stepped out of the Tardis with the ability to recall her life with Eomer.

"What the hell—?" Danika whirled around to face Kitty, whom she found to be standing in front of the armchair. "You." She pointed at Kitty. "You're the writer."

Danika expected that the woman would have feigned confusion, but she could see plainly on Kitty's face that she understood exactly what Danika meant.

"Yes." Kitty said unashamedly.

"I went up against you in the chess game." Danika remembered aloud. "I was supposed to fight you. Is this it? Is this our fight?"

"I guess so," The writer said, setting herself back down with a calm expression. _No_, Danika realized, _not calm. Weary. _"You have a better idea of that than me. I haven't written anything for a few chapters."

"You haven't written anything? Then how is the story going on without you?"

Kitty shrugged. "I'm not sure—you did something. Something weird. You stepped out of your role, you woke up. And when you did things differently, it made other characters wake up. Other villains. They got a hold of the story and…" she waved a hand at the room. "Well, here we are."

"What if you were to write something, then? Would it change anything?" Danika crossed her arms.

"I've been trying." The woman snorted. "I've been trying to keep you safe, but nothing I write happens anymore."

Danika plopped down in her own armchair, taking her head in her hands while she desperately tried to gather her thoughts. "So… what do we do?"

"I've got a crazy idea." Kitty's lips quirked into the same lazy smile as before. "I might not be able to write things anymore, but if I send you back with instructions…"

Danika snorted, not looking up at the woman, but keeping her face in her hands. "I'm so tired of this. I don't want any more adventures, I don't want any more plans, I don't… I sound so whiny, but I'm tired, you know? I'm so tired of all of this."

"I know the feeling."

The warmth of Kitty's hand rested over Danika's elbow, and the blonde raised her head slightly to look into the blue eyes of the writer.

"I might have written that into you." Kitty whispered apologetically.

"I'm just so tired of being taken away from him." Danika muttered, knowing Kitty would understand she was referring to Kili. This was the writer, after all, who else knew her better? "Whether he wants to or not, he's got to do this hard job, this being told what to do all the time, without any regard to what he wants or needs, being in so many stories." It was pouring out of Danika, but she couldn't stop it, even if it sounded like inane babble. "And I want to make him happy—all I want to do is help him and be with him and make him happy!—but things keep getting in our way. Do you know what it feels like to keep having that happen over and over again?" She was in tears now, but she didn't care.

Kitty's eyes were wet as well. "Yes, I do."

Kili and the multiple stories weighing down on him, the torture and forced circumstances. Kitty's husband in the military, called away at a moment's notice, serving his country away from his wife and family.

The two women stared at each other for a few moments, but it felt longer in Danika's mind—she could see everything in the woman's eyes: bitterness, anger, fear, hopelessness, and loneliness. They had more in common than either cared to admit.

"Here." Kitty handed her a tissue, smiling awkwardly.

"Thanks." Danika sniffled, wiping at her own nose. "Nice hair, by the way."

"Thanks," The woman's hand unconsciously went to her teal tresses.

"So, you've got an idea?" Danika asked.

"I do." Kitty nodded, rising to her feet before walking over to the other chair. "Something I think will set things right and keep them that way." She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, almost as though in a challenge. "Do you have access to the Tardis?"


	41. Tying Off Loose Ends part 1

.

**IV**

**WHEN TO KILL A CROSSOVER**

_**Chapter 9 – Tying Off Loose Ends part 1**_

.

* * *

"_**Retrograde" James Blake**_

* * *

The sky above was overcast, collecting with thunderclouds that clapped sporadically and the occasional brilliance of lightning as it flashed over the tense crowd. The horsemen and foot-soldiers had closed in around the board, but with the disappearance of Danika, all had become frozen where they were.

Kili waited, breaths coming uneasily as his tight chest struggled to expand over his rapidly beating heart. _How long?_ He thought as his hands wrung over each other nervously. _How long until we know…_

Another clap of thunder startled the onlookers and a streak of lightning illuminated the enormous chess board, creating an eerie appearance much like a graveyard. How ironic, Kili mused, that the pieces on the board should mimic those of tall tombstones, scattered over the area where several out-of-story characters had met their deaths.

"Something's happening." Bilbo muttered with a sharp breath. How could the hobbit tell, what with the thunder, lightning, and overall confusion of the chess-board they stood at the edge of?

But his friend was right, something _was_ happening—the Queen pillar appeared once more and began to crumble, covering the space beneath it with broken rocks and dust.

Voldemort rose to his feet in disgust, his expression clearly stating that he hadn't expected his Queen to fail. But where was Danika?

Another flash of lightning, but this time casting light on the face of Kili's wife, who appeared and stood tall in front of her stone chair on the King-piece disc. She stared for a moment, as if unsure where she was, and then suddenly became a blur of motion.

"Hulk!" She cried out, waving her hands at him. "Move to the Tardis!"

Voldemort roared in frustration and pointed to his Sarumon bishop, but Danika countered the move by sending her Gandalf piece. The wizards held out their staffs defensively and spoke their respective spells, clashing fire against water and darkness against light, but all the while Danika urged her Hulk piece to fight against his confinement on the disc and edge that much closer to the Tardis.

"Hulk jump!" The green monster growled, attempting to leap from his disc, but being pulled back by an invisible force.

"Dr. Manhattan!" Danika cried out, obviously in some sort of distress that Kili didn't understand. What was she thinking? Whatever it was, Kili wanted her to succeed!

"Oh, my love," Kili heard himself whisper, the very late relief of seeing her alive after her match with the Queen seeping into his core and relaxing his overwrought limbs.

"Help him!" Danika pleaded, pointing to the Hulk. Dr. Manhattan held out a strained hand and, as if by magic, the disc carrying the Hulk jutted forward and clicked with the Tardis, enabling the Hulk to step off of his own platform. The small door to the Tardis creaked as the Hulk squeezed through the archway, but with a great shove, the green beast pressed himself into it before looking to Danika for further instruction.

"The hatch!" She called out with cupped hands. "Open the hatch on the console!"

"What are you doing?" Kili breathed, feeling multiple hands on his shoulders, pulling him back from the board he'd unconsciously stepped toward.

* * *

"_**Got It" Marian Hill**_

* * *

Bilbo held Kili back from the chess board as the furious Voldemort seemed to realize that the game was careening out of his control, and the nose-less sorcerer was hurling insults at Danika even as the two forgotten wizards, Saruman and Gandalf, battled on.

But Danika was moving too quickly for any of them to fathom what she was doing, and she leapt toward the Tardis as Dr. Manhattan extended an arm in her direction, allowing her to free her feet from the invisible confines of her King-piece. The door to the Tardis shut almost as soon as she dove into it, leaving the bewildered crowd and violently angry Dark lord waiting once again to see what the blonde woman was up to.

"Mahal, this is killing me," Kili said, sinking to his knees and unintentionally pulling Bilbo down with him.

"You said she knows what she's doing," Bilbo reassured him, "and I believe you! Did you see her face? She looked…"

"Excited." Kili said morosely, wincing and fixing the Tardis with a stare that might have levelled it if Kili had that sort of magic.

Voldemort screeched at his remaining chess pieces, which weren't much, to converge on the Blue Box and Bilbo hoped that the unseen shields were still in place. Terminator and Maleficent descended from their pieces and approached the Tardis with death in their eyes…

But then the door to the Blue Box opened once more and from the inside came a yellow glow and a figure in white. The figure levitated over the floor and emerged through the doorway in a fluid motion, gracefully rising into the air and hovering high above center of the board and high above the heads of the chess-pieces.

It was Danika.

* * *

"_**Then the Quiet Explosion" Hammock**_

* * *

Kili's eyes grew wide as he took in the unearthly glow of Danika's form rising above them all and stopping to hover over the chess board, beams of morning light radiating from her translucent skin. Her hair and long sleeves fluttered in an airy breeze, the source of which could only be the fantastic glow of her glass-like limbs.

The gathering clouds had begun to part, making way for her radiance as though day was breaking through a storm, and she suddenly spoke, though Kili thought that perhaps the thunder had rumbled once more.

"You do not belong here." Clapping her hands together and parting them widely, Danika opened a white seam in the sky above her head

Her movements were slow and fluidic as she lifted a hand and pointed to each of the chess pieces, all of them disappearing one by one as they rose and flew into the white seam of the sky. And then, lowering her brows and glaring at the dark wizard, Danika's flaming eyes seemed to pierce into the soul of Voldemort, fixing him where he was, silent and unmoving.

"Leave," Her deep, rumbling voice shook the ground in a powerful tremor. Lord Voldemort and his company were suddenly lifted and hurled through the bright, white void.

In a softer voice that sounded like the gentle waters of a stream, she waved a hand at the pieces on her side of the board, saying, "Please, leave."

In unison, the players nodded and were lifted gracefully into the air, flying into the white void, where they, too, disappeared. Then, turning her glowing face toward the void, Danika called to it in gentle, but firm command. "Come home."

Even from the distance, the crowd behind her was able to see the dots of men and women in the bright void, appearing larger as they floated nearer. Several gasps were heard as the onlookers came to understand that the men and women were their loved ones being returned. The now-free captives rushed into the crowd, once settled on their feet, and shouted joyfully at each other with warm embraces—

—but Eomer, King of Rohan, did not look for his wife among them. He only looked up at Danika mournfully, hopelessness appearing on his features. Kili did not envy the man of his heartbreak, knowing that the Queen of Rohan would not be found inside of the white void—she was already here… and yet _wasn't_.

Danika's glowing, starlit body descended from where it hovered, lowering to levitate before Eomer and reaching a hand toward the King of Rohan. Sunbeams shot out from the fingers that gently stroked his cheek as Danika pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Eomer was stunned into silence, but closed his eyes and accepted the kiss without reservation.

Kili was uncertain how to react, but held his peace, watching until something strange happened:

It looked to Kili as though Danika was both kissing Eomer's lips _and_ pulling away, a separation of two ghosts—the ghost that had pulled away stood back and nodded with satisfaction, while the other ghost that remained with her hands on Eomer's face began to dim and become fleshly. Kili blinked, and when he opened his eyes again, the woman no longer resembled Danika, but someone else entirely: Long, straight, black hair over pale, olive-toned skin and muted green eyes like the sea.

Eomer looked into her face with recognition and his lips parted with a few words that Kili couldn't hear from the distance, but he understood that they were words of familiarity. The dark-haired woman smiled in a way only a woman in love could have done and pressed herself against the horse lord in an embrace that looked like coming home.

Suddenly aware of someone standing next to him, Kili turned his head just in time for Danika to take his hand in hers, squeezing it as she smiled at him. She no longer glowed, but had returned to the features he knew so well and had longed to touch.

"Who's that?" Kili asked, pointing to Eomer and the dark-haired woman. Of all the questions roiling in his head, this was perhaps the least important, and yet he couldn't bring himself to process anything more complicated.

"Lothiriel," Danika answered as they watched Eomer tuck the dark woman's hair behind her ear. "The woman he's _supposed_ to marry, according to the books."

Kili nodded and sighed with relief. "I'm glad that's settled, then." It was odd that such a thing should matter so much to him, but there was an unexplainable peace that surrounded them all, as though the trouble had ended and the fight was over.

Turning fully to examine his wife, Kili reached up to touch her face with both hands, running his fingers along her jawline and scanning her as though making sure every detail had been accounted for. The shock of what he had seen must have worn off because suddenly all he wanted to do was pull his arms around her and hold her tightly.

* * *

"_**Station" Lapsley**_

* * *

Danika squeaked as Kili took her into his arms, surprised at the transition from dreamy questioning to desperate clinging, as though he'd suddenly noticed she was there.

"Are you—" Kili pulled back long enough to look at her face again, nodding when he saw that it truly was _her_ before he burrowed his face into her neck again. "Are you all right? Are you hurt? What happened?"

"I'm fine—" She smiled with closed eyes, running her fingers through his long, dark-brown hair.

"How did you do that?—did you defeat the writer?—is Voldemort gone for good? How did—"

"I'm gonna answer all of your questions, but I need a moment to breathe." Danika gasped, wriggling away from Kili's too-strong grasp around her waist.

"I'm not going to apologize." Kili pulled away and narrowed his eyes at her. "You scared the hell out of me!" It was nearly a shout, but Danika granted that it must have been hard for him to watch her from the sidelines and consoled herself that he wouldn't have to do it again.

"Listen, it's okay," Danika cooed sympathetically, hands out to his as they both began to fall on their knees. It wasn't just their legs that were crumbling, she mused, but their emotions as well, now that things were safe enough for the fear and anguish to pour out without needing to be held in. "They're gone, they're not coming back. We're safe."

"The writer, you talked to the writer." Kili was almost panting, his arms trembling as they found tentative purchase around Danika's waist. "What happened?"

"She wasn't responsible for any of this," Danika said, finding herself just as breathless upon the realization that the long struggle was over. "She tried to make it better, she tried! But the villains—she was writing things for us, things we wanted—they were blocking her out and trapped her in that game—they wanted me to end her, but she was the one who thought of the Tardis—" Danika fought for air. "My head hurts, I can't breathe…"

"Danika," Kili's eyes were wide as he stared into her face, his expression causing Danika to feel more panic than the sensation of breathlessness had. "Your skin is grey! Come here, love, just rest." Danika fell, rather than moved into his arms and her head flopped onto his shoulder, her arm dangling uselessly as she attempted to right herself.

"Wren!" Kili cried out over Danika's head, arms gathering her as her back gave out. "Wren! Danika needs help!"

It was as though Danika blinked and had suddenly transported into another place, but after a few moments, she began to understand that she'd passed out entirely, having been laid on the ground with her face looking into the sky.

"…sure if…on… into shock." Danika heard through numb ears. The muffled sound of her family surrounded her, as well as peering faces that looked down at her, just as blurry and fuzzy as the sounds she was processing. But there was a solid sensation on her hand and she knew that Kili wouldn't let go of her. As long as he had a strong hold around her small hand, Danika knew she would be safe. And with that last sentiment of warmth and affection, she let the blackness surround her vision and descended into blissfully quiet sleep.

.

* * *

_**.**_

_**By the way, in case you were wondering- the description of the author? That's me. And yes. I have a military husband. So, all of that is true. I wish I had a way to upload multiple photos or drawings to these stories :P**_

_**Whenever my husband (my pet name for him is "Sir") is gone for long periods of time, I head right for the computer and write**_

_**which is also why sometimes it seems like I haven't written in a while. Long pauses mean he's home :)**_

_**A few more chapters and then the inevitable end of this story, my friends, but there's still room for a few more prompts if you're willing to share your ideas. As always, you can leave them in the reviews or PM. **_

_**God bless. See you next week.**_

_**.**_

_**I stole Kkolmakov's character of Wren (with her permission) and I'm very happy to recommend any of her Thorin-Wren stories! Check out "Me Without You" or "Thorin's Timeline", as she has written many incredible stories both short and long.**_

_**.**_

_**My reference for Eomer and "Lisswyn" came from ****Heart of The Horselord by rynogeny. Please be sure to give that story a read, it's fantastic!**_

_**.**_

_**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst? ****Try ****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**_

_**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**_

_**.**_

_**Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try ****STARS AND HAMMERS**_

_**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**_

_**.**_

_**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try ****GOLD AND FIRE**_

_**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.****Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to GEMS AND POISON**_


	42. Tying off Loose Ends Part 2

.

**IV**

**HOW TO KILL A CROSSOVER**

_**Chapter 10—Tying Off Loose Ends part 2**_

* * *

"_**Dogs" Beware of Safety**_

* * *

Bilbo watched as Kili knelt on the ground, cradling Danika's limp form in his arms when she started to mumble. At first the hobbit thought it was in response to the frantic questions of the onlookers surrounding them, but the timing of her mutterings was all wrong. What was happening?

Kili was running his thumb along Danika's jawline, whispering her name and desperately pleading with her to hold on, only pulling back slightly when Wren rushed over and knelt down beside them. The healer's hands flew over Danika to check for pulse, to pull back an eyelid, and to lay a hand behind the groaning girl's back, probably to keep track of her breathing. Bilbo couldn't keep himself from staring at the panic on Kili's face—the dwarf looked so pained and frightened as he clung to his wife's middle, holding an arm behind her head to keep it from falling completely back.

By the Valar! Couldn't fate just leave these two alone? And then suddenly, as if to answer him, Bilbo heard the rumble of a voice from the sky above, which said, very clearly, "I will."

All fell silent and looked up into the dissipating clouds. Streaks of sunshine poured through the remnant of grey and the overhead of vibrant blue became so clear that one might have seen the stars if they had watched carefully.

"What are we looking at?" came Danika's voice, causing every head in the crowd to swivel back in her direction.

"Danika!" Kili's wide smile of relief was contagious and Bilbo's lips awkwardly pulled at each corner as though he might either burst into laughter or tears!

Danika blinked in confusion as Kili pulled his arms around her tightly, squeezing her until Bilbo thought her back might pop in protest, but she only let out a tiny huff of a laugh. The color of her skin had returned to normal, the pink hue behind her cheeks flaring up as Kili pulled her back to look at her face with an overjoyed smile. And as Kili ducked his head to kiss her, the rose of her lips swelled into red.

"I'm sorry," Kili pulled himself back and stroked her face again. "I didn't mean to smother you—are you all right?"

Danika shrugged and quirked her lips as if the question was silly. "I'm fine." Jumping to her feet with a smile, she looked around at all the concerned faces. "Nothing's wrong—why do you all look so worried?" Kili rose to stand with her, but looked hesitant to touch her.

"You were turning grey, dear," Wren, the healer, said as she crossed her arms and stood beside Thorin. "I could have sworn you were having a heart attack."

"That's weird. I was talking to Kitty—I thought the rest of you were there, too."

"Kitty?" Bilbo found his voice and started to step forward, realizing for the first time just how many people had come to stand between him and his friends. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"The writer," Danika answered with another shrug. "She just wanted to ask me a question."

* * *

"_**Hummed Low" Odessa**_

* * *

After a few more confused questions and a couple of mis-matched answers, the spectators dissipated, leaving only Danika's friends and family to circle around her as she explained things more fully. Bilbo, The Doctor, Thorin and Wren, and Kili were all who remained.

Danika told the story of her first meeting with the writer—her move against Voldemort's Queen bringing her into a dream and the conversation they had, as much as Danika could recall clearly. Kili was surprised when Danika kept emphasizing that their trouble with the villains invading Middle-Earth had not been in the writer's power and that Kitty had become a victim to their plot early on in the story. Despite this newfound knowledge, Kili couldn't stop the swell of resentment he felt against any writer—and who could blame him? His torture and ill-happenings had been for their entertainment!

But then Danika moved on to the mystery second meeting which had everyone scratching their heads. "She wants to make it up to us—she said she'll write one last bit of the story, getting everyone to the universe they want to live in, and then the rest is up to us. She won't write anymore plot for us."

"The rest is up to us?" Kili heard Bilbo say, scrunching his face in puzzlement. "You mean like last time, when the Doctor dropped us off into the Alternate Universe?"

"Exactly," Danika nodded, not at all startled when Kili reached for her hand. Again? They were just going to start all over… again? "Only, we won't be able to leave it this time. And…" Kili could tell that Danika was about to say something she didn't want to. "… and we don't all have to go to the same one if we don't want to."

Oh. Brushing his thumb along the curve of her wrist, Kili squeezed Danika's hand and sent her a reassuring look. Even if she rarely said it aloud, family was important to her, and to have someone choose to go to another story would be an absence she would always feel. Realizing he felt the same way, Kili looked into the faces of the others and saw that they were all thinking the same thing.

Eomer and Lothiriel had already made their way back to Gondor—Kili found himself inwardly sighing out of relief, as he felt the Rohan King had little to do with their company now that Danika wasn't a fixation of his—and only Thorin, Wren, Bilbo, and the Doctor stood closeby.

The Doctor, probably sensing that he was an intruder in the silent conversation passing between the eyes of Kili and his family, cleared his throat and started stepping backward, mumbling something about checking the Tardis over. It seemed as though everyone had heard the soundless signal and each of the couples huddled together to speak while the Hobbit found a rock to sit on, looking deep in thought.

"Danika," Kili finally turned to Danika, focusing his attention on the face he'd been convinced he might have lost a few minutes ago. "Even if we carve out a life for ourselves somewhere, how can we be certain the writer won't force another plot-line on us?"

Danika gave him a knowing smile, one corner of her mouth rising higher than the other. "She thought you might say that. Kitty promised she'd stop writing, and that's all the reassurance I can give you. Does it help if I said I believe her when she says she doesn't want you to feel like she's setting you up anymore?" Cocking her head sideways, Danika grinned at him. "It'll just be us and whatever we want to do."

Though Kili was still skeptic, he decided it would be better to test the theory instead of sitting there, mulling about it. "I guess we're right back to where we started… where do you want to go?"

"Well," Danika bit her lip and looked around at the others while they spoke to each other, all but Bilbo, who had plopped himself down on a small boulder and was peering out at the expanse of land. "I'm willing to go where everyone else is going. I'd like to stay together, if that's okay, but if they want…"

Kili shook his head and took Danika's hands into his, trying to grab her full attention. "That's not what I asked you. Where do _you_ want to go?"

Ducking her head shyly, Danika mumbled and then repeated herself when Kili lowered his head to peer into her face. "_Here_ isn't a bad idea."

"Here, Middle-Earth?" Kili grinned, swiveling himself to face her when she looked away. She was adorable, in his opinion, whenever she was attempting not to answer a question concerning something she wanted. A deep blush grew over her cheeks and she refused to make eye contact, but obviously couldn't help but grin as he pressed her for an answer. "Or _here_, this time on Middle-Earth?"

"Here, _this time_." She muttered, trying to look away again, but Kili pressed his forehead against hers with arms wound about her shoulders. Danika sighed contentedly in his hold, wrapping her arms around his middle. "Where do y_ou_ want to go?"

Kili groaned, clenching his eyes shut and sliding his cheek against hers. "I honestly don't care. I just want somewhere safe where I can raise a family with you."

This answer seemed to please his wife and she giggled as he nuzzled her neck with his nose.

* * *

"_**Cherry Wine" Hozier**_

* * *

Bilbo didn't _mean_ to listen in on Thorin and Wren. He really didn't. But it was a bit of a distraction when Thorin and Wren were sitting within listening distance… and acting as though no one could hear them.

Everyone seemed to want a moment alone to think about where they would be headed next, and Bilbo wanted to at least make it feel like they had a minute of privacy. _Next_. That sounded so much like there would be more adventures to follow, but Bilbo knew that wasn't true. No, this next choice would be the final setting for all of them, at least until they died or were swept away into another fan fiction cast. It was a big decision to make and Bilbo wasn't going to choose on a whim. And yet, he just couldn't bring his mind to focus on things properly while the red-headed healer and large dwarf exchanged kisses and ideas.

"…something new or something we've done?" Thorin said, not bothering to hush his voice. Glancing over his shoulder, Bilbo could see that Thorin was sitting on the ground with Wren in his lap, and the dwarf was tucking his knuckle under Wren's chin and leaning in for a kiss.

Turning his head back quickly, Bilbo trained his eyes on the yellow grasslands.

"There are so many of them." Wren answered, almost giddily. "How about Hogwarts, where we're seventeen and in love?"

The soft click of lips sounded behind him and Bilbo's cheeks reddened.

"In which story are we _not_ in love?" Thorin laughed. "Perhaps we could go to the one where I'm a famous neurosurgeon."

"Isn't that story on haitus?"

The conversation went on like that for a few minutes and Bilbo tried—really, he did!—not to overhear everything, but it was difficult to ignore the very amorous couple. Apparently, there was a story about Wren and Thorin in nearly every setting—Greek mythology, Doctor Who, Faery Tales, Star Trek, and so on…

But before Bilbo could muster up the willpower to move further away, a mechanical whistle filled the air and the Tardis began to appear in their midst.

When had the Doctor left? Bilbo scratched his head and turned to watch the blue box become solid.

"Fili!" Kili called out, grinning and embracing his brother as the blond dwarf left the Tardis. Sigrid followed after with her own grin, the curve of her swollen belly visible before the rest of her.

Thorin and Wren acknowledged the appearance of Fili, but continued on in their conversation.

"But in that story, I'm dead!" Thorin was objecting.

"I see you in my dreams," Wren corrected, "and we get lots of uninterrupted time together…" She might have said more, but she caught Bilbo looking right at them and began blushing furiously, ducking under Thorin's chin as the hobbit's blush began to mimic hers.

"Not that one, ghuvasha," Thorin groaned, obviously not realizing they were being watched. "It's not finished and I don't understand how I can be alive in someone's dreams, but not in the waking world."

"Ahem," Bilbo cleared his throat, attempting to spare Wren further embarrassment. The dwarf only turned his head to glare, as though Bilbo were interrupting something incredibly important. Perhaps he was, but Bilbo was no longer interested in pretending he couldn't hear them.

"I don't care which timeline we're staying in—I'm starving." The hobbit announced with practicality.

* * *

"_**More" Nils Frahm**_

* * *

People dashed away from the courtyard behind Gondor's gates as the Tardis began to materialize, but as Danika and her companions stepped out of the time-travelling device, they were greeted by a familiar face.

"Welcome back," said a tall-standing white-bearded man in ivory robes, his arms held out wide to emphasize his greeting.

"Gandalf!" Danika smiled happily, thinking nothing of the way she so casually strode towards him and threw her arms around the wizard's middle. "Were you standing there this whole time?"

Gandalf laughed, a deep rumble that vibrated his chest against her cheek as he patted her shoulder. "No, but I had a feeling you would be returning soon." He winked at her as she tilted her head to look up at him. "You forget that wizards have impeccable timing."

Danika pulled away with a grin, grasping Kili's hand as he came to stand beside her and she looked up at the white city with excitement.

"Finally," She breathed.

"Finally?" Kili asked, brushing her temple with a small peck.

"We're here," Danika turned to smile widely at him. "And there's nothing pressing. We can just _be_ here and enjoy it."

Though her husband didn't look nearly as excited as she did, Danika realized that he was more amused by her enthusiasm and shook her head. Oh, well. If he didn't mind being there with her, she wouldn't let it dim her delight.

"Have you made a decision?" Danika heard from behind her, and she turned herself to face a very somber-looking Doctor as he stood beside the door of the Tardis.

"About?" Fili's brows came together and he looked at the others in confusion.

"I've been given instructions and enough time to take everyone where they need to go… and then I need to leave." The Time-lord said with a heavy tone of responsibility.

"Now?" Danika sighed, her shoulders drooping a bit.

"Yes, now." He answered her with an obvious look of regret.

Bilbo was whispering into Fili's ear, apparently explaining what the Doctor meant. The blond dwarf's eyes went wide and he fixed his brother with a determined look. Only once did he turn his head to Sigrid, and a quiet whisper passed between them as the woman nodded her head.

"We're with you," Fili looked toward Kili again with a firm nod. "Wherever you go."

Although the brothers knew each other well, Danika was certain she was the only one to notice the barely visible chin quiver of her husband as he bowed his head in thanks. Phew! At least they would be staying together. She almost felt like sighing in relief, but Bilbo and Thorin's voices speaking at the same time startled her.

"Bilbo," Thorin inclined his head to the hobbit, prompting him to speak first.

"If it isn't," Bilbo ducked his head and cleared his throat. "I mean… if I'm not bothering anyone by being the fifth wheel, here, I'd like to join you."

The hobbit was looking at the ground and fiddling with the hem of his jacket—he didn't realize that Danika was coming toward him at full speed, intending to hug him with such strength that he would have to beg her to let go. A whuff of breath shot out of Bilbo's mouth as Danika plowed into him, squeezing him as she muttered a very giddy thanks.

"Well, I couldn't very well abandon my OTP, could I?" He chuckled into her hair, shrugging her off as he struggled to take a breath. OTP—she knew it meant One True Pair, but she'd never considered that the term might be used on her! Danika was positively beaming as she came back to Kili's side, but something in Thorin's demeanor told her he would be breaking that mood.

"We've decided to travel," Thorin said, patting the hand Wren rested on his forearm as her arm curved through the bend of his. "We know we won't have another opportunity like this, and we also know that we'll all see each other again in another story."

She knew better than to take it personally and Danika easily understood their reasons, but a small part of her would be incredibly sad to watch the both of them leave. True, Thorin would see his nephews and Bilbo again, but this would be her final moments with him and the red-headed healer she'd come to admire so much.

Apparently, Wren felt similarly and rushed to Danika, embracing her with more strength than Danika knew the healer possessed. Wren pulled back, brushing her hand against Danika's cheek and looking at her with warmth. "I'm sorry. You understand, though, don't you?"

"I do," Danika nodded, lowering her head as Wren leaned to whisper in her ear.

"Please, reassure Thorin that his nephews will be well-taken care of. He needs to hear that, even if he won't say it."

As everyone said their goodbyes to Thorin and Wren, Danika made sure to follow the healer's advice and, in a low voice for his ears only, promised Thorin that she wouldn't let any harm come to them as long as it was within her power. Though Thorin looked a bit startled at the words, he also looked grateful, probably wondering how Danika had known to comfort the small fear he'd hidden from all else. Smiling widely at her, he and Wren moved to enter the Tardis.

"Last chance," The Doctor said, unmoved from his spot with his hands in his pockets. "Are you all certain you want to stay here?"

All heads seemed to turn toward Fili, who looked them all over before nodding at the Time-lord and wrapping an arm around his wife. "Thank you for all of your help."

"Nah," The Doctor smiled, waving a hand at the dwarf. "No need to thank me. This was downright restful compared to a lot of other scrapes I've been in."

"That's the truth," Bilbo muttered with a snort as Danika quickly hugged the Doctor goodbye.

And, with a final nod, the Doctor stepped through the Tardis door and closed it behind him. It felt a bit foolish, but Danika couldn't stop herself from waving at the Blue Box as it began to disappear.

As they stood around the now-empty space where the Tardis had been, the group fell silent and Danika could tell that relief and realization was setting in. Done. They were done. Finally and truly, they could settle down without fear of misadventure…

And then a grumble was heard. Everyone's heads swiveled in Bilbo's direction and the hobbit looked down at his stomach with frustration.

"Sorry," He murmured in embarrassment.

Danika tilted her face toward Kili. "Food?"

He nodded. "Food."

* * *

.

.

**_You waited too long for that- sorry, ya'll. But I have a good excuse. The military likes to move us at the last moment._**

**_While we're running like crazy people to get our things packed to travel from California to Texas, this chapter has been_**

**_fabricated five minutes at a time. If you see a typo or grammatical error, or just a plot discrepancy, I'd really love it_**

**_if you'd leave me a message to tell me (so I can correct it). The chapters won't be so erratic now and they definitely won't_**

**_take long to upload. I estimate three more chapters and then I have to end it (... for now). Believe me, I'll give you the closure_**

**_of a good ending, but if ever I have a lot of time available to me, I will resurrect this story (I will find a way). And, to be_**

**_fair, I'll make sure to write it all out before I start uploading things! _**

**_The next chapter should be up in a few days, the following chapter a few days after that, and the final chapter_**

**_is already written. Thank you all for being so diligent to read and review! I hope you liked where this story went :)_**

**_._**

_**A big THANK YOU to Kkolmakov for letting me steal her character Wren (with her permission). I'm very happy to recommend any of her Thorin-Wren stories! Check out "Me Without You" or "Thorin's Timeline", as she has written many incredible stories both short and long.**_

_**.**_

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst? ****Try ****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

_**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**_

**.**

**Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try ****STARS AND HAMMERS**

_**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**_

**.**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try ****GOLD AND FIRE**

_**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.**_**_Explanations for some of the actions with_**


	43. Oh, the Angst

.

**V**

**HOW TO MOVE ON**

_**Chapter 1 – Oh, the Angst**_

.

* * *

"_**Left Hand Free" alt-J**_

* * *

Danika laughed at something Kili said when they walked arm-in-arm through the doors to the torch-lit hall, answering the summons of the King of Gondor, and suddenly her breath stuck in her throat.

Gathered in the spacious white and black marbled room was an enormous crowd that parted to either side of the newcomers with celebratory hollers and excited shouts, clearing a wide path toward the King's table. Elessar opened his arms wide, calling for the startled group to come and sit beside him for the surprise banquet.

Kili and Fili exchanged glances with wide eyes, but immediately obeyed when flagons of ale were pressed into their hands, tilting their heads and swallowing the contents as only a dwarf can do while a chant of approval was heard throughout the crowd.

As night fell on Gondor, spirits rose and soared—feasting and drinking, dancing and storytelling, songs and laughter fell over the enormous assembly hall and the celebration went on well into the night.

Danika was feeling the effects of her third ale while Kili was on his seventh, so it was no surprise that when someone caught on that the two were married and shouted for them to kiss, the couple was all too ready to comply.

Feeling that her heart might burst in her chest, Danika melted under Kili's affectionate gaze and felt her eyes shut as his face moved towards hers. There was a faint sound of something hard hitting the table and it took Danika a moment to realize it had been her head and she was no longer standing, but had crumpled to the floor. In the last of her waking moments, her heavy eyelids opened enough to see a laughing Fili clapping his brother on the back and crowing about how only Kili's kisses could put a woman to sleep.

As much as she wanted to laugh, she was too far gone to do anything more than smile in contentment, happily snuggling into the carpet beneath her cheek.

* * *

"_**Final Movement 'Not At Home' feat. Peter Broderick" Clint Mansell**_

* * *

"We can't just call up a Middle-Earth realtor," Kili rolled his eyes at Danika as he shifted under a blanket.

"Oh, please!" Danika threw her hands up in disgust as she paced the floor at the foot of the bed. "Gandalf knows his way around every inch of this world—you can't just _ask_ him?"

Blowing out a patient breath, Kili sat up against the headboard and shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose and mentally willing his wife to calm down. The joyful oblivion of last night had worn off with the morning's conversation—a slight hangover stopping the dwarf from explaining as well as he could on why certain decisions were being made.

"Danika, I don't want to be away from you, either." He groaned, crawling forward on the bed to try and catch her hand. But she was fuming and pulled her hand away from him, crossing her arms while she continued to pace back and forth.

"You know that I only want to keep you safe." Kili sighed. "You only have to stay in Gondor until we find a place to live."

"So, _you_ get to make the decisions and _I_ just have to roll with it?" She said with a glare, her steps faltering around the edge of the carpet.

"Stop moving! You're going to trip yourself!" Kili growled in frustration, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and reaching out to steady her, but again she swatted away his hands. "And, yes,_ I_ get to make decisions when it comes to _your_ safety—you're my responsibility and I'm going to do all I can to protect you."

"Just like that?" Danika snapped her fingers. "Just like that, you tell me to stay here—"

"There are still monsters out there," Kili said, taking a step forward and attempting to catch her hand, and this time he was successful. "I need to be sure that wherever we settle isn't infested with any remaining Mordor scum."

"Orcs, goblins, spiders—nothing we can't handle." She waved a hand in the air. "Those are your average, everyday pests compared to the villains we've overcome."

"Did you just call orcs and goblins 'everyday pests'?" Kili sneered at her, catching her shoulders in an iron grip and forcing her to look up into his face. "Tell me you didn't say that." Pulling her towards him, he scowled as their noses almost touched. "I have been at the mercy of those 'pests' and I know firsthand the torture they are capable of inflicting."

Danika's temper buckled under the gaze of the intense dwarf and Kili's grip on her shoulders only tightened as he spoke on. "My bodily scars are missing because of the reset button at the beginning of every new story, but that doesn't mean I can't remember _every vivid detail_. You're not coming because those creatures are still out there and I won't risk them capturing you and watching them violate you in the same way."

"Kili," Danika whispered, fearful eyes trained on his. There was a blazing fire in his chest and the words started tumbling out of his mouth with a snarl.

"They grabbed me with slimy, filthy hands and I could smell their putrid, rotting flesh—fingernails like small, jagged knives that tore into my skin—pain they didn't even realize they were inflicting!—and then they beat me, every inch of me that they could get their hands on—and that was all before they even brought on the machines—"

"Don't..." Danika pleaded, trying to look away, but he couldn't stop himself and shook her shoulders, commanding her attention.

"White-hot rods of fire-heated metal that burn into your skin like butter," He seethed. "Devices that pull your arms out of their sockets—" But Kili's voice caught in his throat at the small sound that left his wife's lips.

"Please," the word was so small and weak that it sounded like the whimper of a tiny puppy to his ears and Kili's heart immediately ached at the sight of Danika's frightened face. "Y-you're hurting me."

_Oh, Mahal, what have I done?_

Taking a step back and releasing his hold on Danika's shoulders, Kili's hands hovered in the air as he looked at the red fingermarks on her skin with wide eyes.

"I'm s…" His frozen body refused to move while his frantic mind tried to process what he'd just said and done. "Sor… I'm sorry." One shaky leg decided to work while the other stayed planted where it was, causing him to topple backward. He might have landed on his backside if Danika hadn't lunged forward with her arms around his waist.

"Everything is fine," she whispered soothingly into his chest, hands rubbing at his back in an attempt to comfort him.

His arms, still hovering in the air, slowly came down to wrap around Danika's frame, one hand coming to rest at the back of her head as his fingers wove through her hair. Lowering his face to the top of her head, he brushed his cheek against her soft wavy hair and breathed in, inhaling her scent and steadying himself with it.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness," Kili said with a swallow, his own voice sounding so far away. "But… I need it. Please. I wasn't trying to hurt you—"

"I forgive you," Danika said quickly, probably knowing that until she said the words, Kili wouldn't be satisfied. "And I'm also sorry for what I said. I just don't like being left behind."

"I don't like leaving you behind." He said, burying his face in her hair and sighing. "But after this, we'll be settled. For good. All of us, together."

Danika's nod was nothing more than a twitch, but Kili could feel it against his cheek.

* * *

.

**_I know that was really short, but I wanted to give it to you asap- the other part will be ready tomorrow_**

**_Yay for house-hunting! Open to reader suggestion- where would ya'll like to see Kili and Danika (and Fili and Sigrid) settle down? Let me know in the reviews! _**

**_._**

**Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try ****STARS AND HAMMERS**

_**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**_

**.**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try ****GOLD AND FIRE**

_**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.**_**_Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to_ GEMS AND POISON**

.

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst? ****Try ****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

_**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**_


	44. House Hunting

.

**V**

**HOW TO MOVE ON**

_**Chapter 2 – House Hunting**_

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* * *

"_**The Minnow and The Trout" A Fine Frenzy**_

* * *

Why? Why were they always leaving each other? Questions of '_why_' and '_how_' filled Danika's head as she stood beside Sigrid in the courtyard entrance of Gondor's massive gates. The horses were ready. The provisions were packed. It was time for the men and dwarves to leave.

Kili stopped fussing with his saddle and stepped away from his steed. Apparently, there were no more buckles for the dwarf to adjust and he would have to face the moment they'd all been silently dreading.

His ducked head and slow steps were enough proof to her that Danika wasn't the only one who would be walking around with a half-soul when the party left Gondor. Kili's hands lifted up and Danika thought it was to hold her, but he startled her when instead he started patting her waist. What was he looking for?

"Where's your dirk?" He asked without looking up. Was he so afraid to look her in the eye?

"On my hip," Danika took his hand and pressed it lower, helping him to feel for the hidden weapon.

"The sword?"

Danika nodded, reciting what he'd instructed earlier. "On the wall beside the door. But I'm not to touch it until Eowyn gives me better instruction."

"Good, good." He nodded, still averting his gaze. Kili seemed to be taking a mental inventory of things. "King Elessar promised to have a guard at your door by this evening. If you don't see one, take it up with—"

"You've got me well taken care of." Danika said, trying to keep the exasperation out of her voice, and leaning forward to put her arms around his waist, she rested her face against his chest for what would be the last time in a while. "I won't lack anything while I'm here."

Even without seeing him, she could tell that his jaw was clenching from the way his stiff arms wove around her. After a moment, though, he seemed to soften and his arms drew tightly around her while he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Pulling away from her, Kili finally looked down into her face, so serious and somber that one might have thought he would never see her again. Or perhaps that's just how he felt.

"Hey, you," Danika smiled at him, smoothing a hand over his cheek. "Keep your chin up. We'll see each other soon, right?"

The dwarf didn't look reassured, but he nodded anyway, ducking his head closer to hers. "I'll write you as often as I can. Until then…" And then a tiny smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. "Well, you'll just have to wait and see."

"What does _that_ mean?" Danika tried not to scowl.

"I think it's best if I leave it at that, for now." He winked at her, giving her a winning grin that erased her worries.

"I hate surprises." She moaned.

"This I know," He laughed. "And yet, it couldn't be helped. I had to have a little fun at your expense."

"You'll be having a lot of fun at my expense, wandering the world with just your brother."

Kili's face fell. "How is that fun? I'm sure you'll be having more fun than me—"

Danika nearly jumped as someone called Kili's name, reminding him that it was time to leave. A sudden wave of distress washed over her and she threw her arms around Kili once more, holding him close and burying her head in his chest. The words were on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't bring herself to say them, '_please, don't go'_. Shaking breaths made their way out of her throat and she silently scolded herself. No, don't fall apart. Not here. Wait until he's gone. Let him see that you can be strong for him. Or, at least, let him _think_ you can be strong.

But he spared her the struggle of saying the right words because he grabbed her face with both hands and pressed his lips to hers in a crushing kiss. Warmth flushed over her entire body and for one moment the world was peaceful and right. And when the moment ended, it felt like the crashing of violent waves inside of her.

Kili strode over to his mount without looking back. Foot in the stirrup, leg swinging over the saddle, and seating found, he nodded at his brother and ordered the pony forward.

Where Sigrid had come from, Danika didn't know, but the woman was standing close beside her and waving to the party as they began to ride through the gates. Danika was waving, too, but it took all of her focus to keep the false smile on her face. It didn't even register that she had grabbed at Sigrid's hand beside hers until the daughter of Bard squeezed it reassuringly.

"In we go," came Sigrid's soft voice as she tried to pull Danika along with her, but Danika's feet were planted firmly until the moment came. Until _what_ moment came? Even she wasn't certain, but then Kili took one last look behind him, turning just enough in the saddle to glance back at them, and Danika understood what she'd been holding out for.

"I love you," he mouthed, and it wouldn't have been visible if Danika hadn't been watching him so closely, but she saw it.

"I love you," she mouthed back, smiling in relief when she saw the flash of recognition on his face. He had seen it.

* * *

"_**1234" Feist**_

* * *

If she was going to be honest with herself, Danika had to admit that Kili really had thought of everything. At first, she thought that Sigrid was just being nice by trying to distract her with things—a trip to the merchant's square, looms of fabric and supplies, and then on to the weave-masters to pick up books for dress patterns—and not even things Danika was interested in, but distractions all the same. And then the truth hit her. Kili had planned this.

Her theory was confirmed when she'd been woken early on the third day since the 'house-hunting' party had left, only to be given tasks around the various housing around her. Though it was all empty and unlived in, it somehow became imperative that those rooms were dusted, scrubbed spotless, and made ready for… well, for whomever. If she'd had a moment to herself, Danika might have had an opportunity to feel the absence of her husband, but her friends and family were all determined to keep her busy from the time she squinted her eyes open to the time when she collapsed, fully-dressed on her bed.

On the fifth day, Danika growled at the knock that came to her door, it being far too early in the morning for her liking.

"I'm not here." She called after the knocking became more insistent, grabbing the pillow and pressing it down over her head. "Come back around noon."

"It _is_ around noon." A familiar voice snorted.

"Bilbo?" Danika's groggy eyes opened and she threw the pillow from over her head. "Bilbo, what do you want? If you've come to give me things to do, I give you the day off."

"And effectively yourself," came the throaty laugh. "But I'm not here to give you something to do… Well, sort of."

"Ugh," She moaned, rolling out of the bed. She hated surprises. Why did everyone have to be so vague all the time? Or maybe Bilbo knew that she couldn't resist. "What do you mean 'sort of'?"

"Open the door and you'll see."

No. No, no, no, no, no, no. She sang the word to herself over and over again as she stepped across the room and pressed tentative fingers on the handle. No. How did everyone know how to manipulate her so well?

"Alright, then," Bilbo held up a finger as she peered at him through a halfway-open door. "I want it known that while this was Kili's idea,_ I_ did all the hard work and looking and such."

Danika's curse about riddles died in her mouth when she saw what Bilbo had in his other hand.

"Is that…" Her eyes went wide. "Is that a puppy?"

Bilbo beamed at her and held the wriggling mass of curly-grey fur out toward her.

"That's a puppy." Danika smiled widely. "You're giving me a puppy?"

"I'll grant that you just woke up, but you seem to be a little slow in grasping the concept…" Bilbo smirked, stepping forward and picking up Danika's hands to take the small animal.

Gathering the puppy into her arms, Danika practically purred as she snuggled it to her chest, receiving a series of licks and happy yips in the process.

* * *

_**"To Whom It May Concern" Civil Wars**_

* * *

_Danika,_

_Sauron's filth are few and far between on our road, and from what we here through the local channels, they are becoming fewer every season. There are still some scattered clans attempting to make a stronghold in the mountains, but Gandalf has assured me they will be cleared out by other means._

_I miss you terribly. I hope it doesn't hurt you to hear me say that (or write it), but I have to say it. I still have that little picture you gave me, the one that Ori drew up from our first story, but it doesn't do justice when I know the details of the real thing: the freckles all along your neck, the feel of the inner bend of your arm, the taste of your skin…_

_If my pen is running away with my thoughts, you'll have to forgive me. It seems like Fili's mission is to tire me out until the end of the day, but even in my dreams there is enough time to think about you, so he isn't doing his job as well as he thinks he is._

_We are well-fed, well-slept, and taking every precaution to stay safe. Make sure you're doing the same._

_I love you._

_Kili_

* * *

.

**Short chapter, but more is coming soon! The military still hasn't decided where to send**

**us, so we're sort of in limbo right now- meaning I almost never have time to write,**

**but I'll do what I can and when I can. Here's hoping we get orders for someplace warm!**

**.**

**Want some****Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try ****STARS AND HAMMERS**

_**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**_

**.**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try ****GOLD AND FIRE**

_**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.**_**_Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to_ GEMS AND POISON**

**.**

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst? ****Try ****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

_**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**_

**.**


	45. Letters

.

**V**

**HOW TO MOVE ON**

_**Chapter 3 – Letters**_

.

* * *

"_**Waiting For You" Isobel Anderson**_

* * *

_**Dear Kili,**_

_I'm sorry I haven't been writing— I thought it would be too hard to get a letter to you. But I had mentioned it to Sigrid, who talked to Lady Eowyn, who told it to her husband, who… well, eventually it got all the way back to King Elessar—I keep wanting to call him Strider or Aragorn, but people don't like that, I guess—and…_

_What a horrible way to start a letter. I am drawing a face with a tongue sticking out because written letters don't have little text faces._

_:P_

_I miss you. A lot. And I have some bad news. I am a really horrible person. You had Bilbo give me that puppy and… I tried, I really tried, but… I think I'm allergic to dogs. _

_Eowyn said something about women having sudden allergies turn up whenever they get pregnant, but Bilbo was around when she said it and he got mad at her. I felt really bad, but… naw, I don't think I'm pregnant. No, really, that wasn't my way of announcing that we were expecting! Oh my goodness, see, this is why I don't write letters._

_I love you._

_Please don't be angry that I gave away the dog. It was actually perfect timing because there was this little girl that was crying in the marketplace and I kinda gave him to her. She was so happy. I really wish I'd had a camera to capture her smile._

_I love you. _

_I already said that. _

_I love you._

_Sincerely,_

_**Danika**_

* * *

_**To my sweet Danika, whom I love with every essence of my being,**_

_It is my intention to smother you with letters, now that I am receiving your letters. _

_Please, my love, do not distress yourself into thinking I am resentful for the absence of letters within the first two weeks. Instead, I ask for your forgiveness, in that this endeavor has taken longer than I hoped it would. It is a solemn oath I make each day to log how much affection I am owing you._

_And, in regards to the hound, I am not upset with you in the slightest! It was only my intention to make sure you were not alone—an effort which I understand has been rendered unnecessary while the White Lady of Rohan and the Burglar of the Shire are in your company. What stirs my heart for you is your compassion and love for others, and your gifting of the dog to someone else has caused them happiness- which, I know without being there, has caused you happiness._

_Danika, I will speak plainly with you now. The longer I am away from you is the more convinced I am that there is no ONE place where we belong._

_Tell me to come back. Tell me it was foolish to leave in the first place. Tell me you love me and that you're angry with me for leaving. Tell me your heart has been in the same agony mine has been suffering. If you say any of these things, I will run back on my bare feet if I must._

_Yours forever,_

_**Kili**_

* * *

_**Dear Kili,**_

_I've been reading your letter over and over again and crying like a little girl. Stop that. I can hear your voice when I read your words and it's breaking my heart. _

_Of course I want you to come back, you goofball, but I don't want you to regret it and then have to head back out again. I mean, it's hard being away from you, but I know why you're doing all of this. We just want to find a safe place to settle down and have children. You still want children, right?_

_Cause if you don't, we'll talk about it, but I don't want to pressure you._

_Here I go again, making bad letters. I love you._

_Sincerely,_

_**Danika**_

* * *

_**To my beautiful Danika,**_

_I shall better gauge my capacity to cause you tears, but I hope you'll forgive me when I take it as a compliment to your affection for me. You are crying for the both of us, I think, because I cannot bring myself to do it under the eyes of my brother. He gives me enough grief for smiling the way I do when the messenger brings me your letters. _

_You are right, of course, in reminding me of my purpose. I knew that you would, which is why I begged you to say all of the things I know you are feeling but will perhaps never say. _

_I promise, my love, we will not tarry here for long, but have made progress enough to return within the month. It pains me to think that I have taken as long as six months, but I think our efforts have yielded much fruit. _

_I hesitate to share details of our adventures until our return, but I am happy to report that we are safe as of the date I am writing this._

_I love you._

_Yours across any distance,_

_**Kili**_

* * *

_**To Kili,**_

_Before I say what I'm going to say, I need you to know that everyone is fine and we're all safe. What I need to say is just about me and I promise that I'm comfortable._

_That being said, I've had a miscarriage. Please don't rush back, everything is okay. I was having monthly cycles, so I didn't even know I was pregnant until last month. I didn't have any signs of it—no morning sickness, no belly, nothing. Maybe the allergy to dogs was a sign, but... I guess Eowyn was right about that one._

_I didn't tell you in the last letter because I was going to make it a surprise for when you came back, but I guess our little guy was in a hurry…_

_I'm fine. Really, I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm gonna be okay. I'm going to be okay._

_**Danika**_

* * *

"_**If You Want Me" Marketa Iglova and Glen Hansard**_

Danika was running. The world was covered in darkness and ash, and the wind blowing in her face was alternately cold and hot, causing her skin to prickle.

Where was Kili? It sounded as though an ocean was roaring and the clouds above clapped with loud thunder and the blinding night of lightning. The ground was moving under her feet and suddenly a chess board appeared.

"No, no, no, no," Danika groaned, trying to step away from the board, but slipping backward. She noticed too late that there was an enormous egg resting on the ground beneath her and her backside struck into it, squashing it with her weight and causing it to crack open and pour its contents on the earth. Shrieking in distress, she called out the first name she could think of.

"Kili!"

And suddenly, the dark clouded world withered away as her call was answered.

"Here, Danika," it said, and a set of hands on her shoulders broke her from her deep sleep and terrible nightmares.

Jolting awake, Danika opened her eyes and saw her husband's concerned face.

"What?" Her eyes went wide and her brow crumpled together. "Kili?"

"I'm here," He smiled at her from his pillow on their bed. "We returned so late in the night and I didn't want to wake you…" Danika's face must have had traces of the horror she still felt from the dream because he pulled her close into his warm hold and ran comforting fingers through her hair. "Sig wrote to me that you've been having nightmares. Did you have one just now?"

Danika was still dealing with the shock that he was there and that she was in his arms and could only muster a nod.

"I'm sorry, love. Rest your head, go back to sleep. I'm here to chase away the dreams." He cooed, wrapping his arms around her.

As much as Danika wanted to fully wake and give him a proper greeting, she was much too scared from the dream and much too tired to resist her husband's warm presence and strong, protective arms, sinking back into peaceful slumber within moments.

.

* * *

_**Patience with typos—I'm tired and pressed for time. I'll correct problems later.**_

_**Please also be patient with my slow updates—the military likes to give last minute orders and there are only a few days to pack. When we get to where we're going, I'll have more time to write, but this is the point where I give you a disclaimer that the story is almost over :( **_

_**Only a few more chapters, dear friends.**_

_**.**_

_**Coming Soon! **_**THE GOBLIN WARS**

**_Sauron has come against Erebor, wielding a terrible weapon: Kili, son of Dis! What losses will King Fili suffer in an effort to take his brother back? And even if Kili is saved, how will he live with the guilt of knowing all the pain he has inflicted on his loved ones?_**

**Want some Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try STARS AND HAMMERS**

_**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**_

**.**

**Want some Kili / OC romance/hurt-comfort? Try THE COURTSHIP OF THE SPARROW-HAWK**

**_Kili and his new bride have found happiness quicker than most, but circumstances begin to come against them, such as an abusive father, a long-forgotten seductress, and the diplomacy of the court interfering with the legalities of their marriage. But even the small sparrow-hawk is a ferocious predator, and Eila is willing to protect her husband with her life!_**

**_._**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try ****GOLD AND FIRE**

_**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.**_**_Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to_ GEMS AND POISON**

**.**

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst? ****Try ****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

_**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**_

**.**


	46. Sleeping and Not Sleeping

.

**V**

**HOW TO MOVE ON**

_**Chapter 4 – Sleeping and Not Sleeping**_

.

* * *

_**"My Love" Sia**_

* * *

—_From Danika's point of view—_

Can I just say how amazing it is to cuddle next to a warm body after sleeping alone for so long? I definitely took it for granted and as I curled even closer to my snoring husband's body, I mentally promised myself I wouldn't forget the value of it again.

So much had happened in the last six months—if Kili had woken up in that moment, I wouldn't have known where to begin. But I wasn't worrying over what I would say; I was just glad he was home. I began to understand that ache Kitty, the author, had talked about regarding her spouse's absence during deployments. It was like someone stole an organ from my middle and my body was trying to learn how to compensate for the gap, the empty cavity. I could make it look to others like I was doing fine on the outside, but all the while I couldn't ignore the fact that inwardly there was something missing, a pain _only I_ was aware of.

I rolled my head to look out the window and saw the very first light of morning, knowing that I could easily drift into sleep again. But then I turne my head back to look at Kili's sleeping face and I knew I couldn't sleep.

Even in sleep, he looked so tired. There were shadows under his eyes and crinkles at the corners of them, as well as a sharpness to his unkempt beard that I'd never seen before. I was so tempted to run my fingers over his facial hair, but I didn't want to wake him. No, I could watch this dwarf sleep for another hour before I had my fill.

"Why aren't you asleep?" Kili suddenly whispered, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin.

Catching my breath and holding my hand over my rapidly beating heart, I answered, "Why aren't _you _asleep? You jerk, you scared me! "

He laughed at me with half-lidded eyes as I gave his shoulder a weak smack. "Hard to sleep when someone is staring at me."

I stuck out my tongue at him and he leaned down as though to bite it, causing me to pull away from him, but his arms had somehow snuck around me. That dwarf's a sly one, he is.

"Stop squirming," Kili pleaded, pulling me closer to him as he rested his forehead on my chest. I wrapped my arms around his head and the hold reminds me of a mother comforting her child. But then the kisses start, his lips tip-toeing lower, and he adds, "And take care of your poor, neglected husband."

I gently pressed my hands to each side of his face, along his temples, and tilted his head so I could see it better. What I saw there told me he hadn't been doing a good job taking care of _himself_ and I toldl him so.

Kili snorted and ducked his head, as though he's embarrassed, and I wondered if I'd accidently poked at some nerve. I was trying to remember something about the customs of dwarves and their beards when he mumbles, "Says the woman who's thinner than last I saw her and has gaunt cheeks."

It was true, I had lost weight. And I wasn't offended at the accusation, but his comment only reminded me of the_ real_ reason for my weight-loss: The miscarriage. There was a painful stab at my heart and it hurt just as much as though I'd been cut. I think this sensation might have registered on my face because he pulled away and looked at me with those beautiful brown eyes and those intense, thick eyebrows were pressing together with concern.

Reaching out to touch my face, Kili brushed his thumb along my cheek and the digit came back wet. I hadn't even realized I was crying.

"What's wrong? If it was something I said, I'm sorry—I'm sorry a thousand times over, please don't cry." His gaze was so remorseful and he looked as though he was afraid of touching me. I was lying on my side next to him, but then I slid into his arms and pressed my face between his chest and the mattress, much like I did back in Rohan when the whole mess with Lord Voldemort started.

Kili's hands started to smooth over my back comfortingly and I told myself for the hundredth time that morning that I will never again take for granted the physical closeness of the one I love. Taking a deep breath, I wiped at my eyes and raised my face to look at him.

"I'm fine," I said, but then realized he can see through the lie. I said the words out of habit, but we silently agreed a long time ago that "fine" is a word of panic, for _both_ of us. I was about to keep going, but he interrupted me with that stern glare he reserves for when I'm being stubborn.

"Tell me." It only took those two words from his mouth and I knew I couldn't refuse the command. I'm not afraid of my husband, but I recognize his strength and determination and I knew he was being stern because he loves me and wants to take care of the problem.

"It's not something you can fix." I sighed, shutting my eyes and resting my head on the pillow.

"You're going to tell me anyway." Kili said in a quiet, but firm voice. Someone else might call him bossy, but I recognize it for what it is: overprotectiveness.

"It's the…" _Crap, how do I even say it?_ "Two weeks ago, when I lost the baby…" I had to pause because immediately his eyes started brimming with wetness. "…well, my body just hasn't caught up yet. It's just messed up hormones, that's all."

"Danika, I'm sorry." He said, and I could see the impact my explanation had on him. I guess I didn't realize how much he would be affected by it, because his tears and the way he trembled while he held me caught me off guard. I realized, however, that while I'd had two weeks to process the loss, he had only learned of it recently.

"I'm sorry," He repeated, as though somehow this was all his fault. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here—as soon as I got your letter, I made Fili turn us all around and head back." And then reverently, almost so gentle that I couldn't feel it, Kili kissed my forehead and whispered, "Are you in pain? Is there anything I can—"

"No. No, I'm not hurting." I admitted in a half-truth. The poor guy already felt so awful, I didn't need to concern him with the details just yet.

Like how much it had hurt when the contractions started, as though someone was playing tug-of-war with my muscles and the cramping tension in my legs. Or how my brain was still swamped with pregnancy hormones, making me lightheaded and easily confused.

No, he didn't have to know that. But I could tell there were things he _did_ want to know.

"The healers say he wasn't in pain when it happened," I said, mustering my bravery and gritted my teeth after the words left my mouth.

"A lad." Kili nodded with a slight tug at the corner of his mouth, a sad smile in the middle of his despaired features. His chin quivered and he pressed his lips into a line, stroking his fingers along the side of my face as he peered into my eyes.

* * *

"_**Turning To Rust" Ciaran Lavery**_

* * *

_From Kili's point of view_

I had so many questions for her as we lay intertwined beneath the soft linens of the bed, but I remained silent, out of respect for the child we'd lost. There was more to tell, I could see it in my beloved's face, but either it was too difficult for her to say or else she must have thought it would be too difficult for me to hear.

Cradling her tightly in my arms, I said a dwarvish prayer over the son I would never see. It was the least I could do, though he deserved so much more…

"Did Fili come back with you?" Danika asked me, breaking me from my thoughts.

I couldn't bring myself to speak, not quite yet, and nodded.

"Good," My wife sighed with relief. "Sigrid is due any day now—she was worried he wouldn't come back in time."

I felt my eyebrows rise, though I don't recall giving them the order to do it. "I'm such a fool! I hadn't even considered how soon she would give birth." I pressed Danika closer into my chest, tucking her head beneath my chin and exhaling with the satisfaction of being near to her once more. "Do you think she'll ever forgive me for stealing her husband away like that?"

Danika giggled beneath my arm, surprising me with how quickly she was able to recover from the heavy emotions of a few moments ago. Although I wasn't quite able to laugh just yet, so solemn were my thoughts, I could still revel my wife's laughter.

"She wasn't really angry with you until she went into false labor a few days ago." Danika said, wiggling her toes to line up with mine. Was the woman trying to press every part of herself against me? If so, she would find no argument from me. "And then she cursed like a sailor."

I couldn't stop myself from wincing, but Danika laughed again and patted my shoulder reassuringly. "But I don't wanna talk about Sig right now. How about I welcome you home properly?"

There was no answer I could give her, I was too afraid of how to proceed. Sigrid was due to deliver any day—would that be a blow to my beloved's heart? A reminder of the child she'd not been able to fully grow? How could I even _touch_ her, knowing that our once-heavenly act of love might bring her more anguish, both in body and heart?

Though we'd spent months apart, my lovely wife seemed to read my thoughts and scrunched her nose at me in the most adorable way. Perhaps she was trying to give me a scolding expression, but pressed against each other as we were and with her head far below mine, her features caused the beginning of a chortle deep in my throat.

"D'ya need me to spell it out for you, punk?" She growled. I have seen my mighty lioness stand brave in the face of danger, but her current attempts to look ferocious only amused me. "If I'm askin' you for it, then you don't have to second guess whether or not it's 'okay'—"

"All these long months, I've thought about your voice, longing to hear it again," I said, squeezing her against my chest theatrically. "But you really need to stop talking." I added with a huff of laughter, grabbing her shoulders and shifting her so that I could kiss her.

She moaned into my mouth, stirring long-ignored sensations, and her eyes fluttered shut as I held the back of her head with both hands.

But suddenly Danika pulled away from me and looked me straight in the eye with a frown. "Don't you tell me what to do—you think you can just stroll right back after six months and start—"

"You're still talking." I groused, silencing her with another deep kiss.

* * *

.

_Don't worry, my dears, no more angst after this! From here on out, it's happy happy happy! :)_

_Thank you all for waiting so patiently! The move was successful and I'm back at the writing desk._

_._

_In response to reviews for the last chapter:_

_**Celebrisilweth**: I tried to show the difference between Danika's modern, casual writing hand and Kili's obviously more classy, refined text._

_**TheBugSlayer**: Haha! Glad you're loving the emotional roller coaster :)_

_**BookSnake3**: Tell me about it! The Feeeeeeeeeeelz!_

_._

_Our story is close to wrapping up, so I wanted to thank you all for reading this stuff- it sounds so great in my head and then when I write it it looks so garbled and confused. If I'm wrong, please tell me! I certainly need to improve, but at least tell me I'm on the right track ;)_

_._

_I'm beginning to write the first chapters of The Goblin Wars, so keep an eye out for updates!_

_**Coming Soon! **_**THE GOBLIN WARS**

**_Sauron has come against Erebor, wielding a terrible weapon: Kili, son of Dis! What losses will King Fili suffer in an effort to take his brother back? And even if Kili is saved, how will he live with the guilt of knowing all the pain he has inflicted on his loved ones?_**

**.**

**Want some Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try STARS AND HAMMERS**

_**Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor.**_

**.**

**Want some Kili / OC romance/hurt-comfort? Try THE COURTSHIP OF THE SPARROW-HAWK**

**_Kili and his new bride have found happiness quicker than most, but circumstances begin to come against them, such as an abusive father, a long-forgotten seductress, and the diplomacy of the court interfering with the legalities of their marriage. But even the small sparrow-hawk is a ferocious predator, and Eila is willing to protect her husband with her life!_**

**_._**

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try ****GOLD AND FIRE**

_**Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward.**_**_Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to_ GEMS AND POISON**

**.**

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst? ****Try ****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

_**Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?**_

**.**


	47. In the Days Between

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**V**

**HOW TO MOVE ON**

_**Chapter 5 – In the days between**_

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* * *

"_**Requiem" Lights and Motion**_

* * *

When Sigrid gave birth to a baby girl, she was surrounded by the strangest assortment of family members Kili thought he'd ever heard of—a hobbit, dwarves, humans, wizards, kings, and the like. This small gem of Fili's would never be lacking in anything, Kili fondly thought to himself.

As they visited the new parents, Kili could see just how heavily Danika's loss weighed on her when Fili brought her the small, bundled baby. Taking the infant carefully into her arms and looking to Kili like the most natural mother in all the world, Danika beamed brightly at the wide-eyed babe and cooed at her, all the while stroking her soft cheek and murmuring compliments.

"Her eyes are so wide!" Danika laughed as though she might cry. "It's like she wants to see this great, big world all in one glance."

Sigrid laughed in agreement from her chair, clasping the hand of her dwarven husband.

"Looks to me," Kili smiled, resting his chin on Danika's shoulder as he stood behind her to look at the small child, "like she's the size of a dwarven babe with the eye-size of a human."

"She's adorable," Danika sniffled, finally giving way to her tears and reluctantly passing the girl off to her father. "I'm so happy for you."

In the walk back to their rooms, Kili held Danika's hand firmly in his, stealing glances at her from the corner of his eye. It was difficult to know when to comfort her and when to let her be—Danika had made it very clear she didn't want to talk about her loss any more than she already had.

He'd been honest with her: Kili had cut his trip short when he'd received her last letter, rushing the collection of scouts and guards back to Gondor as fast as their horses would bring them. But that fact had only caused Danika to respond bitterly, and he couldn't understand why. One thing he knew for certain was that he had to help her press forward and not allow her to clam up and dwell on the past.

"I think you need… Danika, would you like…" Kili bit his lip, coming to their bedroom door and not knowing how to enter it before he'd uttered his thoughts.

Danika stayed silent, blank eyes staring at him while he gathered his words.

"What do you say to a bit of travel?" He said, hoping his smile was convincing enough. Kili needed to get her away from Gondor, away from the place that had caused her so much unhappiness.

"What about Fili and Sigrid?" Danika's eyes turned down toward the ground and Kili struggled to read her expression—something between disappointment and hesitation. "They just had a baby, they can't leave yet—"

"I mean you and me." Kili shook his head, grasping her hand in both of his and rubbing warmth into it, kissing at her knuckles. "You can call it a second honeymoon, if you want."

Danika's eyes brightened for a moment and he could see that she was honestly considering it.

"You don't need to answer just yet," Kili added, attempting to take away any pressure. "But remember that I've just conducted a search for the safest places to live in all of Middle-earth. We could try a few out."

"Could we…" Danika bit her lip and looked down.

"What?" Kili ducked his head to try and catch her eyes. Why did she always seem so bashful when she wanted to ask him for something. "Don't do that, don't hide your face." He raised her chin and smiled when he caught a glimpse of the blush on her cheeks. "Danika, when are you going to learn that you can ask me for anything and I'll give it to you?"

"That's part of why I have trouble asking." Danika blushed even deeper. "I know you'll move mountains for me."

"Good," He nodded, crossing his arms and pretending to adopt a stern expression. "Now, tell me what you're thinking."

Shifting her weight and looking anywhere but his eyes, Danika muttered, "Could we visit the Shire again?"

"The Shire?" Kili's brows rose and his 'sternness' melted away into satisfaction. "Wait, when were we there?"

Danika rolled her eyes. "At the beginning of this whole thing—when the story started, right after we met in the waiting room—"

"Oh," Kili scratched at the back of his neck. "You didn't really get a good look at it, though, did you?"

"No, not really." Danika frowned.

Kili's mind was actively working on distances, supply needs, and stops along the way when Danika tugged at his hand and craned her neck at the bedroom door, silently asking him to open it.

It was difficult for the dwarf to sleep that night, brain working away on the details of their future trip and praying that this was the thing Danika needed to turn herself around. He tilted his head to look at the thin figure curled against his side, her head resting on his shoulder, and her arm draped across his chest.

Never again, he promised. Never again would he be gone from her for so long!

* * *

"_**Love Someone" Jason Mraz**_

* * *

The journey from Gondor to Hobbiton was taking less time than Kili anticipated, probably due in part to the blessed guidance of Mr. Bilbo Baggins and the steady supply of horses and carts from Gondor. Kili had been startled when Danika had suggested Bilbo accompany them, but it ended up working out to their advantage.

"There are plenty of stops from here to the Shire," Bilbo had winked at them. "And I plan on taking a steady and straight route, so if you feel like deviating from my course, you can catch up whenever it suits you."

"_Your_ course?" Kili chortled. "I thought this was _my_ trip."

"Well, clearly, you were misinformed." Bilbo crossed his arms and smirked.

"Mm," Kili nodded, taking the hint. "I'll have to remember not to do that to myself in the future."

In the many days since they'd left the White City, Kili had been relieved to see a difference in his wife's appearance and character. It seemed the sun on her face was enough to return her health and lift her spirits, even when that sun happened to shine on a winter's day.

"I hate the cold." Kili muttered to himself.

"You didn't seem to hate it so much when we live in Beorn's house." Danika laughed, skipping alongside him in the thin layer of snow on the ground. "Besides, this will be so much fun! Bilbo says that when we reach Hobbiton tomorrow, we'll see frozen lakes."

"Frozen lakes?" Kili sneered. "I don't see why that's a good thing—"

"Ice-skating!" Danika clapped cheerily at him.

"Ice-skating?" Kili said with no small amount of dread. "You do know that dwarves are a little more weighty than—"

"Are you telling me," Danika stopped in her tracks and looked Kili straight in the eye, "that you've _never_ gone ice-skating?"

He was afraid to shake his head, as though that answer might condemn him to this dangerous activity, but Danika had obviously taken it upon herself to reassure him that she could teach him.

"Danika," Kili groaned into his hands.

"Kili," Danika pouted with big eyes.

No, not the eyes, Kili inwardly moaned. Not that puppy-dog, pleading look. Damn it. Damn it all.

Their arrival in the Shire had gone unnoticed, with Bilbo finding and purchasing a home some ways from Bag End. He still wasn't sure how he would be received, 'coming back from the dead' to a community that was probably still living under the 'reality' of the story.

"Don't you worry about it," Bilbo had tapped Danika's nose with a smile, seeing her concern for him. "You just keep your minds focused on that second honeymoon of yours and I'll worry about the rest."

* * *

"_**Breathe Me" Sia**_

* * *

Kili sat his backside into the cold snow with stubbornness, hands clasping around his knees as he watched Danika effortlessly manage the ice-skates on her feet. Where she'd found them—both pairs, for her and him—he had no idea, but he was enjoying the view nonetheless.

She claimed to be a creature lacking in grace, but he could see nothing of that in the way she skated circles around the lake. In fact, Kili was beginning to find himself grateful that she'd talked him into coming—it was a pleasure to watch her lithe movements and have an excuse to ogle her.

Long limbs and a trim middle, her figure was still impressive even with layers of winter gear strapped about her. As if he needed another reason not to skate, Kili was considering catching her the next time she came around, flinging her over his shoulder, stomping back to Bilbo's house and—

"You're not going to sit there and watch." Danika's statement was _not_ a question. "Stand up!"

Kili cursed under his breath and rose shakily to his feet. If it was this difficult to walk on the snow… "If I stand up on the ice, I'm going to fall through it."

"No, you won't." Danika rolled her eyes at him, skating closer to him and reaching her hands out to him. "The ice is nice and thick."

"Hmm," Kili grunted, taking her hands as he reached the edge. "What am I supposed to do now?"

Circling around him, Danika came to Kili's side, taking his arm over her shoulder and nudging his arm to grasp around her waist. "Just hold on to me, you'll be fine."

"I can do that," Kili wagged his eyebrows at her, pressing his face close and rubbing his nose against hers. Gripping her waist, he began to think he might have a chance at convincing her to come back to the house with him after all.

Danika blinked and slowly smiled. "Did you just give me an eskimo kiss?"

"What's an eskimo kiss?" Kili frowned.

Bursting into laughter, Danika shook her head. "Nevermind."

The going was slow and progress was shaky, but Kili had to admit that skating wasn't nearly as frightful as he'd originally thought.

Until he fell down.

"Kili!" Danika skated back to him. "See, I told you I shouldn't have let go."

Rubbing a hand over his bruised cheek, Kili pushed himself up from the cold surface of the frozen water. "I didn't want to stop you from having fun."

"I won't have fun watching you fall, either." She groused with her hands on her hips. "Are you okay?"

He waved her off with an agitated brow. "You said falling happens, I fell, no big deal."

Danika bit her lip a moment before skating backwards a few feet.

As it turned out, her skating backward had been providential because as soon as Kili began skating again, he slipped over an uneven section of ice and toppled forward, causing a crack in the surface that would have given way had her weight been added to it. The ice shattered under one of his feet and Kili's leg was immediately plunged into it, the rest of him struggling above the surface.

"Kili!" He could hear Danika shriek, but the current against his trapped leg was using up his strength and all he could manage to do was wave her away again.

"Gah!" He tried to pull himself up, hands pressing against the hard surface as he attempted to kneel with his other leg to gain leverage.

Hearing the scratch of ice from Danika's skates, he frantically looked up at her. "Get away! Don't come closer—ice might break!"

She whimpered in reply, dropping to sit on the ice with her hands over her mouth as she watched helplessly. But Kili wasn't about to be taken down by a damned river! With a roar and a last reserve of strength, he exerted himself enough to shove against the ice and pull his leg out to the knee, trembling as he fought with the force of the current. The ice crackled underneath his hands, but at the last moment he gave a final push and scrambled to the edge of the ice, finding powdery snow beneath his fingertips and blessed land once more.

"Kili!" Danika was at his side in an instant, working to take the frozen boot from his sopping-wet leg.

Wincing and howling as she tugged at his ankle too hard, Kili gripped her wrist to stop her. "Gentle! My knee is screaming."

"I'm sorry," She worked the skate and the boot off carefully, taking his bare foot in her hands and looking it over. Pulling her jacket from her shoulders, she bound his foot with it and her scarf.

"Don't!" He protested. "You'll freeze—"

"So will you!" She snarled back at him with a fiercely protective expression that said she wasn't going to let him argue. "It's not a long walk back to the house; I can get your pony and come back for you."

This was the last test of the dwarf's patience and he bellowed that she would do no such thing, that he could manage himself and get to the house of his own power. But that only brought on more of Danika's protectiveness and they ended up shouting at each other until Bilbo appeared with a lantern.

"I can hear your yelling all the way from the house!" He chided, scolding the both of them with a pointed finger. "What on earth is going on?"

* * *

"_**Come Clean" Tristan Prettyman**_

* * *

Bilbo had never heard anything so ridiculous, and he'd been on plenty of strange voyages since the story began.

"So you two were hollering at each other," Bilbo frowned at them from where he stood at the fireplace as they sat on the couch in his living room, "because you were fussing over who got to help whom?"

Kili stubbornly glared out the window, his bandaged leg sticking out to the side as it was being propped up by a chair. But Danika, she seemed to let her guard down around Bilbo. It was no secret that Bilbo loved the two of them, but Danika had worked her way into his heart in a deep and daughterly way. And now she was ducking her head in shame.

"What's this really about?" Bilbo put his hands on his hips.

The two were silent and looked at him in confusion.

"I've seen couples annoyed with each other because the other one wants to peck at them like a mother hen, but this just takes the biscuit." The hobbit shook his head and clenched his eyes shut, mind wandering over the long trip from Gondor. "You never once took me up on my offer to go on ahead of you, you've barely said anything of consequence to each other, and I've failed to hear you say, 'I love you' more than a handful of times since we left."

Kili sneered at Bilbo's attentiveness to their relationship, but Danika only ducked her head lower, as if taking to heart all that he said.

"It's like you're afraid to be alone together!" Bilbo threw up his hands in disgust. "Kili, did you know that your wife is harboring bitterness that you left her."

Danika's head snapped up and her eyes went wide.

"Yes, you are," Bilbo pointed at her, as though to stop her from arguing, and pinned his gaze on Kili. "She feels like you abandoned her when you left Gondor after the chess tournament."

This time Kili's head dropped, but it wasn't with shame, as though he was accepting Bilbo's condescension. What was worse was that Kili looked as though he'd known all along.

"And you," Bilbo kept his finger trained on Danika. "He feels like he's the one who caused your miscarriage."

"Bilbo," Kili growled, but Bilbo went on.

"He's been trying to make it up to you this whole time." Bilbo crossed his arms again, feeling calmer.

Danika looked close to tears and stared into the fireplace before turning her head to Kili. "Is that true?"

Kili's jaw clenched, the muscles working under his cheekbones, as he glared at Bilbo in betrayal for a moment before looking at the ground and nodding.

Bilbo knew in that moment that he needed to leave, grabbing his coat. "I've got somewhere to be."

"Where are you going?" Danika whispered.

"Out. Out to get… things." Bilbo watched them from the doorway. "You two," he pointed at them both, "sort this out. I'll be back tomorrow."

And before either of them could speak, he slammed the door shut, locked it from the outside and threw the key into his pocket.

* * *

"_**Chasing Cars" Sleeping at Last**_

* * *

Danika wasn't sure who moved first, but she was aware of Kili's hand and hers coming together.

"Do you really blame yourself for…" Danika closed her eyes and swallowed, "for the baby?"

Kili continued to glare at the floor, squeezing her hand before grounding out a very quiet, "Yes."

"Why?"

He didn't speak for the longest time, but Danika waited, holding her breath. Finally, his head twitched, his long bangs swaying in front of his face. "If I'd been there… If I'd been there, it might not have happened."

Danika shook her head. "There was nothing you could to do stop it if you'd been there."

"Except that I wouldn't have caused it in the first place," Kili said, squeezing her hand again. His anger was molding into something else and Danika recognized for the first time that behind it was anguish.

In that moment, her heart broke. By asking him not to talk about it, to spare her the pain of recalling a failed pregnancy, had she kept him from mourning properly?

"I didn't want to leave you." Kili's voice broke and his stony face might have looked angry except for the single tear that trickled from his eye. "I didn't mean to make you feel abandoned, I was trying to keep you safe."

"There's keeping me safe and then there's making me feel like a child." Danika interjected, surprised by how harshly she admitted it. Immediately, his head turned to face her, his eyes full of pain. "I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you, but that's how I felt… like you don't think I'm strong enough or capable enough to face danger, even after all the things we've been through together."

Kili shook his head at her, eyes filling up with tears. "I never meant…" but it became too difficult for him to speak and he swallowed, eyes closed as the wetness drenched his cheeks.

Danika sprang from her seat, her heart having been stored by his display, and knelt before him, hands clasping at the back of his neck as she pressed her face into his chest. She could hear his sniff as he sank his face into her neck, arms reaching around her and clawing at her as though he would be in danger of losing her if he let go.

Confessions led to sobbing, sobbing led to other anger and further confessions, until the both of them felt raw and exhausted. Slowly dragging each other to the bed—difficult to do when the dwarf was sporting a bandaged leg— Danika felt as though a weight she'd never known she was carrying had been lifted from her shoulders and her eyes shut as she dug her face between Kili and the fabric of the bed. Kili's hold on her stayed strong, even in sleep, as though by holding her, he could will away her hurt and bitterness—and in a way, Danika admitted to herself, he did.

It wasn't until the middle of the night that Danika realized neither of them had stoked the fire in the fireplace of their room.

"Danika?" Kili stirred from sleep, hand automatically reaching for her wrist as she sat up.

"I'm freezing," She said through chattering teeth. His hand was warm on her arm and she set her other cold hand on top of it. "You're hot."

"Mm," Kili smiled sleepily. "Not nearly as much as you are."

Rolling her eyes, but gifting him with a grin, Danika began to slide her legs over the side of the bed.

"No, you stay." He patted his side of the bed as he raised himself up. "I'll get the fire, scoot over to my side."

Danika wasn't about to argue. She shifted herself to his side and groaned happily, the remnants of his body heat clinging to the blankets and sheets. It was enough to lull her back to sleep, but she could tell when Kili had returned to the bed, having brought the fireplace to a small blaze.

The last thing she remembered was a sensation of warmth and that feeling of finally coming home to her husband's arms.

* * *

"_**Still Into You" Michael Castro, Jackie Castro**_

* * *

From the first light of the next morning, Kili knew something was different. This was not a relieved joy, like coming together after being separated, but an honest, quiet joy that meant things had moved forward instead of making up for lost time.

He felt it when his wife woke him with "eskimo kisses". He felt it when he inspected himself in the mirror, only to find himself staring at Danika while she stood behind him. And he definitely felt it when he squinted his eyes to inspect the red mark on her neck.

Danika's hand flew to the mark and her eyes went wide, seeing it for herself in the looking glass. "Kili, son of Durin! That had better not be a hickey!"

If he wasn't supposed to laugh, no one had informed him of it and Kili smirked as he dodged his wife's weak swats to his shoulder.

"All right, that's it." Danika sighed in irritation, bringing her hair out of her face and pulling it into a pony tail at the back of her head. "I'm making cookies for breakfast."

"Cookies?" Kili raised a brow at her. "Why do you want cookies for—"

"Because I bloody want to, that's why!" she growled playfully at him.

Half an hour later, there was a heavenly smell emanating from the kitchen and Kili's stomach made loud rumble of anticipation.

"There's some milk here," Danika announced, bringing out a plate of the baked morsels. "We can crumble these up and have cereal."

"Ugh," Kili moaned, catching his forehead in his hand. "I miss cereal. Would you feed me already? You know I'm going to have several bowls…"

As soon as she set the plate on the table, the cookies were fair game in Kili's book and he began to snatch them one by one and crumble them into his bowl, pouring an overly generous amount of milk into it and scooping up bite by bite until his mouth was practically bursting.

"Mmf," He moaned in ecstasy, leaning back in his chair and taking his sweet time to chew. "I wovew."

"What?" Danika grinned at him from over her bowl, spoon dangling in her fingers as she watched him, entertained enough to wait until he could speak again.

"I. Love. You." He muttered, wiping a drop of milk from his chin.

"I love you, too." She smiled widely at him, stirring cookie into her milk. "But don't you think for one second that I'm going to pull cookie out of your beard when you've finished."

It was hard to laugh while there was so much cookie-mush in his mouth, but Kili managed it. And then they both stared at the plate in between them. One cookie left.

"What would someone need to do in order to gain rights to that cookie?" Danika asked with a lick of her lips.

"This," Kili grabbed it quickly.

"Hey!" She lunged forward with an outstretched hand, but Kili was already stumbling out of his chair, holding it as far away from her as possible. "That's not fair."

"_All_ is fair in love and war." Kili snickered at her, but then began to topple backward as he came too close to the couch, forgetting about his twisted knee. He landed heavily on the padding of the couch, but the furniture squeaked against the wooden floor as Danika dove into him, still reaching for the baked good.

"You can't do that," He kept the cookie out of her reach and struggled against her as she attempted to wrestle him, "I'm wounded, it's not a fair fight!"

Wiggling under his hold, Danika squealed, "You just said everything is fair in—ouch!" her head had come too close to the side table and banged into it loudly.

At first, Kili thought she was toying with him, but then she sank to her knees, gripping her head and blowing out a breath. Scooting himself down from the couch, he sat beside her and put an arm around her shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

Through gritted teeth and clenched eyelids she nodded, rubbing at the back of her head and murmuring something about 'throbbing' and 'a bump'. And just as Kili was about to lean over and kiss her head, she snatched the cookie from his hand and immediately shoved it into her mouth.

"You little sneak," He shook his head at her, but continued to worry that she'd hit her head too hard.

"Compenfation," She mumbled though cookie crumbs.

* * *

"_**You Make It Real" James Morrison**_

* * *

The next night was filled with hushed whispers, stolen kisses, and not-so-quiet laughter. Kili was certain Bilbo could hear them through the walls, but he wasn't sure he cared. His Danika had been returned to him, a point confirmed when Bilbo had come back earlier in the day and found them snuggled on the couch. The hobbit had made a small fuss over cookie crumbs and the state of his kitchen, but it was obvious he was relieved to find they hadn't killed each other.

"If you could be any of the Avengers, which would it be?" Danika whispered to him, eyes intently fixed on him as she smiled from her pillow, both hands resting beneath her cheek.

"Is that even a question?" Kili blew a raspberry. "Thor. Thor, every time."

"And who would Fili be?"

That one stumped him. "Er… Captain America?"

It was a dumb answer, but it still made Danika laugh.

"Okay," Danika rolled over, pillowing her head with her hands and looking at the ceiling. "If you had to be a kitchen condiment, what would it be?"

"Wait, what?" Kili poked her in the ribs. "It's my turn, why do you—"

"I would be ketchup because that's the one that everyone frequently uses. It'd be lonely to sit in the back of the fridge like mustard and hope that maybe someday someone would—"

"So you want to be emptied?" Kili raised an eyebrow at her and played with a lock of her hair. "You want to be used up and thrown in the trash early on? Or do you want to prolong it and stay in the fridge for as long as possible?"

Danika scrunched her face, considering this new information. "Nevermind. I shall be relish. No one likes relish."

"_I_ like relish." Kili snorted, rolling over to kiss at the base of her neck.

"You actually like relish?" Danika skewed her features into disgust. "What am I going to do with you?"

Smiling into her skin, Kili whispered, "I know _exactly _what you can do with me…"

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* * *

_Moving has been… complicated. Sir was told he couldn't live off-base for the first month (and that I couldn't live on-base) and since I draw heavily from our relationship for this story… well, yeah, you understand. Lot's of insecurity accidentally written in here. I hope you liked it anyway, and I hope this extra long chapter makes up for how long it's been since I updated. Pray for me, that we can get settled here nicely, and that my stress levels turn down a few notches. _

_._

_By the way, please please please give my new story a read: __**The Rehabilitation of James Buchannan Barnes: a Winter Soldier story**__. I would really love it if you would leave me a review for it, I feel like absolutely no one is interested in it :(_

_._

_**Booksnake3**__—Haha! My dastardly plot worked! I tell you not to ship them and then twist your head around to demand the opposite! Mwauahahahahah! _

_**GoldenPrince:**__ Hee hee, I'm glad you're liking it so far!_

_**Celebrisilweth:**__ Thank you for the encouragement—I honestly need it so much! It helps fight off some of the nasty reviews I've gotten :P_

_._

_Special thanks to all of the followers of this story! You guys are so awesome and make me so happy!_

_1Corinthians 1313, Aaltje, Amilasse, Arcticwillow, BlueRiverSteel, Booksnake3, Bunny's daughter, Celebrisilweth, EquusGold, Eternally Lost in Sorrow, FandomsGoneWild, FriendlyNeighborhoodChipmunk, FrostyMando, InweTolkenGeek, Lady Luna's Love, LightThemUp, Lilliandil107, Marta512, Melow445, Nessa Telemnar of Mirkwood, Nevergonnafitin, Nimrodel626, ParchmentStories, Peregrin Took the Falcom, QuillaWynter, RemiSparklez, SillDretta, Spectral-Aspen, Syvania, The Cajun Phoenix, Vexrin, Winterliesel, WoodElfJedi, allfandoms3, annafan, blue candlelight-13, ebonytigger, ehcorns, kkolmakov, megan98, , onyx faye, ponywatcher, rainspringflight-Dumort, runawayxheart, shatteredstar21, shuyinX, snowfiregirl21, sugarhighjedi, summerald, the BugSlayer, wisdomgirl0924, wwyn12, and yshf!_

_._

**The Rehabilitation of James Buchannon Barnes - The Winter Soldier**

_Why does Natasha act so strangely when Steve comes to her for help in his search for Bucky? Could it be that she's already found him? But why is she keeping it from Steve? Post Captain America: Winter Soldier - Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Romance - includes Sam Wilson, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Natasha Romanoff / Black Widow, Bucky Barnes, Steve Roger_

_._

**Want some Kili/Tauriel romance/adventure? Try****STARS AND HAMMERS**

**_Fluff, Drama, Romance, Hurt/Comfort - This is a compilation of one-shots following Kili and Tauriel's one-year adventure as they accompany Bilbo back to The Shire (after the Battle of Five Armies) and then return to Erebor._**

**.**

**Want some Kili / OC romance/hurt-comfort? Try****THE COURTSHIP OF THE SPARROW-HAWK**

_**Kili and his new bride have found happiness quicker than most, but circumstances begin to come against them, such as an abusive father, a long-forgotten seductress, and the diplomacy of the court interfering with the legalities of their marriage. But even the small sparrow-hawk is a ferocious predator, and Eila is willing to protect her husband with her life!**_

_**.**_

**Want some Fili/OC romance/adventure? Try****GOLD AND FIRE**

**_Fili and Nur marry in secret just before he leaves for Erebor, but what is a lonely wife to do while her husband is braving life and death for their future? Covers the Battle of Five Armies and afterward._**_**Explanations for some of the actions within the movies as well as some behind the scenes! A sequel to**_**GEMS AND POISON**

**.**

**Want some Thorin/OC romance/angst?****Try****JEWELS AND DAGGERS**

**_Just as Thorin becomes engaged to be married, the dragon attacks Erebor and all is thrown into chaos! Men with wicked intent take captive some of the wandering dwarves- will Thorin, Frerin, and Dwalin be able to rescue the enslaved dwarves, including Runa, Thorin's beloved?_**


	48. Author's Request

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I hate doing this to you, I really do… but I wrote the last chapter a loooooooong time ago and I've been dragging my feet about uploading it. I've been in denial and wanted to prolong this story as much as possible, but now it's getting to the point where I'm not sure what the heck to do. If I really work at it, I could write another one or two chapters in between the previous chapter and the final one, but I need to know what ya'll think. I think that any extra chapters between here and the end would be fluffy fillers and if that's what you want, then please tell me—otherwise, I'll post the very last chapter this weekend.

I didn't burn out on this story, I promise, but I wanted it to keep going and I think I squeezed the last bits of life from it :(

So, two more fluff chapters, or right to the end? Your choice.

And I'm sorry it took this long for me to confess it.

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Yours,

_Cassandrala_


	49. We Come Full Circle

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**V**

**HOW TO MOVE ON**

_**Chapter 6 – We Come Full Circle**_

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_Author's note—please, please, please read these segments with their songs. This, my dears, is the last chapter, but I hope you'll understand that it is not the end of the story. You'll see why ;)_

_._

Inside a cabin of wood deep within a forest of Middle-Earth lay a dying woman. Surrounded by a sea of white linen blankets and pillows, her aged husband had done everything in his power to make sure she was comfortable, but the both of them were aware of what was happening. Time had taken its toll.

But this did not diminish the smile of the old woman, nor the glisten of her eye as she looked on the face of the old man, still attractive to her despite the many lines and folds scattered across his brow and cheeks.

* * *

"_**My Salvation" Antonymes**_

* * *

"We knew this would happen at some point." Danika said weakly, her wrinkled, feeble hand squeezing Kili's as he sat beside the bed.

"Doesn't make it any easier…" He muttered as a lone tear fell down his withered face, catching on the creases of his withered, old cheek as it made its way down.

"Would you have done anything differently in our lives?" She asked, vulnerable eyes searching his and fearing his disappointment.

"Oh, come now," He patter her hand and smiled. "You know I'd have everything just the way it was. Adventure upon adventure, and then a happy home, sons and daughters who gave us grandchildren…" and then he winked, a difficult thing to do with his crinkled, old eyes. "You made every day an adventure."

She sighed, shutting her eyes for a moment. "It won't be long until I leave you for the next one. I'm sorry."

Kili then bent and kissed her forehead, the soft brush of his lips sending a thrill throughout Danika's body. No matter how long she'd lived, his touch never ceased to excite her. "Where do you think you're going? And without me?" Opening her eyes again, Danika's heart stuttered when she saw his sad smile. "I'll be along shortly."

Danika knew he understood she was referring to death and she might have argued, might have begged him to live as long as he could manage for the sake of their children, but her heart was fluttering and it stole her breath.

At first, she was afraid of the sensation—knowing, though she couldn't be sure how she knew, that it was her descent into death—but then a rational part of her took over.

What was she afraid of? She had lived a long and full life with the one she loved, with few regrets to plague her.

Was she afraid of pain? As though death might hurt? But there was no pain—it was as smooth and satisfying as the shallow breaths into deep sleep.

No, she was not afraid anymore—especially when looking into the smiling face of Kili. His smile was so confident and comforting, as though he were ushering her out of the world.

Danika summoned the last of her wakefulness to send him a smile of her own, drifting away into eternal slumber and peace. "Love you…"

Peace.

* * *

"_**Northern Lights" Lights and Motion**_

* * *

Kili could see that Danika was gone.

Her eyes were open, but unseeing, as if she was looking past him. The smile on her face relaxed, but remained a grin, even in death.

Reaching out with a wizened hand to shut her eyelids, Kili allowed his hand to stray to her grey hairs, knowing for certain that he was alone in the room.

But not for long.

Raising his creaking bones from the chair, he groaned as he crawled onto the bed with shaky limbs. Sliding his nearly-useless legs under the blankets and curling himself around his wife's body, Kili sighed and wrapped his arm around her waist, as he had done when she slept.

He was nearly panting, exhausted from the exertion of hauling himself into the bed and waiting for the pain in his ribs to subside.

Kili was sick.

It was a fact he'd easily hidden from Danika as her own health faded, and he knew he'd only held on this long because his will wouldn't allow him to perish_ before_ he had seen her safely into the afterlife.

Riddled with wounds from their adventures, his ribs throbbed and burned with the badges of his greatest merit—his protection and care of Danika. She had been no wilting flower, but they had clearly been thrown together because she needed him. There was no shame in it: where he was weak, she was strong; where she was vulnerable, he would guard her.

But the pain did not make him fear death—it was only a reminder that he had done his duty; that he had achieved his purpose, and it satisfied him. And since he'd done that duty to the fullest, now he could see to his own passing. Already, he could feel his limbs shutting down.

Pressing a kiss to Danika's cheek before burrowing his face into her hair, Kili inhaled her scent and whispered, "I'm coming, love."

* * *

"_**No Hay Problema" Pink Martini**_

* * *

Danika blinked. She was sitting in a wide waiting room—taupe walls, plush red chairs, and a water cooler with paper cups in the corner of the room, but for the life of her, she couldn't remember how she got there. Furthermore, she couldn't remember what she'd just been doing…

"Where am I?" She asked aloud. It was only after she spoke that she realized the chairs were being occupied with characters she recognized from the movie, The Hobbit.

"This is the waiting room, lass," said Balin from his chair.

"The waiting room? For what?" She said with a quizzical brow.

"The fan fictions." He shrugged. "Each of us are called upon to go through the door when it's our turn to occupy a fiction. Each fills whatever role he's been given."

Danika stifled a laugh and sat beside the older dwarf. "I'm assuming yours is just like in the movie; the one who gives explanatory dialogue and backstory."

Balin shrugged again. "In one fiction, I had an alleged affair with Thorin's sister, Dis, but for the most part, you're right. Still," he glanced around at the other waiting dwarves, "being an older dwarf means I'm safe from the fan-girls."

Danika peered around Balin, nodding at Thorin. "What's he so upset about?"

"Probably another smut story with Bilbo Baggins." Balin said, reaching for a magazine.

"They do that?" Danika asked incredulously, her disgust showing plainly.

"It's called slash, I think." He said numbly, licking his finger and pulling at the corner of the magazine page. "They bear the brunt of it, but there's still poor Dwalin and Ori."

Now Danika's eyes scanned the room for Dwalin. The bulky warrior was sipping from a paper cup beside the water cooler while Bombur laughed at the bubbling noises that came from it. Meanwhile, Ori was as far away from Dwalin as he could manage, weeping in the arms of Dori.

Before she could ask another question, though, Danika was startled by the abrupt opening of the waiting room door when Kili appeared through it and plopped tiredly into a chair. This was when Danika realized Fili was sitting nowhere near him, though the blonde dwarf peered at his brother from across the room.

"How was it?" Fili teased.

Without looking up from the magazine he was holding, Kili extended his middle finger at his brother and blurted out a profanity.

"Another Mary-Sue." The blonde guffawed.

"I didn't realize those two hated each other so much." Danika whispered out of the corner of her lips at Balin.

"You can't expect them to be brotherly and loving ALL the time," Balin snickered. "That's pretty much all those two ever do: slash, family comfort—and they're always making Fili out to be this whiny and protective figure—Mary Sue's, and whump."

"Wait, what's whump again?" Danika asked through squinting eyes, trying not to stare at the axe in Bifur's head.

"That's the, uh," Balin scratched his chin just beneath his beard, "the hurt one. The one where they beat you senseless to evoke sympathy."

"I can't believe how many people like that," Danika sneered. Turning her head to face Kili, she called out, "There's one fan who thinks you're adorable WITHOUT bruises—I like you just the way you are."

Just as before, without looking up from the magazine, Kili held up his middle finger toward her. She stuck her tongue out in reply, crossing her arms and sinking back into the chair.

"Don't be too hard on him, he gets the most slash."

In red letters above the door, Kili's name appeared. "Again?" The archer grumbled, slapping down the magazine on the table. Heaving an exasperated sigh, he stood and looked around the room with his hands on his hips. "Alright, which loser is coming with me this time?"

Thranduil's name suddenly appeared just above Kili's.

"Oh, Mahal, no…" Kili's hands dropped to his sides. "No, no, no, no…"

"Wait, Kili!" Fili suddenly shouted, rising to his feet and putting his hands on Kili's shoulders. "I can't let you do this! Let me protect you and go in your place!"

Kili stared into his brother's face. "Wait, really? You'd do that for me?"

Fili broke into laughter, slapping his knees. "No! I wouldn't." Holding his sides in laughter, he dropped to Kili's previous seat. "It doesn't work like that anyway, so you're just gonna have to suck it up."

Kili took a few tentative steps toward the door before Fili added, "Literally."

"You'll get yours soon enough," Kili snarled before disappearing through the door.

"I can't believe what goes on here." Danika murmured. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

Balin leaned over to hand her a trash can, but she waved it off, feeling the sensation pass.

"At least they get some action with the lasses," Bofur grumbled from his seat. "I only ever get Bilbo pairings."

"Aw," Danika scooted closer to him. "There's gotta be a nice Original Character out there waiting for you."

"Not likely," he said, putting on a pretend goofy smile while he mimicked himself. "Hi, I'm the funny miner with the hat, I only ever have stupid things to say while I encourage other characters in their adventures."

"That's not very fair." Danika said, putting an arm around his shoulders. "I'll write one for you, how about that? A nice brunette lass who laughs at everything you say and understands that you have a deeper side?"

Bofur nodded. "That'd be nice. Could she look like Beyonce?"

"Why doesn't anyone ever write anything for me?" Dori complained as Ori slunk off to the water cooler, splashing water all over himself like he was trying to take a bath.

Danika peered at the disgruntled Dori. "What's your name again?"

"At least you don't have to say things Out Of Character," Gandalf muttered. "And at least you don't have to resist the urge to correct grammatical errors!"

"Grammatical errors!" They all grumbled together.

Danika shook her head. "Some of them are just starting out, give them a break!"

"Oh, I'll give 'em a break." Dwalin growled, smacking his fist into his hand.

Danika paused for a moment. "Wait, so why am I here, again?"

Balin shook his head. "Not sure, lass. Maybe you're an OC."

"Better not be mine," Bilbo whined, rubbing his hands against his face. Realizing that he'd said it out loud, he apologized. "I'm just so tired from all this Bagginshield…"

"Maybe you're mine," Tauriel smiled from her seat.

"Er," Danika bit back the urge to gag, "I'm flattered, but I'm not really into that…"

The door swung open and out came an injured Kili, cuts and bruises marring his face, and a very haughty-looking Thranduil. "Until next time, slave…" The elf-king simpered.

Fili's eyebrows rose. "Bondage, eh?"

Kili crossed the room to sit beside Danika, raising his middle finger at Fili again.

"Poor thing," Danika said, reaching for a tissue and dabbing it at Kili's bleeding cheek.

"Thanks," Kili murmured, clenching his hands to keep them from trembling.

Everyone's head turned as Kili's name appeared above it.

"I JUST got back!" Kili shouted, spit flying from his lips. "I can't be expected to walk through the door like this!"

But his name flashed brighter, as though insisting that this is EXACTLY what he was expected to do. And just above Kili's name appeared Danika's.

"Are you kidding me?" Danika shrieked, dropping the tissue. She spared Kili a disgusted glance. "I don't even like you all that much."

"Gee, thanks." Kili said as he stood, touching his still-bleeding lip.

"That's not what I meant." She said with a roll of her eyes. "I'm a Thorin girl."

Thorin snickered from his seat, reclining against his chair with his hands clasped behind his head. "Sure. Whatever you want, sweetheart." But the way he said it was more twisted and devious than affectionate.

Danika sighed, clenching her eyes shut. "Fine. So, how do we do this?"

Kili looked at her like she'd grown a second head. "Um, you WALK through the DOOR."

"Well, yeah, I get that." She said, following after Kili as he came closer to the door. "But are we supposed to hold hands as we go through, or what?"

"We don't know if you're a love interest, yet." Kili growled. "So let's not rush to any conclusions. Just walk through the door." He groaned.

"Okay," she said with a preparatory sigh. "Here goes nothing!"

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* * *

_I'm sorry, my dears, I didn't have it in me to write any more. I re-read this over and over and over again, perfecting it and shaping it and realized, "This is it. This is the end."_

_But I promise- in the future- there will be more. Just not right now. I need to let these two be for a while. Now that I've protected them in this never-ending circle of adventure and life, I need to let them be. Especially after the Battle of Five Armies, which broke my heart so much that I needed this fic to erase that pain. I knew Fili and Kili were going to die, I'd read the book hundreds of times before the movies, but the way Peter Jackson did it... well, I didn't have any closure. Now I do. There are so many small adventures that must have happened in between each of these chapter, so maybe once in a while I can add a new chapter as a bonus, but I hope you understand._

_*sigh* now that my rant is all done..._

_I'm in the middle of another story right now- The Rehabilitation of James Buchanan Barnes: A Winter Soldier Story_

_I would love if you would give it a read- for those of you who haven't seen Captain America: The Winter Soldier, I strongly suggest that you see it soon. (By the way, NO, I did not abandon the Hobbit fandom for the Marvel fandom, but I do need a distraction from being so upset with the Hobbit movies. All that money and they wasted their opportunity... at least with Marvel, if they don't do something right, likely they'll re-release a new version of it in a few years, but the tragedy of the Tolkien Cinematic Universe is that we'll NEVER get a remake of the Hobbit. That's hard for me to live with right now)_

_Wow, all the drama in this author's note. I guess this is my way of saying good-bye, and I don't want to! You all have been such amazing readers and reviewers and I don't want to lose you. I will definitely be working on Goblin Wars, but I need a break from the Hobbit at the moment. Believe me, when I DO upload, you'll like it much better because I'm going to finish the entire story before I upload the first chapter- that way I'll be able to consistently upload every other day._

_Ugh, I don't want this to end. But it has to. I love you all so very much. I've moved again and it gets hard when I can't bring my friends with me, but at least I have all of you..._

_Ugh. Just do it, Cassandra. All done. Okay. So, yes, please read the Bucky Barnes story- you would make me so happy!_

_._

_._

_Oh, wait! By the way, if any of you are writing fictions, please let me know- I love reading and it's hard to wade through the fan fiction site- and I'll leave you a slew of reviews._

_._

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_Okay, now I'm done. _

_._

_._

_Bye._

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_Please read the other story._

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_*sigh* Really, now, bye._


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